Back-to-School Transition Tips for Sensitive Children

0:00 [Music] Hi friends, welcome back. I'm Stacy Bellward, the host of the Connected Families podcast. Welcome to our community. We are people committed to pursuing God's grace and truth for ourselves and then daily working to pass that grace and truth on to our children. I'm so glad that you are here today. Well, today I'm talking to two occupational therapists about what your child's brain and body might need for a smoother back to school transition and rhythm. These ladies have suggestions that could help all children. And I think you're going to want to favorite this episode, friends. Well, hey, I will be joined by Lynn Jackson, co-founder of Connected Families. She is an occupational therapist and author and occupational therapist, Sarah Collins.

0:49 together. We're going to go through a PDF worksheet that you can download. Tap through to the show notes to get access to it. It's free, but Lynn and Sarah are going to walk through that PDF, and I think it's going to be a really great resource for you if your children seem to be struggling with the back to school or actually if you want to just do some pre-thinking about how to set them up well for school starting. And really that's if your kids leave the house and go to a different building or if you homeschool. So hey before we start, would you share this episode with a friend or leave a review? We appreciate you being part of our community. And when you share or review or follow us, it's so encouraging to our hearts. I know it's helpful to your friend and honestly it boosts the algorithms like no other. So, we really appreciate it.

1:42 Actually, I have a goal of 10 new reviews in the next couple of weeks. So, help me out, everybody. All right, let's get started. Well, welcome, Lynn Jackson, back to the Connected Families podcast. >> I always love hanging out with you on a podcast, Stacy. >> I know. We sure do. And it's been many, many, if not hundreds over the years that we've been together. And we have a special guest with us today, Sarah Collins. Welcome to the Connected Families podcast.

2:13 >> Thank you. I am stoked to be here. This is going to be really fun. >> Yeah, we're I'm excited, too. I told everybody in the intro, we have two occupational therapists here today. We're going to dive into some of that, but Sarah, you wrote a kids book. What's the name of your kids book? >> I did. It's called A Chameleon Tale, a colorful sensory story, which is a very long title for a rather short book.

2:38 Okay, we're going to have a link to it on our show notes so people can go and look at it and I'll ask you a few more questions about it in just a minute. But I want to frame this episode because I'm really excited. I'm really hopeful. I know that this episode is going to be so practical and useful for parents as they start thinking about the transition back to school. Sarah, could you define occupational therapy just just short?

3:03 >> Let me start first with what it's not. It is not finding people a job, which is what so many people think. Back when I used to walk into a client's homes, inevitably people would be like, I've already got a job or I'm retired or he's a little kid that doesn't need a job. What it is instead occupation is how you occupy your time. So, we think of anything and everything you need to do during the day from I get up out of bed in the morning all the way till, you know, I'm getting back in bed the next night. So things eating, brushing your teeth, going to the grocery store, but then also play, learning, education, you know, all of these ways that you occupy your time. And so we try to say, "All right, well, if you have something that you want or need to do and you're struggling with it, why? And how can we support you?"

3:52 >> That's good. So now I think with that definition, everybody can hear why we're talking to two occupational therapists with the daily rhythms of back to school. So, we're going to get into that. You didn't mention the word sensory, but I know we're going to talk about it a lot today. We talk a lot about it at Connected Families. Lynn, give us a quick little definition of sensory sensitivities. >> Right. Well, every person perceives sensory experiences differently from the next person. And sometimes it's like like the volume is turned up higher on some sensations for kids, for people.

4:31 What is actually happening is our threshold for that to become a stimulus in our nervous system is lower. So it doesn't take as much. So there can be this flood of sensory input that often is too intense, too harsh, overwhelming, and it usually happens in more than one sensory system. So, a child might have problems with their clothing and the sensation of that at the same time that they're struggling with sounds just being too loud and aversive and maybe even the smell of the foods at the dinner table is just like this boom kick you in the face smell. So, that's the kind of thing. Maybe that wasn't as short as you were thinking of, but that's the idea. And it can be so overwhelming and stressful for kids if they do have these sensory sensitivities.

5:26 >> Yeah. And so difficult for parents if they don't have them and they can't understand why why is this little scratchy tag causing a complete meltdown that won't stop. And so I think this is what I am most excited about today is that I think that parents are really going to hear from your perspective and be able to understand maybe maybe what's going on under the surface and see how their kids are reacting to their world in a different way. I think light bulbs are going to go off today, ladies.

5:59 >> I hope so. Yes. Still have memories of trying to get my daughter's socks and shoes on to feel okay before she goes out to the bus. >> Yeah. Yeah. Oh, good. Okay. So, parents, if you're like, "Ooh, I want to dig more into that." You have to go back to episode 219 where I'm talking with Lynn. It's called From Quirky to Distressing: Understanding Sensory Sensitivities. I love that episode and it's going to really help you understand like is this something I need to dig into more and as well as our website which has blog posts and podcast episodes and so many resources. All you have to do is type in sensory sensitivities or even just sensory and you're going to get a lot of resources. Okay, let's move to this next question for the two of you. If my child doesn't have sensory sensitivities, should I just finish listening right now, turn it off, and be done, or how will this conversation help all families, all kids?

7:04 >> Go ahead, Sarah. >> So, just like Lynn was saying earlier that we are all sensory beings, right? We all have our own kind of quirks, but more than that, more we have different ways that we keep ourselves alert during the day. So like when we are getting ready to learn or let's say that there's just a task that we really need to do, we call this the optimal zone of alertness, right? So to be in this little zone, your body has to be ready.

7:31 Your nervous system has to be calm and that takes work, right? And it's different for everybody. So for some people that might be, you know, the pin clickers or if anybody's like shaking their legs right now, those are all right. I'm actually rolling my feet on a roller so to just keep myself alert and focused. So regardless, we all are doing these things to help with our nervous system. So we need to be able to communicate about that and recognize it in ourselves so have more empathy towards others. So all of we're going to cover all of that. Okay, just pause a second there. Do you mean that when my husband or my daughter shakes their leg, this is them trying to keep their nervous system like aware and maybe engaged in the conversation that I'm trying to have with them? I do mean that. And but I also recognize that that might be really bothersome to you, right? And so in our house, we have a saying all the time where I'm like, "Your sensory needs are important, but they're not more important than mine or or your sisters or your brothers or whatever." So sometimes that shaking a leg is awesome and great. Sometimes it doesn't match with the demands of the environment. And so we want to try to come up with other strategies and again that takes communication. So we all need to be able to figure out how do we talk about it? What are some of those other strategies so that we can all fit together and work, you know?

8:59 >> Yeah. Cuz we're a family. We're a family unit. We care about each other. I'm guessing this might be a little bit of your why behind writing your children's book. >> Yes, it is part of my why. You know, my really good friend Jackie and I. So, Jackie is my co-author in this and she has been a part of my life for a really, really long time. We've kind of grown up together, watched her become a parent, and at the time, you know, she was trying to support her son as he was transitioning into school. He was really struggling with those, you know, how to get on the bus to, you know, even get through the whole day, you know, of wait, now I'm in the classroom, now I'm not in, now I'm in the lunchroom. It's really loud in here. He was just struggling with all of these different time periods during the day. And she asked me one day, she was like, where is the book to really talk about this with him? And my answer was, there isn't one.

9:54 And so we decided to write it because she obviously has a background in writing and illustrating and she is just so talented in that area. So we combined, you know, my thoughts as an occupational therapist with hers as a children book author and just put it together and now we have it. >> That sounds amazing. And like the Lord had that pre-ordained when you met as teenagers. >> So amazing. Cool. So, give us a little synopsis, a summary of what the story is and then what do you think is the most important message in the book?

10:30 >> Yeah. So, mama, right, she's asking her kids, chameleons, to go to this chameleon cafe. But really, the whole point is that they're going somewhere outside of their familiar zone, right? So, they're typically in this fig tree and now we're asking them to go somewhere else. The same that we do for our children on a daily basis. And as they're going, her kids are reacting in different ways. Sometimes, you know, they need they're feeling sensory sensitive like Lynn was talking about earlier or flip side of that, feeling like they need a lot more movement and their colors change based on what they need and what their it's like kind of the outward expression of what's happening internally. And mama's really supporting them throughout the whole thing. Thankfully, their bodies show, but our bodies don't necessarily always do so. you know, we don't change color, but we do often, you know, express what our needs are, and sometimes our bodies are showing it, and we don't even know.

11:26 So, mama's trying to help give them words for that and strategies. So, I think the biggest takeaway, well, there's two. First, is that mama also has the ability to change color. And I think sometimes we need to remind our children that we're people, too. you know, and we also have sensory needs and to be able to communicate with our kids about that is really important. It's great to model for our children, but also she has this one saying throughout the whole book where she's like, "Oh, you knew just what to do after they practice because it's really allowing children to recognize that no, we don't always have control over our environment or what we're doing around us, but we can advocate for ourselves. we can come up with some strategies to support our own systems our whole lives.

12:15 >> Sarah, we threw this question out and we thought, well, we'll both come with our perceptions of what these most important messages were. And I thought exactly the same thing. >> Oh, yay. >> Mom leads the way with modeling her own sensory needs and regulation. And then just the phrase, I knew just what to do, is really empowering for kids. And it's it's really flows out of the framework message of you are called and capable of tuning into your body and applied in this way of tuning into your body and figuring out what you need. And I thought those were the two things that were really spectacular about the book and just worth going through with kiddos, even if they're a little older.

13:01 And we had a staff person who read it with her nine and 13year-old and they're used to reading books together. But um they both loved it because of this element of mom's regulation was part of the storyline. >> Oh, so makes me so happy. >> Yes, your book is wonderful and we highly recommend it. Well, let's use the rest of our podcast today to go through a PDF. Flynn created this PDF, but it's really a resource to help parents think through what kind of helps their child might need on those days where there is school or there isn't school. So, it's both. And then the different times of the day and what's happening during the day. And it's this is where I think light bulbs are going to go off because parents are going to start to see their daily rhythms and their children's daily rhythms through your eyes, the occupational therapy eyes, and how we can support our kids. So, this PDF resource is available in our show notes.

14:07 Tap through, you can grab it and get one. Lynn, you created it and it was part of the sensitive and intense kids course. Would you just share for a minute about that course? We'll have a link to the course in our show notes as well. Yeah, the sensitive intense kids course is kind of a deep dive into all things with kids that just struggle a little bit more than other kids. And there doesn't need to be any diagnosis, but you just have this sense of life is just a little harder for this child. And I want to understand them well from an emotional perspective, even from a spiritual perspective, but for sure from a physical and a sensory perspective.

14:46 and what can I do to best support this child so that they can, you know, live their life well connected with other people and walking in God's purposes. Because if you have a child that you would categorize sensitive and intense, they probably have just specific gifting that's more sensitive and intense that God wants to use. So that's the heart behind the the course is sometimes when parents don't know what to do. They they kind of try to corral these kids instead of empower them. And we want to empower them to walk in God's purposes.

15:24 >> There was a mom named Miriam and she said, "The Sensitive Intense Kids online course has been incredibly helpful for us. We've learned so much about our bodies and our souls. we are resting more securely in God's love for each one of us and have so much more wisdom. So there's been a lot of testimonials around it. You but but that I just want everyone to know that's where this PDF comes out of. We we pulled it. You can have it for free though in the show notes. Okay. So let's dive into it.

15:53 Lynn, is there anything else you would like to say to set it up? >> Yeah, just the PDF is a worksheet because we're going to throw out a lot of ideas. There's tons more in the course. you know, just a good sequence to to start to work on this maybe is to just start with a book, Sarah's book, to kind of give them that big picture and a fun way to connect with it. And then begin to just be an observer of your child and what things regulate them and what things stress them and how can you kind of work through your day in a thoughtful, supportive way. And so Sarah and I are going to just tag team with ideas for each category, but like I say, there's tons more in the course. And this is just sort of a wet your appetite, get you started conversation.

16:38 >> Yeah. So it's printed off and then you'll fill in the blank, parents, but we're going to help you fill in the blanks right now. So the first section of it is getting up in the morning, getting ready, breakfast time. What are some things that parents can think about? I think it's really important to to start with discernment about if you have a fast or a slow waker because they have very different needs. You might have a child that just goes bing out the shoots and they're looking for some big strong input to regulate.

17:13 You might have a slow waker like our daughter. we would go in and kind of jiggle her a little bit and and play with her and if the jiggling was too intense, boom, burst into tears. So, it's like what, you know, how are they coming up out of that sleep place and what do they need? So, Sarah, I'll toss it back to you and then I might have some more practical ideas. >> Yeah, I love how you're talking about looking specifically at our kids. You know, I often say like be a student of your student even though you know they are our children to really observe and to figure out kind of where they are and also then to consider the environment around and how the environment affects them. So, you know, if opening up the blinds right away is going to be like so overwhelming for our children, like then let's consider just a little part way and have some natural lighting come in or if coming down the stairs, you know, is even for my own daughter when my son would just down the stairs and every morning she would cover up her ears like, "Oh my goodness."

18:17 So we had him start coming down the stairs first, you know, like he's first in the morning, you brush your teeth second, you know, and then come come on down that way. So even considering who's going where at what point in time. And I also gave her headphones with music first thing in the morning so that then that way she's just more alerting of her system whereas he's the kiddo who's, you know, waking up and ready to roll. And just like Lynn was saying with some of that heavy work, he was already trying to calm his nervous system down by that stomping down the stairs, you know, just considering how everyone can work together and how the environment plays into it.

18:54 >> Yeah, that's great. And then, you know, a cold drink. Uh there was one girl who snuggled the cat, had glitter snowflake globe with a cold drink. More active kids might have a schedule of activities and then right in the middle go give mom a hug or something. So, it can just look really different for these different kids. >> I think I want to stop you two right here because I'm I'm feeling the parent who maybe hasn't dove into this. It's a little bit new to them and they're just a little overwhelmed already by the suggestions that you guys gave. Like, this is a lot of being an intentional and scheduling who goes down the stairs first. Just speak to that overwhelm at the beginning and then because we're going to give lots of ideas now. Um, so help that mom who or dad or even grandma or grandpa who's caregiving for the kids. How can they think to begin? I think you need to start with what is going really well in my day because I know that there's a lot of things that are and so when you can look around and be like what is going really well then you're able to say like why you know why is this happening? Oh it's probably because people are regulated you know they're able to calm their nervous system then. So if that's going well, let me look at what happened before it, right? So how are my kids naturally calming their nervous systems? And that's where I can see for my son, he naturally was calming his nervous system by big giant movements. And that would happen all throughout the day. And so I could say like, okay, this is definitely something he needs. For my daughter, what naturally helps her? Well, a calm, quiet, predictable environment really helped her. Okay. So then how can I put those two together so that we're meeting both of those needs? And often times that is with a conversation between the two of them.

20:42 >> Yeah, that's a great answer. Just and then so being observant and then just kind of starting with one idea and working it in more consistently and seeing if that's helpful or not. Not feeling like I've got to change everything at once, but just >> building on their natural their natural inclinations. So, I would recommend to everyone, write down all these ideas onto the worksheet because you're listening to it, but don't think you're going to do them all. Take one at a time and start there. Okay, let's move on to the next section of the day, and that is the transition to school. Lynn, why don't you start?

21:17 >> Well, just like Sarah was talking about, her son regulated with big strong movement. So, can you sing a song and march out to the car? You know, marching can be super regulating. something for the mouth, especially if they can't consume a full breakfast. Is there a healthy granola bar that they can be crunching on the way out to the the car or the bus? Those would just be a couple of practical things that haven't been mentioned so far. Sarah.

21:44 >> Sarah, do you have any? >> I do. So, you know, it is very typical for our kids to carry backpacks with them, right? And a lot of times, especially for my younger kids, they would just end up being like, "Here's three pieces of paper that are all crumpled in the bottom." and I'd be like, why are we even doing this when we could use this backpack as something really functional for regulation? So, in general, things that are really heavy, they help us to increase our awareness of where our bodies are. And the more aware we are, the calmer that we are. If you just even think about if you walk outside your door and there's two packages there and you think one's going to be really light, like you ordered paper towels and you ordered cat food, right, from Amazon and you pick up one box and you think it's going to be the cat food, but it's really the paper towels and it goes flying in the air and how confusing that is to your body and your brain. So that's what we're asking our kids to do is increase that body awareness to be calm. So, if we can add put the lunch box in there, even put some like put a weight in there if they really need to be calm because that will help them to increase their body awareness and just calm their nervous systems. Okay, let's move on to destress after school. And we we've got like four more. So, I'm feeling the time. So, you guys, let's bullet point. Let's I mean, if you want to expand a little because you know people need it, great. But, let's like bullet point these out. So, Lynn, talk about the de-stress after school.

23:11 >> Well, again, it's kind of like getting up in the morning. And we do have articles on both getting up in the morning and de-stressing after school. So, we'll have those in the show notes. But does your child come home exhausted and needing to be alone? One mom hung a swing in the garage so that everybody else just went into the house and left him out by himself to swing with a smoothie and that was like golden. So, or again, is there a need for a lot of movement after school? And maybe you all take a bike ride. So, just discerning what your child's going to need in terms of intensity.

23:48 >> And I can imagine it might change depending on the day. >> So, to be aware and have your antennas up in the in the drive home or as you're watching them come off the bus or walking down the block, whatever it is. >> Yeah. Sarah, do you have any thoughts on d-stressing after school? I do I think we as parents really want to find out how our kids day was and so we're always like how was your day? Well tell me this blah blah blah you know and we're like coming at them with a lot of questions and if the bus is often times very very disregulating with all the noise in itself. So I think we also not need to not be afraid to leave our kids alone a little bit. So like if we can have a key word, you know, of are you ready to talk or not, you know, so that we allow them to advocate for themselves.

24:35 >> I like it. Okay, let's move to homework. Woo! There were a lot of meltdowns in my house over homework, especially math. And that was even in the middle school ages. Algebra and calculus killed us, you guys. So Lynn, help us with homework. I kind of like Dave Ramseay's thing of start with one thing that's a little easier to build success, then take a quick break. Let's get our bodies and brains ready, and then we can dive into math as well.

25:06 You guys just nailed this da assignment. Um, so that's just a practical thing. But then looking at the mouth as a really helpful tool for getting through homework, whether it's sucking through a long straw or crunching on a crunchy snack, you know, the older I get, the more I get up and I just go walk and get a few crunchy nuts and I come back to my computer, you know, and it just regulates me. So otherwise you can do big cross-ateral movement breaks. You know some just fun movements across midline. Amy Nyval a homeschooler talks about just doing fun belly breathing activities where she will put a chocolate chip on each child's belly until they're breathing big in and exhales >> and um when they're laying on the ground >> when they're laying on the ground, right? And then they get to eat the chocolate chip. So, just things that will give them a break and give them some good sensory input.

26:08 >> I love to think about where they're sitting to do this homework or and even if they really need to sit like my kids are often laying on their bellies on the floor cuz that gives more of that input and through their arms, their shoulders, their elbows, like all joints there. Sitting in a bean bag chair. But most importantly, we are asking them to sit at a table to make sure that their feet are touching the floor to get some of that input in through their feet and and legs and knees, you know, all of those joints there. And then or like standing to put something, you know, on the wall.

26:42 Any of those are opportunities where we can just help our kids to build that body awareness and calm their nervous systems. >> That's good. Okay, two more. Dinner time. Lynn, talk about dinner time. Well, it's important to have a safe food so that kids aren't, you know, the the child that struggles with diet selection, shall we say, isn't coming to the table prepared for a fight. Maybe there's a movement activity with whoever isn't fixing dinner right before the meal to just get everybody laughing together and moving and connecting. And then you can also structure in movement breaks during the meal. One family would eat outside as much as possible and then they'd say, "Okay, time to run over to the slide, up and down the slide, and then come on back." And that prevented so many sibling conflicts as well as attempts to escape the dinner table. So, giving them a parent sanctioned break before they're just like squirming and fighting and trying to get down.

27:42 >> And we have a picky eaters ebook that's got lots of these uh suggestions in it. Yeah, I was going to mention that too because Lynn, are you advocating for a very little diet? Like I think about the families who are like, "My kids will only eat two things." Are you saying that that's what a parent should do? Just feed them the foods they want? >> Oh, no, no, no, no. Making sure that they they do in the selection that you're providing that they do have a safe food. So, it's not 100% like I can't eat any of this.

28:13 >> I love it. and I knew that was going to be your answer, so I set you up. And if eating is a thing, definitely go get the picky eaters ebook because it's long and deep and it's it's got a lot there. Sarah, do you have something to add on the dinner time? I do. I think Lynn has given a lot of great examples about using the mouth earlier for other things, but we can think about that specifically during dinner as well. So, typically more crunchy foods are going to be alerting. So, if you've got that kiddo who's really feeling groggy, feeling worn out by that point and you still are ready to engage or maybe you have another activity to go to after, some crunchy foods are going to be helpful. On the flip side, something that's more chewy because that is that body awareness through your joint, through your jaw. That is going to be typically more calming. So, you can kind of choose based on that. The other thing would be not being afraid of having our kids in the kitchen beforehand so that they're used to the smells already.

29:12 They're you they're seeing it. Maybe they've tried something before they're even sitting down to eat because eating can be a very overwhelming sensory experience. >> My kids always ate better when they got to help me cook and stir the food >> because then you're already taking out that the smell because they've already got it. You know, the sight of it, they've already done it. All the next is the taste. And so it's already more predictable >> and they got to help with it. Woohoo.

29:39 Okay, we are on the last one and that's bedtime. And I know this is a big one too, but Lynn, would you like to start with with bedtime? >> Well, just, you know, bedtime is often a time when one or the other parent, we won't say which one, loves to do play wrestling with the kids. It's just really important that that isn't the last thing. And so you if you're going to do that, do that right after dinner. Then do a little more structured movement activity like an obstacle course or bike riding or playing catch or something like that. Then move to sedentary input.

30:15 So you're kind of trying to guide your child's arousal state down through the levels toward sleep. I always strongly encourage parents to tie the bow on the evening with very intentional connection and affirmation because that will affect how their brain goes into sleep and then what memories it prunes from the day and what memories it keeps >> and we have a sleep ebook as well. So all right Sarah >> the show notes is going to be packed with >> I know so many things. I love that there's so many resources that we need.

30:53 There are so many transitions on our way into bed, you know, like we need to put on our pajamas, we need to brush our teeth. There's so many different things that need to be done really, really quickly and that can be distressing. So, I like to have transitions between things like we're going to stomp our feet into the bathroom, right? You're going to brush your teeth, then, you know, crawl on the floor to your bedroom. you know, something that has a beginning and an end. So, it's game is not going to continue to go on and on and on and on, but it allows our bodies to calm. And then I love Lynn when you're like, we're we're going to talk about what we need to do. And this even in the book is when mama was like getting disregulated herself and needed to then calm her own self to get in. So, tight blankets, things that you can wrap around or big hugs, snuggling in, that's actually the same, you know, deep pressure, heavy work to calm the body.

31:45 Well, we all love ending the day with a snuggle with our little cuties. It's a sad day when they get so big they don't want that snuggle anymore. >> I know. >> Whenever my daughter's 17, I'll dive in her bed and give her a big snuggle. >> Sorry. I have to go off to college Sarah and they're not give them that snuggle. go. >> Oh, well, Sarah and Lynn, thank you so much for all of these tips. I know lots of light bulbs went off today. I wonder Sarah, if we could just end with prayer and if you would pray because I think our conversation today, all of these things, they represent a lot of struggle in the daily life for families. We hear it a lot in our community. And so, we we get that. We feel it. and we just want to pray over you before we end our show today. Would you do that?

32:40 >> I sure would. I sure would. Oh Lord, thank you so much for this time together. And Lord, we know that you have created each and every one of our children perfectly and wonderfully as your handiwork for, you know, specific things that you have prepared in advance for them to do. Help us to come alongside of them to champion their learning, to champion their strengths so that they can see themselves as the beautiful creations that you made them.

33:08 Amen. >> Amen. Thank you. Thanks Sarah for being with us. >> Thank you for having me. It was really fun. >> It was fun, Lynn. Good to be together again over the microphone. >> Yes. Thank you, Stace. >> Well, thanks for tuning in today, friends. If you found this episode helpful, share it with a friend. Leave a review. You know, I'm looking for reviews this month. Well, Connected Families is a nonprofit ministry made possible by The Table and other donors.

33:36 The table is a group of people from around the world who are committed to Christc centered transformation in families. Their monthly giving equips parents and caregivers with biblical and researchinformed resources that cut the overwhelm and guide parents well. Would you consider joining us at the table today? For more information about connected families, follow us on Instagram, Facebook, YouTube, or connected families.org. I will see you next time. [Music]