SHOULD I TELL MY KID THE TRUTH ABOUT SANTA?! | How Should Parents Explain Santa

0:00 what happens in january when santa claus has left and there's no more of that what happens then what what do you do then so [Music] i have a fun video for you guys just i hope you guys are ready grab your your popcorn grab your snacks and your drinks because it's gonna be a long one i'm gonna be talking about so much in this video including like my general thoughts my general approach to santa claus um what i'm gonna do

0:31 personally as a mom to my two little girls i have a two-year-old and a three-year-old so we are just now you know starting to think more about santa and how to navigate it so i'm gonna share how i will personally do this um and then i'm also going to address like the issues of lying i know that came up for you guys a lot of you guys are worried about lying about santa but then you're like okay well how do i come

0:55 clean um how do i respond to their questions if we're not participating in the whole santa claus thing then how do i prevent my child from ruining it for other little ones so we're it's it's a lot i got my notes with me so i can stay on track but before we get into the video i just want to say if you haven't already be sure to grab my positive parenting bundle be sure to grab it if you're

1:20 struggling with things like tantrums aggression not listening um anger as a parent then be sure to check out this bundle because it is packed full of information and the best part is it's free so the link will be in my description for you to grab your free bundle all right without further ado let's get into the video so what are my you know general thoughts about this whole santa claus thing well i really think that every family has to make this decision

1:52 personally right like it's up to you and i think that you know you have the right to raise your children the way that you want to right you know as long as it's not abusive um and as long as you're not neglectful or cruel by all means right but you know when it comes to santa claus i really do think that every family should have the liberty of deciding how to best navigate it in the ways

2:19 that work for them right and that are aligned with their own values their own beliefs and also the child right in the child's needs so i don't think there's a hard and fast rule here i'm not going to be the one that's like [Music] or now i think there are some best practices when we think about this that i will go get into but in general i don't think there are hard and fast rules when it comes to

2:49 santa claus i think it's a choice though because the reason why i think that it's important to think this way um overall about santa is because i think it's important to then pass this on to your child right like it's a choice it's a choice if you want to believe in santa claus or not right we all have the choice to believe or not and i think the most important thing is to emphasize the spirit of santa the

3:14 spirit of generosity of kindness um and giving right that is what the spirit of the holidays is supposed to be about and so i think it's important just to not lose sight of that not lose sight of the spirit of the holidays and that we can all be in the spirit of santa if you will in the spirit of kindness and giving so i think another thing that i want to point out is that i think there's a myth that if we tell

3:41 santa if we tell our kids that santa is not real we are going to be ruining the magic of christmas i don't think that's true i don't think that if we are honest with them that santa is a fictional character that we can choose to believe in or not that we are ruining the magic because here's the thing kids love to imagine right all day long they're engaged in pretend play and it's fun for them right just because

4:09 they know that uh for example like they're not actually really a mom doesn't just distract from the the um fun of pretending to be mommy during doll time for example i'm just giving you a quick example there right like they love to engage in fantasy play and imaginative play and so telling the truth is not going to ruin the magic for them about christmas you can still

4:40 play the game of santa you can still engage in the fun traditions of writing him letters baking him cookies you know and all of the things right watching and seeing the gifts appear under the tree like that's magical for little kids and just if even if they know that it's not real doesn't mean that they're not going to have fun with it so i think really that if you want to tell them it's true that's okay right if you want to tell

5:09 them hey like santa and you want them to believe in santa i think that's okay um i just think that it's important to always be clear that santa will always be kind right i do not i'm not a fan of uh this whole like naughty or nice making the naughty or nice list and he's watching you and he knows if you've been good or bad and you know all of that like i'm not a fan of that so i really do

5:37 think we need to emphasize to our kids that santa is a kind character he's a kind man and that he's going to be nice to you right irregardless i'm not a fan of instilling fear into our child just to make them comply or to influence their behavior um so that is the thing so i think there is a middle ground here right like we can encourage them to believe when they're young and that's actually really the approach

6:06 that i'm taking like we're talking about santa if they want to believe in it great and they get older and they start to ask questions about it they start to engage in more critical thinking then i think it's really important to encourage them to think critically right because they're going to be thinking okay is there this man who's riding around in a sleigh and delivering presents all around the world like how does he get to everybody

6:34 in one night or how does he fit through our chimney if we don't have a chimney um that kind of thing like there as i get older they're gonna start thinking about this a little bit more critically and i think that's a good thing and i think that that's where we need to have conversations with them about santa claus because lying to them and just trying to convince them to still believe in it when they're starting to show signs

7:00 of critical thinking it can be harmful right so there's a fine line there right so while they're young it's fun and it's magical and we see santa claus all around town and the decorations and whatever and then as they get older probably five six seven eight wherever i the average age that children find out santa is not real is around eight but i'm sure they they engage in critical thinking before that right this is a process and so

7:30 as soon as they start asking you questions about it that's when it's time to have those conversations i'm not a fan of just blatantly lying and being like yeah he's real oh yeah he is a real character okay no but don't do that i don't think you should do that because that is blatantly lying and i know that a lot of you guys are concerned about that right so the top question was like okay well if i

7:54 am on board with this whole santa thing will it create trust issues for my child right uh will this dampen our relationship and i love that you guys are thinking about this um and i can see where this concern comes from obviously right and i think that it i i think that it's not black or white i think that it is something that can be managed right so if you're really con but if you're really concerned and you're like

8:20 i don't want to lie to my kid are you crazy like i'm not doing santa then by all means mama like do you right again how i started this video like you have to decide what works for you and if you are like hey i'm not a fan of this i'm not on board i don't want to do this then absolutely tell them santa is a fictional character that people like to believe in um just like the easter bunny we're just

8:45 like you know ghosts or whatever i don't know you might believe in ghosts but i'm thinking of like halloween characters and things and the tooth fairy um and so you can stress that yeah this is pretend and we can you can choose to believe in it or not it's totally up to you um but some people like to believe that santa is real or they like to pretend that santa is real but i also think that you can still

9:07 incorporate santa in a way that's pretend right like you can still say like let's pretend uh santa is real and make him cookies or let's pretend um that santa's gonna read our christmas list and let's make a list of all the toys that we want whatever right so you can still like incorporate santa uh and also be truthful that he is a pretend character and i think that that is totally fine another question was like

9:38 okay well when should i come clean um there's no magical age for this there's no magical age it's like okay at five years old you need to come clean to your child if you've been saying that santa is real i think again this is gonna go off of your child and the question that they start to ask you right um so if they start to ask you like well how do reindeer fly or you know how does santa make it

10:02 inside my chimney or how does he get to all the houses in the world in one night that's when it's time to have those conversations and i'll talk about that in a second what to say if your child asks you know well is he real um and blatantly just asks you flat out is he real is this real um so again the age range is around seven to ten where you'll likely start to get these questions but it can

10:28 always be sooner or later for some kiddos the average is around eight where they figure it out um what i would do is i would start with asking them back a question of well what do you think right what do you think about santa do you think he's real um or like what makes you ask that like start with some curiosity and it's not that you're trying to like deflect or you know not answer their question but i

10:53 want you to start with some curiosity because that will inform what you will then say later right so if they're like oh well i don't think he's real then that's a great time to be like yeah you know actually he's not real it's a character that we like to pretend um is real and it's rooted and talk about the magic of um christmas talk about the spirit of santa and why people like to pretend that he's real

11:21 um again going back to the values right generosity of kindness but if they're like you know i don't know like or they're like i think he's real then you might you know continue that narrative you know it's really up to you so you really have to kind of feel it out first though ask them what makes them ask ask them what they think about it and it's okay for you to allow them to come to their own conclusions in

11:47 their own time um but i wouldn't lie right so if they're like well no tell me is he real or not i wouldn't lie i would say no he's pretend okay we don't need to continue this right i wouldn't just flat out be like oh yeah he's real at any point would i ever do that so again if my child comes and asks me is santa real mom i'm gonna say oh what makes you think that

12:10 or what do you think and then if they're like no but like what do you think is he real or not like i need to know then i would say yes yeah or no he's not real now again your answer is about santa like i'm giving you a little bit of like what i would do again my little ones are two and three so i haven't actually had this conversation with them take these as like ideas but i really do

12:33 think that the way that you have this conversation and the things that you talk about is going to be highly dependent on your own family um your own values your own beliefs um your spiritual beliefs um and and ultimately like what you hope that your child will learn from this experience that's how you're going to kind of structure um these conversations right based on your own values and your beliefs some families you know like to talk about

13:02 the spirit of christmas you know still being alive or others like to dive into um the true meaning of christmas right or or some parents like to tell kids um that christmas is all about giving and that now that they know the truth about santa they can actually embody santa right they can embody santa's spirit and give back to others so there's different ways to approach this right no approach is necessarily right or wrong i don't i don't believe that right

13:31 i believe that it'll be highly dependent again on your own values and your own beliefs another big question was like okay if we're not choosing to hop on this whole santa train well how do i prevent my child from spoiling it for other kids and i think that's a really good question because i think this is important right it's important to have this conversation with them and i think it comes down to prepping them prepping them

13:57 beforehand um when it's clear that they no longer or don't at all believe in santa it's always important to prep them like it doesn't mean that they need to lie but that they need to keep quiet right if people talk about santa you know you can excuse yourself or you can just stay quiet or you can share a past memory but it's just really important that you don't um ruin it for other little ones and this all comes down to just

14:28 treating people with kindness treating people with respect and i think like comparing it to religion some people choose to believe certain things and some people don't and that that's okay and if they're choosing to believe it we can respect it right we'll never want to say that their belief is wrong and that's the same kind of concept you want to teach your child to respect others beliefs again help them see that we can still embody the spirit

14:53 of santa in the way that we treat others right with kindness with generosity helping them understand that each family chooses to believe things differently and that that's okay and that that's beautiful right but again if we are continuing these conversations about diversity and differences that we can celebrate differences even when it comes to santa again um and so if and also i think it's really important that to let them know if they ever get a

15:24 question from somebody saying you know well do you believe santa's true or is santa true always um like teach your child to direct their questions direct that other person's questions to an adult all right like oh you sh and give them the words right like oh that's a good question i think you should ask your parents about that right that we don't ever need to feel that burden or that responsibility to answer these types of pointed questions

15:50 and i think it's important to let your child know right and give them the words to handle those conversations in the event that somebody asked them directly okay so other questions that you guys had were um how can white parents incorporate multicultural santas without being insensitive and i love this question and this was sparked from conversations that we've been having in my instagram stories which by the way you should follow me if you're not already at the ball psychologist on instagram um

16:21 and you know i talked about how there is a major lack of diversity in santa claus right now we always see white santa now you know the last couple years granted we're seeing more and more black santas and i love it i'm here for it and i think that we all should incorporate multicultural santas um into you know how we talk about santa and how we integrate it into our home i think that it's really important going

16:48 back to celebrating diversity and i think that you know you guys everybody should have multicultural santas just like we have multicultural dolls i think it's really important to celebrate diversity in our home just like our books just like our dolls just like our tv shows right it's just all inclusive um it's how we live our life right this is a lifestyle this question about like well am i being insensitive if i incorporate multicultural santas well insensitivity

17:18 implies that you don't care about other people's feelings right but i think that if you're incorporating um multiculturalism and diversity in your parenting i think that's the opposite of insensitivity right because you are being inclusive you are saying essentially that um santa looks like all of us and that this is great and that is the opposite of insensitivity so i think you go for it right i think again everybody should have multicultural santas um and then thoughts of elf on the shelf

17:50 you know watching you being the spy for santa not a fan of it i will not be integrating that into my into my practices um and then another question not believing he's real or still having a magical time during christmas is it possible right so the question of like well if my child doesn't believe he's real can he still have a magical christmas of course because again it's all about embodying the spirit of santa embodying generosity and kindness that is the

18:18 spirit of christmas that is the magic of christmas i think in the holiday season um and also i don't i'll probably come up with an a post or another video on this but there's so many ways to embody the magic of the holiday season outside of santa right there's the um baking christmas cookies together there's the uh walking and seeing the christmas lights or making homemade gifts for the people and the friends the family and the friends that we love

18:50 um there's you know volunteering and you know treating people with extra kindness around this time again that is the magic of christmas so absolutely you can do both right um if your child doesn't believe in santa claus it's not going to take away the magic of christmas i truly believe it and it's not going to take away from the fun of pretending that he's real because again children love to pretend they love to imagine um and another question that i got was

19:17 that a mom saying i think my 11 year old knows that santa isn't real but won't say anything um should i bring it up or let him decide yeah probably he already knows by this point but you can ask him hey what do you think about santa claus you could just ask an open-ended question hey do you what do you think about santa claus is there any questions that you have about about santa claus and just kind of

19:40 go from there but yeah i would talk to him about it this holiday season since he's you know he's getting he's getting older another question that i received was how to best share with others that you don't like and don't do the naughty or nice list stuff um i think be straightforward right and in a respectful way you can just let people know you know i don't believe that we should manipulate kids into being good right one month out of

20:09 the year um i don't think that we um should you know manipulate them to do something so that they can get a gift right or get material things um those are not the values that i believe in right or i don't i believe that you know we should encourage our children to make good choices i think that we should teach them uh responsibility and self-discipline and um you know how to develop intrinsic motivation um instead of encouraging them to have

20:41 this extrinsic or external motivation again for gifts um and and i just really believe that that's our job as parents to work ourselves out of a job and teach our child how to discipline themselves um and so you know again just having opening up to a conversation of like this is just my beliefs these are the things that i believe in and why i think it's important you again can believe whatever you want again how it

21:06 opened up this video right that we all are coming from different places as parents depending on our values depending on our beliefs depending on our spirituality practices and that we don't i don't think we should you know necessarily tell people what to believe in or not or what to do or not and that just that this is what we're doing in our home this is what works best for us and um you know i don't you know and again you can say like i

21:31 don't ever want my child to feel like my love for them is conditional right or that it's based on them being good or not what does that even mean right we all make mistakes um and so again like i am not a fan of that whole mentality when it comes to santa claus of like you know he sees you when you're good he knows when you've been bad and whatever like um in that whole like trying to

21:55 manipulate kids to be good which again what are we even talking about right are we talking about blind obedience let um and you know again why that's not why that's not really a good thing if we're trying to teach critical thinking skills but again i digress um so yeah just to be clear i don't i'm not a fan of that whole whole thing um because i get again it i think it's done out of selfishness as

22:22 adults um and you know what happens in january when santa claus has left and there's no more of that what what happens then what what do you do then so anyways um but tell me in the comments like what do you guys think about this um how are you planning on handling santa claus this year um and with your little ones what other questions do you have like let's talk about this together as a community i think this

22:50 should be just an open you know respectful discussion if you will um and again don't forget to download that bundle it's completely free link is in the description and i think that's it for this video thank you guys so much for watching don't forget to subscribe join the family if you haven't already hit that bell that just tells youtube that you want to be notified of all my future videos

23:23 and i will see you guys in the next one bye