Conversation on Conscious Parenting with Scott Harris

0:00 so scott um we can start maybe in a minute or two absolutely so the link to register is in the chat and we will post it on facebook as well we have close to 300 people here joining in on this anticipated conversation on conscious parenting and how conscious parents make such a difference in your life i know it's revolutionized

0:31 the lives of so many because its principles are so profound but so simple to implement and if we can just pivot into conscious parenting so many of the stressors and anxieties we have will dissipate if you wish to share what's happening right now on your facebook pages you can hop onto my facebook page at dr shafali dr shafali and you can then share this conversation

1:02 onto your facebook pages maybe one of your friends is struggling in her parenting and uh will find something powerful and useful oh amanda is a single mom to five kids what is your top stressor amanda so as you're signing and tell us what your top stressors are what are your top triggers i'd love to know what is the one thing that you're struggling with

1:33 kids suffering with anxiety daughter's anxiety being present fitting in fitting everything in scheduling my kids emotions having to repeat myself the noise and the fighting tantrums connecting with my teen patients yep we all experience the same issues don't we yelling at my kid my son not being able to control his emotions toddler tantrum

2:05 emotions reacting too fast uh getting to emotional tantrums emotional regulation yelling screen time a strong will 13 year old being reactive regulating emotions yeah regulating our emotions is one of the hardest things in parenting because our kids are so emotional and they're reacting all the time and then they just control us you know it's all their fault

2:35 it is if you didn't have these kids you'd be the perfect parent you really would anxiety about school not listening these bloody children fussy eaters what is with that exactly toddler life so we have a lot of parents of young kids here mom of two toddlers and as you're signing in and telling me your issues tell me if you're coming to see me are you coming to see me at one of the cities

3:06 and have you registered yet are you bringing your partners and how many men do you think will be there i say two no i'm just kidding scott is one and there'll be one more brave man in the audience typically the men who come are the ones who are threatened by their wives that this is the last straw hopefully plenty of men yes so we have 320 people but we had close to 600 signed up but i think we should start

3:35 uh so welcome everyone i'm joined by the lovely scott harris i'm dr shefali we're going to talk about my upcoming tour to australia and begin a conversation on conscious parenting and give you a sneak peek on what i will be talking about hi scott hello dr shafali from the other side of the world and hi everybody it's on the call tonight um i know all of us here family and friends mostly on this call we're just we're so excited to have some

4:04 time with you we're beyond excited that you're brave enough and committed enough to come to australia in the next couple of weeks um and we're just so thankful for the work that you're doing so um no story about what i'm doing tonight but some of the people on this call tonight may not know your brilliance and you're going to be too modest and coy to say how brilliant and amazing you are so if you're familiar with dr shafali you know what

4:29 i'm about to say so just welcome um but if you're not familiar this is a profoundly brilliant person someone who's been anointed so to speak by the one and only oprah you don't get to sit on oprah's couch lightly that's a pretty prestigious honor and she developed not just a book but really this concept called conscious parenting which goes beyond the 300 pages of the book it's a philosophy and her work in education comes from this beautiful mix of clinical

4:57 psychology she has a a phd in clinical psychology from no less than columbia university that's a big deal as well as her understanding of eastern philosophy in fact phd is in blending those two philosophies um and so if you're new to her work get ready pen and paper take notes and it's no profound sense to say that your life's about change because i remember first reading the book conscious parenting and then the books that came after that about the conscious

5:25 family and so forth just thinking oh my gosh why didn't anybody tell me that before the kid was born like why did i have to wait till i was my kids were like seven and five and three um so this is great stuff and i know everybody here on the call i see lots of people saying i've got toddlers i've got two i've got three i think ruth said she's got five um get ready take lots of notes and if

5:45 you're like all of us on this call whether you're a family and friends or a guest um you probably have some wounds around your parenting right now or you just want to get better at it and um for me and i've probably read about 45 books on parenting in the last 10 years i don't know anybody better at teaching what shefali does so we're super excited i'm going to talk as little as i can and just jump into it

6:10 she finally for those people who don't know your work yet can you just give us what is the nutshell of conscious parenting okay so the elevator pitch is that it is a profoundly new and transformational approach to traditional clothing it turns traditional parenting on its head so what are the three basic concepts that are so different number one is that instead of focusing on raising the child you're raising the parent and i'm going

6:41 to talk more about that the second concept is that how you parent your children is profoundly influenced by how you were parented and that's so obvious but it is so insidious that it will even shock us at how every decision we make for our children if we're not awakened it's coming from our own past our own wounds and our own projections and it's almost eerie and shocking how much so that is

7:13 and the third concept is that parenting is not about control it is really about connection connection to whom though not connection to the kid of your fantasy or your expectation or the kid that you think you need to raise but to the kid in front of you and so much disconnection happens because we're raising the kid of our fantasy and not even connecting to the essence of the kid in front of us and all of this

7:42 occurs because we haven't awakened to our own inner alignment and connection because we are still being puppeteered by the wounds and the influences of our past and we don't even know this um so here's what's amazing is that we only have an hour tonight and you've just opened about a four day seminar right there let's start with you know um raising the parents i think most of us would say on this call listen shafari i'm conscious you know

8:10 i'm feeding my kids vegetarian we're not doing gluten we're going to math lessons i don't swear in front of them uh they don't watch the tv um i control their ipad time like i'm pretty conscious um and i think that's what most of us would probably say you know i'm aware of what i'm doing i'm thinking about it um tell us what what that means to be a conscious parent and really raising the parent which is not something any of us

8:34 want to hear obviously no in fact i'm already feeling bad for people who are going to hear what's coming next because it is provocative and it's going to poke at parents because no one is more defensive than the parent okay none of us here is going to be rivaled in our defensiveness because so much of our identity is based on being a good parent so to be told in any way that we are screwing up uh is just

9:01 blasphemous so i'm going to be blasphemous and you're going to probably not like me too much but i will be doing you a service because the only thing i'm blasting really is your ego so let me go to what scott was talking about uh when people say that they are conscious i i remind them that they are sentient you know having five senses doesn't make us conscious so what is consciousness the difference between a sentient being

9:27 and a conscious being is that the conscious being understands that their inner life is deeply and profoundly affecting their external life therefore they have to develop a relationship with their inner life and an awakening process undergoes an excavation of this inner terrain now most of us don't even live connected to the inner voice we have been so zombified so conditioned to live reacting outside that life is constantly a seesaw if we

10:01 lose weight we're so happy uh if we get the penthouse in the hotel upgrade we're thrilled but if on the way to the penthouse somebody told us we were fat stupid or ugly now we're miserable so most of us live our life like yo-yos constantly reacting to the outer world and we don't even realize how much of our inner destiny is controlled by the outer world to become conscious to have a radical awakening means to flip that switch

10:31 where it's no longer the external leading the cart it's the internal leading the car and that is a profound difference in the way one can live and that needs to be brought into your parenting now so that you don't look at the child as the object of the fixing the curating and the raising it's you and when you do that now your parenting becomes a profoundly spiritual journey it becomes about awakening so

11:01 when your toddler is screaming in walmart or whatever you have in australia you're like oh i'm about to awaken i'm about to awaken instead of wanting to like kill your mother-in-law because that's who your toddler resembles so the whole the whole journey changes once you realize and flip the switch and make it about the internal to the external it's so true i say to people when i'm coaching them people usually say they love surprises and i always say you

11:28 actually don't like surprises you like the surprises you like and the surprises you don't like you call problems yes but there are still surprises whether that's the two-year-old or what's doing talk to us about i think again most of us would say here you know um i've read books i've been to seminars i'm doing coaching surely i'm not still being impacted by my parents surely now i know i say that i mean all of us have probably said

11:53 things or done things and thought gosh that's there are the words of my mom they're the words of my dad but we probably think on this call that we've broken that cycle already tell us how we haven't and how that's still showing up yeah but there's no shame in uh you know the reason we say that surely i'm done is because we feel shame that we aren't yet at some pinnacle of enlightenment the conscious journey the awakening

12:19 process is a never-ending one and the fact that we want to be done is ego the fact that you want to be done is your lack of consciousness right yeah check yeah am i there yet and and can i be on top of the mountain so again consciousness is not about getting to a destination and the minute you're clinging and craving happiness or enlightenment you are fully blinded by ego so our parents raised us pretty much unconsciously

12:49 because that was the generation right and not everyone's parents but on the large and what that means is is that they raised us to develop a sense of worth based on the grade the trophy the the butt implants or not the wrinkles and how we present it to the outside world and that is the way we raise our children so it's not about you know whether i i don't yell like my dad and i don't whip my kid like my mom that's the

13:18 easy stuff this is about flipping that switch of creating an identity that is based on the external or are we helping our children connect to an identity that is based on the internal that is the switch and every one of us falls into the trap of the former because we want to send them to ski school at the age of two so that they can ski backwards and we want them to learn sign language and we want them

13:46 to learn the trombone because that looks special on the college application versus just the piano right so we're always wanting to up the game because we've been raised that identity depends on how well we play this game but there is no game it's all an illusion you know and we don't realize that so we're sending our children sheep to the slaughterhouse uh to to develop a sense of worth you know go go go to school have a good day

14:14 just get a grades you know and we're acting like it's benign but it's really a toxic philosophy which not only decimates our children's worth but really our own we're not having a good time parenting children because we're so stressed out to raise the superstar i remember in your book there's this great story that you talk about you know start parenting this child in front of it that you think should be part michael phelps and you know part

14:38 steve jobs and part brain surgeon it's like that's that you're projecting all of what you think they should be on to them often trying to heal our own wounds um and we've all been guilty of that can you can you speak about parenting the child that's in front of you and i guess most people here many people have got multiple children i guess the need to parent you know you know i've got two boys and two girls

14:59 they're all different um can you speak to parenting the child that you have not the child you are trying to form and and how you need probably parents your children differently given who they are and the journey they're at yeah it's really hard to parent the child before you i can guarantee you none of you have really seen the kid before you and when you've had glimpses you've been really disappointed not because no not with hear me out not

15:25 because the kid is disappointing because the lens that you were looking through was the lens of grandeur like oh i'm going to raise the next you know venus william so i'm going to raise the next whatever whatever sport or whatever academics your kid is even remotely good at you've amplified that to take them to the world global stage to be a superstar so you're just living in that fantasy and that's why you know when your kid at

15:53 the age of 16 dares to give up a sport they've been playing for 15 years right since age two you're like are you kidding me you're going to give this up because we were like hello we were about to go to the world stage now you're crashing it and the kid is like i'm done and they they're done in like a flip of a second and you're like this is my entire life's dream what do you mean

16:14 you're done and then we pitch it and we fake it like no my kid needs to learn perseverance no it's not that it's because you had this vision that you were taking them to wimbledon and now the kid is you know thrown the baseball cap or the tennis racket down the toilet and you are aghast so to take out those lenses of our own unworthiness which then gets into let me make my kid worthy is a difficult process we don't even see

16:41 ourselves in the mirror with transparency and we don't even see our partners you know that's why after the honeymoon where like hello are you the one i married you know where is that lovely prince charming or cinderella so the same thing happens with our children we're so in the in the making of the child so caught up in the creation of the childhood that it's really hard to take out the lenses and just be with the essence of your kid

17:11 and anyway what that would look like would mean that you would just connect with their ordinarian you would strip them down to their essence and then decide if you like them at their essential level they don't have to please you they don't have to look like you they don't have to become anything more than who it is they are so do that exercise take out all the doing take out all the pleasing imagine that they actually not pleasing

17:40 you they're not good now see if you like them and when you can truly like your kids at the bare essential level now you've begun consciously parenting conscious parenting is the taking away of all the additives and coming down to the bare essence of your child and then communicating absolute zest power pride you know celebration of this essence so stripping them down and then keeping

18:11 it there and then your child knows that with with this one person i can just be me now that is is the essence of worth where they can just be themselves and this is what we owe our children and many of us never give them this gift and this is the gift they've been longing for this is the only gift we all want from each other is to be seen in our bare transparent state of our of

18:41 our essence um i don't know if you can see the chat box right now but it literally is blowing up with people just just so powerful so brilliant so true um again if you're new to dr shafali's work um this is the core essence of what this amazing person teaches um and yes she is coming to the beautiful uh southern parts of the world very soon both to new zealand and australia so we're super excited there's the dates

19:08 that somebody just popped in perth adelaide brisbane sydney melbourne and auckland in late april and early may um so it's it's just it's profound i mean and her work really is profound i don't use that word lightly i get to interview lots and lots of famous people many of you know who it is that i work with and what it is that i do but uh dr shafati really is just a global icon of what she

19:29 does and that she would get on the plane and come here and spend some time with us is pretty crazy um let's do this i like to say you know no child is special or any less special than the other child all of us as parents again we feel shame and guilt that we're not doing it right or correctly or properly or perfectly or whatever those things are none of us we talked last week none of us like to admit that

19:49 we've smacked our child or yelled at our child or cursed our child or whatever um let's answer some of those questions about that dance when i'm actually in parenting because i know you talk about not controlling them but letting them you know be who they need to be is there a lie and if so where is it when i let them just be who they need to be and make their own choices and also still understand that we have

20:11 to function in this paradigm called universe in the world and and whether that's school or house cleaning or chores or where is that line how do you dance with it yeah you you dance with it while breaking your body to pieces it's not not elegant it's not pretty it's a bloody chaotic mess because we've created a bloody chaotic world you know um you know when you keep saying it's so profound

20:41 i have to tell you it's it shouldn't be profound now i know i'm resisting okay because what i'm saying is the way we should be living it shouldn't be profound it shouldn't be revolutionary i'm embarrassed honestly you know i'm letting you say it because you know maybe people will want to listen more but to be truthful it's the most simple way to live it's the most elegant the most natural way to live it's because we've moved so far away

21:11 from what i'm saying that it seems revolutionary right so when you go swimming with the dolphins as i did recently and we're in awe at the dolphin what is the dolphin doing the dolphin is just being playful in in its spirit in its essence there's no effort but we've created a life of effort and toil and achievement and doing and because of that we have lost our way so that line

21:41 is not easy right now we we're caught in the matrix so now we're like doodle go to school and this not to blame the school system but it's an institution okay now go get married another institution oh now i have children another institution so all these institutions are based on the same premise of achievement of success of doing and of chasing happiness so it's just a labyrinth to madness so now i'm saying let's reverse the ma the labyrinth and

22:12 it seems shocking profound and you know transformational but i'm bringing us back to where we should have been in the first place so when we're dancing the line we can only dance it with a hope if we understand that the world of the matrix is an illusion if you buy into the world of the matrix this is going to make no sense to you if you understand that that is an illusion so i named my daughter because

22:39 i have an ego to name her i named her illusion okay so every time i call her i'm like she's not yours it's an illusion her name is maya and it means illusion i was like because i must never forget this is an illusion you don't you don't control her she's so just reminds me all the time but what ego i have no i'm like i'm going to name her for me so since it's all ego anyway might as well let it

23:03 work for me right so so this dance can only be danced scott if we understand the bs of the matrix if we are intrigued or in love with it there is no dance then we are fully faking the dance the dance is what between essence and ego between being and doing between formless uh joy boundless joy and the chase and the achievement and the doing so you can't

23:35 dance this dance unless you understand that whatever's in the matrix is just something we are conditioned with it's an illusion so we play here but we come back we come back and what are we coming back to so most of us don't have anything to come back to and that's what i teach go play in the matrix go go and do your thing in the external world but can you come back and that's what eastern spirituality teaches us is

24:01 come back home come back with it come back to yourself and most of us don't have that and that's what i'm teaching parents because once they have that to come home to they will preserve it for their children but if they are homeless then they're not going to be able to align with their children's inner home yeah it's beautiful um i've got to take notes for myself because i'm a parent of four how do i how do we appease the concerns

24:33 of many moms on the call working from home multiple children great that's amazing how do i let them just be and yet how do i avoid having paint all over the kitchen and having you know flat you know flower thrown around the kitchen or uh how do i just how do i live that and not get caught up in the matrix of the facades that we've created the institutions we've created how do i do that and yet still function in my home

24:59 or you know in the world how do i still get them to follow the rules of netball and soccer training on tuesdays after school how do i still get them to you know do their abcs that they need to do in some way shape or form without fully withdrawing from the institutions of living you know on a mountain somewhere yeah you don't have to fully withdraw you know people equate spirituality or what i'm talking about as oh so now

25:22 that's it let's go live on a mountaintop or let my kids smoke crack at three no because they don't want to do the hard because they don't want to do the hard work so what i'm what i'm proposing is no you can live in the in the form based world you can live in the matrix but it it is a declaration to how to live in the matrix so how are you going to live here are you

25:44 going to live here fully caught up fully buying into it licking the matrix every day going i love you i love you i love you or are you going to live with something else in the foreground so it's about what's in the foreground you can live in the matrix but it cannot be in the foreground so when you're when your joy for living in presence is in the foreground and that's something you have to cultivate through mindfulness and what

26:10 we're talking about when you understand that the the flower all over the kitchen the the schedules go to dance go clean up your room comb your hair all those pants all those commands of the ego form-based world are necessary but while you're while you're commanding you understand that it's an illusion it's not the foreground the foreground is you're having a good time i know you don't want to go to sleep i know you want another chocolate

26:39 it's so delicious isn't it so when when the child sees that you get them you get that this is all just okay let's go do homework and they're like i hate homework right so if your kid says i hate homework and you lie to them and go homework is important homework and you believe your lie now now you're raising a kid in the matrix versus i know i don't know why we have to do homework homework sucks right so i

27:04 taught my daughter this like a three and i regretted it for the rest of my life i was like you you don't listen to dr shafani because for the rest of her life she was like home what did i say homework is is a hypocrisy or something and she caught on to that and that's it she was like mom you said that homework is the hypocrisy and it's redundant why do you make me do homework i was like you

27:26 just go do your homework so as long as we can understand that we've set all this up it's an illusion they don't have to go for soccer practice you put that on the calendar they don't have to go for ballet you decided that it was good for their coordination no they don't have to pay the violin half of the stuff we have lost our minds over is based on ego and how do i know that because

27:54 if it wasn't based on ego then every single human would have to do that the fact that you do uh violin and she does baseball and he does juggling just go so this is all optional so anything optional is coming from your decision as a parent and if it's coming from your decision as a parent it's coming from your ego it's not life essential it's ego essential so when you learn the difference then you can do the

28:23 ego essential but please don't pretend like it's life essential it's not so when your kid drops baseball at 8 16 after you spend thousands of dollars taking them all over the country hoping that they would go for the major leagues don't pretend like it's a big deal because it's busy and your kid knows this kids know that it's not a big deal they're like it's what we'd be why why all these grown-ups making it a big deal because the

28:49 grown-ups are caught up in the evil in the ego of it and they don't even know that it's ego they think it's real yeah i think probably upstairs in my house chiffonade i have about seven different instruments that i've bought in the last 10 years the violin the flute the trumpet the clarinet all of them thinking hopefully maybe one of them somewhere will blow in something or or pluck at the strings long enough to be successful of course it hasn't happened

29:15 because it wasn't your choice um i've got lots of questions that have come in from our people about lots of things because they want to know about you know how do i what happens to my beautiful child that's delightful but then turns into a you know a challenging team um and what happens you know when they're bored and how do i fix them and move that forward and so forth but what i'd rather talk about is um what's going to

29:35 happen on the night you know we get the chance to be in grace with you in in space i mean this is already beautiful and i know everybody can see it and feel it from the comments in the chat but share with us what's different about sitting together in a room you know uh heart to heart space to face face to face she tell us what the evening might feel like well projecting into the future um

29:59 with some of some degree of foretelling i i think that my intention for everyone gathering there is to really connect as parents who are floundering no shame no blame and that we are all lost at sea i i have been doing this work since my 20s and it's been more than 20 years i have never met the perfect parent and i've never met the perfect child and this is a great disappointment

30:29 because one of us thought that we would be getting that prize but there isn't even a prize because it's a constant show it just never ends you know it's just there's no and then if your kid kind of makes it to adulthood their kids are going to be a mess up so it's just this is not about perfection so i want us to sit together drop the ego drop the mask and really talk about what are we doing

30:56 here why are we doing this what is the purpose here and to come down to a shared understanding that we can all agree to dropping the facade and if parents globally drop the facade you know half of us are doing things because the bloody neighbor that overachieving overzealous neighbor is doing it and she sets the whole thing in motion we will blame her and uh because her kids are superstars and they all play three instruments now you're like oh my god my

31:24 kid does nothing all day and then you feel the pressure of her children right so it's a trend but if we globally could begin changing the trend internally dropping the mask one by one then our kids will live a different childhood childhood is not a stepping stone to adulthood childhood is the most powerful profound stage of development that we have effed up because of our ego and our children deserve a right to their childhoods and this is a plea

31:56 this is a reminder to your own lost childhood all of us had lost childhoods and it's a reclamation and it's a redemption and it's a permission so that's what i hope to share with all of you it's a pretty powerful evening um can you speak i think you just kind of already did to the power of of like-minded parents being in that community themselves like the value of not just being with you that night but being in a room full of other parents

32:23 that are on that conscious path because many people feel like to do it on their own you know like i'm you know i'm i i'm so not like everybody else or i'm working from home or i'm living from home and so can you speak to the power of just connecting with you know another 150 parents you know from from around my city but this is it this is why it's so important to spread the word if you feel

32:45 resonance with this message because we're all in need of this but we need permission from each other no one puts pressure on us to be perfect except us we parents are screwing each other up and then messing our kids up kids are not telling us mommy mommy why aren't you putting more pressure on me you know why aren't you making me perfect the kids are like leave me alone i'm so good on the couch it's us parents putting pressure on each

33:11 other and we have to drop this we have to collectively consent to change the culture of parenting we have to begin the trend and create the tsunami so come come to do it for your sisters come to do it for the for the the mother who feels too much stress and shame yeah because when you release the pressure in your own life and you show up naked as a parent just being himself or herself not trying to raise the perfect kid you give

33:40 permission to the next parent hey there is no perfection drop it now it begins to permeate your parenting your energy changes at home and your kids feel it so the reason community of like-minded conscious people is so important because we release each other we liberate each other we elevate each other and it can only be done in community you know when i began this work i was so-called alone right i felt very alone and so the first thing i

34:09 began doing in my life is creating community because i needed people to help me live this life we cannot do that alone it does take a village and we've lost the village so i'm asking you to be part of my of this village and i want to be part of yours but we have to do effort loving effort to bring ourselves together in that space it really does take a village and i feel like can you speak to that then who is

34:35 the knight for i think sometimes people mistakenly think um and i can say this because i'm a man of school they think parenting is a woman's work or that your work is only speaking to women but i feel like definitely speaking to me um who is it i feel like your work is for you know married moms single moms single dads married dads aunties uncles grandparents uh you know uh i think it's for everybody can you speak to that it's for

35:00 everyone who's had a parent it's really for everyone who's had a parent because we are all children still waiting to be liberated so while i may talk about what you can do for your child outside what i'm really talking about is what you can do for your child inside so it's really if you've had a parent come for this talk because it's it's a it's a problem that we are facing at a gargantuan level for humanity

35:27 how we are treating the earth today or what you're seeing in ukraine today didn't it isn't just something new it's not like oh this new dictator no he is a manifestation of exactly what i'm talking about is this ego so while you and i don't go and bomb another city we do bomb the inner city of our children's essence we have 100 abducted their essence and marauded it we don't want to see that when i began to see my

35:57 child's light go out i could see it in front of my eyes and i was that was my wake-up call she was around three years old i was acting like a out-of-control lunatic over something stupid like she didn't you know she woke up in the middle of the night or she did something human but it was against my ego my standard and i was yelling at her and i could see the light dimming and these moments that we have with our

36:24 children if you're brave enough to see how you maraude their spirit how you talk over them how you're not listening how everything is about you then you will begin to understand that you are your own child's dictator they don't need a putin you are the tyrant and i am i i feel bad to say this to parents but this is the work i saw my own tyrant nature i'm not ashamed to say it you know my daughter would tell me boldly to my

36:55 face oh mom you you're in your jesus complex again again and i'm like i am you know so oh she'll tell me straight you're being hypocritical because it's true so if you are brave enough to look at your shadow there is no better journey than the parenting journey to do that and there is no greater gift you can give your children than to look at your shadow brutally honestly and release it who for whom better can we do this work

37:26 for than for our children i hope you're all taking as many notes as i am right now there are some pretty big senses in that conversation um if you're brave enough to look at your own shadows it's a pretty big sense um just as a side note i'm sure all of you know i work for someone who is very well known as probably the world's leading personal development coach and expert and guru and we start every

37:51 ten and twenty thousand dollar seminar with the following sentence shifa whose love did you crave the most your mothers or your fathers and these are ten and twenty thousand dollar seminars it's the first question we ask because we know that's the wound that then they haven't cleaned up and haven't fixed and haven't healed that really does go on um i have to ask one other question that's the flip side of that because i know people are feeling

38:15 it are you saying i can just let my 13 year old stay on the couch and game all day like i mean surely i have to get them outside and make them exercise and eat some broccoli surely i have to make them clean their room or ideally pick their school bag up i mean i know that's the story in the book um what do i do with that part of my brain because what you just spoke to was

38:36 everybody's heart but what about that part of my brain that says no but they've been on the couch for four hours gaming and they haven't eaten any you know non-carbohydrate food for two days how do i how do i address that fear right and in my in my talks i will have a section on how do i do this you know putting it into practice but let me just briefly explain to you that that question cannot be answered

39:00 without understanding a few things so let me just give this to everyone watching you know because i get this resistance a lot so what do you mean just let the kid be on their screens because that's what my kid is saying they want your kid is not saying that's what they want you know what part in your kid is saying that your kids ego your kids false self why because we have raised them in a world of false self who gave

39:25 them the ipad who gave them the ipad who right now you'll say well what do you want me to do dr foley i so then then it is what it is then there's no evil person here first if it is what it is and now we're all caught up in this ego based disconnected world of screens including you then it is what it is so now the kid is not a an enemy and the ipad is not an enemy

39:50 now knowing that we create a negotiation we create a a discussion where both can get their needs met but do not think that you know when you say my kid tells me that they just want to eat ice cream all day and game all day no your kids eagle that we have raised them with in this matrix full of ego says that so you as a conscious parent understands oh look at my kids ego what have we done to

40:17 our children and then lovingly cr get them back to essence now this is a struggle because we have increasingly created ego in our world and disconnection but our generation did that beca it's not the kid's fault our generation you know got uber eats going and uber and you know we allowed our kids to sit more and more and more so the king is not the enemy the technology is not the enemy however it's all coming out of ego so now we all need

40:47 to correct right we all need to come back to center all of us together so don't yell at your kid don't blame them look at it from a an integrated perspective that we all are in this mess together we're all disconnected we're all numbing we're all addicted we all want instant gratification this is today's ego-based world maybe 70 years ago 100 years ago it was more about racism and not that racism doesn't exist today but that was the

41:18 main the way ego showed up now the way eagle shows up is through disconnection ego is always changing its face there's the predominant dark face of the eagle and then there are other you know slightly less forceful faces of the ego so right now in our current matrix it shows up as supreme disconnection through technology so have compassion for your kid that they were robbed of their essence even more than we were perhaps by this technology but we've

41:49 we've done that to our children so it's not the kid's fault now that he's numb that they cannot socially interact that they live in a room and they want to be killing people on video games we did this today but it's their ego talking now your kid your kids are disconnected now because we've raised them like this you know it's sad mr thomas i'm sorry i see your comment analysis she's just that bloody ego uh getting in the way and i think

42:14 that's true for all this if you're listening to this or watching this in whatever platform you're watching it on if you just want to share this or tag someone or do whatever you want to do please i mean i think it's really important the profound impact of dr shafali's work so if you are watching this and you're on a platform where you can share it or tweet it or do whatever you need to do please do that because it really is

42:34 important i am going to ask one last question on here and it says um well the question is you've opened my heart you've opened my mind people are writing oh my gosh truth bombs oh my gosh this is all amazing where do i start how do i start becoming a conscious parent it sounds really overwhelming it sounds really intimidating i get it so the way to start are we are we looking at something by mistake something just happened

43:02 uh linda just jumping in someone just i'm viewing captain screen yeah so kelly allen maybe we don't view your screen okay let's see oh so she's showing us the tour so we'll get that in a second we'll come back to that yeah so um here we go we we start with a really small seed of awareness do i want to live my life differently am i living in the most conscious way

43:34 possible it's a really small seed that needs to begin to awaken its its potential within you and then you have to water that seed you know you the the tragedy is that we are watering the seeds of ego every day and it's so much more work to water those seeds we are exhausted we are stressed out we are broke we are overweight we are diseased watering the seeds of ego

44:06 so it sounds like what i'm saying is hard no i'm saying what you're doing is hard and i'm going to show you an easy way but in order to come to this side right and then no sides per se and not against anyone but to come to this side of the matrix meaning leaving it leaving the bubble you have to start not watering those seeds and start watering different seeds so in the moment it begins in the moment

44:32 right you get to make a choice and then you get to make the next choice and then you get to make the next choice so now i'm writing my fifth book on parenting because it is not something easy to understand but hell but to get a phd you you're willing to spend 10 years to to get an engineer's degree and to get become a doctor to become anything you're willing to spend the money so why aren't we willing to

44:55 spend the energy to become more conscious so go read my five books damn it and don't be crying and whining you can do it because you're already doing it you're already doing so much work in the ego based matrix let's do come on this side and you'll do way less work and live a more joyful conscious life so this is what i'm going to teach when i come on my tour i'm going to be talking for three hours so i

45:17 have a lot of information to give you i'll be doing a q a in the deep dive and i'm going to begin to plant those seeds and some of you will leave with a new awareness and that's all i can do in three hours but that's profound and then you take those seeds and go home and you read more books and you take my courses or take other courses like mine and you begin to water those

45:40 seeds and it may take a bit of a quest it may take a few months and slowly your consciousness will begin to pivot towards a new awakening things take a little bit of time and but then but but that is one of the most profound new directions you can begin to walk on i know that i've been walking on this path now for 25 years and i can see how i live and the level of stress compared to

46:06 other people and it's way less so i'm not magical and i'm not a genius i've just chosen a different set of ideals to live by and you can too and when you do your children will begin to live them as well so this is the promise but it depends on individuals readiness so what i'm going to ask i have an ask for all of you if anything resonated within you if you felt like i need to explore this a little bit more

46:34 i don't understand what this woman is saying but something intrigues me don't be afraid to come to listen to more at best you can leave the same but you know what's even better is that you could leave transformed i guarantee you you won't leave less than what you came with so you may leave the same but there's a chance that you could leave with more and you could directly profoundly impact your children so try

47:06 you know we did this for free you have to buy a ticket because there's an investment but i'm asking you for the sake of the next generations for the sake of the earth but for your sake to come come for my talk we will be together and and more than just come share it with other parents because i really think they need a bomb they need a soothing respite and sometimes these words can give them that

47:34 so i'm asking you to help me share i'm not a native australian or new zealander so my my ask is to is humbly to ask you to please share the word well you did it beautifully and you're not a native australian or new zealander but we're going to be happily accepting of you into our family down here just in case you don't know who you're watching tonight there is uh an awesome discount tonight it's um uh it's a fifty dollar

48:00 discount off any of the tickets for come along to see dr shafali in any of the major cities in australia and auckland um there is a single tickets couple tickets and there's also an opportunity meet and greet with dr shafali if you wanted to get the platinum ticket which means you get to you know take a photo and connect with her for a couple of moments so i would just remind you that um shefali said sometimes we can look at

48:23 an investment and experience like tonight and misunderstand the impact that can have um i think dr schweitzer has been very humble when saying that you won't leave any less than what you are you're going to leave transformed already just in the little time we've spent together tonight i can see all the comments i see the faces i see the truth bombs i see the awarenesses for me as well um i've got some work to do um and so i

48:47 will certainly be sitting somewhere up close and personal taking lots of notes so if you see all the links on the screen please go hit them go click them go register uh it's a small investment for the impact you're gonna create not just for yourself uh and for your child and for their journey into their chapter of their grown-up mature life i also believe it's an absolute investment in your marriage i think if you're parenting together um it's an

49:10 extraordinary thing um i would say if you're parenting um with a spouse that may be not as awake as you maybe either ask them and offer them to come or maybe just be okay if they don't come and they're not ready that's okay too uh it's not for me to say whether she or he should come or or shouldn't come um but i would speak to gifts and if you understand um you know how christmas works in our

49:33 culture and birthdays work in our culture um if i buy you a gift um i don't then come to your house and make sure that you're wearing the jumper i bought you or you've put up the picture frame that i've given you what i think is gosh you're an amazing beautiful person in my life and i'm going to buy you this really nice jumper i'm going to buy you this really nice picture frame and i'm going to gift it to you

49:54 so i'd say if you have got someone in your life that you love and adore and you think they could really value from tonight don't just tell them they should go just buy the ticket for them it's a it's 150 it's the price of a good sushi meal and give them that experience and say i bought two tickets and i bought one for you and i love you and you're a great friend you're a great business partner

50:13 you're a great relative auntie uncle cousin wants to be and and just offer them a gift i mean you're happy to buy someone a bottle of french champagne or take them out to lunch give them this experience as well so uh the link is simple as i said it's 50 off family 50 it's going to be an amazing three hours um and then beyond that the impact is going to be extraordinary for weeks and months and years to come i

50:37 said i just remember first reading your work and just going wow it's profound and of course the journey never ends because i'm sure you know this dr shafali once you get to chapter one and the kid gets to five or ten and you think you've got it sorted out then the teenager turns up and once you get the teenage phase sorted out and i'm not in this phase yet i'm in teenage phase then the young adult turns up and my guess is and i

51:00 don't know yet but i guess is that journey keeps going as they keep going on their journey beautiful thank you so much so it's a family 50 is that the code family 50 is the special code we've got so if you click on any of the links tonight on any of the web pages that it lands to if you type in family 50 you'll get 25 off your single price uh if you come as a platinum there is a excuse as a couple

51:24 there is a hundred dollars off which is pretty crazy um for me i would just do this it seems obvious to me i mean if you go to the theater if you go to the football you're going to want to sit up close in front so i would coach you if you can you want to connect with this amazing teacher and this beautiful soul if you get to do that for a couple of moments after the event

51:44 then shout yourself shout your parenting shout your child the gift of you doing the platinum experience um it's a few dollars more and you'll be up close and personal and get a photo opportunity at the end of the evening so it's pretty exciting and as we said share share share share we need to be part of a village and a community if you're a guy watching this right now i know so many guys guys listen i think these skills are almost more

52:07 important for men because generally we spend less time with the child so it's like i want to get even more impactful with the time so this is for husbands and dads and uncles as much as it is for uh the ladies in our lives parenting is not women's business i really think what you said before was profound charlotte shafari it's it's this should be how we're parenting how you're teaching that's the profoundness of it how you're

52:32 teaching is is really where we should be at and i would speak to to as well to those of you maybe parenting in um maybe disharmony right now with somebody because you have a spouse or an ex-spouse just love on them maybe give them a ticket and if they don't use it it doesn't matter you know if you give someone a sweater and they don't wear it it doesn't matter um there's certainly nothing to be lost from offering your ex-spouse

52:57 or your co-parent say listen there's no no nothing at all but i just thought i'd buy you this gift here it is if you wanted to come great you know it'd be amazing um because there's not anybody as chiffon said anybody that's had a parent is qualified to come and uh and that's all of us i think right and and you know conscious parenting to for me is more than just each of us it's really activism

53:24 at its core and when we take care of our parents we're taking care of our earth of our animals of our future so this is social activism this is not about your personal awakening only we all have to awaken and how do we awaken if our children are not getting what we need to give them so the way you can activate your activism right now is share this talk it's being uh live streamed on my facebook page at dr

53:56 shafali share the link and they can watch this for themselves and see if their move to come or call a friend you know email five people there are ways that we can spread messages that are valuable and like you share a netflix movie like you share you know a celebrity coming to town these teachings are the teachings that impact at the deepest level and really we should be sharing transformational messages more and more

54:27 so just like you would tell a friend to go watch a movie tell them to check out this event and if it calls to them they will um so this is activism so you know this is not just about you oh i can't go to sydney and then you forget about it no it's about maybe your friend can go maybe she needs help and i always say you know if one less uh one child less can get spanked or one

54:50 child less can get yelled at or one child less does something out of ego the entire planet can revolutionize so this is what we're talking about here we're not talking about small stuff about screen times and carrots we're talking about global transformation here it starts in the house it starts between parent and child it's so simple but that's where everything occurs you know as an adult everything occurred in the first seven years of a kid's life it's so

55:19 frustrating but that's what it all boils down to as he said that's the first question we ask in every seminar so how you are with your passion with your purpose with your body in your business with your money how you are with your cat your dog your sister your neighbor your friend all starts with how you were treated in the first seven years of your life this is what i'm talking about so this is not about you and and and just you and your

55:45 kid this is about the entire planet you know and this message needs to be out there i'm just one conduit but you are an ambassador as well so i need you to help me i can't do it alone so i'm shamelessly asking well i'm going to ask for it too my friends that's all of us let's get out there and just share share share um you want to go share the live zoom call from dr shafali's facebook page here's what

56:09 we're going to do just for fun as a thank you um we're going to randomly pick one person from each of the major cities who's done multiple multiple multiple multiple multiple lots of shares and they're going to get a um they're going to go into the draw to win a vip ticket to actually meet uh dr shafali sierra obviously speak and then and then get to meet her for a moment as well so please go to the page share it

56:32 share it share it share it share it i'll be doing that the minute this call ends all of us will be as well also this is time sensitive so really the family 50 family five zero code is only going to be active and work until sunday if you're on this call it's because somebody somebody from some of your group your team your family asked you to come so it's not a code that's going to be up and running for the next three

56:55 weeks until uh we're graced with dr schwartz presents it's gonna be up until sunday evening sunday evening so if you want to save 25 do that again if it was me i would just do the vip tickets so you get to sit up close in front um in that beautiful experience um and with that ladies and evidence make sure we've hit all the points gosh thank you so much for what you've done thank you so much for what you're doing thank you so

57:16 much i hope once you realize as far as i know dr chapala is the first international speaker to come to australia since pre the madness so you're ahead of the curve um i don't know if any major rock bands have come yet i don't know if any famous speakers have come yet i think you're the first you're really jumping on a plane and leading the way so we are ever so grateful we're so excited and we as a family right now are

57:41 going to go share share share and encourage our family and friends um and the people in our lives that we work with that we do business with um that we interact with and get them to come along and spend not just three hours with you but be on this movement with you and and on this journey with you um we're ever so grateful can everyone just send lots of love in the chat box right now love

58:02 hearts chats sweet good beautiful thoughts send some love thank you katie michelle melissa thank you thank you thank you so much and lots and lots of beautiful love and the way that we then look at that all the beautiful love and of course the way we do that get yourself registered buy at least one ticket for a family member or a friend and then go and share this like crazy on your social medias so we can uh share

58:25 this beautiful message of this amazing teacher that we are blessed to see in person in a couple of weeks time dr shafali thank you so much it's a privilege and honor and we get to see you soon thank you i cannot wait it's been my honor thank you everyone thank you everybody good night everybody congratulations