Feel Good Parenting | The Parenting Junkie

0:00 - There are so many things that we do in the name of good parenting, right? We push our children to keep up with others or to keep up with the graphs and charts and measurements, or to get the great grades. We push for all the accolades, and the achievements. We want them to walk on time and talk on time, (laughing) and impress other people. But because they're humans, it doesn't always flow that way, and so we go to great measures to shape and mold them, right?

0:29 We use threats and punishments and bribes and charts and stickers and rewards and all the different behavior modification systems to get them to perform to our standards. If you do this, then I'll pay you. - That's just weird. - Because we think that that's what good parenting is. There are so many things people do in the name of love and in the name of good parenting because that's what we've been told good leadership or good parenting entails.

1:01 Like have you ever heard someone say that they spank out of love, or that they have to punish their kids out of love? Of course, yes, we are their leaders and their guides, but those things have to lead us to question what do we do in the name of love, in the name of good parenting? So I just want to bring up a question for us all. In parenting, do the ends justify the means? Does being controlling and manipulative and using our power over someone little, because maybe that will help them to turn out well, is that justified?

1:39 And further, does that feel good to us? Does that make us be who we want to be, the parents that we want to be? Here's my belief, what if good parenting was about what feels good? See, I believe that we all have an inner guidance system, a knowing, an intuition that helps us decipher what the right thing to do is. And when we follow what feels good to us on a deep level, not up here, but in here, then we get to be who we most want to be in this world.

2:17 So the voices, that intuition, that knowing, of knowing what feels good, it can be muffled by a lot of outside noise, right? (screaming) Can you hear the voices? (yelling) Shh! (laughing) This is my invitation to you to just silence those voices for a minute. Whether they're your own voices from previous years past, or teachers or neighbors or grandparents or in-laws, or anyone who's telling you that you should do this or that to your children because otherwise you're not being a good parent, they may be right and they may be wrong.

3:00 But what feels good to you on a deep level? We, your fellow present players and parenting junkies are here, championing you. We believe in parents, we trust parents. And we want you to trust yourself, to champion yourself, to embolden that inner voice. It's great to read the books and listen to the experts and the podcast, and the videos, it's wonderful. But ultimately, you are your own guide on this journey.

3:31 You're your own parenting coach. You have that inner voice and that inner wisdom. And it's about tuning out the noise and tuning in to actually hear what it's telling you. Because when you listen to your heart, as sloppy and cliche as that might sound, you'll know what feels good to you as a parent. What feels true for you? What could you do in this moment, that when you lay your head down on the pillow at night, you feel OK with yourself, you can look yourself in the mirror, you feel proud.

4:03 You feel whole, you feel at peace with your choices. Usually for most of us, we naturally gravitate towards things like listening and patience and connection and communication, and figuring things out, going through that messy feelings and accepting them and accepting each other. Feels like things like tolerance and love, unconditional love. It feels like setting boundaries firmly, kindly, clearly.

4:34 Because when we go off into threats and bribes and punishments and all the reward systems, that usually doesn't really feel that good in our gut, in our intuition, at least not in my experience. So every time you're faced with a parenting conundrum, ask yourself, what would feel good to me? What would feel good in my body? What would feel like yes, this is me? This is the parent I want to be. This is the person I want to be.

5:01 So what if good parenting was as simple as what feels good to us as a parent? I don't believe anyone feels good hitting their child. I know I don't feel good when I yell or shame or blame or punish. I do all those things, but they don't feel good. They're not my true self. So what if our only guiding question needs to be, does this feel right? Does this feel good to me? What is my inner emotional guidance system telling me?

5:31 It's like a radar, it's going to illuminate and highlight the things that are on the right track and it's gonna beep when something feels off. That beep manifests in us feeling icky, feeling gross about ourselves, feeling guilty, just feeling bummed about the situation and how we're handling it. So, my invitation to you today is to follow your inner parenting coach, your inner guiding system, and follow what feels good. (light music)