Transcript
0:03 you know I don't think there's any other journey more like Parenthood to push our buttons because our children are so so intuitive they just know which buttons to push and we as parents we're well intentioned but we don't seem to know what to do in the moment and no amount of books we've read or parenting manuals we've looked at or therapists we visited none of the advice seems to stick and the reason it doesn't stick is because everything is happening
0:29 within the energetic stance of the relationship so unless the therapist is right there with you or the author of that book is right there with you nothing is going to help the only way a parent can realign their relationship with their child is if they understand how to energetically shift the relationship so I'm going to give you an example of how I helped one of the parents do this this mother and father came and their 16-year old was accused
0:56 of stealing $200 from the mother and the sixteen-year-old was besides himself and he said that's it they're going to send me away to a hostel they're done with me they just don't understand and frankly I didn't understand either what could be the reason to steal $200 but he later explained that he had been failing his chemistry exams and because his father was pushing him so hard and they had such a dysfunctional relationship he did not want to once more displease his
1:24 father so what he did was he stole these $200 and admitted to it but he said he put it towards a tutor so he could up his grades and once again show his father that he was worthy now the parents didn't know any of this so the parents are being triggered they believe their son is a thief you know we immediately enter lack and judgment and we parents think we're psychic so we can foretell so these
1:47 parents said that's it my child is this no good loser who's going to be a thief a pathological liar for life unless I show them or show him who's the boss but what the parents were missing entirely was that the child was manifesting this unmet need or fearing the displeasure of his parents so once I showed the parents that the child was just screaming for approval for validation for sense value and worth that was intrinsic and
2:16 no longer extrinsic based on grades or success then the parents began having a different view and a different understanding and the father then admitted to being so heavy-handed because he had fear and anxiety that his son would not be successful
Summary
- Children are intuitive and often know how to trigger emotional responses in parents.
- Traditional parenting advice may not be effective without addressing the energetic dynamics of the relationship.
- A case study illustrates a 16-year-old who stole money to pay for a tutor, driven by fear of disappointing his father.
- The parents initially viewed their child as a thief, missing the deeper emotional needs behind his actions.
- The child’s behavior stemmed from a desire for approval and validation rather than malicious intent.
- Understanding the root causes of a child's actions can shift parental perspectives and improve relationships.
- Parents often project their fears and anxieties onto their children, leading to misunderstandings.
- Acknowledging and addressing these emotional dynamics is crucial for healthier family interactions.