# Relationships Have the Power to Help Us Regulate With Children

**Creator:** Conscious Discipline
**Platform:** youtube
**Duration:** 1m
**Source:** https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6fsLGVzE5Xk

## Summary

The speaker emphasizes the critical role of relationships in helping children regulate their emotions, particularly anger and rage. They argue that without a strong connection, it is nearly impossible to assist a child in managing their behavior effectively.

- Relationships are essential for emotional regulation in children.
- A lack of connection with a child limits the ability to help them regulate their emotions.
- Children may behave differently in various environments based on their relationships with adults.
- Teachers and caregivers need to build strong connections to support emotional management.
- The speaker highlights the futility of expecting parents or other teachers to manage a child's behavior without a relationship in place.
- Emotional regulation is a relational process, not an isolated one.

## Transcript

[[0:00]](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6fsLGVzE5Xk&t=0s)
So now I want you to hear this. When we're talking about anger and we're talking about anger and rage, relationships regulate. Say that with me. Relationships regulate. Say it again. Relationships regulate or relationships disregulate. Say that. Relationships disregulate. Now, we've got a lot of people out there and a lot of kids of all ages. We got people in here from infant and toddler up to middle school in this room. But the age is irrelevant because if you're going to help a child learn to regulate, it's going to happen in what? A relationship. So if you have no connection with a child and you're going to come in here and get how do I help this child that you have no connection with regulate? What's the answer? You're not. And this is why you have some kids that just hit it off with others or they have a relationship. So when they're in your room, the kid manages fairly well givingven all the life circumstances. But when they go down the hall to art or something else, the art teacher's coming back to you and say, "Do something, do something." And I was like, "I can't." But we do the same things. We want to call their parents and say, "You do something." Well, sadly, they're in your classroom. So unless you want to change places and let the parent come in there and teach, it's going to be in your relationship because maybe when they get home, they tow the line a little better, but when they get into the room and you have no connection with them, it's Over.