Tip #4: Who Are You in a Relationship With? #parentingtip

Name: Tip #4: Who Are You in a Relationship With? #parentingtip
Uploaded: 2026-05-23
Duration: 1 min 29 s
Channel: Dr. Shefali
Description: In this discussion, the speaker emphasizes the importance of recognizing individual differences in relationships, particularly during conflicts. Many peopl

Dr. Shefali · 1m · transcribed May 2026

Transcript

0:00 this is what gets us into so much trouble in our relationships especially with our children we when we are in a conflict or in a fight or in a disagreement we end up thinking well I wouldn't act like that I wouldn't behave like that I wouldn't say that and this is where we go wrong guess what they are not you they are not you but whenever we are in a tough spot in a relationship we revert to this delusion that they should

0:31 think act behave talk be just like us we actually say things like I hear this all the time I'm a therapist my client's telling me but I wouldn't do that but I but and I say to them with love are you in a relationship with I or are you in a relationship with your partner or in your relationship with the with the kid who are you in a relationship with if you want to be in a relationship

0:56 with I don't be in a relationship with the other and that's a light bulb moment because they then begin to realize oh they've been in this relationship with the other but totally acting as if there's only one in the relationship themselves I wouldn't do this I I I I so hey the tip for today is check on your eyes how wrapped up are you in your eyes and are you in a relationship with I or in your relationship with the other

Summary

In this discussion, the speaker emphasizes the importance of recognizing individual differences in relationships, particularly during conflicts. Many people mistakenly project their own behaviors and expectations onto others, leading to misunderstandings and tension, especially with children. The key takeaway is to focus on the relationship with the other person rather than getting caught up in one's own perspective.

- Conflicts often arise from the belief that others should think and act like us.
- People frequently express frustration by saying, "I wouldn't do that," which reflects a self-centered viewpoint.
- The speaker encourages individuals to shift their focus from "I" to the "other" in relationships.
- This realization can lead to healthier interactions and a deeper understanding of the other person's perspective.
- The importance of empathy and recognizing individual differences is highlighted.
- The speaker suggests that awareness of one's own biases can improve relationship dynamics.