It’s no ones fault!

0:01 hello everyone welcome to my book club series this is book club number 21 i think it is we're at number 21 right now come on in we're talking about a radical awakening and some of the themes in a radical awakening that could awaken you so here's the the cover of the book but if you can't read it here it is a radical awakening you know this is the book i just wrote it's out there in the world and it is

0:35 gaining a momentum so the main premise of this book is that we are fundamentally disconnected to who we truly are because as children either through great neglect and abandonment or through subtle decimations of our spirit we learn to wear a mask because our parents ways expectations and fantasies were so strong that they superimposed their wishes and

1:07 their desires for us onto us and because we didn't have a chance to flourish or breathe or grow according to our ways we began to adopt the ways that allowed us to survive with them so if we needed two people please that's what we did if we needed to become angry and rebellious that's what we did if we needed to become super achievers then that's what we did so this creates a fundamental disconnect within us

1:39 i wrote this book mainly for women a radical awakening mainly for women to discover rediscover their authentic self the self that they left behind in childhood so depending on our temperament we either became givers or controllers or takers givers are the victims the martyrs the empaths the saviors the controllers are the helicopter

2:10 perfectionists the the passive aggressive people who need control or the shield the ones who control their emotions to such a high degree and the takers are the princesses the divas and those who remain as children i talk about this i'm talking about the book the radical awakening and i'm talking about the different subtypes that we have that i talk about in part two of this book so the many faces

2:41 of the eagle right so buy the book if you want to know what your particular face of the ego is now once these faces are adopted they are like the skin we wear they are the air we breathe they are the fish the the water that wets the fish it is it is everywhere it is hard to see that we are in that role because that's all we now come to know

3:11 so how to break the role right really difficult first you have to really become aware that you are in the role and because you're in the role and creating patterns that uphold the role it's really hard to get out of the role because now we recruit others to be part of our theatrics so i was a bleeding empath

3:44 maybe i still am a little bit but i'm recovering because i was a bleeding empath i recruited i recruited um people who were takers because i was such a giver i had to recruit narcissistic takers around me who then betrayed me or took money from me or took my my life my energy my because i was an empath so it's not all the empaths fault or all

4:15 my fault but this was the dynamic i created and i kept waiting for the other to stop taking i didn't realize oh i need to stop giving that didn't that didn't connect to me till i began to understand my role so in this book a radical awakening i talk about the different roles we take so if you've been say um if you've been a shield a shield is someone i described in the book as someone who has

4:46 covered up their feelings and they don't enter their feelings they enter their intellect they use the arsenal of their intellect like a machine gun to keep people from connecting to them so they're very much like lawyers defense attorneys when they talk to you you know those people who you're like why am i in court like hello what did i do you said this you said that and you said two and now you're saying four and the whole

5:12 discussion goes amok because you're freaking talking about facts when you should be talking about feelings so if you've been a shield all the time you keep people away okay but you're in the shield lawyer defense attack mode and you keep people away you keep people away they stay away or they get frustrated with you and then they go away and then you're like see good i was a shield or if you've been uh in the book i talk about the princess

5:41 the princess is somebody who has decided that she's going to wait she's going to wait for prince charming to come right so she keeps sitting on her ass keeps waiting no one comes so she keeps waiting or the child archetype the child archetype is the one who's always always wanting to be cheerful because they don't want to create conflict so they're always sweet and pleasing and agreeable because they don't want conflict right so because they're always avoiding

6:12 conflict right and because they're always sweet and pleasing they never face the conflict to grow up they keep that dynamic and if they were to create conflict the other one will leave them so they're like i better keep keeping my sweet face of the child so in this book i tell you harsh truths about your roles when you begin to recognize your roles then only you can dare to go oh my

6:43 goodness then i'm doing it again i'm doing it again right i began to notice my sickness when i began to pass by bus stops if it was raining and i was passing a bus stop i would slow down like a stalker because i wanted to give them a ride or when my client i talk about in my book her car broke down in the session i drove her home i wanted to pay for the tire replacement

7:10 and when i told my supervisor my supervisor looked at me like is something wrong with you and i was like what is wrong with me well he's like okay you cannot go around saving everybody okay what is what is going on with you so when i began to notice my sickness that i wanted to be in everybody's business and rescue everybody i was in a trauma because i'm like i don't know what else to do what are we supposed to do just

7:36 watch people go down the spiral so i decided to get a phd in clinical psychology so i could legit legit help people and get paid for it so you can do that you can legit become something and turn your sickness into a career that's what i did now i'm kidding because even in the career i'm sick and i have to really learn to create the boundaries yeah and i'm still learning so the first step is to recognize who it

8:06 is you are and to recognize your pattern and it's really hard for people to own it right they will not own it they'll be like oh i'm a little bit of this and a little bit of that then a little bit of this and a little bit of that but they're not like you know i'm that and that and that and i have to work on my issues so when we begin to see the pattern now we can begin to spot the pattern

8:28 when you begin to spot it in action now you have to do the reverse you have to do the antidote so first you have to zip it and not say anything and then look at the pattern and go what was i avoiding what was i resisting what am i afraid of and then you have to do the antidote it's not easy but after a few months years of doing it you will be a new person hallelujah there is light at the end of

8:58 the tunnel but it involves heartache 100 it involves letting go of relationships and that is the heartache because we get attached to the relationship we love the relationship we have memories in the relationship how do we leave the relationship it's a huge huge huge price to pay you're like dan dr schwab's book i wish i had never read the book i wish i was just my old self but the old self is the old self is the unconscious self

9:33 the new self is going to be more liberated but the new self needs to enter new relationships and it's really hard to let go it's really hard to say this person or this thing is not good for me anymore but part of our authentic rising and raising is to say this is not helping us i'm not for you i'm not your match you're not my match we're not in alignment we love each other but we just can't

10:02 grow together there's a block and that's okay right we're here to keep growing and people come into our lives in different eras different decades different journeys different uh moments right and sometimes you have to get off the ship and get onto a new shore and start over that is that part is really really really the only really scary part it's so scary you'd rather not change at all i know i've been there many times how to reconstruct a new life

10:33 how to recreate from the start it's really difficult to do so if that person is your mother you all the more reason to separate because that enmeshment to your mother will keep you from flying in other relationships so we're talking about a radical awakening it's book club number 21. 21 so at the core of the book is disconnection

11:03 disconnection to what to yourself you're not you're not here on earth to be connected to anyone else you're not here on earth to be connected to your children more than yourself you're not here to be connected to your partner more than yourself if you're not connected to yourself you won't be connected to anyone else if you're connected to yourself you will begin to see the other you see to connect to yourself means to see your inner child

11:33 means to see your pain means to own your vulnerability when you own your own vulnerability only then you can give your partner or your children the chance to be in their vulnerability if you don't own your own vulnerability the other will not stand a chance in front of you right so i've been in many relationships with friends with lovers where no matter what i how vulnerable i was i was being ignored and and it took me a

12:06 lot of pain i thought it was me i thought i'm so stupid i thought i should say it differently or i'll just say it this way maybe then i'll be heard i'll just say it that way maybe then i'll be heard but no if the person you're with is themselves disconnected to themselves they will not show you any empathy because they don't have empathy to themselves so all of you or many of you out there right now

12:34 who is feeling that they are being unseen by the other that they are being taken for granted that they're not being noticed or validated for their core that they have to fight to be heard that every time they have a feeling it's an argument then they need to step back and realize that it is not the other person's fault either it's not you to blame and the other cannot be blamed either because the other has not been connected to their own pain

13:04 and you're not a therapist so you can't help them connect to their own pain but that's what they need to do if you are in a relationship where you feel you're not being connected to i know that is so hard you feel unseen invalidated misunderstood unheard the reason that the other is doing that to you is not because they're and well just a little not because you are not worthy it's because they themselves don't know what the hell

13:34 is going on they are not connected to themselves so how are you asking can you please take care of my inner child they're like who what they have never paid attention to their own inner child and quite likely their own parents messed with them so what are we asking what are we asking for what are we asking for is this release of the other to take care of you release the other it will never get you anywhere except

14:04 the gutter of the most hurtful pain the more we expect the other to take care of our inner child there was a time in my life that i was so tired of being hurt because i wasn't taking care of myself then i began saying to myself i don't have needs my only needs are to connect to myself it became my mantra i don't have needs my only needs are to connect to myself and i did so well that's how i

14:34 got through my own radical awakening i realized that i need to connect to my own needs i need to expect things from myself i need to pay attention to my own pain i need to be my greatest lover and i need to release the imagination that i have that another can take care of me really hard to do because we're always looking for mommy and daddy but if we get it yippity yay but that is not the end goal the end

15:03 goal is always you being whole within yourself so if you right now are feeling hurt in a relationship if you're feeling hurt that you're not being seen that you're not being heard understand that that person cannot they are handicapped they're emotionally disabled they're emotionally written and i was going to say a word that we're not allowed to use they're emotionally regressed they cannot so instead of banging on their door and feeling devastated by them we need

15:34 to understand they are devastated they are disconnected they cannot do you know how many mothers i have seen who cannot connect to their children that's why i do this work because the mother is broken right so in the same way how can we expect an adult to take care of you when even mothers can't take care of children right because if you're disconnected to yourself you can't take care of another human being you cannot even hear the

16:01 other person because your own inner child has been activated and your own ego is protecting you so in this book i talk about your inner child i talk about how your ego gets activated and how you can break free the best part of this book you guys for me is part five because it's called awakening from the matrix i'm not going to tell you what it is because many of you haven't gotten there but it is gorgeous

16:27 it is uh all my spiritual teachings in there and beautifully written even if i say so myself and it allows you to awaken and to become whole so this book is about why we disconnected how we coped with the disconnection how it screws us up how it keeps us disconnected from others and in a loop in a constant conveyor belt of needing needing needing guys if you right now who out there

16:59 right now is needing something from someone that they cannot give who right now katrina can't put the book down leave a review leave a review guys who right now is in a relationship where they're not getting their needs met and they're feeling like i'm not being seen i'm not being seen and the person is not even trying because if the person is trying it could be because you're blocked okay if you see the person trying and it's

17:27 still not occurring it could just be you but where the person is not trying at all right you everyone has a relationship like that in their lives you know why because every other person is really asleep and every other person is wounded and damaged within so if they are wounded and damaged we cannot expect them to take care of us so understand that if you are knocking on an emotional door that does not open it is time for you to walk away it is

17:55 time for you to release the person and say i understand you it's not working right now you cannot meet my needs it's okay i will meet my own needs i will meet my own needs so if the person is trying and they can't get in it could be you if the person is not even trying it could be them so at the end of the day however we cannot wait for the person to make us feel

18:26 whole walk away from the relationship it's okay you don't need to settle especially if it's not your kid your kid you got to do what you got to do but besides your kid you don't need to be unworthy you don't need to feel small you don't need to be feeling bad about yourself at all if the two of you are not on the same wavelength release let it go it is time to let go and maybe it will come back another time

18:58 or maybe it won't but you will not die you think you're going to die you feel like you're going to die but all that is dying is that desire to have the other person meet you that that fantasy that you met your perfect match or you met your mommy or your daddy so it's not easy the first step in the release is to understand that the other person cannot cannot for their past trauma for their blocks

19:24 for their ego for their pain the other person cannot they cannot so let it go release with compassion then the next step is okay what needs of yours need to be met by you write about it journal about it call a friend call a coach you got to get some help read my book i have a big blowout summer sale in a few days and you can take many of my courses you have to take self-help courses what

19:53 to do you need help and then slowly you begin to meet your own needs and you come out of this this torrential cyclone of wanting somebody else to meet your needs at the end of the day all our relationships are here to make us look in the mirror so that we can grow and grow you will if you're willing so i hope you understand it's nobody's fault if your needs are not being met nobody

20:24 is responsible for you nobody's here on earth to meet your fantasies you're gonna have to do that for yourself and that's what my book empowers you to do it is a book that is going to revolutionize you i'm telling you i'm telling you it will it's a powerfully written book because when i wrote it i was in my best power after coming out of my own wildfire and i found my truth and i found my voice and i write with a

20:55 passion from my heart to your heart so grab the book and heal yourself thank you for joining me for book club number 21 i will see you when i see you