# **Platform:** youtube **Duration:** 8m **Source:** https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-0PccHkeY9U ## Summary The speaker reflects on their childhood experiences as a sensitive individual, grappling with feelings of insecurity and a desire for belonging, which led to unhealthy behaviors during adolescence. Through participation in a parenting membership, they have gained insights into their parenting style and learned to embrace their child's independence while overcoming fears of inadequacy. - The speaker was labeled as sensitive in childhood, leading to feelings of insecurity and a struggle to form friendships. - They engaged in unhealthy behaviors, including early dating and substance use, in search of belonging. - The parenting membership has provided support and resources to navigate parenting challenges. - The speaker initially hesitated to join the membership due to financial concerns and time management but found it manageable. - They view the membership as a form of self-care and wellness investment. - A significant realization was that both they and their child are not "broken," and parenting does not require perfection. - The speaker has learned to embrace their child's autonomy and normal behaviors, shifting from a place of control rooted in fear. - They express pride in their growth as a parent and recognize the positive qualities in their child, even during difficult times. ## Transcript [[0:15]](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-0PccHkeY9U&t=15s) i was very sensitive i have memories of being a sensitive child and also being labeled as sensitive so i do remember you know my my parents um labeling me in that way and just being very shy um i think as i got older i started to think that was a bad thing was i lacked confidence i was insecure and i started to kind of latch onto things in a maybe not healthy way especially as a teenager [[0:46]](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-0PccHkeY9U&t=46s) um but i was yeah i was very quiet and reflective person similar to who i am now but now i have a little bit more confidence in that i honestly i struggled a lot with making friendships as a as a child and i went through different friendship groups um as a lot of children and girls too i think but i yeah i struggled and i think what like i'm trying to make a long story short i [[1:13]](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-0PccHkeY9U&t=73s) guess here um i latched and what i mean by like when i latched onto things i latched on to dating really early i started experimenting with drugs quite early i was drinking a lot so i was getting into unhealthy behaviors that maybe a lot of people experiment with but i think i was experimenting with them a lot and i think i was in a very unhealthy relationship when i was 14 and it was it was very scary for for me but also [[1:42]](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-0PccHkeY9U&t=102s) from my parents and they knew that they needed to get me out of that situation and that's kind of when things started to to turn and looking back on that i wonder do you we talk a lot in the parenting membership about needs right do you see what need you were trying to fulfill by going through those experiences um i think i just wanted to feel a sense of belonging and i looked for that in friendship groups [[2:08]](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-0PccHkeY9U&t=128s) it wasn't easy for me to um to get that from friendship groups and i looked at that from my parents and it wasn't easy for me to feel that at home um there was sort of temporary belonging from being in relationships with older men there was temporary belonging from fitting in in social circles by trying drugs and and drinking a lot so i had these like moments of temporary belonging but inside i was really lost and [[2:36]](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-0PccHkeY9U&t=156s) scared and sad and i wasn't i didn't have the tools to to know how to feel those feelings [Music] yeah i think with regards to parenting membership yes because i wasn't sure about the financial commitment um and which route i would want to choose and how that would work or if that would work for me so there was that aspect and then also just with [[3:06]](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-0PccHkeY9U&t=186s) working full-time obviously having two children i wasn't sure if i would be too overwhelmed with the with the modules and the content um so i was a little bit hesitant about that but i haven't found either of those things to be an issue i feel like there's enough time in the month for example that for each module to get it done on my own pace and and even if i don't finish it in one month i [[3:31]](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-0PccHkeY9U&t=211s) might finish it the next and that's okay with me so i just try to really self-pace um and you know depending on where my life's at at that time yeah and so for someone who is hesitant about the financial commitment um what would you say to a parent who's thinking about that and thinking i don't know if i want to sign up for something that i have to pay every month well i would probably say um because to [[3:56]](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-0PccHkeY9U&t=236s) me it's also i would i would spend money on um therapy and i and i have and i do so i uh i kind of viewed it like spending money on myself on self-care on wellness i have i actually do have that in our budget we have a budget so i i've kind of lumped it into my like wellness portion of my budget and my husband is on board with that so that was how i could justify it and [[4:25]](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-0PccHkeY9U&t=265s) also knowing that i plan to stay in the parenting membership after the first year and i think my year is actually almost complete which is crazy how fast it's gone um because i've enjoyed it so much and yeah so i think just knowing that the price does change after the first year also makes a difference it's it's a year commitment where you are paying a little bit more but after that year the price goes down quite a bit [[4:55]](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-0PccHkeY9U&t=295s) [Music] you know what i had a consult with you um and i that was brought about by sharing in the circle community which i also really appreciate that part of the membership too um and i shared um i forget exactly what i shared but i had shared that i was having a hard time supporting my oldest son which it always comes down to um and i say that again in a good way because he really does and i say this to him [[5:23]](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-0PccHkeY9U&t=323s) like i'm lucky to be able to learn about myself um through parenting you and i do i do believe that and so anyways i had shared something about um struggling to support him and at this time was a time that he was asking for a lot of autonomy to come back to that independence and and i've struggled to give that to him and i remember talking to you and sharing one example of him drinking out of an almond [[5:48]](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-0PccHkeY9U&t=348s) milk curtain and looking back i think why would i want to say no to that like i can't believe that i i had the desire to say don't do that though and um i think i might have even said it and looking back i i think because i wasn't allowed to do that so i wanted and i'm not really sure why anyway i get stuck on that apparently he still drinks out of milk cartons he enjoys it i thoroughly enjoy watching [[6:15]](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-0PccHkeY9U&t=375s) him now and i thoroughly enjoy seeing him do normal kid things and i want to embrace that and i have embraced that over this past year and i think i was using control at that time with regards to the almond milk in the container because i he was having some behavior issues and so i think i was coming from a place of fear of like what something's wrong with me as a parent something's wrong with him as a child [[6:43]](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-0PccHkeY9U&t=403s) and when you're stuck in that space like the almond milk wasn't is not a big deal to me and i did realize that um drinking out of sharing that container doesn't is fine with me but at the time i was just so worried about a lot of things that everything was coming everything that i was doing and all the control i was exerting was coming from that place of fear yeah and so are you broken and is your [[7:09]](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-0PccHkeY9U&t=429s) son broken no absolutely not and i think the biggest shift for me in this like second half of the membership this year has been realizing that even when my children aren't perfect don't act perfectly which is impossible anyway nothing is wrong with me as a mom and it's taken me i'm still working on that but it's taken me a long time all these six years to realize that that i am actually a good mom and um i i do feel very proud of myself [[7:40]](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-0PccHkeY9U&t=460s) like i'm being a little emotional but um i get shivers actually and shaking because yeah i do feel really proud of myself and i feel proud that i i do genuinely see the goodness and um amazingness in my son even when he's having a hard time with his behavior [Music]