Device Issue: How God Used it to Draw One Family Closer

0:00 [Music] Welcome to the Connected Families podcast. Hey, what do you guys think of that new music? It's for our theme this month. Not perfect, still super. Every family is a hero. And that's you, mom, dad, grandmother, teacher. You guys are those everyday superheroes. But without the cape. And we know that you're juggling a lot. So that's why this month we are doing one micro episode six days a week from our discipline that connects course and we are so glad that you are here.

0:36 Hey there friends. I'm Stacy Bellward. Welcome back to the connected families podcast. Question for you. What would you do if you found something questionable on your teen's phone? Well today you're in for something special. And honestly it's actually pretty rare. You're about to hear the true story of the Caswell family and what happened when they discovered concerning content on their daughter's phone and you're going to hear directly from Emma, their daughter herself, about her perspective about how it all went.

1:12 All right. The Caswells had been going through the discipline that connects book and then they decided to go through the full video course together. So when this situation hit, they had a choice. React the way they were inclined to or pause, think it through using the connected famil family's parenting framework. And they even reached out to one of our parent coaches for support. Well, the outcome was completely different than what it could have been. I can't wait for you to hear this story. I'm sharing it because I want you to see what we mean when we say that the connected families parenting framework guides you through tough moments. Friends, your sustaining support, whether it's a one-time gift or a monthly donation, any amount impacts families. You're not just giving dollars. You're giving parents hope and equipping them for those hard moments.

2:11 You're going to hear one today. Okay, let's dive into this story in the voice of the Caswells. >> The night, you know, where we discovered some stuff uh on Emma's phone and, you know, processing that for a while as we were lying in bed worried and wondering and questioning our own parenting and how did we go, you know, how did we, you know, miss it and how did we get off the rails, so to speak. Immediately there was panic. Um there was this kind of um need to handle it now and to try to shut it down and to try to kind of protect our our daughter and and our family and really feeling frantic about what we could possibly do and um how soon we could do it to get everything back to normal or to get everything back to a state of good. I think that we thought that we had a very close and open relationship with our daughter before we found out that there were some more concerning things going on. And um you know, we spent time together and had conversation, but we'd noticed that in the last few months there had just been a little bit more of a wall. So, I think we were scared um but maybe didn't want to acknowledge the full extent to which there had been some brokenness there. And I, you know, we did show up or I showed up in the conversation looking for these sort of fix the behavior kinds of answers and quickly realized as we talked about things like feeling safe, you are loved.

4:04 Uh, and and inviting that kind of um emotion and and that kind of conversation. um and realizing through the the discussions with Chad, you know, we don't need to focus and fix the behavioral things. Um and there's no rush to that. And so for us that looked like creating a safe space. We turned on the fire, pulled the chairs and the couch a little bit closer, and you know, we were beside her and across from her where we could just have eye contact and really engage in a a discussion where we could all sort of drop our guard, you know, and and acknowledge in that moment that, you know what, it's going to be okay, you know, and just speaking those words of reassurance.

5:03 Um, I think that really speaks into very deeply this idea that our kids feel safe. >> And I think it was so evident and clear in that moment uh that Emma felt that. I remember Emma wanting to steer the conversation to well, am I grounded? Am I grounded? I said, well, let's just let's put that on the shelf. that's we don't want to talk about, you know, the behaviors and we don't want to talk about, you know, some punishment or something like that. That's not our hope. So, it was just a conversation about really getting us all to think about, you know, what do we want this journey right here in front of us to look like? What do we hope for from this conversation? and giving each of us space to name that and really break that open and look at it closely so that uh Emma had a voice and Emma had a choice and a say in that and it wasn't this authoritative over-the-top [Music] um controlling conversation where she might have felt otherwise backed in a corner. We showed love to our daughter in a time when she was really hurting and needed some help. And I would say that showed up uh in a number of ways. It showed up in hugs and uh I think it showed up in really listening in an empathetic way where we could relate to what it is that she was going through even if we hadn't experienced that exact situation. I think listening with empathy and listening by the gift of giving a good question to her to really help her process what she was thinking. I think that felt safe. I think that felt loving and we worked to communicate that Emma was called and capable in a way that really drew out the gifts in her. So, in in this situation, u Emma is highly relational in her in her friendships. She's very social. And these are great examples of how you've been gifted. And here's what it looks like when it doesn't go so well.

7:39 >> And so, we moved into that week really uncertain ourselves about where we were going to emerge, but knowing that something had to change. And uh that resistance in Emma slowly was mitigated throughout the week. And by the time we got to the end of the week, we sat down and said, "Okay, what does it look like long term for you to take responsibility for your decisions? What's going to look different moving forward?" >> Um we knew we had to put some boundaries around it, right? So it wasn't just 7 days later it's like, "Okay, back to normal." cuz now we've we've talked about this and it's going to be a-ok.

8:18 Okay. No, it was you can't be at your friend's houses right now. This is a natural consequence. If you want to hang out with your friends, invite them over. That's just fine. >> Um, I was dealing with like some self confidence stuff and just like having trouble actually liking who I was. So, the friends I was hanging out with at that time, um, we made some certain decisions and we kind of kept a list of those decisions on our phones. And so, my parents found that list on my phone.

8:52 I was scared. Um, that's not something you want your parents to find out as a teenager. I just didn't know what was going to happen. I was thinking, my initial reaction was like, how am I going to get back to my friends? How am I what about my phone? Like, how do I get back to that? How do I like I was looking for the fastest path back to all that stuff. >> I remember being a little surprised cuz I had assumed that I'd be in big trouble that I was like my life was over the stereotypical teenager. I don't know. Um, but I was surprised that they met me at more of a place of grace and almost like an understanding.

9:39 So, my parents made me feel safe by helping me to know that like our conversations were between us. They weren't going to like turn around, talk to other people about it. We had that trust. If they were talking, it wasn't like lecturing and it wasn't making sure that I knew what I did wrong. It was just trying to help me and like lift me up to a better place. And the way that my parents came to me um calmly and in a way that showed that they were interested in what's best for me, that they were on my side.

10:14 Like I want to thank them so much for doing something about it when they found out that something was up. I want to thank them for setting their pride aside to go to the coach because they knew that they couldn't do this alone and they didn't want me to do it alone. Um, thinking of how far I've come, how much I've transformed over the last year. I wouldn't have been able to do any of that or to be where I'm at right now without them. I have a fantastic relationship with my parents, the best it's ever been. And that situation helped us to actually come together and grow closer.

10:56 Wow. Any of you have a few tears in your eyes like I do? What did Emma say? That situation helped us to grow closer. Wow. You know, that's exactly what we mean when we say the connected families framework doesn't make you a perfect parent, but it gives you tools to parent well, even in the hard moments. The Caswell story showed you what that could look like. That's what I was going for today. Well, can we just take a minute to just be so grateful that the Caswell family shared their story with us? And thank you to Emma. What a sweet girl. I mean, they just gave us everything, didn't they? Even down to the details of how they arranged their furniture for that conversation.

11:47 Well, friends, that kind of guidance, right? They went through the book, the video course. They met with a trained parent coach who came alongside their family. It's all possible because of people like you. Because you've chosen to join the mission of equipping overwhelmed families. I hope this story also maybe casts vision for you to jump into the discipline that connects with your child's heart course if you haven't because when you do join the table community this month you'll get access to the course for you and a friend like thousands of people have gone through the course. It's tried and true. But hey, we welcome you to do that.

12:30 And here's something special. you know, in the Thursday parenting tips email. Be sure to sign up if you haven't. Um, I'll share a link to that actually in the show notes, but the Caswells gave me a now and then photo. So, you're going to see the back then when the story was told, which was more than a few years ago. Um, and a now photo. And let me tell you, they do not regret going allin with connected families. I know they would say their family is not perfect, but they're doing great. Gosh, I love it. Tap through the show notes. Join the table community today. Every gift, whether one time, monthly, it equips more families like yours, like mine, like the Caswells in our hardest moments. Okay, you guys. Thanks for being here today, friends.