Kids on Social Media | Child Psychologist Reacts to Jordan Cheyenne Video Leak

0:03 hello everybody i'm over here trying to coordinate going live on youtube as well as instagram and facebook so hello everybody hello hello hello welcome in everybody today is gonna be a juicy topic um i don't normally respond to current events but i thought this one would be a good discussion to have we are going to be talking today about my reactions my thoughts as well as your

0:35 thoughts and your reactions to the jordan cheyenne um video leak i shared the video leak with you guys on my stories on my instagram stories um and a lot of you guys had some strong reactions to the video that i shared i'm gonna briefly start this live by sharing just a recap of what happened in case you are not sure if you think if you if you see my my eyes darting back and forth it's because i'm going live on

1:03 instagram and also youtube and uh facebook which is exciting um so anyways jordan cheyenne who is she she is a mostly a family vlogger as well as just a social media influencer she also talks about instagram growth and all this other stuff but she uh has she's mainly on youtube she has over 500k subscribers on youtube and she recently um had a editing error a video leak if you

1:34 will where um she her her and her son she's a single mom her and her son uh were going through a very stressful experience uh where she uh her puppy had parvo which if you're not sure what parvo is it's a very serious condition where oftentimes it can be fatal um and uh so it's a very stressful experience for children to go through her son was visibly upset on the video let me know in the comments that you guys are

2:03 watching me and and listening to the recap if you've watched the video um so far but anyways in the video her son is visibly upset she also seems upset uh which is debatable whether or not it was you know genuine um but uh and then she says okay bye guys and then the video cuts out she puts her hand over and then she you see her trying to get her son to pose for a thumbnail um and he is saying things like no mom i

2:32 really am upset i really am upset she's like act like you're crying put your head on my shoulder uh put your hands you know on your face like this and she's trying to basically coach him to uh pose for a thumbnail picture while he is clearly in distress okay a lot of you guys have watched it uh and i see the yeah so let me know what your your guys's reactions were um but she's then after the video

2:59 uh she tried to take it down she tried to edit that part out and then she released a series of apology videos um saying you know that she's disappointed in herself that it was a stressful time and basically i should be forgiven and let's just move on and um she went on and did an interview with the dad challenge podcast where she talked more about her experience um and since then it it seems like she has

3:28 deleted her youtube account and her instagram account so she was receiving death threats which i do not agree with um she was receiving a lot of backlash but um she has since then she is now offline okay so a lot of you guys are saying uh you watched it you were uncomfortable watching it uh yeah jordan cheyenne is her name if you google you'll find yeah there's a lot of things going on around her that's why i want to kind of talk about this

3:54 right and i think it it it sparks a larger discussion there's so many there's so many things that we can talk about um but one of the biggest things is children on social media right should children be on social media what do we think about family vlogging is that ethical can children really consent to being on a vlog um how do we best support children through intense emotions because part of the video before the whole thumbnail debacle there was a

4:27 moment where she was you know trying to get him to recite these positive mantras like you know you know rosie which is the dog she's healthy she's okay she will make it um and so that also sparks a discussion of how do we support our children through intense emotions through stressful experiences like potentially losing a pet which is a huge life experience for a child so so many things to watch okay lynessa over on youtube said i watched the video

4:53 yesterday it doesn't surprise me influence do do this when creating thumbnails that's the thing too that i think is so true right is that it's a big wake-up call for us as a community because i think this happens all the time um in terms of the parents trying to get their child to do certain things for the videos because we all know right when uh when we go to watch videos what are we more gravitating towards

5:18 we're gravitating towards the drama right we see somebody with a sad face and we're like oh my gosh what happened right we hear some dramatic news and we're like oh we want to learn more we want to find out more right that's and and the content creators the influencers they know that right they know that that's what gets more clicks and views and the problem is is when we are involving children especially right and we're doing this at the expense of them

5:41 right we are telling them to do certain things and you know uh because we know it's going to get more clicks and views that's where the problem is right especially when we think about this case um so here are my overall thoughts and i'm going to also answer some questions that you guys shared with me over on instagram obviously i don't agree with what she did i think it demonstrated a clear lack of judgment i don't think this was the

6:10 first time um unfortunately i also think like i said that this is a general it kind of shines the light on the overall issue right um of putting children on social media right and the danger that comes with it um tiffany said i limit my kids showing up on my page there's just too many crazy people yeah and i'm gonna talk about that because there were some questions some really good questions about you know how do we intentionally

6:38 show our children on social media how do we protect them because i think overall when we think about our job as parents is to protect our children right to be there for them and to protect them and what does that look like on social media as we are sharing them more and more right um there was a interesting statistic uh that came out that i was reading that said that um there was a uk study by

7:00 parent zone and they said the average parent shares their child uh 1500 photos before their fifth birthday which really really surprised me so before their child even reaches the age of five the average parent at least in the united kingdom is sharing their children 1500 times on social media so how do we do this intentionally because that's not going away right um so i think the biggest question is how

7:30 do we how do we do this intentionally and how do we ultimately keep our child's safety at the at the forefront okay um which i'll talk about in a little bit because that was a really good question molly said what yeah they have a digital footprint before they even know what that means yep yep yep yep exactly um and i think for channels like hers you know that mostly vlog and share their personal life like that's how

7:56 she's grown her following for the largest part i think i mean i could be wrong so correct me if i'm wrong um but they build their audience from sharing their personal life which is always a risk right her channel is based on building an emotional connection with her audience right sharing the highs and lows of her life and we as the viewers we like that kind of stuff right we like to be in everybody's personal life and knowing

8:22 what's going on we want to see the real story we want to believe that people are being authentic they're being their real self they're being the person that they're portraying themselves to be but really you know with this whole debacle i think it does you know it does also shine a light on us as the viewers of wanting we want the real but also we want you to be perfect right and i'm in no way you

8:47 know you know saying her behavior was okay um but i think it also that's also an important question for us as the viewers and cancer culture in general um and like i said she's she started receiving death threats and that's never okay right that's never um that crosses the line in my opinion um and and i think you know she was at she was at work when she was filming that video right her living and her

9:12 lifestyle depends on her showing her life right the highs and the lows but also being real and being transparent and letting people see behind the curtain and i think there's always a risk in that right there's always a risk when we are putting ourselves and we are showing reality right that we are straying the line of controversy if you will right um and that's risky um and that's something to talk about and to be aware of for sure

9:38 uh liz said i share mostly because we are far away from our family so that's the easiest way to share absolutely absolutely there is benefits to this as well i'm not here to say that you know social media and having our children on social media is all bad and it's not all good right i think they're somewhere in the middle and i think the most important thing for us to consider as parents is how do we do this

9:59 mindfully right and how do we do this thoughtfully so um let's talk about the questions that you guys had and then we can just open it up to an overall discussion myra said i'm so happy you're talking about this very eye opening yeah exactly and i know you guys had a lot of strong negative reactions which i did as well and i'm like let's talk about it right let's talk about it as a community um one of the questions that i got was what

10:24 drives a parent to behave this way which is such a good question to ask right how did we get to this point uh as a society as a community um and i think quite frankly it's for the views for the cliques this again this is her this is her career right this is her livelihood um she makes money from this and so when she was sharing about her dog and all of this she was on the clock right and

10:50 unfortunately what happened was she put her job her career over the mental well-being of her child quite frankly right and um that's how we got here is we're putting art more attention other people's attention fame money clicks and views right she unfortunately put that before her children and i think that's that's why we got here let me know your your thoughts though why do you think what what do you think drove a parent to act this way

11:21 let me know in the chat i'd love to open that up for you guys to share yep britney said money money yep call me amazing said all attention yep exactly um so so sad yeah so another question that i got was oh somebody said her son kept saying but i am really crying over and over yeah like it was almost as if he had to he felt like he had to prove to her that he really was upset because if in that

11:48 moment she wasn't she wasn't seeing that right he was crying out for her to comfort her to to be emotionally supportive and at that point she she did not right um somebody said can you remind us who we're talking about we're talking about jordan cheyenne she is a youtuber mostly she was on instagram too but she has since deleted her channel but if you search her jordan cheyenne you'll see a bunch of uh news clips and videos so if

12:17 you want to catch up um a lot of parents put their career and money before family but they do not record it isn't that interesting right that is so true right and that is another can of worms of of the whole idea of us putting our children before our careers that a lot of people a lot of this happens right and at what expense right for the children i think it's important to let kids create their own online identity just

12:44 like how we all had the opportunity to decide what we wanted our eye online that is so true right we didn't have we didn't have parents our parents weren't on social media right when we were kids right so this is new territory and you know we won't know the long-term effects until that actually happens until these children our children grow up right and become adults and and that's kind of scary right we it's so s we are living in a generation where this

13:13 is our first this is the first time we have to even talk and think about these things because social media is so new and i will say family vlogging as an industry is so new right this just came a couple years ago um before that there wasn't even fam what was a family vlog right everybody kept that thing those things um private for the most part um i think attention is the big issue around social media it sucks our

13:38 attention from everything and everyone in our life yeah and i i got a good question about and i'll talk about a little bit later of a mom asking you know i feel so guilty about being on social media so much um i know that i'm on there so it's too much and i'm on there in front of my kids and it's taking away from my being attentive right to them how do i stop so we're gonna talk about that

14:00 um somebody else added in her interview with dcp um she said that she doesn't even make a lot of money off social media i don't know that i believe her yeah that's not true okay quite literally the adsense from youtube is pretty low so that's what she's referring to like when when you watch a youtube video uh there are ads that are placed in there and so creators get a small small commission from the ads um that brands

14:27 put up on their videos that is uh oh i am paused on instagram but that is a small commission and that's what she was referring to uh oh let's see hey y'all on on youtube my my instagram says it's paused due to poor connection so let's see if i can reconnect let's check back in here on youtube fear and competition shari says yep and the desperate need for views and likes it's so true right because everyone is doing

14:59 this people get desperate it's so true right that it's an uh it can be a never-ending cycle of especially if this is your career this is your livelihood and you depend on having eyes on you in your personal life for sure let's see okay hey y'all i think i was paused on instagram okay we're back give me a one in the chat over on instagram if you guys can hear and see

15:31 me okay geneva said i'm embarrassed to know that i definitely need to limit my social media activities to have more time with my kids yes i think we can all resonate with this right um i know i definitely can right and i'm gonna share with you some of the things that are working for me you know as you guys know my i my career is also on social media okay i'm seeing ones on instagram so you guys are here with me

15:53 okay but um yeah it's something to always be cognizant of and it's something that i'm always aware of and i'm always checking myself about um because social media is designed to keep you hooked on the platform right it's designed to give you that dopamine hit so you keep coming back so that they can keep serving you ads honestly it's a business um and so they have and they will continue to perfect the art of the algorithm and

16:20 keeping people coming back for more so the another question that i got was is this emotional abuse and here's the thing y'all let first let's talk about what is emotional abuse emotional abuse is the continuous okay i want to stress that the continuous emotional mistreatment of children right so it's continuing to harm them emotionally whether that is through embarrassment humiliation um threats isolating ignoring them and their emotional needs

16:52 but on a it's a pattern of behavior right um so this could look like not showing them affection this could look like ignoring them um and ignoring their needs this could be look like humiliating humiliating them um in front of others um ignoring them not calling them by their name i mean there's so many different examples of emotional abuse emotional abuse i will tell you is one of those that is really hard to quote unquote prove if we you know thinking

17:21 about you know child abuse cases it's one of the ones that tends to fly under the radar um i will say i don't know i'm not even going to speculate if this was emotional abuse because i think that it i don't know her personally and i would never want to put that out there right as a clinical psychologist myself right that i can't tell from a one minute clip now here's the thing about emotional abuse right is that it's continuous and

17:44 we don't know because it was a one minute clip i hope that it was you know the exception and not the rule right i hope that she doesn't do this all the time but i don't know right um and so yeah i think i'll just leave it at that let me know in the chat what are your your thoughts do you think this constituted emotional abuse uh mrs mamawood on youtube said turning off notifications has helped me

18:11 tremendously yes turn those notifications off if you haven't already turn those notifications off you should not be pinged every time somebody comments or reaches out to you okay let's see does anybody have any any um thoughts about the question of was was what we saw emotional abuse if you watched the video i would love to hear your thoughts i think that's a good question

18:47 hello hello from japan oh that's awesome i can understand showing your kids on youtube channel once in a while but once you're making money off them i think it becomes an issue the dynamic changes isn't that the truth right once you start to become your child's employer right because you're making money from this and once you start to yeah when you start to blur that line of of yeah beca becoming more of uh your career and to have them involved

19:17 in that um i think too i think it's definitely risky it's definitely risky if we want to talk about risk his responses did make did make it very cringy i hope it wasn't abuse i don't think it was abuse but it was definitely manipulation okay yes yes very interesting right um i i think so too i think it was a manipulation to the point of i need you to be this way i need you to pose this

19:43 way i don't care if you're crying right now just go ahead and do this because we need we have a job to do right we have a job to do um and that's where where we run into some trouble right i think if you accidentally posted a video like this you've done it before it's so sad maybe not abused but definitely shitty mommy okay yes i love to hear your guys's perspectives and i i think so too i i

20:07 mean i hope not but it does beg the question right is this what everybody is doing behind the scenes right we don't what was so rare about what happened was we don't get we're not privy to this information a lot of the times right we don't get to see the real behind the scenes we think we see behind the scenes but are we really seeing the real behind the scenes right the unedited it's hard to wrap my

20:26 mind around how often this has happened without being uploaded yeah for sure for sure for sure so another question that i got was how to make kids emotion how to make sure your your kids are sorry y'all how to make sure your kids emotional needs are being met right so i think this is a lovely question right as we watch the video it's like well how do i how do i make sure that i'm meeting my children's emotional needs um

20:56 and children have the need to feel loved to feel attended to to feel in control right to have some level of control also um to have routine and structure and i think also some privacy right i think when we start to show our kids um going through really hard emotional moments and we start to show that online without them fully being aware of what's what the potential ramifications of that could be

21:26 is where we are definitely running into some risk right but in terms of you know if you're asking me how do i make sure my child's emotional needs are being met i think it's checking in with how you show up for them when they are at their worst and you know that's why i always talk about this right i always talk about it's easy it's easy for us to show up when our child's happy right even having

21:48 a good time they're excited they're behaving well it's much harder to show up for our child emotionally when they are triggering us right when they are having a hard time um whether that be through aggression through tantrums through sadness through distress through stressful life events right it's a lot harder for us as parents because we have to deal with how we are doing emotionally and also how our child is doing emotionally so that's why i always

22:15 like to support you guys around that because i know it's hard i know it's not easy and i know that we are continuing continuously making mistakes as we go along and you know it's impossible to show it perfectly all the time um oh these comments are going by so fast somebody said i think something to think about is would you want a video of you posted if you were in your child's shoes yes right perspective taking i'm sure

22:40 you don't want your br your breakdowns and very emotional moments on social media that is such a good point right is when you go to share something from your child check in with yourself right would i want somebody to post this um of myself right some people will say yeah okay that's fine i don't care right i don't care if i'm having emotional breakdown some people do show that stuff but nine times out of ten right we're

23:04 not going to want to show that and so i think that's that is how we can approach this with empathy right when we put we're able to put ourselves in our child's shoes and uh show up in that way and show up respectfully a lot to be said about consent and body autonomy absolutely absolutely absolutely uh brittany over on youtube said i worry a lot about meeting my children's emotional needs okay good well i'm glad that we're

23:31 talking about this so children need to be need to feel like they are loved no matter what right they need to feel like our love for them is unconditional and that's why i play such a a heavy emphasis on how do we show up for them when they're at their worst because that's when they need to feel our unconditional love the most right um another thing is you know children also when we think about emotional needs they need to feel like

24:00 we are attending to them right that we are paying attention to them um and that um we are showing an interest in their extracurricular activities their play activities all of that right they need to feel like we are attending to them that we are paying attention to them so that is another important thing to keep in mind when you're thinking about okay how am i showing up for my child emotionally also they need routine and structure that is

24:28 a big part of how we show up uh for them emotionally right is that they need to feel like their world is predictable they need to feel like um they have some consistency in their life and that helps them with their emotions as well okay um so important things to keep in mind also freedom and control children have the right and they need to feel like um they have a right to choose right that they have some form some

24:56 level of autonomy um and all of that so that's also very important to keep in mind um another question that i got is about child autonomy uh at what age do you ask for their permission before posting right um at what age do we as parents have the responsibility to ask for permission uh for our child right before we post them on the internet i would love to hear your guys's point of views what

25:28 what age do you guys think before i share kind of my perspective what did you guys think it is necessary for for parents to start asking for permission uh mrs mama wood said as soon as a child is old enough to understand i think they need to give consent for posting content on of them online okay

25:59 unfortunately y'all i gotta turn off the comments on on instagram okay because y'all is wild um but if you are on youtube which i strongly uh recommend going over on my youtube channel the mom psychologist you can attend there and then we can chat uh we can chat over on there but let me know if you guys have any any uh ideas of at what age do children do are we responsible for asking for consent

26:29 before we post them online what age do you guys think and this mama would hit it on the nail right as soon as children are old enough to understand so what age do you think they are old enough to understand i would love to know what you guys think let's see okay well while you all are thinking about it

27:00 i'll just share my thoughts so i think around six or eight six to eight i think is a good age a good ballpark to really be starting to think about having that conversation with your children more honestly and asking them for their consent right because here's the thing as children age we should be beginning to involve them in this process right because this involves them so we should be getting their feedback because ultimately children have the

27:30 right to decide right what is posted um about them and they deserve to have their privacy respected right and not violated by us so i think it's important to ask for their approval and also just you know using your own discernment like we talked about right using your own judgment again would you want this these same things posted would you want a very emotional um uh situation you know shared with thousands and thousands if not millions

27:59 of people um it's important to think about okay mommy's boy said i don't believe a parent should allow a child's personal life to be publicized considering they're too young to make that decision for themselves very interesting perspective i love it and molly said you should be able to explain to them why the video will be posted sharing moments with family versus income very good very good uh point right that we as the parents especially if we are influencers or this

28:28 is our business we should we should be explaining that to them right and explaining why we're sharing it it was very interesting in one of her apology videos she was like i talked to him and you know he doesn't really even understand what a thumbnail means and he's like he's okay with it and my question would be does he really exactly he doesn't understand what's going on and that's a problem right and just because he doesn't understand

28:54 doesn't mean he wasn't negatively impacted by what happened right by you um not attending to his emotional needs right and i think what's so interesting about children in her case and and in general is that a lot of times these children don't know a life different right they don't know a life different from you know having you know having the camera on you all of the time uh mommy's voice said unless they are entertaining they should not be allowed

29:20 to make a decision for the child yeah very interesting points and i i agree um another question that i received was what are some intentional thoughtful ways to protect our kids as we share our lives virtually which i love this question right how can we share ethically how can we share intentionally and with respect um i think this is this is a personal decision ultimately right um and ultimately you have to decide what you feel comfortable with there's it's

29:50 on a continuum right some parents are like no i'm not sharing my children on social media at all and some parents are like i'm okay with it right um and then there's you know people in between so it obviously is a personal decision um what i will say is that anytime we share our children on on social media we have to understand that it could get out of our control right once we share something online somebody

30:15 it exists there forever essentially or we have to be comfortable with with knowing that right that um it's out of our control right somebody can screenshot something i was uh recently uh uh hearing about just all the awful things uh chil people do with children and child porn and distorting pictures so we really have to be careful with that right we really have to be careful with the types of things that we share and knowing that it is essentially out of

30:45 our control right just like as we we saw with jordan cheyenne right she deleted the video but the video still exists right because we have things like screen recording and and um taking screenshots of things right so we have to understand that risk as parents right um and i would say again avoiding i avoiding posting your children at vulnerable embarrassing moments right of highly emotional like really just thinking like somebody says so so perfectly would you want that shared for

31:16 yourself because if we wouldn't then that's probably a good indication we shouldn't share it of our children uh also of course being mindful of sharing their personal information like names address locations being mindful of not over sharing too much that you'd kind of you share with people the overall routines and locations right because that can be a security risk um also checking privacy settings making sure that i would say you know what you're sharing is hopefully private um

31:47 and shared with your circle and not shared with just everybody um is a good way to make sure that your children are protected and i think like we like we were talking about before being present and in the moment i think that's another risk right of we get we can run the risk of being too old overly invested in sharing our children online and sharing these moments which is i'm again i'm not either way right i i am okay and i think

32:14 there is a lot of good that comes from sharing our children online but we don't want to do it at the expense of our own presence as parents right um i always i have this ongoing like battle with myself like oh i would love to share with you guys like what we're doing and and you know how the girls are doing and all of this stuff and different stories but then it's like if i thought too much about that i would

32:37 not be present with them right i you know work all day and then when i'm with them i really try to make sure that i am present with them and not so focused on okay what can i share on my stories right but it's hard right and it's it's an ongoing debate in my head right of of uh this whole thing right um miss mamamoo said it's good to show negatives and be honest about parenthood okay love it however i don't think it's

33:05 okay to show our kids in those moments or even share too much details that needs to be our perspective only i love that right where it's like and that is kind of the whole paradox of this family vlogging situation right where they are getting paid and we love it as the consumer to be in on some to see the behind the scenes right see the good but we also want to see the bad or else we

33:27 start criticizing them oh you're only sharing the good and you're just trying to be this perfect parent and blah blah you're not relatable right um but then you know on the other hand if there's risk involved in sharing all of that right and are we protecting our children if we're sharing all of the nitty-gritty of their the negative things that happen so i love that i love that i don't think it's okay to she said i don't think it's

33:50 okay to show our kids in those moments right like sharing maybe afterwards and i think one of the things that i i wanted to bring up is how can we as parents center our experience versus centering our child's experience i think that is more of a a healthy way to [Music] kind of navigate this whole situation right is how can we center our own perspectives our own challenges our own experiences as parents versus putting our child front and

34:21 center right because we know that sells right um that is a uh important thing to consider right and i let's talk about how to be present with our children right because i think that is such an important thing to talk about is and navigate uh as we try to navigate social media right and uh also while trying to be present with our kids is how can we do that and i know a lot of us feel guilty and let me know over

34:46 on youtube if you're when the people that are watching me over on youtube um do you do you struggle with feeling guilty for being on your phone whether you're on social media or checking emails or texting whatever it is do you find yourself feeling guilty for being on your phone a lot of the times let me know in the chat um oh and katie is sharing that there was a documentary about where are they now for

35:15 people that were on memes kids and teens i don't remember the name of the documentary but there was a woman who had a meme of her that was edited in a more promiscuous way that she was denied job opportunities because companies didn't want that negative branding yeah no that's on topic that's on topic right it's like what is going to be the ramifications the long-term ramifications for our children right as their life is put on social media um

35:45 i think that is always something important to consider uh geneva said my kids have called me out on it so i know it's an issue yes okay um so i would say if you resonate with with the issue of being on social media or just being on your phone too much in front of your kids i really recommend doing a detox y'all i really recommend and you can you can decide how long you want to be off social media but whether

36:12 that's a day whether that's a couple days a week i mean you have to decide um and you can kind of take it you know as it got as it comes but i think starting with the detox is really really important because it forces you to have to figure out what you're going to do with your time right because we're so used to using social media to fill time we're used to using a lot of the time i don't want to say

36:35 everybody's using it for this but a lot of the time social media is an escape a lot of the times we are trying to distract ourselves from our life because life is boring or life is hard life is stressful and social media is a dopamine fix right social media makes us feel happy makes us feel entertained right uh makes us feel like we're connected with other people which you know has become more and more important as we go through um

37:03 especially you know this past year and a half in in the pandemic so it makes sense why we're gravitating towards social media to feel connected with others but i think starting with the detox can be really helpful because it forces you to have to fill your time with something else and that's the thing that i will say right it's not enough to get rid of social media we have to decide okay what are we going to do instead uh whether

37:27 that's working on being more present with our children or engaging in other hobbies or interests um we have to it forces us to have to think about those things um another thing i will say again like other people are suggesting turn the notifications off okay turn the notifications off on your phone you shouldn't be getting a dopamine hit every time somebody likes your thing every time somebody messages you every time somebody reaches out to you um

37:54 that can really be so distracting right um also i would say put limits and parameters around social media use so maybe you decide for you okay i am going to check my social media at certain times of the day maybe it's at lunch maybe it's i don't know when the kids go to bed i mean you have to decide what works best for you but kind of putting some parameters putting some limits uh research shows that about 30

38:19 minutes of social media is optimal but i know a lot of us are not doing 30 minutes a day okay but if we can reach for that goal i think we would be better served right i think we would feel better uh and we would feel more balanced in our life let me know if anybody wants to share how long do you think you usually spend on social media uh yep and somebody said you're definitely not alone geneva that extra

38:46 time can definitely go elsewhere thank you i'm glad i'm not alone oh yes um and mountain mama said i've detoxed it's been over a year now it was very hard at first okay i love it so it sounds like you're just on youtube but you're not on like facebook instagram tick tock and all of that i'm that is so great a whole year without social media i love it i love it it's hard at first right it's hard with

39:10 any detox especially at first um you can set limits on apps for your iphone that is such a good suggestion right you can download apps to help you uh monitor your social media use i love that tiffany said this past year i started implementing no social media sundays oh i love that no social media sundays uh where my phone is out and uh is out and completely down i love that i love that idea right so creating the idea

39:40 being creating a new routine a new relationship with your phone a new relationship with social media you get to decide what that looks like what that works you know sometimes it'll take a lot of trial and error um but i love that no social media sundays uh also if you have a smart watch you can keep your phone away and just use your watch in case yep in case of calls or important important text i love that

40:04 so let me share with you guys what i do right because i got to put some limits on myself with the type of job that i do right i'm on youtube i'm on instagram this is literally my job right and it can get out of hand right and i want to at the end of the day i want to be there for my family right i want to be present and i never want to feel like i'm putting my

40:23 career over my family right that's to ideally write what we're reaching for and so what i do and what's working for me is after work i leave my phone in my office it does not come downstairs with me and i dedicate those couple of hours just for my family uh most days some days i don't but i find that when i just leave the phone away upstairs away from me i mean no access i can't go on it right

40:51 and that that's what works for me um it's works for me just to not have it in the room also too i'll follow i'll put my i'll leave my phone in my office and not fall asleep with it right because i'm finding i'm up on there scrolling around while i should be having time for myself or having time with my husband right or going to sleep and so what works for me is i'll leave my phone in

41:13 my office and i don't touch it right until the next day um so those are the things that are working for me also just creating more uh rituals around my own interests and hobbies so i've gotten into walking um and just going on my own solo walk so doing more things for myself uh that will ultimately fill myself up because i don't know about you but when i spend a lot of time on social media i very rarely walk away feeling like oh

41:42 my gosh like i'm just so energized i feel like i'm taking care of myself right uh let me know if you can relate to that right where we feel like when we're in the moment we feel good but then you walk away and you're like what did i just do with all that time that i just had right where did the time go it's a time trap right so i try to be intentional about adding in reading time

42:02 so after the girls go to sleep my ritual okay so here's my routine just in case it'll help somebody out there we have dinner and then from five to six i go on my walk assuming the air quality is good i live in california we're dealing with wildfires right now so sometimes i can't do that um but i'll go for my solo walk five to six and then they go to bed around seven and i try to read and journal between seven

42:26 and eight so that's kind of what's been working for me okay miss mamawood says love the rituals idea okay love it uh glad it's helpful and you guys feel free to share you know what's working for you we're all different different things work depending on the season depending on our schedule so i'm seeing some hearts fly through on instagram so i love it okay another question that i got overall is just what are your thoughts on

42:52 youtubers including children online and that's what i'm gonna wrap up this discussion with it's just what are my overall thoughts of children being online and being a part of social media i think we've kind of we've covered the whole the risky part right and i think that is always important for us especially i'm speaking for myself as well as content creators to be mindful of the risk involved in sharing our children right and the long term i think i always tell

43:20 myself play the long game right play the long game what is this gonna maybe look like in five years and ten years we are a generation where we don't really know right we don't know and it's always important to think about that and to be intentional about it um overall though i don't think there is anything wrong with sharing our experiences with other people right and sharing our life uh we have to be aware though that it's

43:46 risky and it opens ourselves up for criticism it opens ourselves up to be cancelled right uh it opens ourselves up for a lot of negativity online and that is the inherent risk when we share our children online right um but i don't think that it's it's bad right um there's there's levels to this right it's on a continuum that i don't think anything is always all bad and or all good right but we as the adults have the

44:14 responsibility to protect our children right and i think it's best that when we can find ways to center ourselves as the parents our experiences our challenges versus centering our children i think is where we can better balance right so they're not this focal point they're not the selling point right um and i think that's where jordan cheyenne messed up right where she was trying to center her child in this very vulnerable situation versus had she just

44:42 tried to center herself we might not be here we might not be here talking about this right and that's the problem right when we put our children or when we put um views and likes and money and all of that over our child's well-being that's where we always mess up right and it's so sad for the children uh obviously going through this and i think what's important is to remember children inherently they want to please us right they want to be in

45:07 our good favor they want to be loved by us they want our attention so they're going to work very hard to get that um and they trust in us to protect them right that's our job overall that's our main job is to protect our children and if we are not protecting them they're going to feel anxious they're going to feel uncomfortable they're going to feel sad right and what are the long-term ramifications of that also short-term

45:30 ramifications right if we think about our child's well-being and their mental health and so being mindful of that right um as parents right and as children grow you know they're they need their privacy it's right they need their privacy to make mistakes to have vulnerable moments even when they're younger right this is this is part of protecting our children right and keeping them safe is to protect their privacy um and so that's kind of where i'll end

45:58 with i would love to wrap up with a couple other of your thoughts over on youtube if you're watching this live um and if you're watching this the recording share in the comments under this video share some of your thoughts um and some of your takeaways because i think we can learn from this right we can we can learn from this we can grow from this as a community and you know being mindful and thinking about how are

46:19 we consuming this type of content right katie said i have a picture of our family portrait shared a professionally taken picture of us as a family and at least for me i think that's okay yeah i think that is okay as well i think there's nothing wrong with that right with there's nothing wrong with sharing our family especially to our community sometimes that's the only way we can keep in touch with people right is to share with them i'm gonna turn on

46:46 comments okay i turned on comments on instagram let's see how we're doing over here you guys want to share um what your thoughts are i'd love to hear them before we wrap up this was fun though how do you guys like the live experience i i want to do more lives so let me know what you guys think about just coming on live

47:20 hey hey hey okay [Music] okay miss mom mrs mamawood said it's going to make me think more about documenting so much what is my intention yes what is my intention what is the point of me sharing this with other people how can i be more present while keeping some memories too i love that i love that

47:52 somebody said this was great a lot of great takeaways to keep in mind okay i am glad oh thank you somebody said i love your videos i'm loving your lives okay good i would love to come live more especially if you're not already follow me on youtube might go live more on there versus instagram because y'all while in over there on instagram um but the outdoorsy mama said i've noticed that if mom influencers share kids there's more engagement than if

48:19 kids are not shown so true right right we as a community are more likely to click on the videos right we're more likely to engage with the videos when kids are involved so what does that mean right what does that look like for us as the consumers because we are ultimately helping them right um and so that's important to be mindful of is what kind of content we are consuming i've noticed this on my own instagram so true right

48:44 so true and sometimes it's fun right kids make us happy kids make us laugh um and that's important to life as well but it's also important to keep in mind and consider all right you guys okay somebody said that's interesting i never post my kids right so we're all on a continuum right some of us never post at all and some of us post a lot of the time so everybody is going to be on a continuum there when it comes to

49:13 how much we post and sometimes it'll change over time maybe after watching this you're like i don't want to post my kids at all but yeah okay great awesome awesome you guys well i'm going to wrap up here um i will talk to you guys soon and hopefully i will talk to you guys in another uh live coming up all right you guys take care bye [Music]