# Why Naming the Problem Won’t Fix Your Marriage

**Creator:** Hi, Fam!
**Platform:** youtube
**Duration:** 2m
**Source:** https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=27eN7AvTZX4

## Summary

Identifying issues in a relationship is only the first step; true progress requires actionable changes and new approaches. The focus should shift from diagnosing problems to building a shared family culture that emphasizes mutual goals and values.

- Diagnosing a problem is only 50% of the solution; the other half involves making real changes.
- It's crucial to disrupt negative patterns rather than repeatedly engaging in them.
- The goal is to reignite desire and introduce new communication skills and mindsets.
- Building a family culture involves discussing shared goals, values, and expectations.
- Focus on division of labor and how to optimize life together as a couple.
- Shift conversations from analysis and labeling to mutual respect and future vision.
- Emphasize what you want to create together rather than what’s wrong.

## Transcript

[[0:00]](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=27eN7AvTZX4&t=0s)
Naming an issue is not at all the same as solving it. People often say that being able to properly diagnose a problem is 50% of the way to the solution. Great, but it's only 50%. The other 50% is actually making changes to your patterns, addressing them, coaching yourself, getting reframes and new mindsets and new communication skills. All of the things I teach, by the way, inside of Married You. It's reigniting desire. It's doing things differently. It's not doing that Einstein quote that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result. It's instead not doing the same thing over and over. Not re-engaging again and again in the same patterns and entrenching them into ruts and habits in your relationship to the point where it does become a diagnosis, where it becomes just the personality of the relationship, the character, the defining aspect. That's what we don't want. We want to dislodge it. We want to disrupt it. Right? You want to interrupt the pattern and introduce alternative skills and approaches rather than focusing on those faults. What would interrupt that pattern? What could disrupt it? Well, many different things, but one thing is shifting our focus towards building our family culture.

[[1:17]](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=27eN7AvTZX4&t=77s)
what we do want, what we want to create together, why we're here, why we had children, why we built a home, what our partnership stands for, what we stand to offer each other, what we have to give. Right? This is about actually talking about division of labor, talking about how we want to run our home, our values, our expectations, our needs, our support system, how we can give to each other, how we can show up better, how we can optimize our lives, and how we can make our marriage work for us. When you shift the entire conversation away from constant diagnosis, analysis, pathizing, uh you know, labeling and you shift it towards shared goals, shared values, a future vision, a mutuality and respect.