Potty Training Tips For Strong-Willed Children: What to Do When Your Child Refuses to Use the Toilet

0:00 Hi. Hello and welcome back to my channel. Thank you so much for joining me for a new video. If you are new Here, I am Dr. Jasmine. Welcome to the family. Around here we talk about everything positive parenting, child development and motherhood in general. And in today's video, I want to talk about what in the heck to do if and when your child refuses to sit on the potty.

0:33 First things first. I think we first want to make sure if we're have, if we're coming across some refusal, some resistance, some power struggles, we want to first do a mental check with ourselves and ask ourselves, is my child developmentally ready for this process? Okay. That's the first and most important step to this. I actually have a checklist. I've created a checklist for you guys and it goes through the different signs to look out for that may help you determine whether or not your child is ready for potty training.

1:06 So it goes over the physiological signs, the motor signs, the cognitive signs, the social and emotional signs to look out for. They're very subtle cues that may determine if your child is ready. So the link is in the bio to get that download. It's completely free. You can print it out and kind of go through and check off the signs that your child is exhibiting or may not have already exhibited and sort of can help you in determining are they in fact ready to start potty training on a developmental level.

1:41 And then if you have determined, okay, no, they are ready, it's something else. Then you want to ask yourself what might that be? So some common reasons why children grow resistant to sitting on the potty is that there is something about the process or the potty itself that is causing them anxiety. If this is the case, it will be really important to try to figure out what exactly they are afraid of and helping help them overcome that fear.

2:14 It also might be because there was a recent stressor or a big change in the family that is contributing to their stress and resistance around yet again something new to master. Right. It's really hard for children to learn and master new skills when they're going through a lot of change in other areas. So keep that in mind. Another reason is because there has just been so much resistance already, power struggles as a part of this potty training process that it's just like this never ending loop.

2:49 So I want to get you guys out of the loop if you think that that is the case for you. And the biggest thing that I can suggest for you guys is to take an honest look at the energy that you're bringing into this process. Look, I know that potty training can feel daunting. It can feel stressful, can feel very inf. Infuriating, to be honest. If you feel like your child is ready, they should be sitting on the potty, and now they're not.

3:14 And they're just being defiant, all right? Or they're just being bad in some way. And I want to challenge that. Of course. I want to challenge us to, one, be honest about the energy we're bringing, right? Are we feeling stressed? Are we feeling anxious? Are we feeling pressured by this whole process? Because I think a lot of the times as parents are like, okay, such and such has been able to potty train their child in three days by this certain age.

3:40 Why can't I, Right? Or you. You had it down just a second ago, and now you're telling me you can't do it. Why is that? Right? All this pressure and all this anxiety and all this stress around the process. So I want to invite you guys to take a look at it and as much as possible, challenge the negative thoughts that you have about this process and work through that anxiety that you have. And just keeping in mind that every child is different, every parent is different, every family is different, they're going to learn this process of potty training in their own time.

4:12 It's just like any other developmental milestone, like walking and talking, right? They do it in their own time. Yes. Us as parents, we're responsible for setting the structure right? We're responsible for guiding them through this process and teaching them how it goes. We're also responsible for keeping up with a happy and positive attitude. Okay? So be honest about that. Challenge it. Work through it as much as possible. Another thing is, if your child is growing resistant to sitting on the potty, then that's your cue to take a step back.

4:47 That's your cue to listen to them and to stop prompting as much and to just take a step back. Let them control this process. It's just like eating and going to sleep. In a lot of ways. They. This is their body, essentially, right? They're gonna do it when they want to. We can't force them to literally pee on the potty, right? So take a step back and limit your prompts, limit your cues, right? Because sometimes even without knowing it, even without meaning to, we can be nagging them to sit on the potty and be, like, hovering over them and just putting all this pressure on them, and naturally they're going to resist, right?

5:29 We would do the same thing if we were in this situation. So take a step back. Limit your prompting to, I would say no more than 30 every 30 minutes. And you may want to stretch it out to 30, 45, or even an hour between your prompts so that they have more control over this process. They can relax into it. And you also may want to think about your potty routine already and try to create more of a potty schedule, meaning that they go potty before transitions or after transition.

6:05 So, for example, you can say something like, okay, we're about to go outside and go play, or when you go potty, then we can go out and play. I'm so excited to go out and play, or go out and swim with you or whatever it is you guys are about to do. So you're keeping it fun, you're keeping it positive. You're giving them a kind of a structure around your expectations, but you're ultimately leaving it up to them, right?

6:28 When you do this, then we can do this. And, you know, whenever that is, then this is when. This is when that other thing is going to happen, right? And so you're taking a step back. You're giving them more control, but you're also giving them some structure and some containment around it. And of course, stick with it, right? Don't go outside until they have at least tried to sit on the potty. And then you're just praising them, keeping it light and positive and moving on as quickly as possible to the next thing.

6:57 And the other thing is if and when, really when they have accidents, because they will. That's an important part of the learning process. So when they have accidents, you'll just invite them to clean up. I think this is something that maybe parents miss a lot of the time, is you absolutely want to involve them in the cleanup process, but not in a punitive way. This is not, oh, you did something so bad, now you have to go clean it up.

7:19 It's okay, you had an accident. Let's get you cleaned up, and let's clean up the floor. And then you give them a rag or a paper towel or whatever, and you invite them to do the first, or you could do the cleanup, and then you invite them to do the second round of cleanup if you feel like it's too messy. But either way, whatever works for you. But just have them in involved in the process. It's a natural consequence that comes when we make a mess.

7:44 And in general, that's what I like to stress to my little ones and the clients that I work with is that there's A natural consequence, right? When we throw something, then we have to go pick it up. When we spill our milk on the floor, then we clean it up, right? So when we have an accident, we clean it up, we get all clean, and we get all back to feeling comfortable. And then we continue to practice this process.

8:05 So overall, making sure that you are monitoring the energy that you bring to this mama, because you set the stage for this in a lot of ways, or dads or other caregivers, if you're watching this, keeping it fun, keeping it positive, making sure your child is developmentally ready, first and foremost. So be sure to download that checklist that I have available. It's for free. It's in the. In my bio. There's a link to download it that will give you the developmental milestones and cues that your child may be ready for potty training.

8:35 And then it's about checking in about what if they're anxious about something in particular, working through that. It's also about making sure that you have a really good potty schedule. Using the natural transitions throughout the day to prompt them to go potty, and then using a simple when, then statement when you go potty, then this will happen. Giving them the control ultimately over their bodies and involving them up in the cleanup process. I hope this was helpful for you guys.

9:03 Feel free to leave any additional questions that you have about this whole potty training journey. This will be a series on my channel. Be sure to subscribe. If you're new around here. Hit that notification bell so you don't miss any future uploads. Give this video like if you learned something new about potty training, and I will see you guys in the next one. Bye.