I Was An MIT Educated Neurosurgeon Now I'm Unemployed And Alone In The Mountains How Did I Get Here?

0:04 hi I'm Gooby from Gooby and doobie so I used to be a neurosurgeon I trained or I went to college at MIT and did four years of medical school and six years of neurosurgery training and and I I I was a neurosurgeon for almost 10 years after after all of that so that's 20 years of my life and I

0:35 quit I quit last year and nobody understood why I quit people would ask but you know a decision that involves 20 years of your life you can't really answer in a couple minutes and most people don't have time to sit and listen to a 10 or 15

1:06 minute story or however long it takes to explain why someone's doing something that most people would never do and they don't really understand why I would do that so that's why I'm making this video first to help sort my own thoughts out about the whole thing because there's a lot of factors but also to maybe help somebody else who's in U in a tough

1:40 spot if they're in a tough spot like I was maybe hearing my story will help them get out of that tough spot I'm going to put my hood on because there's some mosquitoes out here so I can think without being distracted by them

2:13 so I became a doctor to help people and I remember at the beginning of medical school when I was just starting there was a u there was a ceremony and we all took a hypocritic oath I remember there was one of the old older faculty docs and he said that your job as doctors is to

2:46 relieve suffering it's not to it's not to do a surgery or give a pill it's to relieve suffering that that might be for from doing a surgery or a pill but it might be just listening acknowledging what someone's going through that stuck with me all through medical school and residency and afterwards

3:17 how I became a neurosurgeon is is well I've always been interested in how the brain works how Consciousness Works how how our our brain and body is able to perceive this mountain side the stream that's nearby we have so many choices in life like is there such thing as a good

3:49 life and if so how do you live that those are all questions that I was curious about and that led me to be C ious about the brain and at that time at my medical school there were some researchers and they still they still are working on this working on connecting brains to computers through a brain machine interface so this was this was like science fiction

4:20 like creating a robotic arm or leg that's controlled by a person's thoughts that was really interesting to me and there were people working on that so I wanted to go into neurosurgery and learn about that and do research on it and maybe one day do do a surgery like a Luke

4:50 Skywalker replacing his arm kind of surgery so I went into neurosurgery training I got in and I spent six years learning how to do brain surgery and most people don't know that neurosurgeons spent half their time also learning how to do spine surgery because spine problems are more common than

5:23 brain problems so I spent six years learning how to do both brain and spine surgery and I did some research working on rats and electrodes putting electrodes in their brain and and I was slated to go go up to Toronto to work with the guru of brain machine interfaces but as I did more research

5:54 into the problem I I found that this dream of being able to give people robotic arms or legs I don't think will ever happen and that's because the brain the brain knows that these small electrodes that listen to the brain are are not part of the body so it rejects it builds up a wall of Scar and then the electrodes they

6:24 can't hear the they can't hear the neurons the little tiny cells in the brain that send the signals so so the the goal that I wanted to to accomplish which was to become a neurosurgeon who specializes and does research on on brain machine interface work I thought that that

6:56 would that would not work out in the end because of those limitations and after putting in 4 years plus at that time 5 years of my life that's nine years of my from 20 to 29 years old it's like the prime of my youth I I I I had put it invested it in doing medical school and

7:28 learning how to do brain and spine surgery I at the age of 29 I realized that where I wanted to go I I would never be able to make it it's just not not possible and after putting N9 years of my youth into that job I didn't want to throw that away so in my last year of residency I I learned how to do spine Serv urg

7:59 cuz that's what most neurosurgeons do it's the most common thing is what a regular neuros surgery job is is fixing people's worn out necks and backs and I had good teachers to do that and and you know I graduated and I I got my first job and yeah I knew that some something was

8:30 not right right away it you know I had good partners I had good hospitals that I worked at but something was not right I was very unhappy I I and on the surface it didn't make sense I had I was getting paid very well

9:00 it was a very well-respected job I had good colleagues had good support but I was the most unhappy that I've ever been and I couldn't really figure it out for a long time I had gotten married before just before getting the new job and and and that's the best decision I've ever made

9:32 my wife is so understanding and supportive she tried to help me out but really I didn't know what was the problem I couldn't I couldn't describe it but you know now I know what it is

10:04 so it's really complicated and I I'll do the best I can to explain it going back to medical school when when I took that oath and I had that older Professor say that your job is to relieve suffering you know that's what I understood to of what it means to be a good doctor and I had learned all these fancy spine surgery techniques to do all this

10:36 incredible surgery work through tiny cuts and it's called minimally invasive spine surgery it's the latest technology we use navigation like a GPS inside the operating room like all all the latest techniques you know I learned and I learned how to do well and I I did them and I I helped I helped a lot of people out but there were way more people that I couldn't help and that's because

11:11 you know surgery surgery like if if someone's got a what's called degenerative spine that means their spine degenerated it wore out could be a bulging disc pinching a nerve or a disc is just worn out and bones are rubbing on each other or there's a loose joint and the joint is banging on nerves causing pain I can do surgery to cut

11:43 out like a buling disc to to remove something and make more room for a nerve or I could I could do a surgery where I put titanium screws and rods into the spine and lock it down and remove motion it's all removing things the only thing that was adding things was putting in a little electrode to to block pain signals if there was nothing else you could

12:17 do but th those were the tools I had I I learned to use them really well but what I what I realized later on is that you those those aren't fixing the problem there's so many people with with back problems neck pain back pain nerve pain down their arms and legs surgery surgery might make him better for a little bit

12:49 but it didn't address what caused that disc to wear out or the disc to bulge or the joint to get loose or the the the disc in between the bones to disappear and then the bones are rubbing on each other those surgeries they don't address that so what what I was

13:27 doing so what I I was doing was there's a lot of mosquitoes so what I was doing was I was

13:57 doing the surgeries that I learned how to do I was trying to help people but these surgeries they weren't fixing the problem they would help some people feel better some people would feel the same some people would be worse u a lot of people I saw in clinic I had to tell them that oh surgery is not going to help you and of course they would be devastated because I was sort of their last hope

14:32 that all weighed really heavy cuz I thought I was going to relieve suffering and I did relieve some suffering but I saw so much more suffering that I couldn't relieve even if I tried even if I tried to do surgery I'm going to change the battery so a PA a PA a physician assistant

15:06 that I worked with he made a good analogy that the surgeries we're doing is like this it's like you have a house and the roof the top top of your house has a leak somewhere and rain water is coming down into the house and it's ruining the drywall and you can see it you can see water damage the surgeries that I could do

15:38 were like going into that house tearing down that drywall ripping out the moldy insulation putting in brand new insulation and rebuilding the wall but not not fixing the leak in the roof that's what I was doing and the way I I realized that is

16:12 that I could do a perfect surgery and some people would get better some people would stay the same some people would get worse even though I did the exact same perfect surgery and some people would get better before I could oper praying on them even with gigantic bulging discs they would get better if I scheduled a surgery a month out they would sometimes they would call me a week before surgery

16:43 and say oh hey Doc you know my my nerve Pain's gone do I still need to do surgery yeah I got a big disc in there a big bulging disc right and you that that was that was very confusing to me you know I had learned some of that in nurse in residency but actually being out there and

17:13 practicing and seeing seeing what happens to people I realized that well wait a second wait a second this this isn't quite what I thought it was I thought that if I do a perfect surgery people are going to get better it wasn't always the

17:47 case so over the nine years that 9 to 10 years that I I was a neurosurgeon I it really bothered me it really bothered me I felt that I felt that wait there's something missing here you know I my surgeries are not they don't seem to be they don't seem to be addressing what's causing people's health problems

18:19 in their spine I mean it they sort of do but but not not in the way that I thought not in the way that I thought when I was training and so over 9 years I did everything I could try to do to try to figure out but how do people actually get better and how do they get worse and you I had help along the

18:51 way I had a really good partner who was a pain management doc at my first job and he really clued me into a lot of a lot of the things I'm going to explain here but I just started asking patients like everything I could think of what do you what do you normally do what's your job what do you eat what do you drink do you smoke do you do you

19:24 elicit drugs do you you have a lot of friends do you you how's your family are you stressed out do you sleep well I I just would ask all my patients just kind of this whole bunch of questions about their life and what I found was that patients that did certain things would

19:56 get better and patients who wouldn't do those things would get worse my surgery might help them out a little bit but they would get worse after that and those things that I I saw were the following it's people that got better people that healed they were doing following and not exactly but in general and this is my

20:27 observation they they were having a diet well diet seemed to be the most important the food that people ate and the liquids they drink the ones that would heal up they had a low salt diet like not it wasn't really salty and most of them ate mostly plant-based Foods you know like

20:58 vegetable vegetables fruits whole grains beans and this is not this is not like a vegan rant or anything I I I'm not vegan I enjoy a steak or sushi every once in a while I'm just describing what what I saw over N9 years of doing spine surgery people that got better were having a mostly plant-based diet they weren't eating too much animal foods and

21:30 they were definitely not eating salty and they would do things that would make them sweat like exercise being outside hiking like this going to a sauna or they live in a warm place they didn't smoke they didn't drink much they usually had a good soci social support like loved ones family

22:02 members children friends like a way to socialize they would sleep they would sleep like eight hours every day and they weren't stressed out or they if they had a stressful job or something they they they found a way to like be mindful or meditate or like just be present and release the stress back into the

22:35 Universe that's what I saw and I saw that the people who did that they would heal so quickly that I couldn't operate on them I mean sometimes I could but if I was booked like three or four weeks out a lot of times people would that were doing that they would heal before I could do the surgery that I thought would fix the

23:07 problem and the opposite was true you know patients that patients that so they smoked like a chimney they sat on the couch and they ate hot dogs all day they had no friends they were super stressed out and they didn't sleep well yeah th those patients like I I could do a really good surgery I would get them temporarily better but 6 months

23:39 year later the same part of their back would have a recurrent problem or a different part a different joint of their back would have a similar problem and I would operate on them and they might get better for 6 months and then yeah then the same thing would happen so it's the it's the Leaky Roof problem so that that was my that was my

24:12 aha moment it's like oh I know what's going on wait to actually heal you you need to like eat a certain way sleep a lot not be stressed out I have a good social network exercise move your body stretch if you do all those things you heal and when your body heals it doesn't just

24:44 heal worn out joint in your neck or your back it heals everything it heals a worn out joint in your neck your back it heals the skin problem it heals your digestive tract problem it heals your hair issues when when your body heals it heals everything and that actually became a huge problem and let me explain why that's a huge

25:15 problem because most people will say wa how is that a problem that you figured out how people are healing it's a problem because our medical system isn't set up isn't set up this way our our our you know I'm I'm not knocking any hospital or group that I worked with I've I had the privilege to work with really amazing people and amazing

25:45 hospitals amazing institutions but the way that everything is set up in the whole country it's not any particular Hospital the way things are set up is that the hospital needs to make money they need to make money they need to they need to grow economically they need to grow

26:17 economically and the problem there is that if you figure out a way to help patients heal and that in that way doesn't include a pill or a surgery well then the hospital and the doctor are in big trouble because if you figure out a way to help people heal and you can't charge them

26:47 for it well then you've just worked yourself out of a job let's just say let's just say like for example there's a hospital in a town and you know there's an x amount of people with back problems and the hospital that there's a doctor say it was like me Dr Gooby was doing we'll just say 100 spine surgeries in a year to fix those the people in the

27:21 community's backs and the hospital got paid Dr Gooby got play paid and they Contin every year 100 people needed surgery from Dr Gooby well the hospital's happy Dr Gooby gets paid Dr gooy may not be happy with his life but he's getting paid and the do the hospital is getting paid but if Dr Gooby figures out

27:51 hey yeah you know what this surgery can help some people but really the best thing that people can do is eat a certain way exercise sleep meditate be mindful you not be stressed hang out with their loved ones and friends and then their back problems will get better and if Dr Gooby actually

28:24 recommended that to his patients and they actually did get better well it's a big problem for Dr goobie's paycheck and the hospital cuz let's say in that town let's say everybody everybody ate more veggies and fruits they really watched the salt intake they did things that made them sweat like being outside in the summer exercising enjoying fresh air and the nature and and spending time with

28:56 their loved ones and they slept 8 hours every day and they they meditated and they weren't stressed out let's just say everybody who had back problems in that town did that and they got better they healed then nobody needs spine surgery anymore in fact they probably don't need a lot of things anymore and then Dr guy's office is empty

29:30 and the hospital's operating room is empty at least for Dr Gooby surgeries now I'm not saying that that's exactly what happened because not everyone's going to do all those things that I that I talked about but I had a lot of patients that did do those things and they got better I never had to operate on them and they were very happy that they never had to be operated on and they got better better that the pain

29:58 went away and yeah so that that was that was what I figured out over N9 years and I I still did surgery because you know not everybody could can do all those things I talked about I mean just practically speaking and so I I I still did

30:31 surgery but I really felt like really felt like the focus of medicine wasn't in the right place it wasn't in healing it was in making money from surgeries and pills and images whatever you can make money from again I'm not knocking any particular place that I work I work for very good hospitals people have good intentions but the incentives

31:03 are not not right in the whole system this whole country's medical system probably not just this country but most countries it's not about prevention it's about therapies so yeah once I once I figured out this problem or figured out what was going on it was a huge problem for me ethically I was doing surgeries that I

31:35 knew weren't fixing the underlying problem they may be fixing the drywall and taking out the insulation and putting in brand new insulation and putting a brand new drywall and some pretty color of paint on the wall but it wasn't fixing the Leaky Roof and so I didn't know what to do I I I was doing a job that I didn't believe in

32:09 anymore it was the way I was getting paid and I don't know how to do any other job at that time my wife wasn't working I was the only paycheck we don't have kids thankfully makes things a lot easier we have dupy our doggy our doggy child and she's 7 years old and but yeah we don't we don't have like a a human child and yeah I I was thinking well

32:40 I'm the only paycheck I I need to keep working I need to keep going to this job that I don't believe in anymore and that tore me apart I gained 40 lbs I was really sad I was really angry frustrated didn't have hope I thought I was stuck I was

33:13 stuck and then this was the year before last year before last I was like I don't know how I can do this for the rest of my life most surgeons they keep operating till they're 60 and that time I was 38 I was like I don't know I don't know how I can I don't know how I can operate doing this doing surgeries I don't believe in even though I I can do them I can do

33:43 them very well and I can help some people out I helped out a number of people but I I it was a moral dilemma or moral injury I think there's the term moral injury it was a moral injury and it devastated me and I kept going to work and I kept doing my best to do a good

34:13 job but yeah it tore me up inside and I knew that if I kept going back to that job every day for another 20 years I would die before 20 years I I my body and mind and soul they would have they would have just broken down

34:46 and I don't I don't think I would have made it I wouldn't have made it to 60 so so I I I knew that something had to change but I was stuck I I was the bread winner and I think a lot of people can relate to this I think a lot of people may may feel this way and I knew that I was dying I I was dying

35:18 inside and my body was dying so you know I I talked with my wife and I said well you know would it be okay if if I I just work part-time maybe I'll cover the neurosurgery job for couple weekends a month or a week or week and a half each month and do something else something that makes me feel good like being out here being out in nature the rest of the time and my my

35:50 wife you know I was I said earlier that she's amazing she said I see what you're going through I've I've lived with you through it you should just quit and I I said what H how can I quit you know you're not you're not working

36:21 yet she's she was going to school for a second career and and she said well you know we'll be okay we we saved up some money it's not enough to retire but it's something to live off of for a few years why don't you just

36:52 quit and I thought about it thought about it really hard and I knew that I couldn't keep going back but I didn't know what I was going to do instead for work but I knew that I would die if I kept going back so with my wife support I went to my job and I said hey I can't do this anymore I will do it for another I think

37:25 it was nine months at that time I'll do it for another nine months until you can find someone to replace me so that our that hospital still have a spine surgeon so I I I I just worked another nine months and I quit and nobody understood why I quit

37:58 I I would try to explain but this video is probably already 40 minutes long and people don't have 40 minutes to listen to me explain why I quit you know so I would tell them oh yeah I was burnt out or it's just too stressful I I just want to take a break or it said I said all kinds of things like like that I mean they're all true but they weren't the full picture

38:29 and you at first I was like I was really embarrassed to say that I'm quitting and that I have no plan of what to do afterwards that was embarrassing too but after after some time had passed and a lot of people had asked me that question and I told a lot of people I have no idea what I'm going to do afterwards it actually felt good if if

39:04 it feels good to not have a plan it's it's freeing it's I got because I don't have a plan I I don't have to be anywhere I don't have to do something at a certain time and then I just kind of like leaned into it and someone asked me oh what's your

39:34 plan I said I don't know and I felt good about it and I could tell they felt embarrassed for me they felt uncomfortable where where whereas I was feeling uncomfortable initially saying that but yeah over time I you know I I just accept it like I know I can't do neurosurgery anymore and I don't have a plan and I'm quitting and I won't have a

40:06 paycheck I got I got some money saved up and I can live off of that for a while but I've got to work again at some point I can't retire but yeah no I need to do this I I knew I needed to do this and I and I did it so that was last September I quit haven't gone back and you know at first oh so so you know this is I think what most people call a midlife

40:39 crisis but I would say the crisis part was really the nine years that I was super unhappy that was the crisis so I think that's what most people call a midlife crisis is what I would say was those 9 years I was really unhappy I I I knew something was wrong and I knew I couldn't live like that but I I felt stuck felt stuck in that situation felt like I couldn't

41:10 Escape it that was a crisis now that I've left I haven't been this happy in my whole life it does not feel like a crisis right now I mean maybe financially it might be a crisis that's some point but I I've never been this happy before ever it feels right

41:42 so so what I did when I quit is I just walked a lot outside cuz I you I had gained 40 lbs like I said earlier and yeah I ate healthy I slept a lot because you know a neurosurgeon they don't sleep very well because they're they keep getting called about emergencies you I nobody was calling me I slept every night for a really long time and I walked and I spent time

42:15 outside I spent time with my dog I did the things that I wanted to do which like be out here my dog she's Dobie she's seven years old and for the majority of her life she unfortunately had a very boring life because I was so busy my wife was busy and we take her out for a walk every day for half an hour to an hour and then she would just lay at home the rest of the day

42:48 and yeah made me sad made me sad that that's her life or that was her life and so I I wanted to spend time with her and spend time with her outside because she loves being outside and so so I first started out I want to lose weight get back to a healthier weight I want to help my dog live a full life you know

43:19 the way she's having fun she's smelling things she's experiencing things outside that's kind of where things started and I I made that made this YouTube channel Gooby and doobie to to record the experiences I have with with dubie because she's not going to

43:51 live forever if I live a fulllength life you know she's going to pass pass away before before before I do and I wanted to be able to remember the times that I've had with her and so that's that's why I made this Channel and recording our hikes

44:22 where I'm going with this is is that you know I didn't have a plan but so where I'm going with this where I'm going with this is you I quit I quit I had no plan but when you let go of something that you're holding too tightly even though it's hurting you and you let go of it then you're able to pick up something else that hopefully is better for you

44:59 I I wanted to spend time outside I wanted to help my dog live a full life by being outside with me and then I wanted to record those moments so that if I live longer than duie I will have those memories I can look back at them and appreciate the time that that I have with my dog that's how this Channel got started

45:31 and being outside with her I I started taking video of these Pleasant nature scenes and I found them very therapeutic for myself there were a couple stressful times over this past year due to family family health issues

46:02 and I found that hearing those nature sounds really helped helped me feel better helped me process what was going on better be more present and aware and and kind of release that stress stress and anxiety and so yeah that's that's that's how I that's how I I am I came to where I am now by letting go of Nur

46:37 surgery I am able to be outside be healthier my dog is able to live a fuller life and I figured out a way that I can help relieve people suffering by sharing nature scenes with them it's not a surgery but but it it definitely works to at least one of those several things that help people heal which is to relieve

47:14 stress so yeah that's my story that's that's how that's how an MIT educated neurosurgeon got to the point where they're unemployed and out in the mountains by themselves well that was a really long that was really long and I hope that

47:44 that might help somebody I hope that you have a wonderful day if you're listening to this and you know trust your heart trust your heart lean on the people that love you and do what you need to do whatever that is