Choosing An Imperfectly Perfect Life After 2 Kids | Sameera Reddy

0:00 hi guys welcome to ksptv and i am going to say not you know not like beautiful gorgeous stunning but one badass mom who i've met today because she is such a chiller and she's uh so imperfectly perfect which is what i love about her and uh samira retti thank you for doing this with us thank you for have for having me yeah um samina i definitely am a person who believes that you know everything that we're doing today is

0:28 somewhere that's come through us from the way we were raised and there's something that's got to be you know with our childhood growing up years that kind of reflects on how we're you know the decisions that we're taking the conversations that we're having tamira how long has been three weeks three weeks and she's she's so brave so unfiltered like i just cannot believe that she's such a chiller and she's like so candid and uh so i'm like i don't know how she's

0:56 sitting here chilling and spending time and she's got everything by the routine no help like no help at all it was a disaster because on the first day i came back from the hospital and i had a nurse a very fancy one but in the night i was waking her up okay i was like next day gone then i got a japa you know one of the bengali chakras and then she started telling me exactly how i started to do things and you know

1:21 and the best part she was like don't feed in front of you know your like everybody in terms of my family and i was just appalled and i was like this is not what i want to do yeah so she went and now it's been three weeks and we've stopped looking for people and i just had no help yeah yeah so i don't know if this is a call that if anybody has a really good baby nurse

1:43 or a nanny samira needs one i mean all honestly now i've gotten to the groove yeah and i just prefer not having anyone around yeah it's just less stressful it is less stressful yeah and i feel of course i mean my social life's gone for a toss as all of us do yeah but yeah but it's not that bad we're going to talk about um you know her delivery her fabulous shoot and how she did it like i don't

2:08 know how she did it but she's gonna spill the beans on her underwater shoot and about uh getting onto social media like six months ago yes literally and of course her or you know her campaign which was simply unperfect it's imperfectly perfect right uh which is which is brilliant because i'm so i'm so proud and happy that finally somebody has voiced it somebody's had the coverage body positivity has to be spoken about ridiculous we all struggle

2:38 we all suffer with this we need to talk about it yeah absolutely so i think the whole fact that you've kind of spoken about it come out especially because you're always packed you're always under scrutiny you're always being watched oh my god the bump is so big the thigh is so big she's put on so much weight how do you deal with all of this like and how is the time where you had hunts your son you know now who's yeah he's four

3:04 he's four to your baby how's it changed so actually when i got in a nutshell and i got pregnant with hans uh um it was my most happening time okay i was like can i say happening in my head it was happening i was like oh it shows sexy you know like all these hot dresses very with it yeah uh very glam in my head and i say glam in my head because the way i realized

3:28 it was very hollow because the minute i got pregnant with hans had a lot of issues i put on a lot of weight i had placenta previa lying on this bed actually not being able to move constantly eating and depressed put on a lot of weight i put on 32 kgs yeah 32. wow yeah i thought i i thought nobody could beat my 22 but she's outdone me i meet everybody okay i became massive and i'm laughing about it now uh but i can

3:56 tell you i was broken i felt really bad about myself and that moving from that you know after what i thought i was uh to where i moved into and what i moved into it just it was a dichotomy i think i really like couldn't handle it and then i went into a shell i went completely quiet and i couldn't get back out and that's why i went quiet after hunts i refused to talk to social media i remember

4:23 getting packed that time like oh my god she's like what happened to her and i called up uh that particular magazine and i said why have you do you done this i said take it off and then i realized i can't control them so i just don't want to go out yeah so i didn't step out i didn't step up is it hard like how do you pull yourself like i know i know nobody's ever spoken

4:45 about this but there is so much pressure on you guys right how do you like when people tell you oh she's and you've always got like oh she's so hot or she's so good looking like how do they do it and then you suddenly get so much flack as well it's how do you ask for it right i mean look today we put out ourselves out there to be scrutinized yeah and it's it's both are playing with this little

5:09 game of you know we're putting it out there people are liking it we're putting more they're liking it more so suddenly if you if i decide to like say hey don't don't look at me that way because i put on weight now i mean somewhere it's wrong oh yeah yeah because i'm putting myself out there as an actress right so that was my only thing which was like okay i can't handle it i need to step out

5:31 because the truth is that people can be really mean and when i was uh when i gave birth to hunts in my first year i stayed that 102 kgs guys i stayed that big and i couldn't go beyond it and i would just breastfeed eat more get depressed look at myself freak out eat more it became like a real cycle vicious cycle and no one could get me out of it yeah except myself it took me two years yeah to actually muster up

6:01 the courage i could not even take my child out in a pram because somebody would come and say you know yeah so uh my husband was very supportive my family was extremely supportive but it took me a good two to three years of therapy you know i took a bit of counseling and i have to say that coming back with this pregnancy the reason i am so confident not even confident it's like i'm i'm hungry and i'm thirsty to not

6:30 like let other people of course there was so much anxiety because you were not on social media before because i think social media can either uplift you or can really put you down so contrary to what people feel like oh other people's lives are so beautiful it's major for more yeah and yes and um so when i was not obviously on instagram all these years and six months ago i mean before that i did try a little bit and every time i

7:00 try i'd see an actress put up this perfect picture you know chisel that look yeah i don't know what all like you know then i was like i don't know this yeah i said i can't do this you know i used to get psyched and people would be like oh you have to get on and you have to reach 1 million followers i'm like but why yeah i mean and then i understood this whole game of

7:21 everybody's worth you know something as ridiculous as that these big brands will send you big hampers when you have certain numbers and then you're part of the cool club yeah you know how you do that did that anxiety rub off like never like oh my god she's talking about this brand oh my gosh she's got this campaign oh my god no because it never did not never go back now but back then then i was a wreck

7:46 back then i can tell you i'd look at a bomby times picture and i'd first say oh my god it's such a bad angle and i'd feel bad about it and i mean for ridic for heaven's sake it's just one picture in the paper for that particular day and i would let it get to me to a point where i'd feel down yeah and that's what happened this time when i came back i came back my way

8:08 which was this is me i don't look good all the time i swell i have water attention i cry i get depressed yeah uh and i wish that and i don't have nurses no and i don't i don't have nannies and nurses you know and and not only that i think that um i wish somebody did that for me that yeah yeah i wish somebody stood up and said samira you know what embrace your flaws yeah

8:31 but i have people saying don't worry to wait loose out too sexy come back this was yeah you can come back but you have to beat that samira again yeah my thing was i'll come back but i come back as i am now yeah we all are different versions of ourselves and that's why imperfectly perfect happened it happened because a journalist came and told me will you become sexy like kareena kapoor or will you stick to your like hold on

9:02 to your weight yeah right yeah that's what triggered me off wow because i was like who first of all gives you the right to talk about aishwarya rai or even kareena kapoor in that way yeah both have are amazing yes one came back super sexy one took time you can't compare me to yeah yeah it's not right yeah and that's why imperfectly perfect happened because i wanted mothers to know dude wearing this it's really good yeah and and you did it

9:31 without any makeup any corrections all of that so how did that campaign happen so uh i wanted to do underwater shots for first of all i did a few shots on the beach when i went on a holiday with my husband and my son and then i started getting trolled for it they started telling me oh you know why you showing a bomb the bump is so ugly like you know like this was some of the

9:53 words you guys used to use and it actually fueled me more like i was like really you think i shouldn't be showing my bum hell let's i don't get her because she's quite the rebel as well yeah i mean i just wanted to and i did the underwater shots for myself yeah but when we did it it was so empowering you know just to uh to arc my body and to like you know show like this different

10:23 side of me and to embrace the fact that i had back fat and i had chubby thighs and a chubby face but i could still embrace it and feel good about it that was it's a real release guys so how did you do that like everybody wants to know like so it wasn't photoshopped how long were you underwater hardly each time was five to maybe five to six seconds but it was each shot was going down

10:51 sinking in doing my shot and coming out so it was in out in out it was constantly i must have i still have the tan oh it's like that was about 40 days ago and i still have this really black tan on my body it's like i literally sat in the water for so long but uh but tell me when so from from the first time until now how has so we've spoken about you know have you how

11:18 you've bounced back how about the campaign about the anxiety but tell me now that you're on social media what is samira's way of posting out what she wants to post but not letting it not letting things impact you um and how does one do that because i'm sure everybody on the gram today gets impacted and i think anybody who's not who's not admitting to it must be really no it's not that i'll tell you what it

11:45 is sometimes i do get a little like i get shocked sometimes especially when people come in some ridiculous stuff like uh i did a post recently about celebrating failure and this happened because of that certain suicide case you know with uh off that bridge and it really unnerved me because i was thinking somewhere deep down i said i have to talk about the fact that i thought i failed okay guys i thought i failed because i lost my sense of self

12:13 and i became fat in my head i actually use the word i have failed myself and i think that's wrong because we need to celebrate failure right i somewhere it is failure that has pushed me to come into this confident sense of self so we all fall down and then i had people you know sending me messages like yeah just because you failed doesn't mean you think you should celebrate it i mean and in my head i was like what i

12:40 mean are these people mad yeah because what i'm trying to explain to you is that we all fail at some level yeah at any point if it could be an exam it could be at a marriage it could be with our bodies and people really say the most ridiculous stuff yeah but you know what i always do i always like what they say so sometimes you know if somebody wants to be hurtful i actually like the

13:01 comment and then you realize how shallow you were yeah and it's not for any reason because i can't change anybody yeah and that's the most important thing you can't change anybody no but i also i completely agree with you that sometimes when we fail when you rise from that failure it's amazing nobody will be able to break you again and i think that you will be broken again yeah but not in that but a different sort of

13:24 different reason right that reasoning will be different because when you emerge you've emerged so much stronger and and i can't believe if people haven't had failures i don't know if you're living no they're perfectly live mothers right since we are here and it's kids stop rest i have to say as mothers we are constantly comparing ourselves and our certain moms who are like you know have it all and then like oh do they have it all no they don't nobody

13:48 has it all and you constantly second guess yourself am i aging am i fat am i skinny enough am i called to that that particular event do i have the right clothes do i have the right car am i the right mother am i fitting into that school you know the mommy group the mommy group yeah scary group by the way because i you know i haven't got there yet but i'm saying that anxiety is self-made it's

14:15 self-inflicted and that's where maybe i feel a sense of release and i would love to share it with you all when i tell you all please let go because the amount we of importance we give situations and other people or you know this this thing of judge being judged or wanting validation validation is like a bad word in my head i am so done with it i'm like i don't care what you all think i'm enjoying

14:40 myself you don't need that validation yeah you know as moms we're already doing such a damn great job yeah true you know so so tell me how do you do it like i wanna i really wanna know so if you see something and it does impact you what do you say to yourself and pull yourself away from that you have to let it you have to let it pass so my thing is in that passing phase

15:03 you're miserable no so even when you're miserable you have to just at that moment say okay it is really bothering me but you have to actually think you're giving the power to that situation or the person you know i've had many hurtful things slung at me but i don't give it that importance because the minute you empower that person or that situation the power's not for them it's with you i mean you're in control so somebody says

15:31 you're fat it's their insecurities it's them demeaning you it's their problem not yours yeah you know you're still sort of in the situation and there are people around you like i often feel there are times when you know either i'm not being able to manage work and home or whatever and i feel like the anxiety of one place kind of rubs off onto the other so you know how much ever you want to control you're still through that people

15:56 yeah that's why i always say when i say stay in that situation and let go you should be mindful yeah like there are so many times i'm telling you i'm so stressed out new baby my son has been saying something i'm trying to do a live with kid stop dress like you know like this so there's there's a moment and i always stop and sometimes i just go to the bathroom and cry yeah i cry i cry so much my god

16:20 because my hormones are all over the place right now and in general i'm a very hormonal chick so i cry to just release yeah i just release and you release it you come back out feel better think re-strategize and reactivity is something that you can control so what i'm trying to say is i'm not saying that you you can control situations but you can at least be mindful about reactivity to it true you know that's and then make your comeback cool

16:49 how was samira as a child and what do you think were the biggest takeaways from back then to what you're doing today so i have to say as a child believe it or not i was really plump i used to stammer a lot i was a very scared kid and um i just felt people were constantly judging me because i had two really sexy sisters i mean hot sisters so the combination was lethal and i wasn't in a very good space

17:14 in my teens and as a child i always felt like okay i have to break through and come out and do something but could i be able to do it so that negative thought process actually propelled me into pushing myself into doing something big uh and now when i look back i think that we are a product of our environments good or bad uh it helped me get here but now i have to work a lot to break all

17:39 those notions in my head because uh self-worth doesn't come from just pushing and getting success and trying to make up for the fact that you had a childhood which was you know not as glammed up as you think you know maybe it should be looking at me but today i break everything i it including like feeling good about myself really a core strength of feeling strong and not just from the outside and all that comes from inner work now yeah so

18:06 so that's where i am i mean i'm constantly trying to break that teenager feeling bad about myself and coming to this point where you're really doing a lot of inner work and inner strength right that's over the years that has happened yeah and how did you nurture yourself through these years i mean what what really works interestingly enough i can tell you the uh the places that i broke yeah you know and i can clearly see them like i

18:32 remember after my first vlog uh i came you know with this big film and i really thought that i've made it you know this will be my big debut i remember i fell on my face and it was my first big slap on my face as a series of many that i've had and it's interesting how you come out of it and you keep getting stronger and you keep working on yourself and you have to keep working on

18:54 yourself every day it's not just gonna i'm not saying i'm strong today yeah and i'll be strong tomorrow i might feel bad about something and then i have to work on that again so tell me how was the birthing process like did you because you were you know used to the red carpet the life in the glamour world was it do women hold back to building and you know the very natural process that it is to start

19:16 a family because it's very alluring and i mean like it or not but but not everybody has a you know has the same trajectory that they follow after childbirth so um i have to say that i always wanted children and in fact i remember when i turned 30 i had a full breakdown because i was like i want to get married but there's nobody there you know like i was really upset uh and it was i was up more upset because i had

19:43 envisioned myself being this young mother you know a young mother in her 20s and then it became oh i'll be a young mother in my 30s yeah right and then i finally got married really like you know a little late and then i had both these kids uh so i always wanted to have children and i was trust me if i found the right guy earlier i could have had the biggest film in the world i wouldn't have bought i wouldn't

20:06 have cared because i wanted to have kids uh and akshay will tell you that um he won when he proposed to me he wanted to marry me a year later i made him marry me a month later then he told me we'll have kids after two years and i was pregnant within four months wow she's like super speeded up i know i was focused i was like that baby has to happen and even with the with my second one

20:30 with naira i took time to lose my weight and to mentally come to a space where i'm happy again because i had a lot of postpartum with hans and once i came to a good space was when i decided to get pregnant with her so there's never no anxiety no fear that there is going to be the work which i am known for and i'm going to leave that behind for a while so there's no anxiety

20:52 there of course there was anxiety there was a full breakdown yeah the hunts i put on so much weight i did envision i'd get back to work within a year and it didn't happen because i was really huge and it broke me into pieces and i had to really pick myself back up and then i just told people oh i've i'm i'm out i have retired i don't need to do this but internally i i thought i had failed

21:15 myself uh which is wrong because now when i look back i hadn't failed myself i became a mother and i just slowed down yeah and my body didn't keep up yeah which is why with the second pregnancy i have been gung-ho i've been very strong and my will to be positive has been uh something that i've worked on a lot yeah you've not followed the 40-day confinement period clearly the second time around do you even believe in all

21:40 of this um i believe that there are certain things that are right for example the body is um has undergone a lot of stress okay so maybe in those 40 days it's to just make sure that the mother recovers and the child you know is very small so you know you just need to protect the child from maybe germs and infections look at the atmosphere around right and especially with the body yeah so you know if people do massages and they eat

22:07 well it's to recover because your body has created a life correct a life so it is like you're sapped off of all those energies and those vitamins and you need to replenish so maybe to give the mother that some rest yeah so bless you to give the to to give yourself that rest but i disagree with the fact that i remember with hunts i did the 40 days i did the massages and after all that i

22:33 couldn't get back out yeah because i was like oh my god my body's paining and i'm like you know with so with this time i just played it harder for me like in the sense i became harder because i didn't want to cave into i need 100 massages a day and somebody has to wait on me hand on foot i wanted to be a little more self self sufficient right in a recent uh instagram post you mentioned about moms

22:56 being shamed when they're not lactating enough yeah and it really upsets me yeah like i'm all about breastfeeding but i i know because um i've seen friends of mine really struggling yeah and one she had a proper condition where she couldn't breastfeed you know it was the size of the breast something about the dress and i remember crying and i still remember her saying you know i'm not good enough and i'm doing it my child right

23:21 and i felt like i felt so helpless looking at her because i had a very good breastfeeding experience with hans and maybe somewhere she felt like what the hell why couldn't i do it yeah and uh so i'm very very i'm very passionate about speaking about mothers that cannot breastfeed and i'm like leave them the hell alone yeah you know you're not allowed to say anything to them and there are mothers who go between both formula and their

23:45 own yeah it's their choice whatever they want to do i mean you made that baby man yeah that's enough now don't go get tripping over anything else oh no yeah no but tell me what are the typical fights that happen between a couple especially because both are working and that causes a lot of anxiety to parents as well right which is you know you both start at the same stage once progressing one's taking a back seat does that ever bother you or

24:12 does that ever cause anxiety so uh between me and akshay i have to say one thing that uh when i met him for a fourth for the first four years we were dating he was very encouraging about the fact that i was never around i was running between one show to the next london to south to south of india it was like he really was there for me yeah and uh and that's great because when i got

24:35 pregnant and then i had to take a step back yeah um he i i made him front and center because then you know i had to be there by him i had to be there like and show him that i can also you know he actually would really help me out then he would understand as a new new boyfriend i would just never be there yeah you know and as a new boyfriend he was like okay you know what

24:56 i get it you're working yeah so it's funny how that set the stage for me now saying you know what babe now it's your turn you know yeah i'm there for you yeah would you like bicker and fight about who's going to make the kid rush today and sleep today and cher is obsessive as a father because he gives hansavat he is all about giving in fact this morning he was shouting at me because he you know there was dalia made

25:21 and my son conned me into giving him chocos and milk don't ask me why and i agreed and han and akshay is a father which is like no dalia has more nutrition he can have his chocos right after dalia so it's like it's he's a very hands-on dad and that's that's important because you're living there family

25:52 very very lucky yeah that's the reason why i don't have help also now yeah she's clearly doing this so akshay comes back from work at seven and then hunts us all his right and naira is all mine now we're gonna play like a fun uh trivia with you which is just answer in a word okay what was the last thing you googled last thing i googled was quick okay wait last thing i googled was a manual breast

26:19 pump okay and i'm not gonna ask her why when an electric one's available why would you want a manual once i mean because i'm going for ted talks and how am i gonna do in the plane i'm gonna be going for so how does it matter between a manual and gorge i'm not gonna carry the whole electric with me you have battery operated now no it's easier i just have to throw the milk babe you have battery operated pumps

26:44 really no but i want something to fit in my bag it's so small really okay i literally need it for one and why would you throw it how can i keep it because you get these insulated bags just for one for five hours i'm not gonna do it okay it's like i'm going five hours okay okay i get why don't you take her with you within 40 days it's not going to happen okay the last thing she googled we got

27:12 who's the last person you texted my husband do you write your breastfeeding schedule on an app oh god no i don't know what the hell i'm doing okay are you an obsessive mother who um who puts your child on a schedule and lets the child lets the child cry the night out oh my god no never never never not not not no last thing i ate uh i ate a methi ladoo okay so she does she clearly does eat eat all of that

27:44 um one thing that you wish there was like a magic potion too right now i wish uh i could have my stomach swelling come down because it's really hurting i thought you would take colicky like substitute the calling i'm selfish i want to take care of me i'm not kidding no i have no i really right now my sweating is killing me on my belly would like it to go if you had ten hands what would each other hands do

28:07 oh my god ten huh yeah just like wishful right but it's okay you see you want me to each hand one yeah each hand but why would i need so many hands you don't need it no like when we ask moms what's that one thing they need they'll say i want like 10 hands for what it's like multi-tasks no we always want to but i'm multitasking i don't need the hands it's really i okay okay have you ever blamed your

28:34 mindfulness on mom brain oh god all the time have you sent your child to a wrong birthday party on the wrong day no never have you sent your child to a class on the wrong day no when it was cancer she's too good she is too good it's not that i i i have a lot of friends to remind me okay okay how have you what was the last lie you told your kid uh this morning i told him that the

29:03 chocolates were over okay okay have you what was the biggest like joke that you know that you kind of created to escape a situation with him oh oh he really he wanted to know where the baby's coming from so he actually was trying to tell me that he wants so i told him that uh you know i said mama's you know did you send god send her down and all that no thank god no no no i just told him that yeah uh we gotta

29:30 have this discussion later and your papa's calling me and i ran out of the room okay so she didn't address no i did not address it because my son is one of those show are you part of mom whatsapp groups no i'm not actually i'm not not yet i'm not because not yet and that's what i said right i mean he goes to the same school i'm um no i'm not on a more map i

30:02 was one for the school last year but then there were a couple of really uh crazy rants and then i got scared and i got off okay i'm quite curious to know after this what was the rant about but true or false without my mom friends i won't survive yeah that's true actually but for me it's my sister-in-law and my mother-in-law they've been my strength to be very honest okay they're my number ones okay one thing you miss because you

30:30 have a baby now um i really miss my uh the thing is that this is just the freedom to get up and just go down okay i'm going to like go out right yeah i just want to go and have a cup of coffee or i want to watch my netflix show or something okay your son's reaction when he first met your daughter uh he says she's so squishy are you so squishy mama no no no please don't squish she's

30:55 already squishy and she's too soft okay five things in your baby's diaper bag you can never do without uh water wipes uh hand sanitizer diapers and what else a changing mat and a burp cloth for sure right send a picture of your belly to your husband's just to show that it was growing the first time i i did everything from read a nap to tell him which vegetable it is resembling it like at what stage and

31:27 watch we we've all done that yeah oh it is and now it is turned into a tunnel you forgot the p huh it's p there's a p okay and my husband like yeah yeah this time i did nothing okay uh said you're sad because you're not a woman you'll never get it to him if you're not a woman you won't get it never you've never said that no oh my god she's really sweet no no i mean in other ways okay have you

31:57 ever wondered how my husband can be more tired than i am yeah yeah all the time and that is one thing i take off on akshay about i'm like dude you can't imagine the multitasking going on okay yelled at my child when no one can hear no okay tell my child don't do that multiple times in a day oh that i'm saying it 100 times all the time okay ate the chocolate my child was waiting to eat uh

32:22 actually she has a freezer full of the chocolate stash have you dug in when he's not around yeah for sure it's half half his mind okay dozed off in the washroom after a sleepless night i have dozed off while feeding her okay that's normal okay try to scare my child with the mom voice all the time okay five times a day at least okay perfect you have been incredible and now we're gonna let you go because naira is back to being angry

32:49 again but thank you so much this has been incredible tamira yeah