# **Platform:** youtube **Duration:** 8m **Source:** https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=55LrBoEY5rM ## Summary The speaker reflects on their journey in parenting, initially striving for perfection but ultimately realizing the importance of balance and self-acceptance. Joining the "Finding Your Parenting Mojo" membership helped shift their perspective, leading to improved relationships with both their son and mother, and fostering a more enjoyable parenting experience. - Initially aimed to be the "perfect parent," which led to exhaustion and anxiety. - Reached a tipping point that prompted a family discussion about needed changes. - Addressed complicated relationship with their mother, gaining confidence to stand up for themselves. - Realized that perfection in parenting is unattainable and learned to embrace mistakes. - Improved relationship with their son by being more relaxed and present. - Feels optimistic and inspired about personal growth and problem-solving. - Acknowledges that challenges are now viewed as opportunities for growth rather than burdens. ## Transcript [[0:10]](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=55LrBoEY5rM&t=10s) and so you joined the finding your parenting mojo membership a couple of years ago and i wonder if you can tell me a little bit about uh what was going on with your mind when you made that decision to join what were you trying to achieve oh yes good questions my goals have shifted a little bit [Laughter] um yeah at the time um it was my goal you know to have my son speak spanish and to [[0:35]](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=55LrBoEY5rM&t=35s) be reversed in coding and all these things and i really just wanted to be like the perfect parent i wanted to like give him the stage set for any kind of life that he wanted to live um and that was very exhausting um and uh yeah like not possible really um so when i joined i was really looking to become like the perfect parent but um what it's what it's done is is much different than [[1:07]](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=55LrBoEY5rM&t=67s) that right a little bit it certainly helped me grow as a parent but it's also helped me shift my perspective as to kind of uh where i want to put my energy and how to make it effective what do you think might have happened if you've gone down that path that you were on where do you think that would have taken you as a parent and and in your relationship with your son i did reach a tipping point kind of with [[1:36]](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=55LrBoEY5rM&t=96s) my exhaustion um and um yeah just reached a level of anxiety that was alarming and we all realized as a family oh we need to change something here this isn't working um so yeah i was just very um kind of in overwhelmed and and filled with anxiety mostly and i wonder you know if if that tipping point hadn't have [[2:08]](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=55LrBoEY5rM&t=128s) happened and i just kind of kept chugging along on that path you know i i think some possible outcomes could have been parental burnout um work life burnout um potentially even divorce hopefully not but um you know those those things that you know tend to happen when you just kind of keep chugging along in a fear-based anxious state i wonder if you can talk us through a specific challenge that you've [[2:38]](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=55LrBoEY5rM&t=158s) had um and and something that maybe it just just seemed like there wasn't a way out of this paper bag and then how that shifted for you is there is an example that pops to mind yeah i think one really surprising thing out of this you know improve my parenting goal which i'm a part of here is that it's actually helped me address some things in my relationship with my mother [[3:10]](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=55LrBoEY5rM&t=190s) um which has always been very complicated you know i've never really stood up to my mother for myself um i've always just kind of changed the subject or walked away or you know just you know like just sit there and listen with a scowl on my face or something like that um and so kind of when we were talking about this like how to raise anti-racist children then i was thinking you know i do i need to stand [[3:40]](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=55LrBoEY5rM&t=220s) up to her about this thing um and so she said something that i didn't agree with um it was about like blue versus pink diapers or something and i was just you know and i i found it offensive and i was like i'm upset that you said that and that's all it took i didn't have to elaborate i didn't have to um try to present any data any arg you know like nothing i that's all it took and and [[4:12]](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=55LrBoEY5rM&t=252s) she basically like i never stood up to my mother about anything so that gave me the confidence to stand up to her about stuff that mattered to me in my relationship with her in my relation in my son's relationship with her and since i've kind of been able to address some of these things head on as they come up um and be like hey i don't want you to treat my son that way or i don't want you to treat me that [[4:39]](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=55LrBoEY5rM&t=279s) way it's not fair um and she's been like and to her credit she's been super responsive and very um apologetic um and we've and so it's it's a two-way street right but if you never stand up for yourself then you never would know right um and you'd never have the opportunity to improve the situation um so our relationship my relationship with my mother has improved and how has this shifted your relationship with your son as well [[5:11]](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=55LrBoEY5rM&t=311s) yeah so prior to this my relationship with my son i i was just filled with anxiety about being the perfect parent and so being around him was exhausting for me um and i felt the need to actually i felt this desperate need to jump start my career again because i needed the time away um and it wasn't even now i realized it wasn't even time away from him it was time away from my head trying to be the perfect parent like it [[5:43]](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=55LrBoEY5rM&t=343s) was time away from me trying to fill this role that was impossible um and so once i released that like i actually don't have to be the perfect parent like if i make a mistake i can apologize wow i know and just tell him i made a mistake and then that teaches him how to apologize and how to recover from mistakes and it's amazing so um so once i was able to release the stress and the anxiety of trying to be [[6:13]](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=55LrBoEY5rM&t=373s) perfect around him i was able to get close to him and be there with him and like now i thoroughly enjoy my time with him and um you know if he's having a tough time um i'm there for him and we're able to connect through that um and it's just it's very very enjoyable to be his mother now and so and obviously like he feels more comfortable around me [[6:44]](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=55LrBoEY5rM&t=404s) because i'm relaxed and i'm there for him so he's been able to like open up and be more of himself as well yeah even even with a two and a half year old like that personality shining through is just just as beautiful so i'm just wondering if you could kind of draw it together how does it feel right now this path that you're on how does it feel for you where you are right now and where you [[7:13]](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=55LrBoEY5rM&t=433s) see yourself going right yeah i mean i feel super optimistic very hopeful uh and yeah very inspired just by my own situation like like look at all i've accomplished like i can do even more you know like all these things that still bother me they're problems that i can solve they're not just nebulous states of reality that i have no control over um so yeah i feel really great about it [[7:44]](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=55LrBoEY5rM&t=464s) um you know when i i dig into one of those things it's achy it's painful it's growing pains you know um but it's it's good because i'm actually able to solve these things and i'm able to move on from them not have them be this like burden this heavy um thing that's dragging me down so um yeah i feel i feel awesome about it [Music]