The Key to Unlocking Wisdom and Responsibility in Kids

0:00 [Music] hi friends welcome to the connected families podcast I'm Stacy belward your host at Connected families and on this podcast we are here to guide you towards God's grace and truth for you so that you can pass on God's grace and truth to your children our Biblical Foundation is infused with solid Child Development research and informs everything that we do we created a simple yet extremely effective framework for parenting that

0:31 infuses everything we do and teach well in today's podcast I have invited Jim Jackson co-founder with his wife Lynn of connected families and Chad H our coaching certification director to join me to talk about one part of the framework that makes us unique from other organizations we refer to these uniques as our special sauce last week we talked with Lydia Rex a connected families parent coach about how we uniquely talk about being a safe parent

1:02 and today we will be talking about another one of the points of our secret sauce which is to connect before you correct this is going to be a fun episode with lots of role plays hi Jim hi Stacy fun to be with you yeah it's always good to be here and hi Chad welcome to the mic again hey thanks Stacy good to be here well most organizations usually spend some time on what makes them unique from other

1:27 organizations and we've thought a bit about these things and we call them our special sauce which is kind of a take on Secret Sauce isn't it Jim you're a foodie do you like sauce on your food yeah nothing's a secret because I can't even remember the things I put in my sauce sometimes do you make sauces I make lots of sauces Jim makes amazing sauces I'm a consumer of sauces yeah so you like the sauce you don't

1:57 necessarily make sauces hun correct yes so Secret Sauce came from the idea that the Sauer the person in the kitchen that person was the most respected Artisan in the whole kitchen but our sauce isn't a secret and that's why we call it a special sauce isn't it yeah we want to share the sauce ingredients far and wide right well Chad today our topic is around our special sauce that we

2:28 communicate which is connect before you correct so we're going to have fun today we're going to do a lot of role plays that demonstrate how what this looks like in parenting and how we teach it but I wonder if you could just start us off with a an explanation of what do we mean when we say connect before you correct yeah I think the number of parents that I coach at least the the vast majority of them would react

2:53 quickly to misbehavior there would be some sort of just knock it off or you're in trouble or go to your room or you know they're taking something away and it it often times is is punitive or just reactive like just get this child to stop doing what they're doing oftentimes that creates some level of resistance as it would like likely be for you or me if somebody talk to us like that right and uh and so when we start thinking about

3:19 when we see a misbehavior a misbehaving child that that first response is often times not our best one and that we actually need to move in with a little bit of of a connection that says heyy I know you I I like you I even enjoy you what we would just call in our messages of Love No Matter What right that I want to connect with you I want to make sure that you understand my face

3:42 says that I still love you right my tone of voice is a little bit lowered maybe there's there's just there's this connection it could be a a ruffling of the hair if a child would receive that if they wouldn't receive that as connection I wouldn't do that right but but there's this opportunity for connection empathy is another strong way of connection some kids will receive that really well just oh man you're really mad aren't you that was really

4:07 really frustrating okay that connective piece is oftentimes very very helpful in terms of lowering down the the big intensity and then moving into again not ignoring that something likely needs to happen here a corrective action to hold our child accountable maybe needed but before we get into that piece we're connected first so that's I also think sets the stage a little bit for Effective consequences because now the child might be able to hear that a

4:37 little differently and it's not about me because I'm not big loud angry mad and the the child's going to receive that differently I want to add something to what Chad said if I could because I I think this is important because parents hear what Chad just said as sort of a a technique well just say nice things or do nice things for my kids when they misbehave and that's not what we mean at all actually what we mean is that bring

4:59 a posture of connectedness to to the situation that we're going to deal with we are going to deal with this situation we're going to put some things in place and have some conversations to address misbehavior but what's our heart posture is our heart a posture of of compassion of care of orientation toward making sure this kid knows that whatever I'm about to do doesn't cost them my love for them that that's a sealed deal and so it's deeper than just a set of tools

5:28 for being nice before we lower the boom it's more about what's my heart posture toward my child when I enter into corrective situations and can I convey that heart to them right here right now and I think it's one of the things that we continue to to talk about and and and we've seen many times that when parents put a strong focus on connection with their kids outside of misbehavior that the need for correction tends to

5:54 decrease over time and so sometimes we might come into correction having a full tank of connectedness with our kids so that that connection might look a little bit differently but we're that posture that Jim's talking about we we may already have a really strong connection there and so it might be a place where we don't have to put as much emphasis in there because it's it's already there but often times parents that are coming to parent coaching that connected piece

6:19 they've stopped connecting and they've put a strong emphasis on correction and they find themselves there a lot and that's what we're talking about really is reversing that a little bit where's our emphasis here so I hear you saying and I kind of summarize it as I'm investing more and more time outside of Correction with my kids our tanks are getting full and that's allowing me in the midst of the issue or whatever the moment is to communicate to my child hey

6:47 this thing that just happened doesn't affect my relationship with you I can see past that behavior cuz I know like I like you and I know you and I can look you in the eye and can connect with you we're going to talk about what that could look like really practically in a minute and then you know we'll deal with the issue we'll deal with the behavior you're responsible for what just happened but we're not in jeopardy right

7:11 now you and me in our relationship like you know we're not going to let anything kind of put a block between us right now that's it Stacy I mean I'm thinking in my brain right now of sort of an either or proposition for you know a volatile situation is happening this isn't exactly going to be a role play but you get the picture there's a volatile situation it's that kind of thing where we as parents feel an urgency to deal

7:32 with it right now and I'm guessing there's some parents hearing all this and thinking yeah but there's those times when I just don't have time for all that yeah oh we're gonna do a role play about that know I know but I just want to very quickly and clearly say you know I know how I act when I have that attitude and it's hey knock it off right now and there's Furrow brow and there's anger and there's frustration in my

7:52 voice and in my posture and I can basically accomplish the same thing without costing relationship by just going ho ho ho hey oh hey buddy buddy buddy look at me smile on my face I can't do that unless I've got that compassion in my heart it's a heart posture same amount of time same pacing but far less contention in the interaction yeah you know this month registration is open for the discipline that connects with your child's heart so

8:21 Jim would you just mention quickly how this fits into our framework just to give people a taste because they're going to get a lot more if they take the online course so explain that a bit yeah I mean we teach this framework in the course and it's designed to be a simple thing that we can remember we actually include a refrigerator magnet for the people who sign up and we can mail it to here in the continental US and it's it's

8:44 four principles of of build a strong Foundation know who I am know who I am be a person of peace be a person of compassion be a person of God's word be a person who knows who I am because of what Jesus has done and then I move into relationship with the people around me in the first sort of stepping Stone into relationship is the relationship of connect I connect with people I make sure they know their love no matter what

9:05 I make sure that they know they're valuable that I work to understand them and especially my children here that's what we teach in the course so it's really an outgrowth of in my Foundation I grow I become a safe person I communicate a message to the people around me you're safe with me then I connect I communicate a message you're loved no matter what then I become a coach I sort of put on the hat of a

9:26 coach a mentor a guide who comes alongside my child and and helps them find their way into opportunities to learn and grow and and develop in God's wisdom and understand how God's word fits into their lives and as I do that I communicate the message you are capable you're called to do good things God built for you to do and then you grow into that part uh of the of the relationship where correction as parents is something we're called on to do but

9:51 we do it in love helping our kids remember they're safe they're loved they're capable and then in the corrective part of our energy with our kids we communic at the message you're responsible to make right what you've made Wrong by your sin by your misbehavior to reconcile to restore so corrective efforts are really about restoration not about punishment to prevent this behavior in the future that's good so our topic for today connect before correct is really the

10:18 outpouring of that framework because I've worked on myself I'm okay no matter how my child's showing up I've worked to like and show my child I love you and I like you no matter how you're behaving right now and so as I'm doing that work then in the midst of it I can connect with you even when you're showing up a little squiggly right now little spicy or whatever the that looks like and then we move up the framework to you are

10:43 called incapable and you are responsible I love that for people who haven't gone through the course or are new to Connected families I'm kind of big on let's break this down way down and give people just an idea like what does connect look like can we do some bullet points and then we're going to demonstrate that in role plays when I answer that question I'm thinking about even with my own kids I might have pet names that I use for my children you

11:09 know like hey babes I don't know why that's a word that I use so hey babes how you doing hey babes how was school so it's just these you know endearing kind of words well when I use that in the midst of you know you're acting spicy right now but I'm using my loving word for you that's a way I can connect or I take a half a second you know hey I just got a super sass mouth at me you

11:33 know and I just pause a minute and I smile you know I'm not going to react right away at you but we're just going to pause these to me are ways that I connect in the moment before I move on to then deal with what just happened I wonder if you have any specific little ways that you have shown connection with your kids I really like Stacy what you said about I smile uhhuh because the ability to smile in a in a sincere sense

12:01 it is a reflection of your heart and so I think so often as parents we we're not conscious of what our face what our body language what our posturing even feels like or looks like to our children and those things before we speak a word communicate message so the question is is the message I'm here with you I'm UND I'm for you I'm understanding you I'm here to help or are they communicating I'm an adversary I'm an enemy and being

12:27 conscious and aware of what is our facial expression doing as a reflection of what our heart is doing is an important practical thing we need to do to become more connective at times like that can I take a deep breath and can I access that compassion for my struggling child and can I smile can I get down lower on their level can I put a hand on their shoulder and you know offer some empathy uh some words of understanding

12:53 this is really hard for you I know it I get it I'm here for you how can I help you get through this cuz what doing right now you know and and I know is not okay I love that I love that I'm here for you we got this together touch lowering your posture yeah Chad do you have any examples I think the truly trying to understand articulate your kids point of view hey this is really

13:15 hard for you you really want that thing and am I hearing that right you know or that's so disappointing you didn't get invited to the party I mean those are just they connective kinds of words they they're not trying to throw in some sort of reason why well if you treated people better then maybe you'd be invited to more part you know those are the kind of judgmental things that sometimes I want to toss out there but yeah I think I

13:36 think that's helpful I think the facial expression okay tone of voice just so important what is my tone is there an edge to it or is it truly concerned you know about about my child maybe just sitting next to him or a couple of my kids would be okay with kind of a a shoulder rub or something like that and maybe one of them would not be very okay with that and I just want to be really

13:58 respect about what that interaction looks like I think Consciousness about what words we use too as well as our facial expression and I I remember as a young youth worker and and then coming home and you know trying to learn how to work with children in a productive and meaningful sort of a way and I would always have this impulse came from my past when when kids would misbehave in that way they just seem to keep misbehaving in spite

14:20 of all my best instructions I had a default that was what is wrong with you what is wrong with you and and you know I I I confess I've said it a few times to my own children like what is wrong with you why can't you get it and I realized that that was imprinting identity on them it was disconnective rather than connective yeah and so for for a short season in my life I I disciplined myself to work on when I

14:43 felt like I wanted to say that instead saying what is right with you with a smile on my face and being in a sincere place so that we could even call out and and this is a different part of the framework that we talk about in other podcast but even while you're misbehaving if I'm asking that question first I can call out the good here cuz our kids are not pure evil they do bad things but they they're still good and

15:04 it doesn't disappear so what's what's right about you and how come we work with that right now because you're struggling with some behavior issues I love that Jim because it's giving them the benefit of the doubt and I think that's like um half half the energy of connecting with your kids in the moment is taking the moment to look underneath this Behavior I don't have to just see this sassiness what's going on underneath it and then naming that Y is

15:28 like saying I get you I understand you I'm working to to be on your team and there must be something underlying here that I'm ready to work with you and and and talk to you about and then we're going to deal with the sassiness you know it doesn't just fly but I love all this I feel like we've given lots of nuggets of what connection could look like right here I want to get to one quick role play and then we're going to

15:51 go to a commercial and then we're going to do more after that okay so we're going to fly with this first role play and here it is parents are talking in the kitchen maybe they're talking over the Sunday sermon or the news that they just read whatever it is and the kids are whining and trying to get the parents attention okay so can we demonstrate quick what does connect before correct look like in that moment okay so I'll be a kid who wants to be

16:19 the parent I'm happy to be the parent okay Jim's the parent I I be a kid to kids yeah I'll be a kid okay more than one child exactly I'm reading whether I'm on my device or there's a magazine I'm kind of into my thing and the kids have been giv a snack and you know they should be good for a little bit so I can get my information here and yeah but we're neing daddy daddy daddy dad you

16:41 said you'd play ball with me kids KS you said You' play ball with me kids kids kids kid ho ho ho ho ho ho ho kids look at me look at me oh kids look at me come here one of you on one arm one of you on the other come here look at me what Daddy what was I what was I doing just there not playing baseball with me that's true what on your device I was

17:00 well okay you're right talking to Mom oh and you don't like that do you you're always talking do you like you never talk to us do you feel like my device and my news is more important than you yeah I just wanted you to play with me oh I love you said you play ball with me I love that you both want me to play with you I think that's great so what's your plan for how we could do that right

17:27 now come play right now I got 10 minutes I got five minutes for each of you how do you want to do that um well play with me first no me first play with me first here you know what I think we're just gonna sit here for a bit and I'm gonna keep my arms on both of you and Stacy I'm going to give you a minute to talk and then Chad I'm gonna give you a minute to talk and let's

17:49 let's see what we come up with here in the next nine minutes after that I mean Stacy what it's it's no we're going to stop the role play now yeah stop stop it right there and let's talk it's like you said this thing about being short about the role plays and I I mean I get that but it's obvious here it gets complicated it gets hard we're really point in the direction to connection how does connection happen

18:10 and so I want to ask you as the children in that role play simply not about the next steps because there are going to have to be some and those are worthy of conversation too but for the moment let's really just hone in on what happened here to connect with you in spite of the fact that you're still not getting what you want what did I do or say that even in the remotest way felt like connection rather than you know

18:33 domination and commands and shaming sorts of approaches um you were talking to us and asking us questions brought us near yep put your arm around us yeah I always loved when my kids were squabbling and it was never clear are they are they are they squabbling at me or at each other or yes all if I could suspend my frustration because I would feel frustrated at times like that but if I let my frustration guide me then

19:00 connection is very difficult but if I let my compassion guide me then connection is far more doable ah your tone of voice take a breath say yeah the tone of voice come over here put you under my arms let's let's feel safe let's feel good about this let's work it out we can work it out together and we were going to get time let's make a plan about that let's uh you get five and you get five so

19:23 you're you're not saying no or no if you don't you're saying yes so and then so there's tone of voice there's possibilities for the future there's joining you rather than opposing you and those are the kinds of things that lead us into connection as part of this corrective effort love it I love it we have more role plays queued up I went to our discipline that connects alumni Facebook group and I got some ideas so after the break get ready we're going to

19:53 put our acting skills on Chad and Jim even more do you remember what you thought parenting would be like full of laughter fun and cute memory-making moments and yet here you are struggling with disobedience misbehavior disrespect it can leave you feeling overwhelmed and discouraged raising kids in today's culture is harder than ever despite the vast array of resources and methods available finding one that offers

20:24 lasting Solutions can be challenging the discipline that connects with your child's heart online course stops that [Music] search our online course is made up of 8 30 minute pre-recorded sessions that can be completed on your schedule the fall 2021 session begins on October 7th visit our website connected families.org to learn [Music]

20:55 more okay Chad and Jim we are here after the break and we have our second role play to do are you ready for that ready yeah ready to go tell us what roles you'd like us to play okay so we did some I think some smaller kids for the first role play so let's go to a teenager one maybe teenager but actually it doesn't even have to be teenager it could be like a 9 10 11 year old too and

21:22 so here it is the rule in the house say no devices in the room okay so that's already been established but the parents find an old device that still had some juice in it and still happen to be able to connect to the internet and it was in the child's room under their bed stuck in a slipper they find this device in their child's room I just have to say that while you were describing that I was like did you get

21:53 this from my family because because because not personal for any our youngest son it was even more than that we finally ended up in a connected sort of a way removing his device from him and saying you know what you can't treat it responsibly you can't have it we're going to take it and hide it we went in one night and found him with a device that was identical to his device playing it under the sheets the

22:16 lights were glowing the sheets and and I'm like what in the world is going on here he's like Dad it's it's not yours it's mine I bought it with my own money and you can't tell me what to do with it wow well I have a feeling that this role play resonates with a lot of people across a lot of Ages and I would even like to add to this role play this isn't the first time that the rule has been

22:43 broken yeah you know is this is like the second third time okay so we've got some history and we've got some stuff around you know just this is just kind of devices they're just a hard issue for all of us in this generation right now okay so Chad you want to be the parent this time sure yeah okay Jim you want to be the kid yeah I want to clarify one thing first before I'd be the kid I'd

23:07 love to be the kid but what I know is is that the amount of connection we've nurtured with our children outside of this really plays a role in how we enter into it especially with older kids so how connected do you feel to me right now Jim as the child in this I feel somewhat but not entirely like I'm I'm the youngest child and and I feel like the older kids get more than me and I'm

23:31 not so sure that you've put a priority on connecting with me even as much as you have with them and that might even be that's part of my deal here okay Escape so and then you know I'm reachable but I'm I'm a little yeah there's some stuff okay all right go for it so I'm I'm in the room and I've got the the thing and you come in and find it okay so I come in the room I I notice

23:52 that Jim is on a device and I noticed that he notices and I quick hide it okay and um I'm taking a breath right now and I'm looking up at him and I'm afraid I'm going to get another lecture and feel ashamed and yeah give me wisdom Lord just to connect with Jim it's been a little tough over the last few months dad why isn't he saying anything yet so I'm approaching you sitting down like hey

24:18 bud what what what I just yeah why did you even come in here you didn't knock yeah I didn't knock sorry about that can I try that again could I try that again that wasn't very helpful of me was it to just kind of walk right in if you had knocked then you wouldn't even know oh yeah you you you know that I know huh yeah well the the device is mine this is not the one you took away okay

24:46 yeah so you're kind of already getting a a little bit of a sense that maybe we're in a conflict here and sometimes it's gone in some ways that maybe I haven't I'm not very proud of right or I've lectured you or I've yelled at you I've just grabed that thing out of your hand you get so mean sometimes and then you don't even spend time with me you don't even spend time with me like you do with

25:06 my older brother oh man I'm I'm glad you're telling me this I mean what what else have I done to hurt you it's not been my intent but I I obviously have well just because I don't like sports the way he does doesn't mean you have to always play sports with him and I like video games and you don't even care you think they're bad and you think I'm bad yeah and is that kind of what you're

25:28 what you're up to right now on the on the device kind of doing some video game or what are you what are you doing well yeah you take it away all day long and you and you don't give me any chance to I'm good at these and my friends I get on games and they like it yeah maybe maybe I've had a negative negative thoughts toward video games and I've not really given given it a fair Shake can I

25:49 have my other device back let me ask you this would you just could I just spend like two minutes watching you do the thing that you're doing on your on your screen right now would that would that be something that you'd be want to show me just to you're just going to tell me what's wrong with it how about if I don't say anything other than something that I like and I will not say anything if I if I it's not really my my jam okay

26:12 fine I'd like to see it I mean we could we could go on this for a long ways too right right I have to tell you as the child in that role play I take on sort of like on the zero to 10 scale of difficult situations I I kind of try to ride it in the middle realistically it's I don't have an utterly opposed heart to you I'm open a little bit and man I didn't I was so off balance I didn't

26:34 have a clue what to say or do to try to and and I I kind of almost knew there was no there's nothing I can say here to get Dad to fight with me yeah I really loved it and I I want our listeners to know that that we would maybe consider this half the role play from you know if we were in a workshop or doing an online course or something because we would want to take it then up through the rest

26:54 of the framework which is getting to the you are responsible and and working that out but for today's podcast we're we're really trying to demonstrate what that connection looks like and I you know Chad I felt like you just did a beautiful job of it because right away you were just so humble yeah okay I didn't knock I can go back and knock you know I can I can hear you know even the old Stacy the old Stacy right I don't

27:18 have to knock this is my house you know like I'm the parent here yeah and yet there there's a different way of of how we're connecting and coming in humbly and sitting down next to him and joining him in that and your tone of voice was calm and peaceful and such a good demonstration of I'm okay I'm okay even if you're not okay even if we're going around this you know marry around again this isn't the first time but you didn't

27:44 even throw that at him it wasn't like really again gosh I'm you know I'm disappointed you didn't say those words what do you say more about that Chad what maybe why didn't you would you have like yeah well if I know my my past has not been very helpful and my interactions haven't been very helpful and I really have a a heart inside myself to want to know this child and connect with this child then I will do things differently

28:13 than I might have done in the past and I was actually off balance a little bit and sometimes I find that when I'm off balance if I cannot say something just just follow the next thing that the child said follow that like I just said well I'd like to hear more about that you know you know or well thanks for telling me that honoring statements that might provide an opportunity for the child to keep going and keep going my

28:36 natural default is to just tell him to knock it off hand it to me and he's not going to have it for two weeks right but I know where that gets me and I know where it puts our relationship and I know that that's not where I want to be yeah say more is one of the most connective things a parent can say especially when the parent is kind of struggling to figure this whole thing out so good I think that we really

28:57 demonstrated for our listeners and our community what the connection looks like there we're going to do one more role play and this one might be the shortest one of all but it's for a four-year-old at breakfast time so mom's getting ready for work she's or maybe dad since you guys are the role players right now so Dad's getting ready for work and the four-year-old just will not finish breakfast and time's ticking and Dad's getting even later and then he looks and

29:27 the dog pooped on the carpet again and the 2-year-old just got the lid off to sippy cup like craziness is happening and they need to get out the door okay the four-year-old is just being obstinate with this how can the dad connect with the child in that situation so let's we'll role playay it but what I want to say before we role play I'm happy to be Dad here in the role play but this was me I mean it's like again

29:50 did you take this from my past Journal no these were people who L's been providing ly's ideas for me the biggest part of connecting well was less about what should I do and say to my kids and more about what do I need to do to get outside of the situation and look at it like a sitcom and be light about it instead of so frustrated so angsty so so you know we use this word catastrophizing like I used to as a

30:20 young dad say if it's like this now what it's going to be later and it's going to just get terrible around here and I got to nip this in the butt right now like that was my attitude that led me into more and more and more of the same and higher volatility as the kids got older does not allow us to connect in the moment never so the energy that allows me to connect is the ability to go all

30:43 right Jim model Grace model love model compassion that doesn't mean I quit speaking firmly because we got to go it's late we we're in a hurry and there's a bunch of stuff here and that we're going to have to pick up some pieces later but that's the most important con active work to do Chad's the four-year-old Chad come on buddy let's go oh no I want to play with my Legos I'm not done not done I'm looking around where

31:09 my other Legos Chad is screaming and yelling and I'm like buddy buddy buddy I'm gonna over here Dad I'm gonna get down on your level I'm going to look at you and it's like yeah you you know all the things that are going on right now and do you know that it's time to go no I I got to get this done well I know you want to get it done but you want to walk to the

31:34 car or do you want me to carry you buddy look at me in the eyes which would you would you want come here I'm happy to carry you but you can walk if you want to what do you want if you don't answer then I have to answer for you uh okay come over here come over here I'm gonna pick you up walk I'll walk I'll walk I'll walk okay well hold my hand and let's go okay okay but can I

31:55 bring a couple Legos uh you can bring can bring two of your favorite Legos if you decide right away otherwise no one and yep yep yep this one this one this one okay let's go okay good I'm squeezing his hand and I'm letting him know it's time to go and Buddy oh you picked fast this is hard isn't it and I wasn't paying attention as good as I could have about the time either before we left so next time we'll get it better

32:18 okay bud but let's get you in your car seat and let's get you got to get the dog poop picked up though it'll be stinky and Mom will be really mad well we'll make a plan about that while I'm in the car I can call I can call some people and get some help with that that's a good idea good thinking okay and then we'll talk about what you're going to do with those Legos while we

32:34 drive okay good you guys woohoo I'm virtually clapping Chad how did you experience connection as a four-year-old yeah I mean it was a little hurried and there was a flurry going on here but it definitely understood what was going on with me and I just felt like you know especially if he's down at my level and I'm kind of looking at him a little sideways like what what's going on here and then you know he's given me some

32:59 options and he's not making demands or calling me names so that's probably a little different you know you're so slow why are you always those kinds of things that come out of parents like hey but it was assertive we're gonna go we're gonna go was clear how we go that's up to you and those options I think really allowed me some space to to make a choice and I was prepared when Chad when I gave Chad

33:21 the option do you want me to carry you or do you want to walk by yourself I was prepared for him to just kind of have a meltdown there like to just get all upset and to pick him up with a smile and hug him and just assure him it's okay buddy we're getting this and this is hard and so I would have just carried him to the car I mean he's four if he's 12 it's a different story and I get that

33:38 but you know we're dealing with a four-year-old right now and you know just maintain the connection and maintain the posture but I gave you two choices if you don't pick I'll pick for you and then I'll pick with calmness with assertiveness with kindness but with firmness I think about all three of these role plays that we did in this podcast and just how demonstrated that I like you I love you I like you no matter what I'm giving you

34:04 love right now no matter what and so I can see through the behavior right now and it's not going to get between you and me because we are connected and we demonstrated that in lots of different ways from tone of voice to posture to all of it but it's from a heart position of I'm okay however you show up right now and you're my lovely child no matter how you showed up any final comment either chatter Jim before we close our

34:34 show today I mean you just touched on it Stacy for me it's like this notion of this is my beloved child in whom I am well pleased yeah the father from Heaven said that about Jesus before Jesus it wasn't the context of behavior it wasn't the context of big success it was the context of a little helpless baby it was in the context of Jesus having not done anything remarkable just yet mhm and I love you no I am for you uh you are my

35:01 beloved child in whom I'm well pleased for parents to nurture that heart in them and then take it into the difficult challenges of the day is the most important connective work we can do yeah I think preparing right you already know some of the challenges that you're going to face and oftentimes parents act surprised by those things it's like if I if I know this is going to happen then I can already be preparing my heart for it

35:25 and even providing a few new scripts or a new way of entering into that and so even thinking about it ahead of time I think will allow for parents to respond in connection better than if they kind of come in and are reactive to that thank you Chad and thank you Jim for being on the podcast with me today thanks sty doing these so much fun and the time passes so quickly it does exactly do all right well we'll see you

35:49 both next time hey friends if you found this podcast useful I want to be sure you know about two things one is that our online course called discipline that connects with your child's heart is open for registration right now and will begin in just a few weeks we only open it two times a year so I hope you go and you register for it today and the second thing is that the conversation that Jim Chad and I had today will continue every

36:16 Monday over on clubhouse the Clubhouse app we have live conversations where you can just listen in or raise your hand and ask a question we would love you to join us over there on clubhouse well we put the links in the show notes for the discipline that connects online course that's starting soon and Clubhouse so if you want more information about any of that or about connected families go to connected families.org [Music]