Transcript
0:04 nothing hurts us parents more than to witness our child in pain or suffering through a failure we immediately get anxious because we want to be perfect we want them to be perfect we want them to be happy even though we barely know what that means we want them to not be in emotional pain and we will do anything it takes so a child comes say my child comes to me and says you know Mommy I got a cade or mommy my teacher said that
0:30 I was very lazy and unmotivated and she's crying my instinct as a parent is first to feel anxiety my next instinct is to control that anxiety and I will do anything to control it I will either tell her oh don't be stupid don't be silly you're magnificent you're fabulous that does not help my child or I may say really you got a C grade and I will overreact I'll be overwhelmed I'll say let's get tutors for you and let's get
0:56 you up because you're such an intelligent child you're my child that doesn't help the child what will help the child is our ability to tolerate their pain and be a steward in that moment of conflict in that moment of upheaval and show them that we are Resolute this is life this is suffering and it's okay to be in this pain it's okay you're not going to break you're stronger and more resilient than you think and this is the message we need to
1:24 impart to them but if we ourselves don't believe in our own resiliency we're going to fall apart the kid is going to pick up on it so instead of reacting what I would do is talk to my child about sitting and feeling those feelings so how does it feel to depend on your teacher's c-grade or on your teacher telling you you're lazy is that correct are you I would ask my child to investigate go deep within their own
1:48 being and ask themselves is it true is it true that this label this other person has imposed on me is a definition of myself and let the child come to their own aware awareness don't take it away from them don't put a Band-Aid and don't seek to run away on a train from that emotional pain
Summary
- Witnessing a child's pain triggers parental anxiety and a desire for perfection.
- Common parental reactions include dismissing the child's feelings or overreacting to their struggles.
- Instead of trying to control the situation, parents should tolerate and validate their child's emotional experiences.
- Teaching children to investigate their feelings helps them develop self-awareness and resilience.
- Parents must believe in their own resilience to effectively support their children.
- Avoiding emotional pain does not help; instead, children should be encouraged to confront and understand their feelings.