Transcript
0:00 - He went from founding The Bloods in Dallas to finding redemption in prison. And now he mentors at-risk kids through his nonprofit organization, Urban Specialists. His autobiography, "A Redemptive Path Forward," recounts his turbulent journey and how he became an advocate for peace and individual potential. - I'm the example of an individual from a kid who you probably said, "He's not gonna make it. He's a monster. He's a menace," but I turned it around, and I spent the rest of my life making sure other kids don't have to go through what I went through.
0:35 - After losing his father to a 50-year prison sentence as an infant, Antong broke the cycle of fatherlessness by becoming an involved father to his own kids. Antong Lucky, welcome to "Pop Wisdom." (upbeat music) What is the number one lesson you learned from your dad? - The number one lesson I learned from my dad is to be present in my kid's life. Interesting, because he wasn't. And so that was a lesson for me, to always be present in my kids' life no matter what - The lesson in the inverse.
1:09 - Yes. - [John Papola] How have you most damaged your kids, either physically or mentally? - I think for me, the most damaging thing that I've done to them is B. And I think it's just me being this overprotective... I think that damaged them, you know? I think it's that. I think it's just me being like Papa Bear, you know, Papa Bear is. - How so? - Because everything they do, I want to know. I wanna make sure they're doing it right.
1:38 I want to, you know... And it's me having to let go of that fear of them messing up, and allowing them to mess up. I think that damaged them a lot. - She seems like she's doing all right, so I don't think the damage is too deep. - Yeah. - What's the most valuable thing you've learned from your children? - To listen. The most valuable thing is to listen. Again, I used to be like this, (John Papola laughs) and it pushed them away.
2:05 But the minute I started listening, it brought us close. Kids can make you get it together if you just listen. - Is there something in your listening that popped and became like a pearl of wisdom and all that? - Yeah, if you listen good, and listen intentively, and you reaffirm what they're saying, you have the best relationship with them. That's the key. It's as simple as that. If you listen intentively and reaffirm what they're saying, just repeat it back to them, man, your relationship goes out the roof.
2:38 That's all kids want. - It's funny you should say that 'cause my wife Lisa says the same thing. She says, "Repeat back..." That's like a psychology tactic, you repeat back the statement- - Your relationship goes out the roof. They'll love you for that. I mean, they love you because in that moment, you affirm that they opinion, that they value counts. - What challenges your patience the most and how do you overcome it? - Dragging, being late.
3:07 - You were saying Bishop Omar was notoriously late to everything. - My daughter was late this morning, and we talked about this the day before like, "Look, this is the time, this is to do... Anything you have to do, do it now, get it done and be on time, right?" And she called and I said, "Meet me at 7:00 o'clock." She called me at 7:00 saying, "I'm on my way." Oh my goodness. (John Papola laughs) So she got a long lecture in the car like, "You gotta be on time. You gotta be on time."
3:35 I hate it when people are dragging because it's the sense of urgency that I like. I like when it is important, it is urgent, we gotta get it done and make it happen. That challenges me to my core. You know, I have to learn to... Like, even with my daughter, I had to woosah before she got in the car, I'm like, "Woosah, do not come off. Do not come off. Just come on take it down, take it down, take it down."
3:56 And it just broke loose. (John Papola laughs) - And she was trapped. - She was trapped and then apologize and then reframe and re... All that good stuff. - What's the most dangerous thing you've ever let your kid do? - Drive. That's dangerous to me, you know. Letting my son and my daughter drive has been so dangerous to me because they scare me. Like even today, when I ride with my daughter or I ride with my son, I am literally driving from the passenger seat. (John Papola laughs) They hate when I ride with them.
4:29 - So you're a terrible back seat/side seat driver? - I cannot... I cannot, I just can't. I have to drive for them. I just... My nerves will be so bad when they drive, and they think they're good drivers. - Are they good drivers? - Well, they say they are. (John Papola laughs) - You did answer the statistically correct answer, right? Because that is probably the most dangerous thing we let our kids do. (laughs) - I'll be nerve wreck.
4:55 - Are there any things when they were little, that were dangerous that you let them do? - Gymnastic for my daughter. Seeing my daughter flipping on those poles, as a father, I was literally scared at my seat. When she was tumbling on the beam, I just saw a bad accident happen. And I guess that's just the father in me, but it was tough. I was so happy when gymnastic became non-interest for her. I was like, "Yes!"
5:24 - What sound, noise, or smell do you love? - The smell of some good soul food. I love soul food. So just smelling some good soul food is good. - Is there a flavor or a smell that especially is like, that's it? That's the thing? Like in that- - If I say it, then it's gonna sound so cliche. (John Papola laughs) Fried chicken. - I mean, fried chicken's pretty awesome. - So if I walk in the house, and that season and aroma hits me, man.
5:55 - Do you have a family recipe that's... or just a recipe you've come across that you really like? - No, I like my mother's chicken. You know, my mother's chicken. She can make the best fried chicken ever, you know. So whenever she make it, I gotta have it. You know, I will fuss if she don't let me know when she make fried chicken. - So it's not exactly the same, but it's pretty close. My dad just texted me pictures of chicken cutlets, which is like, it's basically the same thing.
6:27 It's just chicken fried but with little more Parmesan cheese. (laughs) - I love it. I love it. - What's your favorite dad joke, or shtick you like to play with your kids or your loved ones? - Dad joke? - Yeah, yeah. - I don't know if I have a particular joke that I play, but I always like to be cool. I like to be cool with my kids. (John Papola laughs) But I have the boundaries though, but I like to be cool.
6:53 I like them to think that I'm cool. - Are you able to pull that off? 'Cause I know I have no shot at being cool with my son. (laughs) - Hey, - He just- (laughs) - It's those weird laughs and jokes that they don't get and they don't laugh, but they know I'm trying, you know. I think it's just the fact that they know I'm trying. You know, I'm not as cool as they are, but I'm trying.
7:15 I just like them to think I'm cool. - I think we all aspire for that coolness. (laughs) - Yes, we want it. We gotta have it. - What's your favorite dish to cook? Do you like to cook? - Yeah. You know what I like? Breakfast. - Yup. - Breakfast is my favorite dish. They say I'm the king of making breakfast because I scramble my eggs, my eggs look so good. My bacon looks so good. My biscuits be golden, you know, my daughter...
7:41 They love my breakfast. And breakfast is the most important meal for me. My day don't work right if I don't get breakfast. So I am a chef at making breakfast, man. So I- - Do you put milk in the eggs or no milk? - I gotta put milk in. If you don't put milk in the eggs, what are you doing? (John Papola laughs) I put milk in my eggs, yes. It makes them so yellow. - Yep, yep. Fluffy - Fluffy too.
8:02 - What does masculinity mean to you, or even like what is it? - I think masculinity means just being a protector. I think it's balance. That's it. - Where do you get that sense of masculinity from? When you draw on that, where's that coming from? - Well, that's coming from my ideals of what it mean, and it's my examples that I've had, you know, from my mentors and people in the past that I've looked up to, you know.
8:30 Masculine part with them being protective, just being a protector, being a guy, you know, for me, you know, being that guy, nothing more than less. - What's your favorite household chore and why? - Oh man, my favorite household chore is cleaning the bathroom. - Your favorite household chore, cleaning the bathroom. - You gotta understand when I was a kid, my mother made me wash the baseboards on Saturday with a toothbrush, that I thought was torture. But now, I realized it serves me well because I'm so clean.
8:59 I love my house to be clean. So my bathrooms have to be clean. Like walking into a clean bathroom is like winning for me. Like if I walk in a bad bathroom... - (laughs) I'm suddenly realizing that, you know, you're secretly harboring disdain for us after being in our bathrooms here. (both laughing) - Yep. I love you. I was just thinking, I said, "Well, it's so organized and so clean," and I love that. Clean bathrooms say a lot.
9:27 - We passed the test, I'm happy about that. What do you want to have written on your gravestone? - On my gravestone I want it to say, "Each one, reach one, until we all talk. This man live by that principle." - Each one, reach one? - "Until we all talk. This man live by that principle." Because I think ultimately, like in life, we have to reach back, we have to teach back the wisdom that we got, the pain that we went through, that's our medicine, and our medicine is not for us, our medicine is for someone else.
10:01 Everything that I went through as a childhood, growing up without my father, I took that as my medicine to give to someone else because there's someone else who are going through the exact same thing, and just by them knowing that somebody else went through what they went through and made it, it gives them hope that they can make it. - That's great. I like that a lot. Thanks for being part of "Pop Wisdom," man. - No problem. Thank you, man.
10:25 That's good. - Thanks for watching. If you want to hear more from Antong Lucky, check out our full episode of the "Dad Saves America" show, and please be sure to like this video, subscribe to our channel, and hit the notification bell for more videos dedicated to celebrating the heroic spirit of dad. (light upbeat music)
Summary
- Antong Lucky turned his life around after a troubled youth and now advocates for peace and potential in others.
- He learned the importance of being present in his children's lives from his father's absence.
- Overprotectiveness has been a challenge in his parenting, as he struggles to let his kids make mistakes.
- Listening attentively to his children has strengthened their relationship significantly.
- He finds patience challenging, particularly with tardiness, and works on managing his reactions.
- Antong emphasizes the significance of masculinity as being a protector and finding balance.
- He enjoys cooking breakfast and takes pride in making it well.
- His gravestone wish reflects his belief in sharing wisdom and experiences to help others overcome similar struggles.