Transcript
0:01 I did that in the moment of her despair. I projected what I wanted onto her. But you helped me to see that that's what I was doing. [music] >> It's not fear of the child. It's fear for our own destiny because our destiny now is in the hands of this child because we [music] haven't fulfilled ourselves. You see, we had children to fulfill ourselves. >> We just don't own it. We don't recognize it. We check [music] off. Oh, children, marriage, career, children is a big one.
0:29 is a big box. You know, you didn't have children, Oprah. You know, it's as [music] if you're lesser than. >> I let go of what my expectation for what their [music] life should be. >> Exactly. Now, you hit upon why parents live riddled in fear. >> Yeah. >> Because we're not conscious that we have expectations [music] that come really from our own sense of lack. >> Yes. >> Things that we didn't finish off. Things that we didn't resolve from [music] childhood. This is what we are not even conscious to.
0:56 >> Yes. So I put this on my child and culture tells me go ahead one person you [music] can put your expectations on is your child. In fact you should be you're expected to have expectations right? >> Yes. >> So now if my child is not going to fulfill my expectations [music] I am going to panic and my panic will quickly become control. >> One of my girls she was having difficulties. She really didn't like the school [music] and I couldn't go to that school. And so I put [music] my hopes and my dreams on you.
1:25 >> Yes. And that was wrong. >> Now, let's deconstruct [music] this and show parents what you just did. You first had the awareness went all the way back >> to that mother who only longed for the [music] best for her child. But beneath the longing were the chains of an expectation. [music] >> Yes. >> You thought who wouldn't want to go to the school? >> You just slapped onto her a desire that was completely [music] coming from your state of lack from your childhood.
1:51 >> Absolutely. This is where all projection, all dysfunction, all conflict in relationships [music] come from. From the parent putting onto the child something from way back that is a slivered sense of their self, an incomplete [music] part of them that we just automatically assume the child will want. But you [music] because you had a moment of awareness and your ego was reigned in >> you went maybe it was me. [music] >> Absolutely. >> Who just set her on the wrong path?
2:17 >> Absolutely. >> Sent her on to the slaughter house. >> Makes me want to cry cuz I did this and [music] the realization of it, the consciousness of it actually changed me with every other girl. [music] I can open the door and you can walk through >> the way you wish. >> The [music] way you wish. Pave the path maybe, but you may walk how you wish >> or choose not to even walk through the
Summary
- Parents often project their own desires and unfulfilled dreams onto their children.
- This projection stems from a sense of lack or unresolved issues from the parents' own childhoods.
- Cultural norms encourage parents to have expectations for their children, which can lead to fear and control when those expectations are not met.
- Awareness of these dynamics can help parents recognize their role in their children's struggles.
- Acknowledging personal expectations can transform parenting and foster healthier relationships.
- Parents can support their children in pursuing their own paths rather than imposing their desires.
- The realization of these patterns can lead to significant personal growth for both parents and children.