Ask Your Parenting Questions - Live Q & A | Dad University

0:05 okay so we are live we should be at least um i'll wait for a couple people to come in um it's always that beginning part where you're sitting here and it announces that you go live and there's nobody here so it's not that exciting it's not that exciting talking to nobody i can imagine like when a band you know would play to an empty audience it's just you know it's not as exciting so um if you are joining us here

0:33 please uh you know let me know where you're from let me adjust this a little bit and uh let me know where you're from and if you have any questions i'm happy to answer uh kind of cool i i you know you'd think after a couple of years i'd finally get it i've been using for the lives every time i've gone live i've used my phone um unless i had an assistant here um instead of using a laptop so the

0:56 quality of the video isn't as good but i will be able to actually see i hope what people are typing so if you have a question feel free to type it in and i'm happy to uh leo what's happening um glad you're have a chance recently watching the videos right on good to have you here uh if you have any questions post them in the chat i'll see if i can i can get to him um actually doing

1:29 uh an interview later recording a podcast i'm a guest on the podcast rather than me recording the podcast which is nice there's not as much pressure you know because i do a podcast as well and i don't do a lot of interviews meaning i don't interview a lot of people um it's not easy to do you know i i find it easier to just talk and have conversation which is great you know i can do that with people who are

1:54 guests but you still have to prepare quite a bit and know what questions to ask and stuff and it's just a totally different medium so i don't necessarily have uh those skills i haven't i haven't practiced very much so um leo had asked where am i from um i'm in san diego um actually north san diego to be exact we separate ourselves from south san diego uh but no i um i'm in north san diego it's

2:26 it's it's nice you know nice here right now i don't know temperature i haven't been outside in a long time except for driving from my home to my office it's about that's about the only uh time i get outside um but it's nice it's nice here so thank you guys for for joining us here if you've got questions let me know um i've been busy um you know the reason for there's not a lot of new content um

2:56 oh right on leo your brother lives here too that's cool um i i haven't made i i was recently on live but i haven't made new videos um for the simple reason that i've been working on my course if you guys have any interest in going deeper um in going deeper and really honing in on some things that you want to improve then the course is it's just awesome

3:26 it's going to be tran transformative for people you know if you are having issues with your children or you want to learn more or you're you know you're just concerned about the future you want more confidence in your in your parenting the course the course is going to help you um and if so if you're interested in that shoot me an email info at dad university dot com and i'll talk to you um leo asked what advice would you have

3:55 for girl dads well a lot of the advice and i have some videos on girl dads a lot a lot of the advice is similar to what i would give with with the boys and a lot of that is you know first thing is just don't treat her differently um that's one of the things i think that we do as fathers that we you know we think for some reason that they're you know we should treat them

4:20 differently and the same things and and it's actually scientifically proven that we do treat them differently and so what happens is dads have a tendency to treat um treat boys a little bit rougher more physical activity when they're little whereas with girls they're more um expressive and emotional and talkative and so that is really um you know the girls need that

4:52 physicalness as well you know and so not to limit it based on the fact that someone is a boy or a girl um you know the other parts though you know of specifically to girls comes a little bit when they are older you know of dealing with some of the issues that girls might face you know um you know one of the things is that the way that a girl often will see the world um and see men is she she gets that from

5:23 you so it is absolutely crucial to be a good role model you know and um have those expectations um leo i'm glad you asked because there's a five-year-old boy so yeah um yeah it's important to know that you know she's gonna get her information by watching and by looking and stuff and so how you treat her mom uh whether you're together or not um how

5:53 you treat other people you know the way that you talk about women and the way that you deal with women um she's gonna see that and know that and so you know that's an important thing um but then the same things that i talk about with boys it's you know it's resilience and self-esteem and self-acceptance and you know a lot of people will feel like you know there's sort of more of a need to do that with your

6:19 girls but the truth is is with any child that you have doesn't matter um all of those things are are important so i hope that answers the question but yeah i have a couple videos on you know being a girl dad and what that means um i i have a 10 year old daughter and a 12 year old son so i've been able to see sort of both sides and you know the key for me has

6:41 has tried to be to not treat them differently you know um my my daughter if anything i think there's more difference um treated with age than there is with gender as an example my you know son he's two years older and so when we have implemented something whatever it might be um maybe it's some kind of chores or maybe it's some sort of rules or you know something that my daughter has done it two years earlier you know

7:13 when they were we entered them into martial arts and my daughter was two years younger you know and so it wasn't so much about a gender difference but more of an age difference and so the younger child essentially was forced you know or is exposed maybe that's a better word exposed to things at an earlier age and as a result you know is was learning things at a different age she was learning you know we we introduced like a fork

7:39 and knife to our son and was like oh well why can't she do it and she's two years younger and so um yeah that was you know that's always something that i think is a big difference is the is the age difference um i can't get the name i apologize but bellatolla captopril my pronunciation is horrible watching from brazil awesome good to have you here make sure you say hello want to know who's here where you're visiting from i like doing

8:11 these lives just because i get a chance to interact um and you know it it's honestly it's a lot less preparation than uh william good to good to see you from ireland max from asia singapore awesome uh dimitri from boston awesome good to have everybody here certainly appreciate you guys watching and if you haven't already if you're not subscribed make sure you subscribe so that you get notified when when we do these things and when we do

8:41 that um and then the other thing i mentioned was the course that's what i've been really busy building and selling and and doing that so that's been that's been something um one of the topics i was recently i just was doing i did a live this morning with a facebook group um oh and leo if you see there's a dads and daughters facebook group uh great group that's huge it's got about 125 000 dads in it

9:09 i just did a live for them this morning it's a facebook um i think it's you know dads with daughters by um fathering together is the name so if you have a daughter a it's a good resource they have discussions they they um provide resources like the live that i did they have other chats and other things for for dads and so you know it's a good group of guys i know some of the um the heads of it

9:35 there the admins and they're just they're really good people and they're really their mission is good they they want to help um you know foster that communication and such and so it's good they also have a group for da for boys as well so dad's with sons it's it's a newer group so it's smaller um the dads with daughters goes back quite some time and so they've built it up i think it's one of the largest

9:58 parenting groups uh on facebook so that's a pretty good accomplishment if you guys have questions throw them in there um i've got like 20 minutes or so something like that i can't see the time so certainly happy to answer any questions that you guys have or thoughts or concerns or topics that you want to talk about other than politics that's the thing that's off limit not i'm going to choose not to talk about politics

10:28 but i will talk about parenting and so if you do have questions um what i was gonna mention was the topic this morning that i was covering was um oh okay well questions coming through max um how do you manage parenting with regards to social media our kids are being exposed to things that we would not be exposed to when we were younger we might control it at home but not in school

10:58 um max my suggestion is to keep them off of social media as long as possible um you're right you can police them at home you can then you know you can't police them at school i think education is important um you know there's the the the new uh netflix special uh social dilemma which i would have your kids watch it with you although kids now are much more comfortable

11:29 with not having privacy you know because they didn't grow up with that privacy whereas my i'm in the older generation you know where obviously we were very private and now we're switching over um to to this and so i think one is just the privacy so i think talking with your kids about social media is really important and those are rules that you might have but also you know they're gonna break some rules so it's it's really helping them

11:56 understand and navigate what is okay in social media and and that can be different for different people you know it might be that you know hey never send a picture of yourself regardless of what that picture is you know don't say something to somebody on a text that you wouldn't want them to hear in person i mean there's all kinds of rules and there are actually specialists around this area but for our children and my children are

12:22 getting towards that age where a device is something that they want and such i have a son that's 12 and a daughter who's 10. um social media is not something that i find um as i'm on social media for my business i am not on it for my personal life so that can give you some idea of where i stand in with social media um i don't post and i have a i have a thing about um

12:56 uh i forget now the name um about not posting on social media but that's another topic um but i think you have to educate your kids and you've got to let them know the dangers of it and you know hey when you're going to get a job and somebody's going to look back and try to see all the things that they've done you know they want to know that so hopefully that helps i'm sorry there's a

13:16 bunch of questions coming in now um avraham having trouble putting my daughter to sleep by herself any tips if you can let me know what the age of the daughter is uh that would make a difference be you know um kerm good to see you what's a good way to help my daughter take her first steps i don't think you need to force anything um you know a lot of people will you know stand up the child and then

13:47 you know give them some sort of incentive but i don't think you need to push that um you know the physicalness of the of it is just it's going to come in time so i i wouldn't say to um to do that uh best tips for first time father to be william wow uh number one empathy uh put yourself in the situation of your significant other baby's mother um have empathy and then for the child have empathy as well

14:18 when a you know one-year-old or a one-month-old is screaming crying they're simply crying because that's how they communicate and so when you can put yourself in the situation of the other person or the child um that's going to help you relate to them much better and deal with it so that's probably the best tip i can get but other than that i've got you know 10 to 20 videos on first time dads and some of the tips you might want

14:44 you can check that out um dimitri what's the worst advice you have gotten or heard in regards to raising a girl in today's world um wow i don't i would say i don't get advice um into raising a girl you know here's here's the thing is that philosophies on parenting there's definitely different philosophies um i think one of the worst things

15:15 for me is physical punishment of the child and this goes you know people debate this back and forth and i mean i have my own channel so i can say what i want but i just there is never a reason to hit a child and and so i was just doing a live this morning as i mentioned and it was about toddler discipline and of course somebody throws in there oh you just gotta swat them on the butt and do that

15:39 and i don't think you ever have to do that i've never i've never hit my children and i think my children are respectful and um you know communicate well and behave and there's just there's never a reason to do that all it is to me is that you don't know how to do other parenting and you don't have any other thing it's it's kind of like yelling you know and i'm a you know i i still

16:04 have a problem sometimes with yelling and the reason for it is is that we don't have another solution we have tried some things they don't work and we think that that's the only way to solve it and it's not so the advice that people have given is like yo just give them a swat on the butt and you know they'll be they'll behave and to me that's the worst um it's the worst advice anyone can give um

16:27 tyler good to see you here oh wow lots of them coming in now um just found out we were having a girl um tyler says what's the biggest difference between a daughter dad versus a son dad um you know i i i have one of each and you know there's different relationships with each child um i'd say you know

16:59 i mean this is bad but how you wipe the child is the biggest difference that you know i can see you know you never wipe a girl from back to front um other than that you treat them the same very physical with them give them affection unconditional love be empathetic communicate um i just you know that's some of the problem i think is that we treat girls and boys differently you know no they can't play with that toy or

17:27 they're not they shouldn't do this sport or you know that's a girl's thing or this is a boy's thing and we've just you know of course as they get older and mature you know and there are physical differences with boys and girls i mean hormonally and you know other some other things but and the fit just the pure physicalness of it but you know as far as how you treat them um yeah i don't i you know it hasn't

17:56 come into play really yet i i treat my kids differently based on their personality and their communication style and their love language more than i can think of because i have a son and a daughter you know i don't say oh well she's you know quite not like that or he's not like that it's more about their personality so i don't think there's a big difference actually um hello rico rico you said what if your

18:27 baby's mom is somewhere else and you're bitter you might have to um might have to elaborate on that one nick you're a learning specialist at tennessee and reference the channel awesome thank you um nick had asked what is your recommendation for teaching empathy to a four-year-old that's that's tough um i i think you know that comes into play about um like sharing you know it's hard it's

18:59 i think it's really hard to teach a young child about somebody else's feelings when they don't know their feelings themselves so i'd probably start first with teaching them about emotion and i have a video about that actually that i've gone into pretty great detail about teaching them what those different emotions are and what they look like actually using like emojis and knowing that you know what a smile and happy is versus sad and what that might feel like

19:26 inside um and then you know part of it then is teaching them you know you can teach them from an early age of you know hey you have to look at the situation from somebody else's perspective and you can try to explain that but empathy is something that i think most adults don't understand let alone children so i i would um i would say that empathy might start a little bit more and four-year-olds sometimes aren't even

19:55 at the point where they are sharing they you know they have independent play they don't even like want to play with other kids you know it's kind of in that four five six where they start to do that um so i don't know that empathy is ready that early i would probably start it a little bit later um there's some other things that you can teach them you know gratitude and you know um you know being thankful uh manners

20:21 you know those kinds of things are probably a little bit more priority um [Music] oh dimitri this is a great question how do you deal with input from other family members specifically your parents giving advice for your child so i have a great line for you you say um when your parents say something you say you know what thank you i will take that into consideration

20:53 that's it now if you're in a specific situation and they're saying something you can say hey you know thanks for your input you know i appreciate that all you know i'll take that into consideration but there comes a point where you have to understand that it is your child and your parents are going to have to understand that now there is a fine line with how much your parents are involved

21:23 in the upbringing of the child so as an example it is hard to police the way and get and be very hard if you have a parent that is always what a grandparent that is always watching the child for you you know let's say you both work and the parent or the grandparent is with the child all the time you you kind of have to have a conversation about that because you know you want them to take care of

21:53 your child but at the same time you know you want it done your way so there's a fine line with that um i did do a video about an overbearing mother-in-law in case you have you want to check that one out but you've got to be mindful of that of you know let's say it is just something where hey your parents are giving you advice and you know they just because you visit them every once in a while and they you

22:16 know they say hey you really should do this this and this it depends on what kind of relationship you have with them with my parents i was lucky like i wanted my mom's advice my mom was like the baby whisperer she knew exactly what to do so you know i didn't have an ego about it you know now if at the same time i will say my mom as much as she was a baby whisperer didn't

22:40 um was was much more open on sugar and unhealthy foods when my kids were at grandma's house but my mother actually pulled me aside and said listen you know and she was respectful of stuff and she said listen because i had actually approached her about it nicely and i just said hey you know i really want to reduce the amount of sugar that's at their house at the house you know i understand a treat every once

23:04 in a while whatever and she said listen and she had actually had cancer so i i had to have she said i'm not going to be around very long and of course she had to throw that card in there but she said i want them to remember grandma's house i want it to be the best time they've ever had i want them to be playing i want them to remember candy and fun and and all these things and so she

23:29 said hey if that's the worst then you know what i i just that's that's how i want it to be and i had to think for a second less than a second and said you know what when it's at grandma's house it gets to be at grandma's house and so my kids knew that too and my kids would say hey listen and i made it a thing it's like when you go to grandma's house it's okay and my

23:52 mom was willing that she said okay you know i'll i'll kind of i'm you know i'll back off a little bit but she still wanted to give them those desserts and treats so i think you have to be mindful of that of you know the relationship that you have with your with a parent um but you can always say you know hey i'll take that into consideration and sometimes you know listen you know it depends how you turned out

24:15 it depends you know what the philosophy is and how different it is it's like you know if she has a certain way of changing the baby who cares you know if she has a way that she really wants to put them to sleep try it see see what that option is um you know and here's the thing there is not one exact way to do everything you know i have certain things that i teach in ways that

24:40 i parent and that worked for me and but not every parent agrees with that you know it's there's certainly ways of doing things at work and that are um but there's multiple ways that can work and so what you have to do is find what works for you and you know that could be from teaching the child to sleep how they eat what they do now you know i'd have to probably find out more specific with what that input

25:08 is um let me see you guys have got a lot of stuff going here um i appreciate these questions um let's see everyone's congratulating awesome first do all these babies do on the way until a lot of people have babies on the way that's awesome um dimitri hopefully if you're still there that that helped

25:40 um so preston had asked about to have my first daughter at 17 any tips yeah i i would watch the video about being a you know a teen dad um while i wasn't a teen dad what the way that i approached it was like you know if my son came to me and said hey dad i'm 17 i'm about to have a child what should i do you know we're not talking about okay it it's already happening so you can't go back

26:10 on anything about like what you should have done could have done whatever forget that what i would say is that you know it's challenging it's challenging for you know for someone who's 35 and has a stable income and you know good support system so a couple of things i will say as a younger person i think you really have to have a good support system around you so if people offer your your family members your parents

26:37 your friends have a good system around you the other thing cut out the crap you know the partying to do that it's going to force you to grow up pretty fast now you know when you are 17 all you want to do is hang out with your buddies and your friends and and and enjoy that time well you might not be able to do that right now i can tell you that you will get that time

27:02 to go back and party and do whatever when they're older you're not missing out on much so you want to get serious you know you have a baby on the way you want to have that support system around you you're going to want to probably finish your education if not continue on with your education just so that you have some you know just at a minimum graduate high school um you know if you decide that you want

27:27 to go into further schooling that's up to you you know whatever um and then you're gonna obviously have to get a job and and and support and work and do that so what i would say too is you know you're going to want to find something where you can bring in an income and you know the cool part about now let's call it the present day is that you don't have to have a certain education to make a good

27:59 income to support your family you know back when i was going into high school and this is you know 20 or going into college 25 years ago whatever it was um you know that was the plan like you had to go to school to get a good education to get a good job whatever but i didn't do it for that i i was gonna be my own boss i went to school to learn for myself you know it wasn't so that i could get a

28:26 good job i ended up going to graduate school and doing that because i wanted to i knew i was going to run my own business but if you're looking to you know work what i would say is you know get something that you can hustle a lot of people recommend a trade if you can get into a trade and you know and learn that and be an apprentice that's probably something but continually look that you can

28:48 advance yourself put good information into your brain put positive stuff into your brain do not be hanging out with people who are bringing you down you know you're you're now bringing a child into the world and you have to be present for that child it's 50 your dna you want to make sure that you are present you want to make sure that you are um you know supportive now whether you are with the mom or not

29:15 doesn't matter that child will benefit from you being in its life and being in its life as much as you can if it's full-time that is incredible and wonderful if it's not going to be it should be 50 it shouldn't be 5 10 only see them once in a while you should really have the child 50 of the time if you're not going to be there these are my own feelings this is what i would say to my son this is what i would say

29:41 to my best friends um like i said i am not i've not been in that situation and i often you know i'm hesitant to to give advice in those situations but in this circumstance that's the approach that i would take you just have to buckle down you know you're going to be okay everything's going to be okay but make sure you have that support around you if you don't have family then look to local organization whether

30:06 it's government religious organizations um you know support groups things like that that that that can also help you know it's it's it's not an easy road ahead we've got to be honest it's it's not um because like i said it's not easy for anybody but you can do it and um you know if you if you believe in yourself you love your child you consistently are trying to provide be there and supportive for the mother um

30:36 you'll be okay you know things things will be good and stick you know watch the videos continue to educate yourself that's gonna be really important and don't stop don't stop educating yourself um max had you know it said that each child's personality is different how do we not force them to be what we want

31:07 that's a simple answer you don't um you learn to appreciate the child you have not the one you want so you know being a child having a child that's obedient you know or following rules is not necessarily a bad thing i think you know i have two very different children and that's it's just you know you have to make a conscious effort you know you you know if each you know you know your child is different from what you might

31:36 have been you know i think already just based on the question you have more awareness than most people do so you know most people aren't even aware that they're pushing everything that they want on their child you know being the top in school being a good athlete you know being a good uh even if it's a musician dancer whatever it is pushing your child in some direction um you know it's about supporting them in whatever direction they choose

32:04 you know and sometimes when they're little you do you know you say hey let's try this you know let's try something but you're not necessarily you know keeping them in there you know i i say that to my kids often you know if they're not they're not wanting to go to their martial arts or my son now is doing some running that's up to them you know and and parents will say well you're not going to quit you

32:26 you promise you're going gonna well yes i mean i i get it but at the same time when they get a little bit older they start to make the decisions for themselves and and you give them that autonomy in many cases and you allow them to become themselves i mean even what they were dressed you know my my son wore costume costumes for three years and when it was first happening i was like what the heck why is my son wearing

32:50 a costume to the store you know i was embarrassed i was like no no no and then i just realized it was my wife too that was very she's like what does it matter and i went to parenting classes and learned all the stuff it's like just let him be who he is and the truth is is like he was happy wearing his bud lightyear buzz lightyear costume for three to four three years um i have some friends

33:12 that just know him as buzz lightyear you know and eventually he just was like okay i'm not ready i don't want to wear costumes anymore um you know non-matching socks you know and uh you know things that just don't look like you would be okay with that they would get dressed but it's like you know that was their options that was their choice if you really care then you give them options and you say hey you want to do this or this or do you

33:38 want to look do you want this shirt or this shirt or do you want to do this sport or this board or you want to do this music thing music thing or this music thing you can give them some options and maybe then they get to choose um but yeah you've kind of answered the question yourself it's just you just let them you know i don't know that there's a specific way um so preston um who's the teenager i've

34:06 been working two jobs for a while now and saving money but i'm worried i won't have a lot of time with them and make enough money to support them and that's a valid fear um what i would say is that think about quality time versus the quantity of time and the time that you do spend that you do have free you spend quality time with the chil with the child and mom um you know you you might be working

34:33 you know a lot and as men we often value our contribution to the family based on our finances you know i will say in the end as you get older and two you realize that like that's not actually what matters like sure providing is important but it's like you know nobody on their death bed is going to say i should have spent more time at the office you know it just it doesn't happen that way um and

34:57 you know instead they're going to say well i should have spent time with the people i love and and enjoyed myself and such so there's there's a balance of that and of course you need to provide and so you know when you you're some of it is looking for better pay you know learning a new skill educating yourself you know and you might have to sacrifice for a while um you know and that happens that happens i mean i know

35:22 you know even when my son was born although i was older and established i had i was running a company i left my company for some not pleasant reasons disagreements and things i left the company that i was running and didn't have a job and my son was on the way and it was really scary you know but

35:53 i had to do it for the happiness of of my situation and so like there are things now when you become a father you start to make different decisions you know you start to make decisions that are not just about yourself it's about your family and so you know it's about your your partner and about your your wife or your significant other and your child and you start to make different decisions and i knew that i had to do something that i

36:17 was gonna be happy with um that was gonna still allow me some time and that i was gonna get paid well and i had to i had to make that happen there was nobody i was going to be able to rely on to make that happen so i had to start my own company you know i knew i wasn't going to be able to work for somebody else and have that freedom and flexibility so i had to do that um got some great

36:38 questions here um sorry it's brislin 76 good to see you any tips for first time toddler parents and teaching them right from wrong um yeah i have a lot of of toddler things um you know you have you have to be empathetic you know toddlers what i will say is you

37:10 tell them what to do instead of what not to do so if they're running and you don't want them to run don't say don't run you say walk you know if they're hitting or biting let's say they're hitting you don't say you know you might say no but you don't have to say don't hit instead you could say soft soft you know or uh you know or be nice be nice um you tell them what to do

37:34 instead of what not to do that's a really really important thing with toddlers and then another thing um teaching them right from wrong is also um it takes time you know you're teaching them their brains don't work as fast as ours we think because you know they're smart and they talk and they have these conversations that they're you know they understand everything and the truth is they don't you know i just did a a webinar this morning on

38:01 on toddler behavior and and one of those things that i was mentioning was about you know they're not out to get you you know they're just trying to make sense of the world they're not out to get you so i apologize i'm not looking at the camera i'm looking at the words and stuff um it's so so funny because i make videos all the time and i look straight at the camera and i'm not looking at the camera i'm

38:19 looking at all the other things going on um so i apologize for that but the lives are way different than doing a video um so yeah i think you know toddler is something that you um i have you know how to get a toddler to listen i have toddler you know discipline i've got all these videos that you can go check out that might be a better answers um let's see

38:50 so brazilian also asked how should i try to balance work housework and family time family time is the most important to me but it's hard for me to ignore the things that get done so it depends on the age of your children but i'll reiterate you know quality time versus quantity of time and you know you have to schedule those things you know balance is is a is a balance isn't a good word um harmony is a better word you know how

39:19 can i allow my work the things that need to get done and family how can those all work together and what i will say is you try to be present in all three of those so spending some time with your child but like being on your phone isn't valuable it's not valuable to you know the work that you might be doing on your phone and the work or the time that you're trying to spend with your children

39:46 so being present in whatever that you are doing if you are working close the door shut the you know outside distractions your kids don't need to bother you and hammer it out get that work done when you're with your kids spend the time with your kids put the phone down don't answer your emails and your texts or whatever and do that you know we're all guilty of that and you know i try to work on that

40:10 too it's you know we have some rules in our house about when we can use phones and not use phones and electronics and you know like at the dinner table there's never you're not allowed to have electronics you know set aside certain things and make appointments you know make them make the you put in your work schedule you probably put in meetings put in a meeting to play with your child you know to say hey from six to seven on wednesday we're

40:35 gonna play games you know and from two to three on this day we're gonna do this or you know what i'm gonna do my my responsibilities at this time schedule those in and see how it goes but i would call it work life harmony the cool thing about it is that you get to start over every single day and you can't be amazing at all of these things at once you know i can tell you i'm a husband to my wife i am a father

41:02 to my two kids i'm an entrepreneur i have my my own business um i you know i have other family members i've got my friends i can't be great at all of them all the time you know like today it's late at night i'm recording a live i'm gonna be recording a podcast episode for somebody else doing an interview um i'm not with my family you know so i'm not being a good husband if you would evaluate it that way and

41:33 i'm not being a good father i'm not spending any time with them so but guess what tomorrow i get to start over and i can maybe do something for my wife in the morning or um you know i can have lunch because we're at home i can have lunch with my with my kid tomorrow you know and spend some time talking so the cool part about it is that if you feel like something is a little bit out

41:57 of harmony fix it you know and you just have to have that sensory enough to know like i'm not getting my stuff done i'm not getting or i'm not spending enough time with my kid or i'm not you know my wife and i need to go on a date or you know we need to spend a little bit of time together and you have to you have to be able to assess that and the other thing too is as you know

42:18 your children get older you talk to them about that and you also talk to your spouse about that um you know and we've done some things in you know in our house that that have just worked so that we have more time to spend doing other things you know if you're financially getting to a place where you can allow other people to do some of the tasks or you know you know as my children get older it becomes much easier

42:42 you know they don't require as much time um oh prison thank you you didn't you didn't have to do that but thank you um so it's it's important to just you know i think balance that out with um you you'll be able to gauge what's going well and what's you know what's not um i wanted to mention too i mentioned in the beginning too if you feel like you want to really take your parenting to the next level you

43:12 want some attention in certain areas um i've now started a course i work directly with people and i'm enrolling for this course if you have an interest email me info dad university dot com that's what i've been working on for these last you know month and a half whatever that's why i haven't made new videos um if you know i'm looking for people that want to transform you want to really understand from discipline to communication it's a lot of stuff going on with your

43:42 own mindset your relationship if you have an interest in something like this just email me we'll set up a phone call we'll talk about it see if it's a good fit for you um it's just i'm so so happy about being able to offer this and so that's just something else getting back to the questions uh you guys have some great questions um let's see

44:20 um so p.w uh good evening my wife and i are expecting our first child in four months i'm absolutely thrilled my question is what is your best advice for a first-time dad another one um you know i gave the the answer before um the first time dad is don't expect to be perfect you know i used empathy before but just don't expect to be a perfect parent you know here here's what i've learned um you know i do dad uni uh over time but i

44:53 want to keep talking to you guys you guys have some awesome questions and i appreciate this um i just won't be as prepared for my interview as i would hope um i'm saying about first time dad um the first time dad and perfect parenting is you know we're always worried about this and i can tell you one of the things you know i run dad university i'm i'm in this stuff all the time i make mistakes

45:23 constantly the difference is now is that i'm okay with making mistakes and i know that i'm gonna make mistakes i don't have the answers to everything i don't know how to solve every such every single situation you know mike my i was just dealing with one of my children i won't say which one um and i didn't have an answer and so part of that was i just talk with them and i say what do you think we should do here

45:49 like how do we solve this you know and they're old enough but even when they were really young we would do that you know they they we came across a situation that instead of me getting angry or upset and i will tell you that what i've since i've been doing these things it's like working out and exercising it's like you know you don't go to the gym once and then all of a sudden you are totally ripped and in shape

46:13 and it's the same thing with parenting you know it takes a while it takes multiple situations of the same situation for you to figure out you know what i didn't handle that right you know and and what happens is there's a constantly you know new things that are happening my my kids that are now 12 and 10 are dealing with different issues than we had when they were three and five and like i said it's like the gym and you

46:37 have to practice that and when you're committed to it just like i'm committed to working out i i wake up every morning really really early and i exercise because it's important to me it's the same thing with me improving my parenting i study it i learn about it i try new things i'm constantly talking to myself and and saying you know what how did i handle that situation you know did i do okay maybe i could

47:04 have done something differently and and i talk about this kind of stuff with my kids and guess what it rubs off with them because they are now come to me and they say you know what dad i probably could have handled that situation a little bit better you know or we'll talk about it and they'll say you know what yeah i really wasn't sure how to handle that and um next time i'll probably do it better so

47:27 giving yourself permission to make mistakes is probably the best first-time father advice that i can give so there you go it was a long way to a simple one but so avraham says i have a five-year-old daughter and a child that's on the way is there anything i can do to ensure a healthy relationship between the both of them yes so one of the things you can do is depends you know i don't know how old with a

47:54 five-year-old if they'll know but get your five-year-old a present and tell them that the present is from their baby sibling whatever it is they wanted you to have this whatever it is and you know let them be happy with the big sister role you know from that my wife did a really really good job with this with our son and saying like you're now the big brother you know

48:24 you guys are gonna help each other you're gonna do that you know five years apart is is a little bit um you know there's going to be a a difference but you just have to foster that growth and not make the younger one the victim for sure as they get a little bit older like you know the little one's going to tease them or the older one's going to tease them and stuff you know we've just allowed our children

48:51 to um often solve the problems themselves and so that's something that's i think really important um i've got to jump off here i'm getting an alarm um so but yeah i think you know getting them a present initially and then saying hey this is your baby brother or baby or baby sister um that that worked really well and you know it's hard to say i i think what you do is you come across with situations you really have to give that

49:17 five-year-old your five-year-old attention because the baby is going to get a lot of attention and that's hard for a young child to understand and so you're going to want to give them that extra attention and just make sure that you're being you know you're dividing that attention and you know do something special for your five-year-old you know and um maybe you know they can start to read to their little sister or brother you know they can participate

49:44 and help out you know that's one of the things too is like when children are five six seven they really wanna help and we don't often give them enough opportunity they wanna help but the way that we typically you know do things is like it's not very attractive for them so we have to make it a game we have to make it fun um and i think you offering that to them would be really beneficial so with that

50:09 if you guys have comments or questions or whatever um just shoot shoot me an email info dad university.com i've got to jump off and get this interview but um i appreciate you guys every single one of you you know if you haven't uh liked this video subscribe to the channel all that stuff that you know every youtuber says um but also too if you want to do the course let me know it's going to be life

50:34 changing for people um it's really something that i'm proud of and and want to you know make sure that um you know we get we get a good turnout for this so it's it's starting the enrollments now um so if you're interested let me know other than that i will see you guys next time and have a good night take care