How To Raise Independent kids? | Riddhi Deorah | Parenting Coach

0:05 As you suggested, we should not force our children for any you know uh activities. So my son, he will turn five. We had put him for swimming like last year. He tried taking him but every time he was like parents are not allowed to sit near but for him I I asked the teacher coach that can I do I said but then now he doesn't want and I left swimming he joined chess maybe he was like he comes home so he does but if we have to go to institute he's not ready for it now when he goes to gymnastic he's enjoying because I'm not forcing him for anything but then again same thing you have to sit where I do my parents are not allowed if I go out he start crying so s allowed me but I want to change this pattern now I don't want to be with him even if he's doing class soon >> so he's five right >> he will turn five February >> turn five okay and do you have a support system at home who takes care of the child >> no >> I have a younger one also even he goes with me but sometime yeah He stays back but uh not a help. Yeah. Mother-in-law, father-in-law, they are there but not a >> Okay. Okay. So in that case you know you have to just uh set a boundary you know you just have to put this message that you know I'm going to definitely come back for you. So once or twice you can leave him crying like >> you know just leave him you know just like we leave them for school. If he's going to a school right >> he goes and he's happy going school >> without you right. Yeah, >> just like that you put that message you know because once if you stay back they feel that there is a possibility to keep you >> okay >> don't even stay once they understand so you are actually contradicting yourself so on this [Music] right so now what you have to say is I'm going to put you in this class but mothers are not allowed so even before you enroll him you ask him this that you know I'm going to put you in this >> then he says I don't want to go I tried sending him with the health two days back so help is not allowed to teacher asked him to go then uh he he also came back from the class crying he cried so much and he came so today I went then I had to sit inside I asked sir today sir please uh I don't know it's I don't know I asked him that sir tell him if mama will not sit I'll give you a perk. No, pay for chocolate. So, I don't know if it's good or not, but I asked him to do that so that I can >> But did he let you go for the chocolate?

2:57 >> No, no. I have just given the idea. It's not implemented yet. I I asked the search if next time he is here, you can tell him this so that I can stay out. >> No, I would recommend that you know, you just leave him crying and tell the teacher before you enroll your child for any class. tell the teacher that you know this is an issue with my son. So maybe for the first few days he would react, he would cry and stuff but eventually he'd get used to it.

3:24 >> So you have to let the teacher know so that the teacher is also mentally prepared otherwise you know the teacher would also be like you know your child is crying too much you take your child back >> right. So you have >> so guys there are so many students. Yeah. >> Yeah. So you just let the child like let the teacher know and let your child just keep you know the idea is to uh till you don't leave them they'll not get used to it.

3:47 >> Okay? You have to just you know have a little hard heart or whatever and you have to just leave your child there and then they would you know do it like you know even my son you know when he was little I used to send him for football and uh he used to go and then you know he was playing with slightly older kids so they bullied him or stuff whatever and then he didn't want to go at all and then I took him back like I had to literally drag him to the class and I told him that you know you have to uh you know just be and you know they'll uh you know what if you run away from situations you're not going to become strong and you know you have to be there and tell them that you know you can come back kind of a thing and then you know he went back and then they were okay you know because it was just a one day thing and next day they were okay and then you know he again got it but if you know if I pull him out because of that one episode then you know I'm giving him that message that it's very easy to quit and escape situations >> okay >> so you know crying is nothing bad. If children cry, we don't have to get very worried. Crying is basically their way of expressing that they are not very happy with the situation. But that's also a very important belief that we have to change in our children that you will not always get what you want.

5:03 Right? And for that >> sorry no problem. So for that sometimes we have to put them in a situation which is not the best situation according to them but it is for their good. Like if your child is watching too much screen time, you have to set a boundary. You just cannot let your child watch unlimited screen time because your child is liking it. Your child like you in that moment and that's completely okay because our role is not to become like the most caring favorite mother, but our role is also to do what is right for >> right with him. It's like if anything goes wrong he'll come to me and like mama g and he'll you know he'll start throwing all the tandemss. If anything else happen with anybody else in the house for example and anything they'll just come and start you know saying loudly mama ga mama ganda to like I don't understand this situation like how to >> no nothing you don't have to do anything you say that you deal with it >> see basically the more you entertain the more he'll come to you for protection >> is it because because it's me who is always there with him >> yeah exactly so You have to let go of him. Like maybe you can enroll yourself in a library or something and I actually consciously leave him for 3 to four hours every day.

6:24 >> Give him some time away. I used to do that with my son, you know. I used to actually there was this clubhouse in our society. I used to go there every day for 2 three hours and sit and read. >> I was not even parenting coach. So basically what happens you know the if you give them some uh space then they get used to other people in the house and get used to staying with them also and they'll start to depend on them for a few things also >> but if I'm not around he'll just watch TV and if I'm not there the only thing he'll do is he'll watch TV >> otherwise he'll just watch for 20 minutes if I am around.

7:00 >> Yeah. So then you have to train the other people in your house to not give TV in your absence. Right? That's one thing that you'll have to do. See, see, you'll have to figure it. I'm just giving you ideas, but you'll have to, of course, figure it out based on your uh environment and your support system and your situation. But, you know, just spending some time away from your child would be a great idea. You know, either you can, you know, be a, you know, enroll yourself for a 2hour daily class or something where you're going for your class and you're dropping your son. You can just say that, you know, my class and your class is on the same timing. So I cannot be here because I have to go for my class as well.

7:37 >> Both of us finish our classes and then we can meet.