0:01 the your parenting mojo podcast as well as all of the courses and memberships we offer as well are research based but what does that actually mean how does being research based help you to make decisions about raising your children that are aligned with your values well it means we use scientific research to guide our work but understanding and interpreting scientific research so we can use it is not straightforward here are three ways that your parenting mojo helps you to use research more

0:26 effectively as you make decisions about raising your children without needing to be an expert in it yourself firstly we put the research into context and check the facts here's an example of what can happen a journalist or blogger will often find a new study which the researchers university published a press release on with a click bait headline showing that grit or growth mindset or whatever is the skill or ability that we're worried about today is really critical and then describes

0:52 five ways to develop that and parents feel pressure to implement these ideas but do we really know this skill is the right one to even focus on what is the overall body of work that's been published over the decades say about these topics does this new study confirm that work or refute it if it's produced completely different results from what came before is that because of a flaw in the methodology or because it considers issues that really

1:18 should be included and that previous scientists had overlooked understanding all of these things really matters if we go all out on developing growth mindset in our children because of the results of one study when the overall body of work says growth mindset isn't that big of a deal which is actually what this research says we've spent a lot of time focused on the wrong thing to make sure we're getting the ideas right we actually have to go back to the

1:42 original studies to find this information well you don't have to i do that work for you secondly we uncover potential judgments and biases that might be skewing the results of the research we'd like to think the data will tell us the answer to whatever question we have without any bias or value judgments allowing us to feel good about our decisions the problem with this idea is that bias and value judgments are actually baked into the process itself but these

2:08 are camouflaged by the language that's become an accepted part of scientific study for example when a researcher wants to understand how children cope with separation from their parents and sets up an experiment in a lab on campus that isn't accessible by public transportation and invites parents to participate between the hours of noon and 3 pm on tuesdays they aren't likely to get a sample of parents that's actually representative of the general population and they also aren't really testing how

2:36 the child responds to separation at home in a familiar environment with their siblings and other family members around when researchers look at lots of studies to statistically understand the body of work but they leave out some studies for not meeting certain criteria the results are different than they would be if the criteria they used were different sometimes the results of a study will show one thing but then in the short description at the beginning the researchers will talk about an entirely

3:02 different issue as if that was the main story and then that's what the bloggers and journalists will talk about so it's not that science is value free but that the value judgments become so baked in that we can't see them anymore a big part of the work i do is uncovering those value judgments so we can better understand how the study results are applicable to our lives and thirdly we work on challenging the entire paradigm the research sits within

3:28 the way we frame the question in the first place shapes the answer we get at the other end for example there's a sizeable body of work on when children understand that other people have different thoughts from them and also on changing young children's behavior this research generally assumes that children don't understand very much that they will test limits that our goal as parents is to get them to comply with the rules that we set on their behavior

3:51 in the most effective way possible but what if we were to explode those ideas what if children actually did understand much more than they're willing to say to a scientist they just met especially if that person looks a lot like an authority figure what if the only reason they test our limits is because they know we won't listen to their perspective and what if we were to consider the possibility that we don't always know the best way to do things

4:15 and that sometimes our child might have a good idea about how to do things that works for them if only we would take the time to ask and then listen to what they tell us instead of seeing children as incompetent until proven otherwise what if we were to assume they are actually competent at much more than we think we might then approach being in a relationship with them in an entirely different way and find them willing and able to

4:40 understand our perspective if we take the time to understand theirs and work with us on finding solutions to the problems that we have between us rather than us needing to try and mold and shape their behavior maybe getting dressed in front of the heater is all it takes to overcome what seems like annoying behavior and even defiance so being research based means that we use the research as a tool to understand the world but we never lose sight of the idea that

5:06 a single study won't tell us everything we need to know we always look for the impacts that the study design sample size the racial makeup of the participants the analysis and reporting of the results affects what the public sees as the answer and we also try to figure out is this research actually helping us to understand the world in a way that fits with our values and beliefs about life in general and the kind of relationship we want to

5:30 have with our child in particular there's nobody else out there doing work like this and i'm honored that many thousands of parents trust me to use this work to guide them as they make decisions about raising their children so it all starts with being research based but of course that's only the beginning when you join a course workshop or membership will give you all the support you need to apply the ideas in your real life with your real family