Kunal And Me Are Sooooo Different As Parents ( See It For Yourself)

0:00 i was just saying it's it's evident that we're speaking to a parent because you haven't changed inaudible i am definitely controlling and that goes beyond parenting that's a cover-up soha that's a cover-up i can answer uh on his behalf i think i know quite a lot how he thinks uh let's begin so tell us what prompted you to write the book the genesis of the idea for the story came from kunal who uh really doesn't enjoy reading so

0:31 much so i love reading and i would read to anaya every night um and she sort of said okay two bedtime stories will read to me and then papa will tell me a story from his mouth so means he'll imagine a story and tell her and often she would come up with the characters and she likes to be the hero of every story so it's central to her and there's usually an animal because she's quite in love with animals

0:56 so she said indy and bobo and that's how you know kunal just made up the story of the top of his head and then we told it to her so many times we said maybe we should have a book um and instead of just one picture book for her birthday i then said let me contact penguin i've worked with them in the past and perhaps we can actually author you know a children's book wow and the illustrations are fabulous

1:16 they are lovely and it did take us some time to find the right person because i think when you're writing a book which has your daughter as the central character you know you really have a vision and we must have been very difficult to work with because we kept saying this is not how we see it this is not how we see it this is not how we imagine it's a little bit um pretty the book

1:36 and we wanted it to be visually appealing for children so even the adoption center the colors the gardens we may not see that so much in a city like mumbai but you know we dream of it okay um now here's here's what typically happens in most couples which is you're an avid reader kunal is not and and but you know you don't obviously he but that the but your storytelling through different mediums right like you said he makes up stories

2:05 then you guys are both in the cinemas where which is a very visual way of storytelling how is it that you teach inaya to love books and the love for reading when when there is two different people at home doing learning and absorbing stories through different mediums so it's interesting because in school right now they're learning the unit of inquiry is storytelling and the different mediums of storytelling through a painting through dance through music through oral storytelling as well as reading of

2:37 course and cinema uh and uh one wants to expose her to all of that but as someone who has grown up not having access to as much um you know media as there is today i do really believe in reading and the love of reading a book i think that it really teaches you a lot of things firstly discipline to sit down and open a book it's engaging and it's absorbing and it's independent so you can really never be bored if you

3:07 enjoy reading um and i think that's wonderful because a lot of children struggle with what should we do now how do we pass the time especially during a pandemic or a lockdown whereas you know there's endless literature and i'm sure that we will all die before we read all the books that exist so you know if you love reading a that takes care of that i think it excites your imagination and your your creativity when you're watching

3:29 something it's being fed to you um whatever is the story is it's the director's imagination the cinematographer's medium and you don't have to think whereas when you're reading a book you're engaged and your mind is constantly being utilized to imagine uh how and there's different ways that people will imagine it which is often why when people see the movie version they're disappointed because it's not how they imagined it so i think there's um and of course how do you

3:56 encourage a child to do anything you emu you know you you don't say you act because they will copy you so if you're going to say read a book and they're going to see you eating your lunch and watching tv which is often what we do as well then she's going to be like why should i read when i don't see you guys reading um they see you reading and uh then i've really surrounded her with books her bedroom has a bookshelf

4:19 her play room has a bookshelf she watches uh me certainly read and you know right where i am now there's a bookshelf so i think if you're naturally close to books and sometimes if you let the child be without constantly giving them something to do they might like this morning she went and picked up a book and she was you know practicing reading herself right um couples usually find it hard to work together you guys have written a

4:45 book together tell me all about the fights not about all the good parts i do wish canal was here he was supposed to be here but he's in the south of france right now because obviously i'm going to take my own side but i'm feeling compelled to also defend him i don't want to defend him but because he's not here i'm going to have to be nice i will interview him separately but you have to tell me what was the thing that

5:08 you guys most thought about we are constantly um we continue to differ as to whose contribution to this book has been more and we will fight this battle to the death because uh kunal did think up the story and he did narrate the entire story to inaya so where have i come in i think i've come in with writing out the story which is more than just secretarial work i've also given it a style of writing and i feel that

5:38 you know writing is a lot about style you know you can tell a story in a number of different ways but sometimes you're drawn to particular authors because of their style of writing you know i'm reading ruskin bond right now and he's written a lot of books for children uh they're very simply told they're very finished with him yeah oh but that's his birthday in a couple of days and we're all excited so it's he's just

6:01 written his memoirs for children and they're so simply told but his style is what is so appealing and relaxing so you know who you know when you co-author especially you know they've been kind enough to put my name first but uh you know they're going to be many more books in this series so now the challenge that he's thrown at me is that now you think up the idea for the third one and you know i'll write it out

6:26 and we're gonna see how that goes no but it's so interesting because you know i i must tell you that you know i always read um to my girls and my husband always narrated uh you know these random stories which which i'm like you know these stories don't make any sense and they had the most bizarre characters and but i you know when i look back i feel like those were the stories that my heart that my kids probably enjoyed the

6:53 most so yes um you know i i like how the dads uh the moms always need to make sense of everything yeah the dads don't need to make any sense and they're still uh yeah we always feel the need that they must be learning everything then we must be teaching them something in some form absolutely absolutely um you know as parents we always try to overcompensate on a department that we are kind of slacking right so in this case i'm assuming

7:18 you're the average reader kunal is not a reader so i'm sure he's overcompensating on that department what department do you slack and you try to overcompensate and and how do you really do it i um but that doesn't come naturally to you what doesn't come naturally to me is just relaxing uh i am definitely controlling and that goes beyond parenting um you cannot i do not want to be surprised in life ever uh like do not throw a surprise party

7:50 for me let's not go on a you know whimsical trip to paris because i can't do those things that i really shakes my equilibrium yeah and i don't enjoy that feeling it defines the metabolism because yeah yeah exactly so it's a very sort of i'm there um and i'm working on that because i'm of a certain age and my daughter's of a certain age and she's a different temperament to mine and much as we think that i genuinely believe that i'm the

8:16 best influence in her life i genuinely believe that i genuinely believe nobody will read to her as well as i will that nobody will play with her as nicely as i do that nobody will look after and put her to bed as well as i can but i know that that's not true um somewhere or i need to i need to believe that it's not true and what i'm working on is just letting other people contribute

8:40 um you know and to do things in a way differently to the way that uh i would so whether it comes to food i'm quite anal when it comes to discipline and like no sugar no sugar and i've let that i've quite relaxed that i'm not over compensating but i'm allowing a certain amount of sugar in her life um you know screen time i've understood the value of screen time and i do see how moderation screen time and

9:07 moderation can be useful um and that certainly bedtime i continue to be very very strict about i don't know something it like becomes 7 30 and something actually happens to me it's like a jekyll and hyde and i'm just like turn off the lights turn off the lights just years for bed so i don't know i don't think i'll ever be able to let go of that type okay um you know and and this one's actually

9:29 proponent but you're gonna answer on his behalf from not being a reader to to marry someone who's an avid reader does he ever feel like you have an edge over him on on certain things and he's like damn you because you read you know this you're written advantage but you know you understand now that reading is uh is not the only way to get information yeah and uh he's very well informed so for all the parents who say that i can't get

10:00 my child to read or my child which is you know shut up shut the book as soon as i'm out of sight what would you say to parents who really want to raise leaders well firstly i would say introduce it from a young age because of course at the age of four now millionaire's four now if i try and introduce something new to her she is open to it because we've you know whether it comes to her diet or it comes

10:24 to her activities we've constantly introduced her to new things so she's open to trying things but where any child will rebel is if you keep hopping on about it you know you must read for half an hour every day and because she's learning how to read herself now and blending words i was very keen that she sits down for 15 minutes a day and reads a book and it's because it's tedious and because it's challenging for

10:48 her she wouldn't want to do it and i would say you have to do it and then literally i've forgotten over the past couple of weeks because i've had a busy couple of weeks and i haven't said that to her and as i was saying to you earlier today uh she in the morning went and picked up a book and said i want to read this book um so i think sometimes we're trying too hard and they will be

11:09 naturally rebellious like i would be true if you ask me to do something again and again but i think what helps is if you from a young age a read to them and surround them with books within as i said um grasping um reach so that it's available to them as one thing yeah and and i completely feel like when you're saying there's no gender to reading i feel like your mom did something right because both you and

11:36 seth are both avid readers right so i didn't wish what was the secret to that and how did she manage to do that giving both other readers you know we all a we all there were no mobile phones when we were growing up um you know we would get chitra for a couple of hours of the day and there wasn't that much there wasn't 24-hour kids television the way there is now now you can always find content whereas we

11:58 had to wait till 4pm for there to be something that was appropriate for us to watch i was told many times don't bring your book to the dining table because this is a time for the family to converse and i always had my head buried in the book my brother naturally enjoys reading you know again i think when you go off to college and school we both studied things that were like i did history and he did history of art and

12:21 they're intensely you know research oriented and you know as i said so school reinforces what you teach at home and we just both enjoyed reading we have so many parents writing back saying that you know one is a screen free time and second is some children just learn better by listening versus reading and today we look back over the last two years our kids have not learned through textbooks they're literally learning through audiovisual so would you be looking at more

12:50 more different or diverse forms of medium to communicate stories absolutely in fact we already listened to a lot of stories uh in the audio form um also because it's exhausting to read you know there are times when uh i don't actually need to be the voice reading to her all i'm doing is sitting there and reading to her for half an hour whereas if i can find something uh that can read to her for half an hour then that frees

13:15 up my time and of course you have to find something that is appropriate and something that will engage them again so often um you know i have uh she doesn't know how to operate it is at herself as yet but um you know we listen to a lot of podcasts we listen to a lot of audio stories on our different platforms and she enjoys that and i feel you know you're training another part of your mind

13:37 to listen carefully um which is also a very important skill uh often when we look at a book in a picture book we're looking at the pictures we may not be paying attention we find ourselves as adults having to be read so many times um but when you're listening you have to really train yourself because you know you're not aided by a visual medium um and it i think it's a very important facet of yours to develop as well

14:01 right and and i mean if you were to dissect your brain how many like what are the different compartments that would actually be there like if you have to literally like name yourself and your brain like what would be the words that be popping up i mean i feel uh there's a lot that i'm interested in and passionate about uh certainly i lost myself when i became a parent and it became i had no other identity and it took me

14:26 about two years to find my feet um but i really enjoyed that and i think that's why i chose to become a parent when i was 38 uh because i was happy to really absorb myself and i'm very single-minded i know women are meant to be multitaskers but i'm not i can do one thing well i can also do one relationship well uh so i was a very good wife and then i became a mother and

14:47 i became a terrible wife because i can only do one thing and uh you know honestly like um and now i'm managing to achieve balance again because i'm not it's no longer that new love you know i i now in eyes four and a half and now i'm able to be a wife be a daughter be a sister be a friend i must have been a terrible friend um for a while i continue to struggle in that in that

15:10 aspect uh but these are things that are important to me i uh literature travel uh most of my brain is taken up by the people that i love because i know that time is limited and i'm terrified of you know losing you know and not having enough time um so most of it is like the people that i love um there's a huge part of it that is about chocolate cake um a huge part i mean i literally have a

15:38 slice of chocolate cake every single day i will show you my credit card recipe lying because you haven't seen her biceps which are so chiseled yeah yeah but i promise you i will show you my credit card receipts i buy a slice i buy two slices of cake every two days so i don't have to buy it every day i'm telling you guys she's blind or she's she's only gonna toot this to you i will tell you i get it from bird song

16:02 cafe i even you know and you can speak to them yeah no but really like with those with those arms and with that with that black tummy i i really don't know how we're doing he's a slice of cake every single day this is incredible wish you all the very best of this book the illustrations look fab uh the book is gorgeous it's very simply written um so wish you all the best and and looking forward to the next one

16:30 thank you so much it was lots of fun