Betrayal doesn’t heal with time — repair is required

0:00 Betrayal does not heal with time. Okay, sure, time might take the sting out of it. Time might make us uh forget it a little bit, move on from it, uh put it to the back of our minds. But the only real thing that heals someone betraying us, hurting us, um is repair, okay? Is repair. Now, I'm a big believer in repair. I've seen relationships come back even from things as dramatic as physical abuse, okay? I've seen relationships where uh the the abusive partner has really grabbed themselves, pulled themselves up by the bootstraps, changed their trajectory and truly repaired and they were rehabilitated, right? They they went through a process of seeking true forgiveness and true reconciliation and true change, right? So that it's not just saying sorry, it's not just, you know, holding space for the other person, but it's really making a profound and internal change where that other person can once again regain trust and rebuild trust with them. Okay.

1:06 The problem is that that repair is something that he will need to do, right? It's not about whether you love him. It's not about whether he loves you. It's not about whether he's sorry, right? It's whether he's actually capable of repairing the damage that he caused consistently over time so that it genuinely heals. Right? And you kind of can think about this a little bit like a body, right? If I break my arm, yeah, if it, you know, it's not enough to just say, well, I'm not going to go, you know, skateboarding again. Um, I actually need to set the bone, hold it in a cast, give it time to heal the fractures and uh for the wounds to to scar over and to gain strength and then maybe to rehabilitate it through physiootherapy, right? Before I can say my arm is healed, I can use it again. Okay? And so that's why, oh, just saying sorry, I'm not going to do that again is not enough, right? And we can't have that fantasy in our head that time will heal all right it will it will just pass now especially