When our worth depends on gold stars and grades, adulthood hits hard.

0:00 How is it that so many of the kids where every single thing goes their way, even with effort, not naturally, collapse in different ways in their 20s, not all of them, but some of them. I was one of those kids where I worked my butt off as if my self-worth depended on every single test I took. And any test that was below a certain grade erased everything I had done until that point. And you know what happens? Eventually, you enter a more complicated world than high school and college. And in that world, it's not as linear. It's not as controlled. And often, there aren't as many concrete metrics of success. Or if there are, you're actually not winning at all them. You're not the first one of your friends to get promoted. You're not making the most money. Oh my goodness, my friend is getting married before I am. And so I have built up a sense of self in the way I call outside in. I do things. I look outward. I see the result. I see the impact. I hear the words and I say, "Oh, great. I can take that from the world and bring it into my body and feel good about myself." And not only feel good about myself, but it kind of becomes the person I am. It's like my identity is formed almost outside in. And then we all hit a time, often it's in our 20s, where like the world stops cooperating. The world is not feeding me the way it used to.