# 8 Tips to Prepare Your Husband to Support You in Labor and Birth - The Parenting Junkie **Creator:** Hi, Fam! **Platform:** youtube **Duration:** 16m **Source:** https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6WnYqopYsrQ ## Summary The video provides guidance for expectant parents on how to prepare partners for the birthing experience, emphasizing the importance of communication, education, and emotional support. The speaker shares her personal experiences and offers practical tips to ensure that partners can effectively support during labor, reducing stress and enhancing the bonding experience. - Communication is crucial; partners should discuss expectations and plans for the birth in detail. - Consider hiring a doula or additional support if the partner may not be equipped to provide the necessary support during labor. - Create a checklist of tasks for the partner to manage during labor, such as packing the hospital bag and arranging childcare. - Engage in joint education about the birthing process to align expectations and approaches. - Prepare a list of supportive phrases for the partner to use during labor to foster a positive environment. - Encourage partners to practice massage techniques and acupressure points to aid in comfort during contractions. - Partners should be trained to maintain a calm presence, minimizing their own anxieties to support the birthing person effectively. - Prioritize rest and self-care for both partners leading up to the birth to ensure they are physically and emotionally prepared. ## Transcript [[0:00]](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6WnYqopYsrQ&t=0s) are you expecting congratulations if you are and if you want your partner your husband or your romantic partner to support you during birth then this video is for you i have had babies four times already i have four babies and i'm about to have my fist and one of the things that has been an ongoing kind of learning curve for us is how for us to function well as a couple in this very extreme life experience of [[0:29]](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6WnYqopYsrQ&t=29s) giving birth how to prepare my husband who is not a doula and doesn't you know naturally know all the things that you need to do to support a woman during birth how to prepare him so that he's empowered to empower me and support me and so that we don't have extra stress during the birth itself hi my name is avital i'm a mindset parenting coach and i'm the mother of four and soon to be the mother of [[0:59]](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6WnYqopYsrQ&t=59s) five i share videos that help you to love parenting and parent from love and to create family bliss if you or someone you know are expecting consider sharing this with them maybe it's going to help them in prepping their partner for birth before you even prepare your partner for birth with you you need to consider if you want a separate person to be a support person for you during birth as well some husbands or wives are fantastic [[1:27]](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6WnYqopYsrQ&t=87s) birth support figures some marriages are built for that some partnerships really thrive on you know kind of taking that experience as an experience of bonding and it can be an incredibly deepening experience where you really feel the trust and the love and you're going through something intense and this is the person that's supporting you and some of them are simply going to be disappointing and frustrating and they're not equipped maybe they have just not the right brain for it or not [[1:56]](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6WnYqopYsrQ&t=116s) the right approach for it or not enough time for it and you don't want your birth to be a point of kind of trauma in your relationship with this appointment in your relationship where you weren't there for me you didn't know how to support me the truth is it's hard to support a person during birth that's why it's a whole career being a doula is a whole career that people study for and practice for because it's a set of skills that most [[2:19]](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6WnYqopYsrQ&t=139s) people will not have naturally so if you think that you might be getting very frustrated and disappointed with your husband for example during birth consider hiring a doula or asking someone else who you do feel close to a close friend a sister a mother to be there and be your support person during the birth or in addition at least so you want to have an honest conversation with yourself and with your partner to ask yourself if [[2:44]](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6WnYqopYsrQ&t=164s) they're truly equipped if they're really willing and able to do this and if they're not that doesn't mean anything bad about them or about your marriage but it's really good information to have before you go down that path of frustration and disappointment my husband has been incredible in all of my births but there's also been times during those births or before or after them that i was disappointed with how he handled a certain thing or showed up for [[3:07]](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6WnYqopYsrQ&t=187s) a certain thing and that left this kind of bad residue for us that we had to work through so just to be brutally honest it's it's not something that i think just comes naturally to everyone and i want you to consider that so it doesn't become a sticky point or something that kind of mars your experience or your relationship [Music] so the first thing and the most important thing is communication and lots of it you and your partner want to [[3:34]](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6WnYqopYsrQ&t=214s) be having a lot of conversations about the birth about what you're expecting about what the plans are about what your expectations of them are and i'll use husband as an example but if it's a wife or a different type of partner then just make that apply to you if you have a specific birth plan you know which hospital you're going to or birthing center or a home birth for example then you want to make sure that your [[3:59]](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6WnYqopYsrQ&t=239s) partner really understands that and you want to know that they know how to get there and how to navigate once they get there and when to go that's the type of thing that can cause some stress intention ask me how i know when you are in the throes of birth itself especially if you're going to a hospital where there's some kind of complicated route or weird place to park or you might be getting there in the middle of the night where [[4:24]](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6WnYqopYsrQ&t=264s) the back door is the only one open that has happened to me my friends and so that is the type of thing that your partner should be taking care of introduce them to your midwife or your doctor give them the phone numbers put them in their phone in a clear way and show them this is the number that you call for example right just give them the information that they need you might even want to really consider actually [[4:45]](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6WnYqopYsrQ&t=285s) making a clipboard with all the important information another thing to help set them up for success is to sit down and make the to-do list of what happens when you go into labor what do they need to do do they need to grab the hospital bag do they need to call your doctor do they need to get the babysitter or take your children to their grandparents do they need to do any other things that are really [[5:11]](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6WnYqopYsrQ&t=311s) important that they can only do at that point obviously whatever you can prep in advance is better but if you can't there are certain things that they're going to need to do then and if they have a checklist right really like kind of like mission oriented checklist that's going to help them so you don't have to start communicating it when you're in the midst of breathing through those contractions the next thing is to embark on some kind [[5:39]](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6WnYqopYsrQ&t=339s) of education together now even though my husband's a doctor and he had actually been to many many births before my first birth he was at bursts that were very different from my approach to but he was a very medicated hospitalized birth and i have opted for a more natural birth process and so he was actually kind of clueless about that uh world it's actually very very different in terms of the mindset and in terms of the birth prep so things like [[6:05]](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6WnYqopYsrQ&t=365s) hypno birthing or caring about the atmosphere or words of support and affirmation are not things that you necessarily learn in a hospital birth class right i've been to those classes you really learn the mechanics you learn the stages of labor maybe some breathing techniques at least that was my experience and so if you want your partner to be able to support you in any advanced way from that they're going to need some education and some partners [[6:29]](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6WnYqopYsrQ&t=389s) are going to be resistant to that they're disconnected from it they're not feeling the baby kicking they're not understanding what's coming and so i really recommend finding a youtuber in life you know real life person or a course that you can take together something that's not too informative and too long and too taxing on you guys but that you experience together and that you feel like this makes sense this is the approach i want to take [[6:53]](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6WnYqopYsrQ&t=413s) so i have been loving bridget taylor's videos she also has a birth course i have bought her birth affirmations package and i just want to say big shout out to you bridget i think your videos are beautiful and it really helped me in prep for my fifth child i only discovered you now but i love what you're doing i also love hypno birthing in general so listening to those meditations etc and that's mostly stuff that mama is [[7:17]](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6WnYqopYsrQ&t=437s) going to be doing but if you can get your partner to become aware of it to understand why you don't want to say things like no you're doing fine you don't need help or you don't want to say things like wow that looks really painful oh my gosh this baby is so stubborn when's he gonna come out already or ooh or any of that stuff you really want your partner to learn what is supportive and what isn't [[7:40]](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6WnYqopYsrQ&t=460s) supportive during birth so i actually went as far as to write out okay a list of affirming words things that i think if my partner said them during birth i would find them supportive i would find them helpful things like you're doing this you're amazing you're a rock star it's moving ahead perfectly every surge is bringing you closer to your baby i am here with you let me ease the pain for you um those are words that i've i think [[8:07]](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6WnYqopYsrQ&t=487s) might help me during birth or have helped me in the past um and i have a whole long list i will share it with you below but the idea is really to help them have the words most people don't know how to support someone who's going through an intense experience and they need the help they haven't been trained as a doula you also just want to tell them in general what you would find supportive like for me [[8:30]](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6WnYqopYsrQ&t=510s) if my partner is on the phone on his phone during birth that would drive me crazy i need to know that if he's on his phone it's because he's checking on our kids or it's because of something that he absolutely has to do then and he's not just scrolling through twitter or whatever so that's the kind of thing i really need to communicate clearly like babe if you do that that's really gonna upset me please be sure not to do that [[8:52]](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6WnYqopYsrQ&t=532s) think about the things for you like maybe it's if he disappears to the bathroom for a really long time and you don't know when he's coming back or if he makes jokes would you like that would you not like that some of these things you're not gonna know but some of them you might know like i really don't want jokes or i don't want talking and blabbing or i do please entertain me and you know distract me [[9:11]](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6WnYqopYsrQ&t=551s) know yourself a little bit and think about what you would like or at the very least communicate the fact that you will be sharing and you will be saying please do this please don't do this you want to prepare your partner not to get insulted tell them not to take anything personally you might yell at them you might curse at them you might slap their hand away when they're trying to touch you in a certain way [[9:37]](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6WnYqopYsrQ&t=577s) and that's so normal and so to be expected during birth don't worry about it but just make sure that they don't worry about it either and that they still come back and that they're still supportive and that they're still present for you give your partner a set of tools that they can use to support you as well things like please light incense or play my meditations for me or heat up a heat pack for me and put it on me or [[10:03]](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6WnYqopYsrQ&t=603s) um run a bath for me and get me in the shower or get me ice chips and offer me electrolyte water offer them maybe write it out on that little dossier that you make them offer them a way to support you through birth so that they have that their list they know what to do they know how to do it remember they haven't been trained in this arena the next thing you want to do with your [[10:27]](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6WnYqopYsrQ&t=627s) partner is to test your uh massage positions and acupressure points so you really want to just go online and watch a few videos about different acupressure points that your partner can locate on your body that can help you with the surges with the contractions and then you want to practice it's not easy to find these points and it's really not something you want them fumbling around with during labor so have them test the acupressure points that and see [[10:56]](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6WnYqopYsrQ&t=656s) that they can find them on your body and that they feel good to you same goes for certain massage techniques and if during birth that doesn't feel good you'll just tell them and they'll stop but at least they'll have an uh they'll be equipped uh to know that they know how to do it they know what what it means they know what the positions are so same goes for acupressure massage and also positions themselves like which different positions can they get [[11:19]](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6WnYqopYsrQ&t=679s) you into to help you with the contractions can they sit you on a yoga ball can they put you on all fours can they help you get on to the bed different ways you want them to just be practicing that with you a little bit so that it's not all surprising when the birth is already here and finally and perhaps most importantly is you really want to empower and encourage your partner to be able to hold a calm [[11:48]](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6WnYqopYsrQ&t=708s) space if they are going to get anxious and activated and worried or or kind of fidgety or fumbly or ask you a million questions during birth that's not going to be a good energy for you i've given my partner explicit instructions not to ask me all the time does this feel good do you want to do this do you want to do that should we go over here should i go over there just don't ask me take the lead if [[12:11]](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6WnYqopYsrQ&t=731s) something's not working i'll tell you your brain needs to stay in that very animal place of birth right it's kind of this otherworldly experience a little bit like sleeping or like sex or or whatever it is where you're fully in your body and you're not going to be in your cognitive executive brain where you keep managing other people you don't want to have to manage him and his anxieties or his questions and so you really need to prepare him to [[12:38]](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6WnYqopYsrQ&t=758s) have his own techniques his own ways of calming himself down and of answering his questions by asking the midwife or the doula or the doctor or just trusting himself or having that dossier that clipboard with the stuff that gives him the answer so he doesn't have to keep asking you it's very important that he knows ahead of time where things are what needs to be done what his responsibilities are so that he's not asking you to manage [[13:05]](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6WnYqopYsrQ&t=785s) him during that time and what you really want to do is also on the emotional and physical psychological level empower him to stay very calm so he can be a calming energy for you you're going to be needing to focus on really keeping yourself incredibly relaxed and keep coming back to calming yourself down if he's breathing shallow or has his shoulders up here he can't be that force that's bringing you energetic calm as well so you want to practice things like slow [[13:35]](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6WnYqopYsrQ&t=815s) breathing techniques low voice low low breath relaxed shoulders him being able to hold you strongly during a contraction without tensing up right his energy is really going to affect yours and so you need to communicate clearly to him that he is holding an energetic space of support some partners might not be able to do that in which case you really do want a doula who can and that if he's getting worried or anxious or fatigued [[14:06]](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6WnYqopYsrQ&t=846s) then he needs to take that away from you you don't want a partner who's something saying oh i'm also in pain or i'm also tired to prep for that i'm really trying to prioritize his sleep up until the birth for example trying to prioritize healthy eating movement energy he needs to be energized and and present and able to hold that space potentially for a very long time so resting up of course for both of you and i'm gonna make a whole video about [[14:32]](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6WnYqopYsrQ&t=872s) sleep and prioritizing sleep during pregnancy which is challenging but the idea really being that you need uh to help him just as you need to help yourself be as energetic as possible as you lead into the birth hey guys it's me again i'm just popping in from the future because at this point i've already had my baby my home birth went spectacularly well thank goodness and my partner was incredible he was absolutely my doula and my support system and all of [[15:04]](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6WnYqopYsrQ&t=904s) that prep totally paid off so i just wanted to come in from the future and let you know that these things really worked and made a big difference for us and if you want to hear more about my home birth story or about other tips and tricks for pregnancy birth and of course primarily beyond into the realm of parenting and learn to love parenting and parent from love then make sure that you're subscribed hit the notification bell [[15:28]](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6WnYqopYsrQ&t=928s) and give this video a thumbs up so that you'll be sure to see future videos from me because that's how the algorithms work okay back to the video all right i very much hope that your birth experience bonds you together even deeper is intimate and meaningful and really really smooth and if there are hiccups which there will be and disappointments that you can gracefully move past them and heal past them and still look so fondly and so gratefully at the [[15:59]](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6WnYqopYsrQ&t=959s) way your partner showed up for you at the way that you experienced this as a team together and that that can really set you guys up to be a fabulous team as parents as well to your beautiful newborn child