VIRAL WISDOM #13: YOU ARE LIVING A PATTERN

0:00 name hi everyone I'm talking to both Instagram here and Facebook here good morning it's dr. Shefali and i'm here i try to be here on a daily basis to talk about some wisdom teachings that have helped me in my life I've called it a viral wisdom course that I'm giving out to people and today is day 13 so today

0:30 what I'd like to focus on is our inner wound I'm a clinical psychologist so I help people discover what their inner wounds are and how they can heal them so why is it so important to understand our inner wounding the reason for that is because it is from our ending our inner wounding that we continue to wound others and this is the primary thesis of

1:00 my work in conscious parenting and this is what I teach people to heal when we begin to see our lives as a predication as a foundation from our wounding our wounding is the base and we then create a foundation of our life based on this wounding then we begin to see this pattern replicate itself over and over again and then when we have children or

1:31 other intimate relationships these patterns begin to abound and we think because we are asleep we think it is the other we think it's the children we think it's the boss we think it's the friend and right now we may think it's the virus but what we don't understand is that the way we react to the other comes not from the other but it comes from our wounding and this is across the

2:03 board every single person I've ever met creates patterns in their lives based on this initial wounding and the tragedy is that they think that they are in a pattern because of the other and not because of themselves so this leads to a great feeling of helplessness victimization some blame resentment toward the other person versus realizing oh my goodness

2:36 I'm in another pattern I'm in yet another pattern where I'm wounding myself again and again creating the same pattern where I am rewinding myself so let me just stop for a moment and say hello to everyone I see technial is from South Africa I see people from all over the world hi everyone so I am welcoming you all I'm seeing you all I love that you're here and you on facebook and instagrams I'm

3:08 going to switch between my screens and sometimes I don't take enough time to chat with you all because I'm just all about giving the message and moving on so I do want to acknowledge that I do see you I'm happy you here okay so now what do we do if we've been in this pattern for 50 years what do we do how do we break out of it well the way to break out of it is only in one

3:33 timezone in the present you cannot look at your patterns and go oh my goodness I've wasted the last 17 years in a pattern and now it's too late no the reason why we all suffer is because all of us BarNone creates dysfunctional patterns and evolution to awaken means to disrupt these patterns so if you feel oh my goodness this

4:06 pattern has been in play for the past 17 years so now what's the point I've wasted my whole life that is not the approach the approach is not to go oh I am I've wasted my life the approach is to say yes I've been living in a pattern this is natural this is normal this is what dr. smiley said everybody does so yeah your pattern may be 17 years somebody else's pattern may be 52 years does that mean you don't

4:33 break the pattern just because you've held on to the pattern no the way to awaken is through the breaking of patterns that that breaking of patterns is spiritual and emotional evolution and the only place to start any change is in the time zone of the present so the first thing to understand or to awaken to is the awareness that whatever you're experiencing in your

5:04 life right now it's coming into your awareness into your reaction into your toolkit into your present because it is a pattern you and I do not respond to anything new we always respond to everything based on the pattern so this is something that is very hard for humans to stomach because this means they have to take 100% accountability for their reaction and we don't want to

5:36 take 100% responsibility for our reactions we want to blame the child we want to blame the cookie we want to blame the alcohol we want to blame the president we don't want to take ownership of our reaction right no we want to blame our instinct is to look outward to blame we were raised to look out of it so if you want to evolve right which he says it's very hard to change the parent even after you know what the

6:06 pattern is 100% but that is still staying in victim mode even what you just said Ritchie that even after knowing the pattern is difficult to change part of it is a helplessness that is part of your pattern everything out of your mouth is a pattern everything you think is a pattern it is not spontaneous we are not original we are not spontaneous we are not responding in the present

6:36 moment most of us are responding automatic automaton robotic enslaved to the Past patterned we are like play play rewrite play rewind play rewind play we are not playing in the present moment now this awareness is up an epiphany it is a shock it is a shock because you want to be in the pretense that it is

7:08 the other you want to point the finger and go no no no no no no no I got angry today because of him I overate today because of him I'm bored in class because of the teacher I'm not interested at work because of the of the boss right or the paycheck we want to live our whole life blaming the other for our pattern because to take responsibility that it's us whatever is coming out of our mouth is not because

7:39 of the other but because of our pattern means we have to take accountability and that is so grown-up like who wants to be so grown-up all of us want to be little children getting away with blue tantrums like just like mask tantrums with blue murder but is a way of saying we just want to get away with it we just want to pass the buck pass the buck it's your fault it's your fault it's your fault

8:06 certainly it's the teenagers fall certainly it's the toddler saw because because if I lost my temper it's not because I'm a raging you know rageaholic it's because of my my toddler right we don't want to take full responsibility because that is too grown-up right so even here in this virus we're looking for somebody to blame we're looking for some division we're looking for some good guys some bad guy right in one of

8:38 my talks I was looking for a good mother a good father in my politicians I didn't find them then I realized or while you're looking you're not anymore and I was like yes I am no I'm not I'm an adult holy cow that means I have to be the adult adult I have to parent myself I have to do my own research I have to find my own way I can't just keep blaming the other one I

9:04 have to find my own key and then open my own cage and after liberate myself like that's that's a bummer I thought I could be you know living in a childhood in fact infantilize cage forever I just blame blame blame blame right who wants to really really grow up nobody because to grow up means to take full accountability for your happiness but also for your rage for your sadness for your overeating for your procrastination

9:36 for your laziness for your lack of purpose lack of passion lack of everything you have to take accountability you're like damn it is it nobody else is it nobody else to blame nobody else is fault now that is accountability that means adulting growing up and when you begin to become aware that it's time for you to grow up there is no parent out there there is no husband who's going to save you no wife is going to

10:07 mother you know child who is going to make you feel amazing this is all an inside job then you decide to wake up then you decide okay you know I have to live my life I have to decide how I want to respond in this present moment you have a choice how you respond you have a choice how you react you cannot blame the media the governor the Surgeon General the president or the neighbor

10:38 you just can't you can do it in your ego but you can't do it in your essence because your essence your wise essence knows that you are living a pattern so even how we respond to the news right now even how we respond to the virus right now is not the unique virus it's not the unique news it is your pattern so for example I wake up everyday ready to teach I'm inspired I'm like every

11:09 last breath of mine till I die I am going to teach right because I am impassioned by it I am energized by it I am infected with the disease to teach right so I die that's my power that's my accountability I have to take charge of my happiness now another person may get totally depressed may get totally with Ron may get anxious right and they're like you know my governor is

11:41 really stupid or my president in my country is very stupid so I'm gonna get depressed what that person needs to understand is just like my wanting to be here didn't happen because of you didn't happen because of you it's happening because of something inside me that's my pattern that person who's depressed needs to understand it's because that's her pattern or his pattern that is how they customarily respond to stress each one of us has a pattern has a thousand

12:11 patterns but definitely has a standard pattern when we experience stress and typical pattern is blame the other yell at the other tantrum at the other at reality or the person and then we do one or two things we feel better about ourselves because we just put the other one down or we get really depressed going to bed and drink or something like that so our tendency when we get stressed is to feel attacked and then in order to

12:43 defend ourselves we attack the other this is the tendency very few people only enlightened people will say what is my pattern so in this virus we're all being attacked it is a fabulous opportunity for you to see your pattern so like I said my pattern is to wake up every day and be infected with the disease to teach yes now it sounds like I'm amazing Wow Shefali like oh so

13:16 before you think I'm amazing you know I'm going to give you the other side okay because I refuse to let you think I'm some holier-than-thou person so here's the other side of my sickness okay my sickness is that I'm truly diseased to teach so at some point I get exhausted yes but I will not take a day off I will murder myself this is where it becomes the disease and I will be exhausted and I will keep doing this

13:46 till one day watch you'd be waiting for me and be like where's your fatty where's your body well sure shonali will be exhausted and then I won't be able to show up for five days this is my pattern I go to the end til I fall off the cliff right then I'm exhausted and that's not healthy that's not enough week two and then in so now I know this about myself so I do take care of myself

14:11 don't worry I'm not going to be exhausted because I've already seen my pattern I've seen my pattern of martyring myself murdering Madhuri Madhuri and then I die or I kill everybody in the house so to speak right so now I know my pattern so I'm taking care of myself don't worry but there's a shadow right I want to show you that every pattern has some thickness to it and my pattern used to have a lot of

14:34 sickness to it I used to feel like I am not worthy the other is more worthy and I should sacrifice myself to teach the other till I'm dying you know and this is how I lived my entire 20s I used to be exhausted till I learned I am full of that's my pattern and I need to wake up and learn to give from a place of getting so if my giving is not giving me it's not

14:59 giving its false giving and when I woke up to my pattern that I am a martyr because I don't value myself then I began to go oh my goodness I'm no better than the people I teach I am totally dysfunctional I have to change my pattern and I learned to begin to give and in the giving I was getting so there was no more martyrdom I killed the martyr in me that how change the pattern okay so you two

15:27 in this moment of crisis will begin to see your pattern so I saw my mother go up martyrs Valley call to duty here she is and then I told the martyr Shivani I thought I'd killed you where did you come back from martyr safaris like well it's it's times to be martyred this is crisis so I had to take the martyr and put the martyr away and say mother go back right and now the other Shefali can come which is happy to be

15:55 here is getting not just giving so in this way you are going to see your pattern so what pattern are you see right in this virus many women will see the martyr many women will see oh my goodness they've had no boundaries all their lives and now they're seeing that nobody knows how to function in their life without them nobody knows have to pick up the dish nobody knows how to pick up the socks you know now they're

16:19 with their partners the whole time and now they're like oh my god I've been playing money I've been playing mommy to an adult I have to fire the mommy so you're going to observe lots of patterns of yours coming up during this virus the most typical one is the pattern of fear all patterns are predicated out of fear by the way so I created my pattern of murder because I was afraid I wouldn't be loveable I learned as a little girl

16:44 you receive love by AB negating yourself by sacrificing yourself when you sacrifice yourself you're a good girl so I learned good girls get love how do you be good and my culture sacrifice yourself so I became the penultimate model till I killed the murder and I ended that rubbish and now became authentic so I was afraid that I wouldn't get love so you need to ask yourself what is the role you have been playing in your life what is the pattern

17:14 you've been playing in your life because you are afraid what are you afraid of it is always the same thing all of us create patterns out of fear what is the fear basic fear I'm not lovable I'm not good enough I'm not worthy enough you will not love me you will not see me you will not value me right something like that something to do with your worth so as children we did not feel worthy because our lovely

17:42 parents were messed up themselves and they told us that who we are is not good enough as we are nobody and I can ask my child my own daughter will tell me yeah including me mom thank you very much none of us were raised or will raise our children to feel worthy as they are and why because we live in a Sikh culture I'm blaming the culture we live in a Sikh culture and so we have learned that

18:12 our worth is not based on ourselves our worth is based on our doing on our looking or not showing on a belonging on our acting right so all of us begin to show and do an act and achieve we are told that our worth is based on our doing on our achievement on how we look to the outside world so no child ever received the message that who it is you are is enough nobody did so because of

18:43 that lovely gift that we got from our parents we go around the world as if it's a marketplace for aging for give me words do you like me am i lovable do you love me right so for me the role of mother gave me a lot of words because I gave myself to people and people took me why wouldn't people take me right we should never blame the narcissist the gnosis is like okay you want to give me

19:10 you I thank you right and then the impact feels all resentful but if you sacrifice yourself why should they take or not take you so I did that because I wanted to feel loved I wanted to feel lovable and each one of us creates our own pattern out of a desire to be loved even the narcissist creates the narcissism because they're afraid they won't be learned all of us are the cliche we're all looking for love right

19:39 but we're not looking for fake love we're looking for authentic love we're looking to be loved for who it is we are and this is the pandemic divine health and wellness says yes this is the pandemic the pandemic is that we are all searching for love we're all searching for worth we're all empty looking for sense of self so when a real pandemic attacks us on top of the pandemic that's within us now we panic right now we fall apart

20:09 because now we're really triggered because even the outside illusion is snatched so now you're forced just look inside and go Who am I truly Who am I truly without the mask and the way to do that is to begin to look at your patterns right here right now you are living a pattern I always say we are not living lives we're living patterns anxiety is a pattern addiction is a pattern martyrdom is a pattern

20:39 victimhood is a pattern anger is a pattern resentment is a pattern you know all these are patterns complaining is a pattern whining is a pattern resistance is a pattern tantruming right always being the good one is a pattern always being the bad one is a pattern watch your pattern you are living a pattern right if you're always arguing it's not the other it's you the pattern is you if you're always complaining it's you if you're always unhappy no matter

21:12 whether you go to Timbuktu or Thailand maybe it's you right everyone in your life isn't annoying person everyone in my life is an annoying person I don't know about you and I truly believe it sometimes some days I'm like no this is not a pattern this is them but then after three hours when I found it 15 people who I'm annoyed with I'm like come on Shivani it's you it's you it's you what are you doing you're

21:39 creating your reality right so even right now in this moment of the virus even though there is a virus yes because there many people who are saying there isn't a virus I do believe there is something out there it doesn't matter though there is a problem on our healthcare system and our doctors and nurses are fighting and a lot of people are so whether we want to believe it's a conspiracy or not the facts speak for

22:08 themselves yes there are enormous numbers of people in the US right now dying dead gone families devastated so this is a fact but how we deal with this fact is unique is idiosyncratic and that is your mirror that is the mirror the insight the doorway to your pattern how you react right now is how you react to every crisis if you're devouring the news if you're hungry for data if you're like waiting for something on the

22:39 outside that's your pattern if you're helpless if you're withdrawn if you're panicky that's your pattern if you're angry all the time irritable eating alone drinking a lot pattern if you're annoyed at your partner complaining criticizing everything they do is wrong this is not because of the virus this is not because you're staying 24/7 together this is your dynamic this is the pattern right so whatever you're seeing right now is the pattern so how do you change it

23:06 first you have to see it first you have to be aware that it is not coming from the virus it's something within you you are co-creating it you are part of this so your reaction right now is part of your makeup so the first thing is to be aware of it and then the second thing is to the main question I asked to break out of my pattern because all patterns are based on fear the main question I

23:38 ask myself to break out of it is that by coming from fear right now or am i coming from abundance am i coming from fear or am i coming from abundance and the second question I ask myself to break out of the pattern is am i living in the past or am i living in the future and if either one is an answer wrong answer because I can only live in the present another thing I ask myself to

24:03 break out of my patterns is am I playing a role or am i acting from my soul right am i playing from ego or from essence am i coming from control or from action am i coming from fall self or from true self so lots of questions I asked myself to figure out am I really in this present moment or am ia robot puppeteered manufactured by my pattern Who am I right now and to ask that

24:34 question you have to go inward and begin to question in that moment so that you can pivot in the right direction if you don't go inward and ask Who am I right now and like this or am i this my older am i new and my pastor on my present am i inauthentic or my authentic am i living in fear or am i living in abundance when I began to break my patterns I can tell you I began to ask

24:58 this one question am I doing this because I'm afraid right now or am i doing this because it's really me all my answers and I was in shock all my answers still I really changed were based on fear I'm doing this out of obligation I'm doing this out of duty I'm doing this because I don't want them to think badly of me I'm doing this because I feel sorry for the other person I'm doing this out of

25:22 some sort of fear and my answers were never I am doing this because it's we I'm here right now so it is with the virus are you doing this because you are afraid of what will happen because if you're living right now it hasn't happened right now or am i living right now and if you begin to ask just that one question am i afraid of something that will happen or am i afraid of something that is happening and for most

25:51 of us who don't yet have it we're afraid of something that will happen and we can understand this future based worried because this is how we live with our children we never live with our children in the present moment we're always afraid of what will happen they're not going to get into college they're not going to have a successful career or they're going to end up in jail huh how do we know that and who knows where the

26:16 jail will be bad maybe they write a symphonic nobel peace winning so you know peace in jail we don't know we can't decide what's good or bad so most of our thinking is based on the future because if nothing has happened to us right now then the right now is powerful the right now is amazing the right now is full of adventure full of curiosity full of power full of resilience courage so are you living now

26:46 are you living now now that's how you break the pattern you understand first you become away then you go inward then you ask all these questions you introspect you discern you use your wisdom and then you go is it happening now no enter the present moment enter the present moment and in the present moment like I said the other day you pause you purge purge all the extra belief systems purge all the inauthentic ways of being purged all the excess and

27:17 then you enter all what's left is all awwe every moment your life should be an all filled moment it may not be the moment you like it may not look like how you want it but it is here and because it's here and because you're alive in it it is all inspiring and that's how you break from your pattern and begin living in the present moment and your children know how to do this like geniuses follow

27:49 their lead this is how we begin to break our patterns and this virus is an opportunity for you to see it pattern it is not happening because it is suddenly happening whatever is happening in your mind and in your home is the pattern and when you tune into this then you have respect for it you have reverence for it you stop being angry you surrender and go what do I need to learn right now and now you

28:18 can take advantage of this moment to evolve to grow and now the virus becomes an opportunity for you to raise your consciousness for YouTube evolve now the virus is your teacher and we say thank you like we do to every moment in life thank you for joining me if people want to learn how to meditate I have a link it'll be on my Facebook page but I'll give it you right now it's facebook.com yes forward slash groups

28:48 that's how you get to groups and then forward slash the name of this group is called get super-powered forward slash I meditate on this page every day at different times so please join that page and join me and I will teach you to meditate if not I hope to see you tomorrow bye everyone have an all inspiring