Stop Complaining & Whining To Your Kids If You Want Respect

0:00 Your room is always a mess. You never listen to me. You are so picky with your food. You take so long to get ready. If you are human, you might recognize some of those statements. You know, they're common complaints that parents make. We get very frustrated with our children's behavior sometimes when they're not listening to us. And so we complain thinking that their behavior is going to change.

0:30 How's that working for you? As a recovering complainer, I'm going to help you stop complaining so that you can actually get your kids, or whoever you want to, to start listening to you. This actually works in relationships, too.

1:02 Hey guys, I'm Jason Cryderman, and welcome to another episode of Dad University. We cover a different dad advice topic every Thursday. So, be sure to subscribe to the channel and click on that notification bell so you don't miss any of our videos. Let's start by going over some fundamentals of complaining. Number one, everybody does it. Now, just because everybody does it doesn't make it right. But the average person complains about 30 times a day.

1:33 I don't even think people realize that they're complaining, but they are. Number two, complaining affects our brain. So, complaining actually rewires our brains for negativity. It actually changes the stuff up there. Now, I'm no doctor, but that can't be good for you. Number three, complaining affects our health. So, complaining releases cortisol. And consistent release of cortisol is not good for our health.

2:04 It can make your stress and anxiety worse and increase blood pressure. Even with the negative effects on the body, the bigger issue that we're talking about here is number four. That complaining doesn't change behavior. It's It's not an effective strategy for change. That's been proven. If you want kids to listen, or you want to change their behavior, complaining is not the answer. One of the most effective ways is to ask them questions. Let's take a look at some of the complaints from the beginning of this video. Your room is always a mess.

2:42 Instead, say, "What do you need to do before you go out and play?" Or, "Did you want to clean your room before or after you do your homework?" Asking them questions is a great strategy because they come up with the solution and they get to make a choice. Here's another. "You never listen to me." Instead, ask, "Would you prefer to take a shower or a bath?" Or maybe another question, "What do we do with our dirty clothes when we take them off?" Kids learn better by having to come up with the answers to your questions. Try this one.

3:19 "I'm tired of you taking so long to get ready." Instead, you could ask, "What could I do to help you get ready faster?" Or if you have a chart for them in the morning, "What time do you need to be done eating breakfast?" In all of these scenarios, we're asking them questions to help them understand and solve a problem. So, let's summarize what we've learned. So, number one, complaining doesn't work. We've got that. Two, ask questions instead of complaining.

3:52 And then the third thing, and this is just a bonus tip, use positive reinforcement. So, what that means is that if they listen to you, or you see the behavior that you had asked of them, make a big deal about it. "Thank you so much for cleaning your room. I really appreciate it." Yes, make a big deal about it. They'll want to repeat that behavior because they got that positive reinforcement. If you stop complaining and use these techniques, your child is more likely to listen to you, and you'll have lower blood pressure. I'd love to hear from you. Share one of your common complaints that you are going to stop right now. Put it in the comment section below. Be sure to give this video a thumbs up, subscribe to the channel, click on that notification bell, and share this video on social media. We thank you for watching, and we'll see you next week.