book club 4: Lack or abundance?

0:02 hello everyone i'm trying to get this wi-fi to work so i don't know whether it's working today there you go hi everyone i'm here to enjoy a discussion with you and speak to you more about concepts from my book a radical awakening which has been out in the world now for three weeks if you started reading it tell me what is your aha moment what are your insights what is impacting you

0:32 this book is now reaching the hearts and minds of many so i am holding a book book club almost on a daily basis this is book club number four let's talk about some things that come up as a consistent theme in this book that i want to share with you so drag lifestyle md can't put it down how many of you have started reading the book g g russell just got it tanya pettis hi

1:03 salistara what hi nicole waiting for your book to come please be my therapist amazing book has been life-changing we are here book club number four i'm going to share with you some of the themes from this book a radical awakening grab it it is helping women and men transform understand themselves more deeply and truly set themselves free so if you haven't grabbed the book grab it so one of the things i talk about in

1:36 this book a lot and what i see on a daily basis with my clients is this pervasive sense of lack what is lack right so we know lack is something lesser than lack is something scarce lack is not good enough now it seems so obvious that our problems would come from lack but what i really want to talk about

2:06 today is that you may not even realize how quickly you go you go into lack so jason says maybe i'll buy the audiobook i hope you do it's only 15 hours it's intense but it will keep you company on your exercise and your cooking and your walks and before you go to bed so whether you buy the audio or a hard copy make sure to grab a copy either way so what is lack

2:40 lack according to me and what i see in hundreds of people i work with every year lack is the default is the default gear that we go into i promise you it is your default gear what does that mean anytime you are in a state of uh a trigger a triggered state anytime you are in a state of heightened emotion when somebody has

3:14 poked you chances are for the most part that you will shift your emotional gear shift into gear called lack gear number one lack gear number two more lack more stories gear number three shame or anger gear number four spiral pattern acting out

3:44 addiction we go through a very predictable path in our minds and i talk about it in my book a radical awakening in many different ways how we women in particular are conditioned to enter lack and it isn't too late to change no matter how old you are so lack is the gear shift number one of our emotional

4:16 inner pump in our engine our internal engine has an emotional template and gear number one is lack gear number two more lack more scarcity and then judgment then shame and then anger either we take the anger out inside or anger out inside ourselves or outside and then we spiral into a pattern

4:46 as a therapist i promise you it's standard protocol standard protocol that when a client is triggered gear number one is some sort of lack now what does lack really look like lack looks like oh my goodness this is not a good thing first thing is a decision we make that this is not good whatever this is not good

5:16 then we quickly quickly and these are happening in infinitesimal seconds nano moments and so once we decide this is not good then we become a little bit more detailed either i'm not good or that he or she or that outside is not good right we have to point the finger now there's judgment now there's blame right this is what we do as children who stole the cookie from the cookie jar

5:48 not me she did right we learned this right so we learned lack and then we learned more lack and judgment now we point fingers so if you're a woman you will typically point it at yourself in some way like oh for me it's always me everybody thinks i'm stupid everybody thinks i'm this it's always we do this to ourselves we are the classic victim martyrs right we blame ourselves if we're a guy

6:21 we'll blame outside you freaking bloody bastard or whatever right road rage have you seen road rage it's typically like eyes women will curse and just keep eating their bag of chips in their car and yell at their kid maybe but guys will roll down the window and screech next to the other car to express their outrage that is the difference between masculine aggression and feminine depression right the feminine

6:53 energy is deep pressure to go inside masculine energy is typically to go aggressive outside and of course depending on the degree of toxicity we go fully inside to annihilate ourselves or we go fully outside to excoriate and highlight the other so why is this so important guys because this is happening all the time inside you and you don't even know it it's happening instantaneously you know

7:24 now maybe i can observe myself but i definitely can observe all my clients right it's always easier to observe somebody outside i see like somebody will say oh it's raining okay it's raining neutral energy it's raining depending on whether we're in a traffic jam or we're getting late or not or if we have packages outside our house or not or if we're cozy at home and eating popcorn depending on

7:54 our vantage we will now have a story about the rain gear number one typically will be if we are in a situation that is emotional we will suddenly have a lack based story around the rain oh it's not good it's not good and then we'll start the emotional gear shift to gear number

8:24 two get number three get number four and we spiral oh my goodness now i'm going to be late and then he's going to be angry with me then i won't have dinner and then tomorrow this will happen and then my boss will be angry and we go into an insane rant in our head because once you go into gear shift one lakh it's a slippery slope so what is mindfulness mindfulness is the capacity to mind your

8:55 mind and be fully present to whatever is coming up mindful observe your mind fully so when you're mindful you can begin to see these patterns inside oh it was raining and i couldn't just stay with the is-ness of the rain i needed to put gearshift number one gear two gear three gear 4 and now suddenly i have a movie in my head that has nothing to do with the rain

9:28 but i've decided it does and i've created a whole emotional energy around the rain now we don't see ourselves doing this you see because it's just the way we are we don't realize that we are shifting the gears in our emotional engine at all times and this is why typically in my book a radical awakening i call it being

9:59 asleep now people don't like to be told that they're asleep they're like i'm not asleep i'm awake they don't understand it's a term being asleep which is used when one is asleep to one's own emotional inner engine get the book i speak about this all through the book how women especially

10:30 are brainwashed into lack based belief systems of internal depression of lack so why is this so important you guys because we don't realize we're doing it all the time all the time so no wonder our bodies are diseased no wonder we're eating out of control and drinking out of control no wonder because who wants to live with this

11:01 internal lag but because we're asleep to how we are shifting the gears all the time we're shifting the gears we don't realize we're doing it we're asleep to this internal maneuvering we're unconscious to it like zombies we are not aware we think it's the rain we think it's the neighbor we think it's the tadpoles we think it's the the traffic jam we don't realize it is our internal

11:32 gear shift in our emotional engines that is causing the freaking problem and lack is the ubiquitous first gear default i've rarely met people who when there's a tornado in their life they're able to a be neutral and b wait and see where things go when i was young and restless and naive

12:05 i too was only in emotional gear one two three four lack lack judgment judgment judgment scarcity anxiety only when i began to understand that there is such a thing as reality as it is and that i didn't need to do a thing with my mind against or for reality as it is that i began to awaken it was an epiphany for me my epiphany

12:38 occurred when i was 21 years old and i really started to meditate and it hit me as it does when you meditate just saying that oh my goodness reality is not asking me to react in such a way reality is not saying be pissed now get angry now get depressed reality is just the is-ness of the moment i'm bloody interpreting reality with my

13:10 cultural stories and my shame that i got from culture and all my injunctions and judgments and moral righteousness i'm doing it i'm doing it and and when you realize that which many of you already probably have realized but it is the spiritual breakthrough it is the the switch and until you don't make the switch you don't get to transform until you begin to see that your mind

13:41 is its own movie separate from reality and you have a choice whether you put your movie on to reality or not understanding that choice is freedom until you get that you will be encrusted engaged and enslaved to your own past conditioning you will not

14:12 be in the present moment so my book of radical awakening is is spiritual and psychological metamorphosis for every woman it's mostly written for women who wish to truly truly understand who it is they are and finally and unequivocally and fully begin to break free it is a deep book it doesn't stay on the

14:43 surface it penetrates who it is you are how you came to be the way you are and how you can begin to shift out of your robotic patterns if you have read any of my books on parenting you know that i don't spare any punches that i truly try to take parents to the depth of their madness in a loving way

15:14 to show them how they are blocking their own freedom and yes those neural pathways are hard to change but moment by moment by moment the adult self can undo and redo those pathways but it takes an awakening so the awakening occurs when you begin to realize that you have predominantly been living

15:47 in gear of lack in the emotional gear of lack gear shift lag gear shift one lakh gear shift two lac three judgment for depression or aggression five this the spiral of unending anxiety it comes from gearshift number one and until you understand that lack is a conditioned part of you

16:18 it doesn't have to be your reality it is a conditioned part of you you can begin to change your entire way of living before you enter lack you can say hmm i don't know i'm going to just sit with the is-ness of this moment before i enter lack so suppose you're sitting in the house and your roof falls down because of tremendous rain and bad construction

16:50 before you interlac sit in the possibility that you don't know and it is just what it is the roof has fallen down very few of us can do that because when the roof falls down we are like that is a bad thing and i therefore need to react as if it's a bad thing therefore i need to get angry or really start crying because if i don't react as if it's a bad thing then i'm crazy but you only need to

17:22 react if you think it's a bad thing what if it's just a thing what if you're about to get a brand new roof for free because the insurance gives it to you for free what if you were meant to move that from the house anyway what if what if what if what if you don't know so in that moment to stay suspended in the i don't know and this is just what it is takes tremendous power because we've

17:54 been told how to react we've been told who to react to and how to react by all the people around us we've been controlled we've not had self-ownership because we've been owned by other people in their ship we've been in other people's ship not in our own so how do we sit in the is-ness and not go to the first emotional gear

18:24 of lack when we are not in lack we are able to stay steady and not be swayed by every moment of our life to understand that this life is a long arc it's not lived just through this reaction they're going to be many more stories they're going to be many more twists and turns this is not the end of the road so because it's not the end of the road and because we don't know how it could turn

18:55 out we got to wait but because we enter into lack because we enter into lack we don't realize how that lack now sets up a domino effect of more lack so if you truly loved yourself you would actually just stay with the is-ness because when you enter lack it begets more lack then you only see lack now you need to back up your lack with all sorts of depression now you need to communicate that to your

19:25 friends now they will see lack in you and the story goes on so to be mindful means to be full of presence in the moment it needs to be exactly where reality is right now which is right here right now so the greatest act of self-love is to learn about your emotional gear shifts and i talk about it in different ways all through this work

19:56 and we women especially have been plummeted pillaged marauded decimated and every other sat word for pummeled with messages around lac we've been told from head to toe how the perfect image needs to be from our hair to our eyebrows to our eye to our eyelashes to our nose to

20:27 equals to what's in the brain to how the brain is to the mouth to what comes out of the mouth to the chest i don't have to go on every inch of us has been stacked up against an ideal more than men have had to deal with so we are stacked up with lack and that's why we women stay silent that's why we don't yet take the entire earth by the helm and heal it because we are afraid

21:00 because we've been conditioned to be at the back so it is time for women not to be first but to step up more it's time for us to heal the show that has been created by the toxic patriarchy men cannot heal the way we can because our bodies are meant to nurture and heal and we through our redemption

21:30 through our raising through our radiance will heal our brothers they have lost their way it is apparent they have lost their way they can't even find their way on earth but they're going to the moon and to mars and who knows where else and to the bottom of the ocean they've really lost their their mind and their way but that's their problem we don't begrudge them we look at ourselves what can we do to step into our power

22:02 our heart our sense of sovereignty because the more we tap into our true mothering principle whether we are mothers or not our mothering principle we will begin to heal the world but in order to enter our mothering principle we have to enter the mothering principle for ourselves and that is truly what a radical awakening is about for me even though i love children and i think my parenting books are

22:33 lovely and have helped many this book for me is the key because when the mother when the woman is disconnected all will be disconnected she holds the key the woman holds the key we don't call mother earth mother for nothing it means the mothering principle within us and men hold it too but we hold it in plenitude in abundance

23:04 when we are disconnected our children fall astray so the power lies in our radical awakening so that is what this book is a call to it's a promise toward it's an aspiration for it is deeply personal to me i've shared my personal story as much as i felt comfortable with as vulnerable as as i could be to share my foibles my fallacies my limitations my own shame my

23:35 own fears because i believe when one woman shares her story with abandoned with courage with truth with transparency she sets forth the capacity for others to do so as well because part of our silence is because we've been shamed and if you take out the stigma of shame we won't be muffled and muzzled anymore we will be free to express and at first our expression may be maybe primitive or maybe raunchy or

24:06 maybe raspy and not so clear but as we practice as we practice expression we begin to become the healers that we are so a radical awakening is this homage to women to honor their inner power to enter their inner sovereignty to trust their inner knowing we are powerhouses we have forgotten that we are i lived for the first half of my life

24:38 knowing i had it within me but i couldn't access it the way i do now i had blocks blocks of shame blocks of fear blocks of need blocks of ideations around being abandoned or rejected and until i let those go i would not be fully empowered as i am today so this book is a pathway for you if you're a woman out there sitting there going you know i haven't yet fully lived

25:10 my full self i haven't yet fully expressed my authentic truth i haven't fully gotten out of this hesitation this confusion this fog i haven't and it is time for me to do so then this is the book for you so get your book a radical awakening thank you for joining me uh in my book club number four and i'll be back when i'll be back so today i focused on the gear shifts of inner lack and how we need to embrace

25:40 the isness of the moment in order to not spiral into dysfunction you are in charge of where your inner gear goes you are the driver behind the wheel the car goes the ship goes where you ask it to go life is what it is but your inner gearshift response to life is where your power lies if you begin to notice that you respond mostly from lack the first step is awareness ah

26:10 again lack again this was something bad this was something wrong he was wrong i was wrong always lack and when you become aware of lack only then can we begin to change the pattern and i will lead you through how we can do this step by step through these book clubs so if you're interested set your notification to receive the alert when i go live but it will be on my pages anyway thank you for joining me

26:39 i'll be back with book club number five when i'm back thank you guys