Navigating Family Gatherings

0:00 [Music] hi friends welcome to the connected fames podcast I'm your host Stacy belward our purpose in this podcast is to guide you to receive God's grace and truth and then to equip you to pass that Grace and Truth on to your children I'm so glad that you're here with us today well you know we're heading into the holiday season especially here in the United States Thanksgiving is just a few days away and then Christmas and New

0:27 Year's will be here real soon well these holidays typically come with fun celebrations they're with extended family but they can also be stressful for lots of reasons so today we are re-sharing a conversation about navigating family gatherings that I think is really timely p h the director of our certified parent coaching program and Jenna Williams one of our connected fam's certified parent coaches joined me

0:58 to discuss and to roleplay how to deal with challenging situations and hard conversations that come up during this season with our parents and grandparents so listen in welcome Chad glad you're here again thanks Stacy I'm really glad to be here and I'm especially glad to uh have Jenna Williams here with us as well and Jenna is somebody that as you mentioned came through our coaching certification program and recently

1:29 graduated from that I met Jenna for the first time actually she heard about us through receiving coaching from somebody else one of our other coaches and uh that was pretty fascinating so she came to us and said wow whatever you're doing over here I'd like to learn to do more of that and uh so she showed up and has just been a blessing to our coaching community and and to family has three kids and jenet what else would you want

1:52 to say about yourself and welome J we're so glad you're here yeah thank you for having me it's such an honor to be here and part of AD min that's really blessed my family a lot um yeah I live out in Colorado Springs Colorado I have three littles um my youngest just turned three and then I have an almost 5-year-old and an almost seven-year-old so I am very blessed I love my family and I'm just very thankful for the ways that

2:18 connected families has helped us just grow to be the family that we feel like God's calling us to be Jenna we're so glad you're here with us today I love having the coaches everyone in our listening audience knows that so Jenna thanks for for being here before before we move on though you guys listeners if this podcast has been useful for you share it it really is the number one way that the word gets out about our podcast

2:44 so please please take a second and share it with somebody that you think would find the podcast useful okay today's conversation is around family gatherings and when your kids and your parents when everyone's coming together in the house we all know that can be like beautiful and celebratory and everyone's so looking forward to the holiday and all those Gatherings and then it can be really hard too and so let's um let's talk about that we're going to talk

3:14 about kind of what are all the dynamic around it and then we're definitely going to move into some role plays so Jenna and Chad you ready for the conversation yeah here to go yeah okay let's dive in with the first question which is just what are the issues that families face yeah I think with my kids being so small some of the top issues are a mixture of balancing their excitement and their energy combined with then their lack of sleep and Meal

3:42 Time tension I mean they're eating different things they don't necessarily know the times that the food's coming and I have Littles that get kind of hangry when that blood sugar drops so just even knowing ahead of time that those are going to be some pain points of how they're going to behave around that that's right the change of schedule right and those eating and sleeping rhythms affect everything don't they yeah definitely yeah I think the expectations are oftentimes would get me

4:11 in trouble is that I expected a just a wonderful time of communicating with adults and some nice interactions with kids and the kids would be well behaved and they would really really enjoy their gifts and really be happy about the things that were provided for them and all the stuff and then it doesn't happen I'm like what what is going on here you need to be more appreciative and no you give Grandma a kiss right now she she

4:38 was thoughtful about that or you know just that disappointment I think with gifts and the expectations that we have going in or just of this beautiful you know time together and then wow bickering starts and you know it could be from Jenna's point to the lack of sleep the hangry stuff or whatever the origins of that but it doesn't take long for you know parents to go from this picturesque you know going to be awesome to what is wrong with you you know just

5:08 just our own expectations I think could really trip us up and and the expectations of everyone else too I can remember a struggle around wanting my kids to take naps and then my my parents and even my siblings cuz my kids were the first grandkids of the family and so they were just like we're together they don't need a nap today they don't need one like we want them with us and so their expectations too about all of that

5:39 and then frustration when I like stuck to my guns and I was like no I know my child they need to sleep they need sleep because we've got tonight and tomorrow in the next day and so then just kind of the you're that kind of mom comments those are hard yeah yeah I think that even ties into the expectations I put on myself and how easy it is to get caught up and what's actually more toxic belief

6:03 right like my value or me being a good parent is only reflected if my children behave really well and have that immediate obedience and when I get caught in that mindset and my expectations take over oftentimes the sweet parts of the family gatherings could be missed and that immediate obedience probably comes because maybe that's how you were raised Jenna I was raised that way too right so you know going in that this is how your parents

6:29 raised do and they they kind of think they did a good job maybe if it worked for you it should work for for the grandkids too and so you just know that you're being watched with that lens and so if you're walking a different Road you know it's not going to meet grandparents expectations that's hard to walk into that gathering with that awareness yeah well especially because you're meeting with people that at least for me I feel

6:56 very highly towards I think very highly of and you know they did a wonderful job and had great you know desires for you know my family and so I want them to be pleased with how I am as a parent right because we're still kids we're still a kid of our parents right and so we do highly value their approval just their approval isn't it yeah so it's hard to walk a different path and to do some

7:22 things you know that they they might not approve of yeah I think the thing that you brought up too Jenna around just that you mentioned toxic beliefs and that's a really foundational aspect of the connected families framework of just understanding like what's going on inside of me before I get to this you know situation or what's going on with my child those what's going on questions are really really important and if you haven't done the work there around what you're

7:52 believing about yourself and what you believe about your kids then I think we're super susceptible to get that those toxic beliefs flowing and they tend to just flow out of us really easily it's like my child's my report card here I want other people to be impressed by my parenting I might not even say it like that but now suddenly what people think about me is is driving my parenting rather than what I think is maybe best for my kids so lots of

8:18 possible toxic beliefs I think that is really worth paying attention to before we head into some of these uh these family gatherings especially in relationship to grandparents because I know that even we just we were just going through discipline that connects and we did a live Q&A which then moved into actually a Facebook live because we had families ask and say hey I'm I'm working the framework in my home that's you know I'm getting there but when my child is

8:51 defiant or I have to deal with something that's difficult in front of my parents that is the hardest time ever to remember to walk through the framework and so I think that that's because of all of these toxic beliefs and just the deeper emotional level of having grandparents watching us I think another common issue maybe not common but happens every so often is unwanted parenting advice right from

9:22 grandparents I can remember the look oh and actually the words that came out from one of my parents that was wow you would have never gotten away with that yeah I'm like mhm after the break we're going to get to some role plays but definitely those are hard like I can remember that being said when I had asked one of my girls can you please come in the kitchen and help clean up it was an unusually like extra defiant I

9:50 think maybe because there was a football game on the TV at the moment that they wanted to watch right and I was kind of being yeah like come come clean the kitchen right now and it a no I don't want to do it right now and that was the response I got from my dad I'll tell you guys after the break what I did with that one but unwanted parenting advice can be hard yeah unwanted even the even

10:13 the looks you could just feel it and maybe it's unsolicited you know you didn't ask for anything here and now there's an opinion about that really are you going to you're going to let them get away with that you know there's lots of phrases that I think might just kind of elicit inside of us just this oh right the tension the knot in our stomachs all the stuff right that makes it difficult yeah even just the normal

10:39 bickering that comes or fighting over toys or not playing the game that they all want to play and I think just that internal feeling of like you want your kids to be kids and go through the normal behaviors and learning their own natural consequences while also holding space to respect the family that's there and wanting them to have a good time and wanting your guest or if you are a guest to be comfortable you know in the house

11:04 so how do you balance letting your kids be kids while teaching them respect for what happens at family gatherings and allowing other people to be comfortable I think another issue too in that regard then I remember holding my kids to a bit of a higher standard of behavior when the family was around but I didn't actually tell them that yes because the spotlight is on I want them to behave better than on a normal day which is

11:28 just are right like that's our own thing that we need to work through and understand what's going on under the surface of ourselves there's a lot of issues going on no wonder we can get all bound up right we're gonna go to a break in a second but I think that it's really important to just pause here and remember the foundation and the foundation of the framework is what's going on in me and Chad you had talked

11:56 about the toxic beliefs and I think that the work we just did talking through all of this it's just so so important in preparation for these family gatherings to ask myself like last time we were all together what was going on what went wrong like what was I thinking that was making me all you know upset or or just whatever happened so that I can think that through and evaluate those thoughts

12:26 and and then change them if they need to be changed yeah and that's where the grace fill truths come in where do I get my value where does it come from is it yeah come from a a parent does it come from my kids is it a settled issue coming from God so yeah and that's that's the work and I think the preparation ahead of that of like what are the graceful truths writing them down putting them in

12:49 a place where you're going to see them or remember them is is such important work heading into these holiday Gatherings let's go to a break and after we come back we are going to do some role plays and I'm looking forward to that and I'll also tell you what I did about the whole cleaning the kitchen Situation off to a break you are truly one in a million that's right connected families podcast has surpassed 1 million listens 44,000

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14:41 inside of our kids like all of the different things that come up when we have family gatherings during this holiday season but the question really then is what can we do and we mentioned one right before the break which is to do some introspective work and ask ourselves the question what's going on on in me and be proactive about that but I know that there's other things that we can do and so where would you start with

15:07 that Jenna yes when I look deeper just thinking about a grace-filled truth and I think even with Thanksgiving I literally wrote this down on a card and thought about it before the family gathering and during the family gathering but just the truth that I am God's chosen beloved child and God has chosen me to love my kids when they need it most I get the honor of coming alongside my child to speak truth truth to their hearts to be their safe place

15:31 and to remind them who they are that they are chosen loved and a joy to have in my life and when I switch to that perspective everything just feels a little bit different and my expectations are set in the right place awesome I me kids behave well just because you think differently like that is that is that right and no not at all there's no judgment and what everything is perfect and smooth no the shift is just me like

15:57 I get to be a present person for them and I get to be with them in their struggles rather than somebody passing judgment on their struggles what I love about that is that you had done some awareness you knew that there could be some sleep struggles there could be some eating struggles the whole thing is kind of set up for our kids to struggle a little bit because they're not in their routine and there's so much more sensory everything coming

16:22 at them and gifts and right so you made a decision and wrote out this beautiful statement for how you wanted to show up that's that's great Jenna that's really great what are other ways that we can proactively get ready for these holiday Gatherings one proactive strategy that we implemented and I think Jenna has as well is to try to get ahead of it a little bit like like we let's not be surprised by the things that we know

16:54 we're going to see and so maybe there's an opportunity there to have a family meeting to just sit down and talk to each other like hey what are the expectations that the kids have what are the expectations that the parents have what is kind of our family Mission what are the ways we can get ourselves calmed down if we feel ourselves getting worked up just kind of proactive game planning for what we know we're likely going to

17:19 see I like that and I think that's something Jenna that you've implemented even recently is that right yeah with Thanksgiving before Thanksgiving we had a little mini family meeting and I was able to share with my kids that you know I love family gatherings I love having people come over and share all the good things but sometimes it's hard because they're in my house and my toys I shared let's talk about some of those things that we might encounter and

17:43 we kind of talk through what we might see and the kids could share a little bit about what they're worried about like do I have to share all of my toys like what about this one toy that I love and we came up with a game plan that they felt you know safe with and then also talked about what do we do when we feel anxious my middle child has a bit of anxiety and we just talked about Lucas what can you

18:04 do when you're feeling that way you know let's connect beforehand because he does a lot better so before everyone came over for Thanksgiving we sat we read his favorite book together spent some time connecting and then he knew how to ask for that if he was feeling overwhelmed with everybody over as well yeah super proactive I also remember our our family has a high value of expressing gratitude to the person who gave a gift so coaching my kids through that and I and

18:32 I loved that I loved using my coaching skills and asking questions like you know what did it take Auntie to get you that gift like what so you can think that through she went to the store she thought about you and so she put some effort into that gift and to give it to you in the moment that you open that present what would it look like to show her that you were really grateful for it

18:57 I I Remember Loving those kind of conversations with my kids too because it wasn't like this is a demand this is what we do this is our culture it was growing the wisdom the value of gratitude in how you received gifts in a way that was heartfelt when possible talking to grandparents about their expectations as well can be valuable helpful I think it's just bringing awareness to the whole situation like most of the time I'm not sure that my

19:26 parents or my wife's parents really even knew they had had expectations which is mostly true for all of us until they're not met and then we're disappointed and so it's like well what what are the expectations and how how do you want it to go if this situation doesn't quite go like that or you know we have this picture in our family in our minds of everybody sitting around the Christmas tree and thinking about you know reading

19:51 the Christmas story and everybody's sitting really nicely and waiting and having their gifts but not opening them but being patient and it's like uh okay that's that's the dream world but what's reality and and what do you think is best and what might you even think is maybe best for kids who have a hard time sitting still and how do you want to do this and and really inviting them into that process as well I think is can be

20:18 really helpful that is so true Chad I can remember the year when the kids were super little and Grandpa wanted to read five chapters of and then getting a little annoyed when you know they didn't sit and listen to the Bible being read the whole time and right so yeah we learn right every year we just you know you learn and you troubleshoot so the next year it was hey we think the kids could sit through this

20:42 book and we want to highlight it and we want to pay you know attention to it and focus on it but just kind of back to that just right challenge again too and sometimes as parents being an advocate for what we know our kids can and can't tolerate in certain situations if we can have those convers ations with our parents or grandparents beforehand I think that that really really can be beneficial so beneficial and it brings

21:06 us back to the framework because as we're learning the framework in parent our children through it these conversations can be embedded in the framework and I think that we want to call out the good in our kids I think that's a great place to start when you need to have these conversations with your own parents the grandparents is seeing the good so even in that situation I love Dad that we're going to have a time where we're going to read

21:33 the true meaning of Christmas and that we're going to gather around our you know we're going to spend time thinking about Jesus before we dive into the presence but you know I appreciate that value but let's do this in an age appropriate way you know and I know my kids and I know how long that they can last yeah believing the best about our parents kids as Grandparents you know whenever possible just believing the best they really love their grandkids

22:02 they really want their kids grandkids to be blessed and uh to enjoy their time and and so I think finding that Common Ground we all I think want similar things here and so how can we it's back to kind of team problem solving we talk about in you're called incapable and that message right it's like how do we all get some of what we're looking for here as opposed to being surprised Again by these disruptions or whatever

22:26 whatever might might come from that yeah those conversations with family if it's by text or your family messenger thread you know what does everyone want to do like let's just get it out now what our expectations are really helpful and especially for the parents of I think smaller kids especially oh no I I shouldn't say that because it's true with teenagers too I find that with my extended family like as my kids have gotten to be teenagers I needed to set

22:54 expectations that this is how much time they're going to be with us and they also want to with friends and you know like kind of setting the stage ahead of time there's also hard conversations that we sometimes need to have with our own parents do we talk about the unsolicited advice that we sometimes get or even when a grandparent disciplines our kids in a way that we don't approve of or we wouldn't we don't appreciate those are hard things let's tackle that

23:27 in the next few minutes so when we are getting the unsolicited advice or the side eyes or the glances that we talked about earlier how do we have those conversations have either of you had them and can you offer any thoughts here can we play it out can I be that parent and Jenna can you be my adult child who I'm kind of given some some size or maybe I'll just even be fairly direct with this one and uh could

23:56 you just give a response to me on that yeah let's play it out all right let's do it so so there's been some misbehavior it's not the first it's probably the third or fourth now at this point and I am pretty exasperated by this and I can't even believe that this child of mine is letting that go with my grandchild and uh so I'm just going to say something to you it's probably a little bit of the Heat of the Moment too

24:20 so there's a lot of stuff going on and I might say Jenna I mean how long are you going to let this go on that child needs to have some firm discipline at this point and you just kind of keep ignoring it what are you going to do yeah I'm going to first pause and just breathe right maybe uh just take a b big breath and say you know what thank you for sharing your thoughts I know you want

24:41 good things for my family I know you want my kids to to grow up to be respectful people and you know and listen and be obedient and I want you to know I also want that for my child I want them to be respectful and to learn obedience and we're working to teach that in a way that builds wisdom too and it's okay it might look a little bit different than what you did and that's okay so that's kind of if I'm the

25:04 grandparent in that situation it it feels like you had addressed it but there was a little bit of confidence that was behind that too it didn't feel like uh you were apologizing for anything but there was still a maybe a affirmation of my concern so huh that's interesting and I wonder you know just in a situation like that that might be a little long in terms of uh you know kids are screaming and all the things that

25:30 are going on but even if that's taken five minutes later 10 minutes later things have kind of calmed down and you kind of come back to that it felt honoring to me I didn't feel like you ignored me or you put me down for my parenting or things like that so that's good yeah and I think even just for me as a parent remembering like thank you you do have good things for my family I see that you want you know good values

25:53 and thank you for sharing that you know we can talk more later if you need to or if you want to I'd be happy to share what we're doing but you're exactly right you don't have to do it all at once but can we move on to the really hard one could you role play when our the grandparent disciplines in a way that we don't appreciate could you set that one up and role play it what do you

26:14 want to do Jenna do you want to be the parent or the grandparent in this one I get a choice sure I'll be whichever one you would rather not be or all right I'm going to be the grandparent in this one because I want to feel What It's Like on that side okay and so what will be around maybe playing let's yeah let's just say that that there's been a conflict my child has has taken a toy

26:36 and continues to take toys from the the other grandchild who maybe isn't standing up for himself or and now is screaming and uh is upset again and I've done this for like the third or fourth time and then you you come in and you I don't know what what kind of discipline you pull them pull him away or say you know sternly that's enough or even a SWAT on the backside or yeah I'm going to come in and say you know I I've been

27:00 watching this and that's the third time that you took your toy the toy from your younger cousin and that's not fair or respectful you're supposed to be a good you know older cousin I'm gonna take this toy away and you're gonna come sit with me you're on a timeout oh wow okay and so I might be observing that is that uh is that right so so I observe that and the child likely is not very excited

27:21 about that right so they might be kicking or yelling or now disrespect even continues to grow in that area so I'm walking into that and I might say whoa whoa sounds like there's some big stuff going on in here what's what's going on yeah your kid keeps taking toys from the cousins and that's not kind and now he's crying about it and there's no reason to cry about it he just needs to stop taking all the toys yeah wow so

27:44 that's hard that's hard here can can I take it from here would that be all right yeah it's definitely not okay right to to steal toys and do all that stuff it' be all right if if I take it from here yeah as long as you actually do discipline them yeah they need it they need to learn yeah let's get everybody calmed down here first all right let's get everybody calmed down Okay so let's say that that situation I

28:08 take the child and and we go and now I'm coming back to that situation maybe a little bit later with you Jenna as as grandma here who's very concerned and and I might say something like uh wow you know it looks like you you saw my child taken taken some things and and uh that was pretty frustrating for you is that right yeah it felt it felt frustrating it felt like nobody was looking out for the younger kids and you

28:34 know they need to be looked out for yeah and so you kind of had enough of that yeah I didn't I didn't want them stealing toys anymore I wanted them to learn you know discipline and respect yeah I appreciate uh your awareness uh and looking out for the the younger child for sure I wonder in terms of just the the connection with with my child if maybe there's something that we could revisit with him what are what are your

28:57 thoughts about that like could we maybe have a conversation with him and and I wonder if there's a different way that we could address that than kind of pulling him away and yelling at him you know I I didn't really think about that I suppose we could try it differently do you have do you want to help coordinate that I don't I don't quite know what that looks like yeah well I just appreciate the fact that you're even

29:17 open to it I've been learning some different things and the way you parented us I just appreciate because you're really you know just really able to help us delineate kind of right and wrong and those kinds of things I think we're we're wanting to do some of the same sorts of things but maybe just a little differ way so if you're willing I'd be I'd love to to coordinate that let's try okay that'd be like a kind of

29:38 a dream scenario right where right grandparents like yeah sounds good right there might be some resistance to that what do you mean I did something wrong you know that could also bubble up there too but just even in that little scenario like what are the are there some key components or some things that uh that kind of stood out trying to let the framework guide that process yeah I mean I I think that as a parent when you

30:04 came in you were just really humble you were affirming of the grandparent and the grandparents like motivations and seeing the other the other cousin that you know they were fighting and feeling like something needed to step in so you're just affirming of the person and you know that's always a great place to start and then asking questions I loved the question around the reconnecting with with the child who was disciplined with you know with your child and just how to do that and it is

30:36 dream right when the grandparent says okay can you show me how how wonderful and even just to bring that awareness to the grandparent on what would reconnection look like after that kind of discipline right there in that moment how did it feel to you Jenna it definitely felt like I was being heard right like the followup the fact that it didn't didn't just stop with you know Chad stepping in to do what he felt was best the fact that he came back to talk

31:01 to me just made me feel like he valued my thoughts and that wanted to make sure that we were still connected and okay because that can feel awkward if somebody else steps in when you think you're handling the situation but to follow up and to be heard and to stay connected with with Chad felt good you know if there's some restoration that needs to take place or make it right for my child to make it right to a younger

31:24 cousin or something like that um that's something that I would want to to see if I could model bring the grandparent into that that it's not just a harsh you're not going to do this and we're going to remove you and say oh there's actually a restorative element to this my not jumping in and doing something right in that moment doesn't mean that I'm not aware or don't care but that I have a a different way that I might be trying to

31:45 teach wisdom here would also be I think important in that kind of a situation as well you know uh at Connected families we have a PDF and the title of it is unsolicited advice question mark here is how to respond and there's four different ways and we're going to have a link to that in the show notes there it's just a quick read just one page they'll give you some tips especially as you move into Christmas or New Year and

32:10 just more ways of interacting with parents grandparents I mean when you're getting unsolicited advice well let me tell you Jenna and Chad what happened in my situation with the whole get in the kitchen and clean yes yes well it was interesting that what's going on in me I realized I had picked up of you know kind of the the old Stacy maybe the way like childhood demands from my parents it was like you know I said it so you

32:38 need to go do it and you need to do it right now and so just I was so I checked myself I was like wow I can have that that going on in me in this moment and I also feel stressed because the kitchen is a mess and that always makes me feel stressed especially with all the people around so I did the breath checked myself realized just the yuckiness that I was coming to my daughter with and my

33:01 demand to clean the kitchen and even though my parents had been there and was like we you know we would never handle that I responded to my daughter in the way that I knew I wanted to and that was yeah that was I said to her that was demanding and I didn't say that in a kind way and then I asked her the question so the kitchen needs to get cleaned especially in the next like 45

33:27 minutes when would you like to come and help so I gave her some autonomy to say Hey you know give me 10 minutes and that's actually what happened then she's like give me 10 minutes to finish this or watch this game a little bit longer and I'll be in so that's how that ended there was never any comment afterwards from my parents about how I had dealt with that and I think that they realized hey connected families they know that I

33:53 had been doing discipline that connects and the framework and they saw it and I know that they respected that so that's how my story ended I think the you know modeling is a really big deal I think there are times where we're going to blow it or we're just you know whatever all the factors are for our kids are maybe the same for us we're hungry we're tired we're you know overwhelmed or over stimulated and we don't respond very

34:15 well yeah uh we say something harshly or we give the same tone back I do think that we can come back and work the framework again back into that situation it's like man I don't don't think I said that in a way that was very honoring to you or I wish I could have done that differently if I could do that differently here's what I would have wanted to say or do and try it again and

34:38 you know I think that's even a modeling of humility for our parents to see that we don't get it right all the time and it's okay we've got Grace for ourselves and Grace for them too so I think that's the great thing about you know whether you do it the way that you just really would feel great about is like great I'm learning some new things and also when I don't handle it in the way that I like

35:00 right I can come back and work on that and try it again so those are important this isn't perfection not gonna get there and I remember the day that I that was one of my responses is that I'm learning I'm learning new ways to parent you know I'm valuing connection and I value connection with you too and I'm not going to get it right every time so just asking my parents for that Grace MH as we're together at this at this Gathering

35:31 yeah so Jenna any final thoughts that you have yeah I also just want to kind of place an emphasis on ask for forgiveness when needed you know it's great to to show that and to grant that I mean we often are quick to forgive other people so let's forgive ourselves and you know even with my little kids sometimes I'll say you know what I'm sorry will you forgive me like that didn't feel good to Mom how did that

35:55 feel to you you know and I think that's just an important part of the Gospel is just sharing forgiveness and talking about forgiveness and showing forgiveness and and walking in that makes a difference yeah that's good okay you guys well we covered a lot today we went through all of the layers right of what are the common issues around family gatherings and then we talked about getting deeper our toxic beliefs and what's going on in me and then just

36:24 conversation with our family with our parents are the grandparents around hard hard conversations that we need to have with them sometimes and so thanks Jenna and thanks Chad for being with me today yeah thanks Stacey thank you so much thanks for tuning in today friends if you have been inspired by today's podcast or other connected families resources we invite you to join the team of families who are paying it forward a gift of $25 will cover your own

36:53 equipping for the year and a gift of $50 will pay it forward to another family thank you for tuning in and for considering a year-end gift to Connected families well for more information about connected families follow us on Instagram or Facebook or go to Connected families.org I will see you next [Music] time