How to cultivate Menstrual Cycle Awareness with The Red School

0:00 [Music] hello and welcome to the your parenting Mojo podcast we're taking a little unplanned detour in our miniseries on the topic of menopause in this episode so a few weeks ago I interviewed Dr Louise new to get a medical take on what is menopause and how we can navigate it more effectively and a member in the parenting membership had also mentioned a book co-authored by today's guests

0:30 Alexandra Pope and shanie Hugo worlitzer which is called why is power as you might expect I usually try and read around a topic when I'm preparing an interview so I also picked up their book wild Power discover the magic of your menstrual cycle and awaken the feminine path to power um and so most of you I think by now probably know that my mom died when I was 10 and so I got the vast majority of my sex ed in school and it

0:54 basically consisted of learning how to put a condom on a banana and there were lots of cautions about not getting pregnant um and so I read uh an de Franco's autobiography A few months ago actually and she had mentioned that she often feels a burst of creativity around the time of her period and that's I'm pretty sure the first time i' had ever heard of such a concept and then when I read uh Alexandra and Shan's book wild

1:17 Power I felt really for myself an incredible sense of sadness for the awareness of my menstrual cycle that I've missed throughout my own life as well as a sense of excitement for the potential of supporting my daughter car in having a much greater knowledge of her own body than I've had about mine so Alexandra Pope and shanie Hugo worlitzer are the co-founders of red school and co-authors of wild Power discover the magic of the menstrual cycle and awaken

1:43 the feminine path to power their latest book is wise power discovering the LI liberating power of menopause to awaken Authority purpose and belonging their books and courses help us to understand menst reality as not just something we have to live with but as a force that can guide us and from we can draw strength creativity and leadership as well as tenderness nurturing and surrender and between them they bring over 45 years of experience they teach worldwide on the psychospiritual process

2:11 of maturation that unfolds from menar to menopause and Beyond and I would encourage really everyone to listen to this episode whether you will menstruate or are partnered with someone who does whether you have a child who will menstrate or might be partnered with someone who does one day I think the world will really be a better place if we all had this information and could better support the huge number of people around the world who do

2:36 menstruate all right welcome to the show Alexandra and shannie so great to have you here thank you lovely to be with you Jane yeah lovely um and so I want to start with the absolute Basics right um and make sure we're not assuming any knowledge because I'm sure there are going to be single parents out there who have never menstruated and who don't have anyone to ask about this kind of thing which is its own issue I'm sure

3:00 can you first uh help us to understand what is menstruation me you over to you yeah I mean come on this is where all began Alexandra with you and menstruation well menstruation is um the gosh I I'm I'm I'm going to have to speak about biology here and get my brain cranking in

3:32 okay so the menstrual cycle is the fertility cycle it's how we're all here on the planet and of course we're not all making babies every month so um at the midpoint of the cycle we ovulate I'm not going to go into all the details of it and uh for that um uh ovulation if that ovulation does not um turn into you know a conception then what H what happens is

4:03 in um 14 days later is that we will release the lining of the womb so the womb is building up you know in the second half of the cycle to receive that fertilized egg and to grow the baby and when that egg of course is not fertilized um and there's no baby growing then the womb sofs off uh what it has been building up to nourish the growth of that baby and that comes out as is Blood and Tissue and that is the

4:32 uh physical phenomena of menstruation and it you know a menstrual cycle classically in inverted commas is about 28 days and of course there's variations on the theme of that and um um yes so I think that's probably all I'd want to say about it yeah okay and I'll add just another layer because this is really where our work comes in is

5:03 that uh ministration is both the ending of a cycle and it is the beginning so it's a very powerful and significant moment in this monthly Rhythm that brings about a culmination of and a fulfillment of something a completion and ending of something which is both biological and physiological but what we're really interested in is the psychological emotional and

5:35 spiritual lay of that experience and it is also the moment in the cycle where we come into a new beginning where we are if you like reborn a new um there's a psychological refreshment that happens there's an emotional renewal that comes and it's a new New Beginning for us much like the dawn of a new day yeah so

6:05 that's really significant I think to add that's the piece that was missing in my education well exactly it's I got that you mentioned Alexandra but I completely missed the piece that shaie mentioned um because in in Biology class of course they go through the basics of this is what happens in in the uterus right and um but they don't talk anything about psychological spiritual didn't get that anywhere so so the two of you have this Vision I think for for what menstruation

6:35 could be like right for what the menstrual cycle could be like can you tell us about what your vision is like what what would what would you like us to experience it as in in an Ideal World well maybe I'll start by um picking up from where you left off there Jan about what we're taught about the menual cycle so this biological and physiological literacy is such an important piece I mean we do need to know our bodies and we really do need to

7:06 understand the physiology of it um but that is just the foundation of our experience but there is this whole other layer of the experience which we talk of as emotional literacy which is really understanding how that physiological change impacts us mentally emotionally and spiritually and we've um really coined this phrase and practice which is menstrual cycle

7:36 awareness that describes that process of paying attention to getting to know listening and responding to that e and flow of mood and energy throughout the menstrual month so this is what um our work is really all grounded in so wow when you ask us about what our vision is I mean in in it simplest terms we are really holding to the restoration of that layer of knowledge

8:09 that has been so suppressed and lost um for a very very long time I'd love to come here shie and just add something which is that there's a sort of you talked about you know learning about the biology of the cycle which is happening but I don't believe they're actually taught how to really chart that experience in their bodies you see that's this um body literacy and emotional literacy to be able to uh to

8:42 be able to read the signs and signals of your own body so you know uh when you're ovulating and when menstration is due that is a profound learning in in embodiment in knowing yourself and in and of itself it's just cool cool it's just it's so it's like yeah it's empowering you're inside something and then the layer that sha is talking about here this emotional literacy layer or what we call the sort of self-care layer

9:14 of menual cycle uh awareness um just rides on the back of that you know embodied experience of ayc it's this other layer and the two together are the most potent combination um for for empowerment of young women and people who menstruate it's just foundational for our health and well-being at all

9:45 levels yeah um and so it was really with a profound sense of loss that I read your book wild Power and learned this for the first time at my age right like I because it was ing from my sex ed I had no idea that you could be attuned to this stuff or why you would want to be attuned to this stuff so um I wonder can you maybe just uh help us to understand like you're you're making a high level

10:11 connection of uh okay it's it's a foundation of power um how does it help me to understand uh whether I'm ovulating or when I'm about to get my period right wait what difference does it make way to begin yeah take it away shy yes so your question is actually how does cycle awareness

10:42 help us to experience our power yeah I mean this is what all of our work is about and And yet when you ask the question I'm really hearing it as if for the first time and and I'm thinking about what I and we mean by power so maybe I'll start with that um when I think of power I think of my connection and my relationship to

11:18 myself um and how how able I am to really be myself and as we know we are not a static phenomena we are ever changing and hey guess what we change in a very rhythmic cyclical way throughout the menstrual month so when I think of my power and I think of me being who I am it has something to do with me feeling really

11:51 comfortable in all these different um ways of being that I move through in the menstrual month because every day I'm different and in every phase and season of the cycle I have different capacities different powers different sides of my nature come through and my capacity to feel empowered has everything to do with me being able to really embody and live

12:23 into all these facets of my being whether it's a more Ive doing energy that I have or a quiet more quiet introvert receptive place that I'm in because when I'm able to um kind of find this ease and restedness in these different ways of being suddenly I have become a vehicle for expressing these different facets of myself and that's where power really impacts the world

12:54 that's where who we are starts to have an effect on the world so that's for me I mean by power is how liberated do I feel to express myself and effect change in the world you know how much agency do I have um yeah to be to be myself yeah Alexandre what do you want to add to that because it's a it's a good question isn't it really really good question and it's really good to come at it fresh I'm

13:27 just relishing the way you've articulated ated it uh shie and um the piece that I'm holding is we we we use this phrase menstrual cycle awareness I just want to say something of what that is and then what it's doing in terms of uh this sense of empowerment so menstrual cycle awareness is the art and practice of pacing who you are on any given day it's knowing what day of your cycle you are on and um getting to know the pattern

13:59 and uh the emotional pattern the physical uh the state of your nervous system all sorts of things about yourself how shie talked about being different every day changing every day um so you chart uh your mood and your energy and so on each day and in this way you get to know you familiarize yourself with you're getting to know yourself actually and you get you're getting to know the pattern of your m

14:29 cycle month and then with that awareness you have then um more you become you have more choice about what you choose to do with your time and energy because you know that in the ovary phase of the cycle which we call the summer of the cycle you may have loads more energy and you want to socialize and um and you you might notice at menstration how you want oh Jesus I do not want to even look at

14:55 another email or you know put another meal on the table able for anybody I just want to go away and hide and when you know that information about yourself and you make it right because there's a marvelous intelligence and cyclical Consciousness you start to organize your life around that and this brings you into much greater ease within yourself so I think of menstrual cycle awareness as you having this umbilical

15:26 cord it's like an umbilical cord to your self to your needs to your boundaries to your strengths and your vulnerabilities now you learning in the way that we teach about it you really get to know all those things and knowing that and making who you are okay um valuing and validating this person that you are um builds this inner dignity Jen and

16:01 this inner capacity to take your own side so people often comment to us after they've practiced menstrual cycle awareness for a little while they just notice they have greater confidence in themselves they feel a greater capacity to assert their needs um it is like a an act of affirmation of yourself and my goodness do we need as much affirmation as we can get for

16:32 ourselves absolutely and it's really interesting that you mentioned the word dignity right that was something I really latched on to as I was reading your your sort of vision for for what menstrual cycle awareness could be like in the world um and that we might see it understand it respect it and and thus exist in the world with a sense of dignity that I think to some extent is kind of lacking um um I do you do you

17:00 want to speak any more about sort of how you wish we could experience this oh I I mean I mean I would love menstrual cycle awareness sits within a context of us just being more cycle literate you know it just to be to to to be honoring cyclical life more and it amuses you now because suddenly everyone's woken up to the fact that you have to sleep at night you have to have

17:30 sleep it's the it's the buzz word out there now you've just got to have sleep you know and at night and this is honoring the Circadian rhythm because they've discovered this is just such a basic medicine that can't be replaced by anything else hello cyclical intelligence at work we are not automatons we don't just keep going going going and actually by the way machines don't keep going going going they break down and the the wisdom of

17:58 cyclical intelligence is it that it reminds us there's a time for activity and there's a time for rest there's time to be out there doing stuff and there's time to reflect and be with yourself and it is this uh respect of rhythmic life that is most needed in our times because it would then include respect for nature and Nature's rhythms rather than beating nature to be constantly productive and consuming um producing and you know but

18:30 to you know the soil needs to rest to regenerate it's on all levels you know our soil our psyches our souls you our bodies need this rhythmic life and we would love to see menstrual cycle awareness or the menstrual cycle respected as um well there is a movement to to have it respected as the fifth Vital sign that that this should be just common as part of you know you go to the doctor and your pulses are your heart's

19:02 checked this you know and they they go and what's your menstrual cycle saying because it it gives feedback about your overall health so at that basic level but that that it is just core to um our experience of being uh women and people who menstruate and and that it's normal and that it's healthy and it's a vitalizing system within us and so when menstrual s when the menstrual cycles respected then we then respect um the

19:33 beginning of that Journey at menarchy because far too many young people are stumbling girls and young people are stumbling into their menstrating years without any proper heartfelt relational education around this that's really wholesome and affirmative and not just Technical and that sets them up that sets up their relationship to their menstrual cycle for their life so that's

20:03 a way of setting up their relationship to themselves Jen and and it puts them on a wholesome path with themselves and and and just at a fundamental level they're self-care level they're mental health level you know and then um and then of course the end of the journey menopause would then be respected the whole story would be respected and of course we'll be talking about menapause with you very

20:34 soon yes yeah shiny did you want to add to that no I'm just loving everything you saying yeah and and really I think just to Echo that this practice of cycle awareness is as much about us being restored to sustainable cyclical leveling personally as it is about creating a culture of cyclicity in our world and moving us out of this linear do do doo

21:05 Consciousness and really bringing us as a people back into uh our relationship with the natural world which is cyclical so really at its heart you know that's that's the vision we're holding um yeah and the effects of that are going to be profound yeah m and we're not quite there yet but we're working on it we're working on it as fast as we can

21:38 yeah because our is do do do right go go go all the time everything should be the same all the time everything should be productive all the time um the women should be productive all the time people who menstruate should be productive all the time um I when I Was preparing for this episode I put up a bunch of questions in my parenting membership community and one of the parents who uh responded said uh that they had had an

22:01 interaction with uh a colleague and I'm going to paraphrase but the the colleague the the member had said something like um you know I don't think that people who menstruate should have to work when when they're menstruating if if they're not feeling well and the colleague responded something like well don't you know that women have only had the right to work for a hundred years and in many places still don't have the right to work and it's sort of this view

22:25 that we should just keep going no matter what and your your body exists only to do labor and it must happen the same way all the time to be convenient to me your boss to the company to everybody else um and so you know you write in the book that the cycle isn't the problem the cycle reveals a problem um if you expect yourself to be the same all the time you'll feel tripped up by your cycle um

22:48 and so we're we're sort of you know becoming aware of this some people have been aware of it for a long time some of us less so and hoping through this episode that we can raise our children who will menstrate to have this knowledge at a much earlier age than we did so that they don't have to go through life in the same way that we have gone through even though our culture at all times is shaping them and

23:14 saying no it's not cyclical keep going keep going keep going um so I know that was a statement rather than a question but I know I know you're gonna have thoughts on i' love I'd love to answer or just come in with a comment here about it's it's not that the cycle um will interrupt things but your health will because no human being can keep going all the time the damage to our bodies and the damage to our

23:44 souls is um is so counterproductive it's so inefficient you know cyclical Consciousness is sustainable what it is it's a sustainable way of being and it's eminently you know if we want to speak the capitalist language for a moment it's eminently effective and deficient I really want to emphasize that because I you know I mean there's nothing convenient about

24:15 menstration when you know when we are living at full belt I just want to really acknowledge that but actually what in the end we need to give thanks to it because it's reminding us we're not machines and we need to stop and we need to rest and actually will because it brings us back into ourselves and refreshes us it reawakens our creativity it reawakens our ideas our possibilities and you know I really enjoy it when shanie um has her bleed

24:46 well I always go what your bleed again you know it's like because we always have tons of stuff did you do this last month didn't you just have it can't what you got to have more rest so running joke with us and yeah but and you know she takes uh she takes some space for herself the rest but the thing that I enjoy about it is that um I know that when she comes back she has ideas she

25:14 comes back with it so I kind of look forward to it actually I go it it doesn't count it doesn't it'll happen you know maybe on maybe day four or five suddenly you know wow the the cylinders are firing well in her being but also brain and you know it's so because you're such a Visionary Charlie and and menstration is just sort of natural Visionary timing and it just kind of comes out of you so um it's a it's a

25:40 real Boon to us at um red school yeah it's such a good point Alexander because when we all know this experience of like living our lives in a doing mode and nothing interesting comes in we're just kind of on a hamster wheel and quite mechanical with what we're doing and the moment we step out of that doing mode in our lives whether it is to take a holiday or because we're sick or per God bless us because we're bleeding

26:11 if that's you know ideally that's the way we come to stop um the moment we step out of that doing mode and drop our agenda drop our responsibilities and just let go and have some empty space suddenly life can reach us you know it really is that thing of um all that's been kind of waiting waiting for your attention all the stuff that really matters you know the new the emerging the possibility the vision it's all been

26:43 kind of sitting there waiting for you to just bloody stop and then when you do it's like I mean sometimes it happens you know when you where you've had a good sleep or something you wake up and suddenly you just know all the answers to all of life's problems so ministration is exactly that so you know this idea that a Workforce is only effective it's if it's constantly doing is so narrow-minded and so shortsighted it really isn't valuing all the

27:15 different phases of creating because doing nothing is a very important um aspect of creating anything great in the world you know of you know yeah so yes how fun would it be if that was built into the workforce I think businesses would be a much more efficient moral place can I just say you were giving me all kinds of ideas for the people go

27:45 J we change culture where we can um and so so you know there are some of us who run our own businesses who have a lot of autonomy and these kinds of things there are many more of us who have much less autonomy right and so I'm thinking about listeners who are thinking well that all sounds amazing right Alexander and shie I live in the real world where my hours are my hours and I show up for my shift

28:09 at a certain time or the meetings are scheduled on my calendar from 7:00 a.m. to 7 PM no matter what day of the month it is so I'm wondering can we talk through um I mean we we could do it sort of you know children don't ever seem to take a break Partners don't always understand there the workplace right so we could do it sort of organized by uh by people or like is the is the answer

28:31 the same for all of the the different spheres where we're expected to show up as 100% all the time yeah this is this is the million dooll question in a culture that doesn't yet value menstration and the power of rest at ministration so I think the first thing to say here is so much change happens when we practice menstrual cycle awareness this is the beginning and the end of cre in a culture shift in our families in our work environments in our

29:04 communities because when we're practicing cycle awareness we at least are aware of what we're needing and when we're needing it so that's number one and the moment we have that awareness we've suddenly got choice we suddenly actually start to see how much agency we do have and actually how much we can control things in our day so you know the example of somebody who's got meetings scheduled from 7:00 a.m. to 7:00 p.m. well what about between 7:00

29:34 p.m. and 7: a.m. there's a whole lot of choice there and based on where you are in your cycle you can make a different choice for yourself so I think I just want to really bring that in because often times we have more Choice than we are aware of and when we practice cycle awareness suddenly that awareness opens up so that's the first thing but then the second thing is yes there are many moments where we don't have control over

30:02 our lives and I think this is where menstrual cycle awareness gets really interesting because it becomes about our relationship with ourselves and how we hold ourselves how we um care for ourselves as we do the things we have to do and again I want to say there's like so much more leverage in that that we we did to even imagine so I've got two daughters and I'm just thinking about

30:32 you know now they're 13 and 10 I'm thinking about particularly when they were younger where there's a relentlessness to Parenting and I was homeschooling for a while so you I've really I've lived the real of this and if I know that I'm bleeding and I'm aware of my need to go more slowly and I'm aware of my need to give less and and receive more I can go about my day with my

31:03 children in a very different way sure they may still have the same demands and needs but I can choose to respond to those in very different ways in ways that honor my need as well and um an example of that like practically what what yeah practically okay so uh mama mama we really want to go outside and play can we go to the park can we go to the park can we get all our friends and go to the park I'm

31:33 [Music] like and I would consider it and I would think okay I can go to the park as long as I don't have to rush to get there because getting out the house is the most stressful part and if we're not meeting one anyone there I don't have a deadline or a time or anyone else that I've got engaged with so we can go as long as we can go in on my rhythm and in my time and also

32:03 when we get to the park I'm going to be very clear with them that I'm going to go I'm not going to be pushing them on the swing this time and doing all those things I'm assuming they're an age where they're not going to be falling off the climbing frame in this little scenario so I'm going to be sitting down and resting and please don't ask me every five minutes to come push you because I'm willing to go to the park

32:25 but I'm not willing to do all that high energy stuff I am not willing to what a beautiful boundary yeah so that kind of little tweaking makes all the difference and then actually going to the park could actually turn out to be really nice because I'm Outdoors you know and my kids are happy and there's a peacefulness there so it could actually really meet my need yeah loveely example thank youate that I'm just thinking of the

32:54 power of these micro moves that we make that sourced from this all important thing of uh recognizing you have a menstrual cycle and and respecting it and the moment you you you do that then something shifts in your psyche and as we said earlier about menstrual cycle awareness you see you can just do that in the privacy of your own world no one

33:25 has to know not even partner you know the moment you start to practice it it's like a whole world opens up within you and this and of course with time then this Rising kind of confidence in yourself there's some sort of momentum that then kicks off and then it is just these tiny micro moves that happen almost by themselves it might be a casual conversation the words just come out of your mouth one day with

33:56 your best friend you know and and who has children and you go well maybe we could um help each other out you know when I'm menstrating you know I could call on something from you or something like that I mean I remember a a group of moms from a particular school did this came up the phrase raise the red flag you know you know they they could they could just they had little signals with each other so yes they had

34:24 busy lives they rush around and but you know they turn up but the school goes on they go oh we relate each phase to a season and menstruation is um in a winter and the Prem menum is in aumn they turn up at the school Gates going it's it's Autumn it's Autumn they go okay got it you know and they just sort of relate differently you know it's those subtle small things that are so powerful and equally in the workplace in

34:51 the workplace it's a lot more edgy and um but there's something about your growing um dignity within yourself that something starts to become non-negotiable that you find the gaps to a conversation and actually you see conversations I don't know about the us but in the UK conversations are happening now around workplace policies in the UK and in Australia big time because of colleague of ours has done

35:23 amazing work in this area and there's a a marvelous book of about a research that's been done and and it's been used um to build workplace policies it's brilliant it's called it's called it's about Bloody time is the name of the book it is absolutely this book into the research and one of the authors is Jane Bennett and it's so brilliantly argued and um you know uh the union organization out there I can't think

35:53 what it's called now in Australia um you know they're sort of you using it to think about workplace policies for for the menstrual cycle and menopause because menopause Now is really in the spotlight and and having policies place I mean in the UK it's being spoken out about at government level too now so yeah nobody's talking about it here from my knowledge we got a ways to go so but something you said to me um really kind

36:22 of resonated this idea that that we can know it ourselves that we can make these shifts ourselves um and and I know in the book that you you talk about uh so the the big picture right if if you had no cares or commitments what would you love to do and then is there a way you could give yourself 1% of that is sort of a a big picture way but when you were just talking that this uh bottom up way

36:43 kind of came to me of well you know what if I worked in a call center for example maybe maybe the the week that I'm menstruating is just not the week that I'm going to go after like the person who who handles the the the most number of calls right what if I have a a corporate job and I'm in meetings from s to S what if there's a like a town hall that I have to show

37:04 up to my name has to appear on the call list um but I could take it from bed with my eyes closed right and and I'm thinking about all the little subtle you know even if I'm in sort of a a fa forward-facing customer service role can I just pause and take a breath in between helping the next customer right see it seems that there are those little micro moments that we can find to nourish ourselves and take care of

37:30 ourselves throughout our days if we know to look for them yeah those examples are so good Jan you are so right these little things make all the difference because they start to change well the pace of our day but they also are accommodating for our nervous system and that is so much of what cycle awareness is about it's really about regulating your nervous system through each phase of the cycle you know we really talk about pacing your nervous system so when

38:01 you do these little things like choose not to be on camera in a video call and just do a voice call for example when you're bleeding that's a big thing not having eyes on you when you're bleeding really helps our nervous system equally like having a lot of stimulation when we're bleeding outer stimulation loud noises you know listen listening to things and so on so we might drive our car with the radio off for example when

38:33 we're bleeding and all these little things are helping to accommodate for the needs of our body our nervous system and so on and that is just so foundational to our um health and happiness you know never mind our creativity and parenting and all that you know parenting you just parenting with a disregulated nervous system is just it's a show rarely you don't want to you cycle awareness can help

39:04 with that it's such a big way because yeah you're connected to yourself your own needs and immediately you can create connection with others you know your children for example yeah Alexandra looks like you have something to add no I'm just really enjoying what sh's saying um and I guess so then to to Pig you back off the you know parenting with a disregulated nervous system um an idea that that really stuck out to me in wild

39:35 Power is is the role of the inner critic in the cycle would never have occurred to me that that the role of uh you know that this this voice in our head that is not necessarily very helpful to us might have some connection to our menstrual cycle and so for people who are hearing this for the first time and are having a hard time with their kids and they're hearing this voice you should doing better you know the tools you know what

39:59 to do differently why can't you just do it differently can you speak a little bit about where the inner critic shows up in our monthly cycle and what what role you see it having oh oh yes yeah that's a good question it's a very wow well well firstly I I think we might bat the ball backwards and forwards here yeah yeah I mean maybe we should just maybe we should start by saying uh the inner critic is an everpresent

40:31 aspect of ourselves that will constantly be commenting on who we are and what we do but there is something very specific through the phases of the menstrual cycle that um that really I want to say Lets the inner critic out of the box in a big way a amplifying that voice and almost giving that part of ourselves the

41:03 microphone and it can seem at times all the power so that's something that we have become aware of through practicing menstrual cycle awareness and through all the people we've worked with is that the power of your inner critic you know the strength of its voice and the Venom with which it speaks to you um is affected by where you are in your cycle and um on in a very on a very

41:33 simple level that has something to do with um what I was saying about our nervous system and this thing of um how our menstrual cycle helps to helps us to Pace ourselves so in the first three seasons of the cycle so the inner winter the inner spring the inner summer menstruation pre-ovulation and ovulation our nervous system is um more

42:06 robust I mean really actually starting from the inner spring this is true but there is something very specific that's also happening at menstruation that helps kind of create a feeling of inner protection or inner sanctu but then come the inner Autumn there's this increased vol vulnerability that starts to happen in our system you know we we we become more um sensitive we become I want to say more

42:39 fragile our resilience drops our energy levels drop and a combination of all these things uh uh makes us more susceptible to this critical voice inside us yeah so the inner Autumn is a sort of very ripe territory for the inner critic to come out or guns

43:10 blazing if you are practicing menstrual cycle awareness and honoring your cycle um you learn to uh you learn to sort of capitalize on different different aspects of the cycle that sort of prepare you to meet that inner critic so if you're honoring your cycle as best you can but let's say you're living in an Ideal World okay and you get to really rest at menstruation menstruation

43:42 just really restores you to yourself and it's like this incredible use the phrase mother hug it's like of affirmation oh yeah I'm okay and this feeling of love and and and and and but you also just resting resting and resting at menstruation just um is just more potent than at any other time in the cycle so it's like you're tanking up on energy and also tanking up on love for want of a better word and um and in the first

44:14 half of the cycle there is this expansion of energy and it's a bit like spring you know how we all feeling when spring comes it's like oh yes you know it's new life it's new possibility and and it has that we have that same energy in us and this is um this is very affirming of our psyche so it's like there's yes in our psyche where and when we learn how to Pace that spring energy we are really building what we call

44:41 healthy ego strength just gradually gradually it you're you're riding that Rising energy and and and you're learning to kind of strut your stuff and then in the ovary phase the summer of the cycle there's a real you reach the sort of Pinnacle of that that expansion where you and you can you know almost feel like a superwoman if you have cared for yourself in All Phases and as a sense of uh be of real Mastery and you

45:08 know you're in charge of your life and all is good and you've got a really good healthy sense of your own ego just really good healthy ego building stuff in the first half of the cycle and then what happens with the second half of the cycle is the energy starts to contract because you're now being pulled back in again back to menstruation and so this is sh spoke about increasing vulnerability here and lowering energy and if you're not resourced you haven't

45:39 resourced yourself enough you know haven't rested well at menstruation and and have perhaps done far too much in your olry time you can often feel a bit of a crash here but the more you practice cycle awareness the sort of smarter you get about the whole thing so when you arrive in the inner Autumn and the energy shifts and you feel yourself drawing in and yes you feel yourself becoming more vulnerable more exposed to yourself you

46:06 start to see yourself and You See Your Shadow side oh it's not pretty you know our shadow sides are that pretty and um um but if you able to just really meet it uh to to manage your energy the pace of your energy and care for yourself you can meet the shadow side and of course um this is where the critic comes in because it's you are more permeable at this point you don't have the same egoic

46:32 buffering but you do have some it's where there's none that this part of the cycle can feel quite annihilatory and people can have quite extreme you know mental health issues of PMS pmdd that happens I don't want to reduce those just to that but because it's also Health other health stuff going on um um but it's a very big component of it um so yes you're just

47:02 much more exposed to that critical energy oh and by the way you can dish out this critic very very well to the rest of the world now I'm going to do a little PR like little PR job on the critic because right now it's not looking like a good Force to have mhm but we all know that if we don't get

47:33 critical feedback on what we're doing in life we'll never grow we'll never mature OB but there's a difference between judgmentalness and criticalness and our critics really usually slam everything about us and we have to learn to go Ela you're not allowed to comment on who I am but yeah okay so you're telling me I'm at relationships or you know I didn't handle that situation with my child very well okay let's have a look at it you know because it's commenting

48:03 on something you've done so this is where the act of engaging with your inner critic um really starts to grow your strength your power more because you have to take your own side and you also have to have sufficient humility to meet that critical energy because maybe there's some truth in it you know and this is exactly the same with outter critics as well so um it applies in both situations

48:34 so what in learning to actually um do all that healthy self-care stuff so you're in a more resourced place this is fundamental and you have some fundamental sense of okayness in yourself a capacity to uh care for yourself and assert your needs um the more you can meet that inner critic in a in a creative way and you know uh address what he

49:05 saying well I just I'm just thinking I just want to add one other thing you know I have to say it's sort of pavlovian and it way it just reacts and and I just say and EXC I just say piss off piss off I'm not interested piss off because it's just like a pavlovian reaction and I do listen to my critic as well charie over to you yeah so to that piece it's true often times it is just

49:27 like a broken record that says the same thing over and over to us but what's really good in the inner Autumn because we we are much more connected to ourselves in the inner Autumn we really are it's a much more inner focused time we can actually hear a little more closely what the critic is actually trying to say to us so in terms of parenting I'm I'm very grateful to inner critic because um aside from all the

50:00 abuse that it hurs at me when I when I can really stop and listen it's a very good reality check um in terms of my parenting it can really pull me out of my own sort of um my own patterns my own conditioning my own sort of automatic habitual ways of doing things that are probably you know inherited from my parents parented me and are probably coming from a sort of wounded

50:30 Place rather than a conscious empowered place so my inner critic really pulls me up on that it and and kind of gives me this reality check and gets me thinking more creatively about what I'm doing and how I'm doing it and in some ways this is I think what conscious parenting is is actually letting the voice of our inner critic have time and space enough that we can reflect on our own parenting and reflect on ourselves as parents and our

51:01 own conditioning and our own wounding and and so on and so forth but having said that to do any of this you do need time and space for yourself um so the inner Autumn actually means you need better boundaries with around parenting that you aren't available all the time um that you get help in or you call on other people or you you create situations in your family life where you can step out and have this time and

51:32 place for yourself no I I think so many mothers are really relieved to hear that the inner Summer of the menstrual cycle is when we can be the kind of mother that we're supposed to be in inverted commas you know like super mom we do everything and we're amazing at it all we're SP you know with the house that we're just rocking it that's you know the kind of mother we all think we should be the ideal mother

51:57 well the good news is we're only supposed to be that kind of mother for one season in the Autumn we're a different kind of mother we're a more boundaried more detached mother we're a mother that tends to our own needs you know we're we we bring a different kind of Consciousness and presence and we aren't all about the giving we're now about giving some responsibility back to our children and our partners and you know extended family or who whatever the heck

52:27 we can call on um so yes there's there we we we are different mothers at different times and I think that's quite a relief for a lot of parents to know so I I so appreciate that that thinking on the inner critic and it kind of brings me to this idea of I I'm kind of wondering are there any people for whom it maybe doesn't make sense to track their menstral cycle awareness this has been a huge topy of conversation in the

52:53 parenting membership Community ever since I announced that I was going to interview you and there are some people who said you know I've had heavy periods my whole life maybe up to 12 Days um and being on the pill has finally evened things out and I'm not as Moody as I was and it's not as long as it was uh there are people who have experienced miscarriages losses right and and this is just an incredibly painful thing for

53:15 them to go through when when they get to their bleed every month and it reminds them of the grief and and the loss that they felt in those difficult periods and so I'm I'm wondering is there anyone who doesn't benefit from this and what would you say say to somebody who's in one of those positions I actually want to add infertility to that people absolutely yeah stration is just the pits yeah yeah it's interesting it's a big question

53:40 there and um just really you see the thing is um the awareness not being aware of the menstrual cycle I think creates more tension and stress in our systems and that that then works against us um so the act of menstrual cycle awareness um is an act or it's a

54:13 medicine in and of itself um um for all the reasons that we have spoken about so far and um it's I I want to say it it when you're practicing cycle awareness it becomes a kind of container that holds you so whatever you are struggling with is sort of held within that now I'm saying all this bear with me I'm saying

54:44 all this very cautiously because um I think it's so important for every person to trust and know what they're ready for and what they need and what they want and only know they know that um so I just want to emphasize that so um uh for the person who is on hormonal contraception to manage heavy bleeds I would actually recommend you chart your

55:17 pill induced cycle because although it's not a menstrual cycle just starting you still need to be to to have you know rest you know it just reminds you of so when you had the Breakthrough bleed see that as menstration in inverted commas it's not menstration but see that your breakthrough bleed perhaps as a rest moment in your cycle and and treat the uh awareness of your pill induced cycle

55:50 as a self-care tool in the way that we speak about touting your menstrual cycle so that you're just building cyclical Consciousness because cyclical Consciousness is medicine for us all in the ways we have been speaking about so um don't bully yourself to say oh I should come off the pill and don't do that just start practicing um charging your pill and Juiced cycle and uh do you want to come you

56:21 come in here shie yeah yeah I'm just reflecting on um what you were saying about those who are suffering either with you know menstrual pain or heavy bleeding or huge grief when their period comes and I completely understand um that aspect of human nature which is to pull away from what's difficult and

56:52 from where there's suffering and to not want to go there it's a very um beautiful design in our human psyches a kind of self-preservation but it only serves us for so long because where there's disconnection um there nothing can change you know there's a sort of stasis that sits sets in um we yeah we land up sort of getting

57:27 entrapped in something and it's not able to move or change we're not able to evolve or change so what menstrual cycle awareness does even as it may seem hard or scary to turn towards our bodies and our cycles and ourselves when they when they have been the source of pain what menstrual cycle awareness does is it brings us back into connection

57:57 and where there's connection healing can happen I mean this is so uh this is one of the kind of fundamental truths of healing we know this is true in our relationship with our children you know when our children are really struggling or in a state of high emotional arousal even if they're being really difficult um our impuls is to sort of pull away or to try and manage or control them or or or sort of

58:30 separate from them but actually it's connection with them that helps them to move through that and to evolve and grow up and come out the other side I mean we've all seen this when you can really connect with your child in that place of suffering it's like they become enlightened on the other side of it you know suddenly they're they're they're like a little bit older or a little bit more mature or something else comes back online and the

58:59 same is true with us when we really move through these difficult experiences in ourselves and we're in connection with ourselves we evolve through it rather than staying stuck in that and that is one of the great gifts of menstrual cycle awareness as a medicine and as a foundation for all healing is the way it brings us back into connection with ourselves and into contact with what we're actually feeling so I really want to encourage anyone who is in that

59:27 situation just to take the next step with cycle of w just day by day know just check in with yourself and where you're at and notice it um yeah the small steps of cycle awareness every day ultimately will bring yeah good medicine yeah and it doesn't have to involve dramatic steps of changing birth control methods or anything like that and one of the things that I loved in in both of your books you talk about you

59:57 know whatever we say your experience trumps that your experience is is something that you know better than anybody else and so use use our words as a guide uh rather than the absolute truth so yeah yeah ex so much thank you for such a beautiful conversation um that honors uh listeners I'm so grateful um I really appreciate you being here yeah thank you Jane it's really lovely to talk to you and uh and everyone in your

60:27 community thanks very much real pleasure J having this conversation thank you so much thank you and so all of the references that I looked at for this episode as well as Alexandra and sh's book uh there are two books that are linked to there the one that we talked about most in this episode was wild Power discover the magic of your menstrual cycle and awaken the feminine path to power all of that can be found at your parenting mojo.com

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