Ask Me a Parenting Question 05.11.21 | Dad University Live

0:02 okay we are live how's everyone doing so for those of you playing playback it's a little bit more exciting um when things start coming in in a little bit it's kind of a weird thing when you first start a live i said that last time so we will wait for a minute or two just to get some people on and to say hello as i see people starting to come in say hello where you're from

0:33 [Music] shoot me a chat love to talk answer questions um i will close the door over here or i'll let me ask somebody else can close the door um i wish it was that easy at home asking someone to do something and they actually do it you don't have to ask 20 times

1:04 so uh let me know who's in and what's going on uh let me know where you're from any questions you might have i'm here to answer them if you have them any parenting questions ah conception productions um good to have you here my daughter doesn't like eating what can i do uh what age

1:36 is your daughter that will have some factors in fact i just did a video about toddlers and toddlers not eating so it does help if i understand the the age and if there is a specific reason that you know of why your daughter's not eating it's a pretty open-ended question so that's why i wanted to get a little bit more detail so okay about to be three

2:09 um so you know children do have uh some children have some issues with the texture of the food some it is with the actual flavor of the food and they don't like it um now what i would ask is does your child eat at all in other words like if you give her a cookie will she eat the cookie and so that could just be you know preferences and if she knows that hey if i don't eat this this or this for

2:40 dinner i know i'm gonna get something else so it's hard to answer without having you know a little bit more conversation but i would say that go back there's a couple videos ago if you look at the main page um that i talk about you know a couple different different scenarios where the child you know what to do when they're not eating so um yeah some of it's you know contextual but in general you know most kids

3:05 at about you know two one and a half two they go through a very picky stage in which you know eating is not as important um that it may have been before and and quite often they're not growing as much and that's a that's a fact they they're not growing from a percentage standpoint as fast as they were when they were babies so sometimes as babies you know they're feeding every three hours they're feeding constantly and so when they're a

3:32 toddler we just don't we think that they should keep up the same schedule yeah so um you just conception just said she likes snacks but meals are hard to get her to eat so what i would say is back off the meals a little bit um keep in mind you know look at it from your toddler's perspective that you know you're trying obviously to teach your toddler that hey we sit down we have meals this is what we do but a

4:03 toddler's appetite is often different you know and a toddler appetite might include just eating snacks and i talk about in the video it's a couple of videos ago it's like how to or for toddler you know for toddlers that don't eat do so many different things it's hard to remember everything sorry um and sometimes they're just not as hungry and so i think forcing them to eat in that manner um it's just it's probably gonna be a

4:30 battle and you know what food does you don't want food to be a battle you don't want it to be a source of anxiety for the child so i would suggest just to be okay with the snacking and that maybe the snacks you try to time them that the snacks are during the time that you're having the meal um you know and eventually you may try to spread out the snacks a little bit more or you know the child's not going to go

4:55 hungry so i think um you know try that see how it goes um gabrielle asks you know how can i get my three-month-old to sleep on her own or is that too early for sleep training um i do think it's a little early it's my opinion i'm not a sleep expert so i you know i do think it's a little

5:26 early you know people are very very aggressive depends where you're from and you know the surroundings you have about you know making sure that the child kind of sleeps on their own and does that and and i understand it we we did that too but it wasn't until you know i think we were in the sort of three four five month that you know the child started do to do that i think there's a couple different

5:49 methods you have to find out which method works for you i'm not a proponent of any specific message i don't or method i don't endorse any sort of sleep training um so you have to find the one that works for you and your partner but you know having them be a little bit more independent sort of going through the routine um i do have a video you can look back on the channel um of how to get the baby to sleep

6:14 through the night and that might be you know that might be helpful see if that can work um i'm just trying to see why is it hiding oh here we go okay brandon had our baby it's saturday night at 11 50. congratulations welcome to the club um m shag two months out all right how long do you think i have to get the house

6:44 baby proofed i'll be honest we we didn't baby proof much other than you know especially when they when the baby is brand new and just born uh there's nothing to baby proof the child you know baby proofing is basically for when the child is moving around that's when it's a concern so the stairs sharp corners outlets you know baby proofing only matters when the child i mean not only i disclaimer but basically that's what

7:16 baby proofing is when the child once the child starts to crawl and move and roll and you know do things then you start worrying about it so you have plenty of time don't stress about it um mike jones asks hey jason how do you motivate a teenager to keep a job my child has not been able to hold down a job and is generally unmotivated so in general you know i'm not quite an expert at teens yet um

7:47 you know my children are going through it so i'm doing a lot of research and class and and learning myself but as far as motivation you know part of it sometimes is that the child may not be interested in what they're doing you know at 17 16 17 you know motivation often just you know it comes from within that's something but also you know you can't it's often hard for you to motivate them

8:18 what i would ask is have a conversation with your child and say you know what are the types of things that you are interested in and if they say well i don't know nothing say well if you did know what would you be interested in you know maybe your child is into sports maybe they're into gaming maybe they're into you know art or something and you might be able to parlay that into something now you know if they want

8:45 something and they know they you know understand work ethic they understand that they have to work in order to earn money you know that might be a way to motivate them but you know motivation often comes from within and i think a lot of it sometimes is not even just unmotivated it's like that's just not interesting you know who wants to you know if they're just a regular teen they want to go hang out with their friends it's understandable

9:11 so the same thing too i think there's another aspect of it is be mindful of the approach that you're taking you know don't put the teen down not saying that you are just don't put them down sort of try to look at it from their perspective try to be a little bit empathetic and saying you know i know you want to hang out with your friends or you just want to hang out and watch tv but you know here's what's important you

9:33 know it's important to learn these things and it's important to start you know they don't have to know what they're going to do for the rest of their lives but they should you know maybe be interested in something and then figure out a way to work around that and if it's not going and getting a specific job somewhere then maybe it's something that they can do online or something you know let's give you an example let's say they're really into like

9:59 clothes or sneakers or hats or whatever you know they could potentially buy and sell that stuff on ebay and that's gonna probably earn them a lot more money than a ten dollar seven dollar an hour job somewhere so i think you have to find something that really interests them and and to kind of start there um tyler asks my daughter is six weeks old and is doing awesome congratulations do you have any must-have items that

10:30 most people might not think of for babies no i am the opposite i don't think you need very much stuff if you have watched some of my other videos i think we waste too much money on things that we don't need um if you are not aware of it you probably don't need it that's in fact we mostly buy things that we don't need and so my suggestion is sort of get things as you need them

10:55 a lot of times we see things or other people tell us to get stuff and it's a waste i we had so much stuff that just sat unused you know and at least for me it was a waste of money a lot of times even or a waste of gifts a lot of it was gifts um so let's see metal phenom sorry i'm laughing my one and a half year old son licks everything is there any

11:26 remedies um wow i don't know that i've ever had that question i did have the question of like you know hitting and so usually it's showing them what to do instead of what not to do so maybe it's like you know sticking your tongue and closing you know closing their mouth not lightly um i think it's over and over saying no you know no lick touch you know or no lick touch and you know doing something like that

11:56 um i don't know that i have an answer for that one wow that's uh i'll have to research that one because that's an interesting one i i know it i know it's common um where you know it happens you know like a child is often like putting things in their mouth they're very tactical you know the other thing i will say is maybe you could um you know he could be licking it um because he could be teething or because

12:20 you know he's trying to like touch things so you could try getting like a um you know some sort of chew toy our son was really had you know problems with his teeth and like when he was teething and was just drooling and all kinds of so we got teething biscuits like these little crackers that was like just kind of like a puppy um and then we also froze these like teething rings and we would freeze them and he would just

12:45 love hanging and sucking on those so i mean that could be an answer you know i would imagine eventually they grow out of that but i i don't think i've ever answered that question that was that was unique i'll have to find that out um gabrielle is it true what i hear about a four-month sleep regression uh like i said i'm not a sleep expert but yes i mean i've had six months one year two year regressions

13:10 there's all kinds of things that happen and just because you know you have a pattern and everything's going wonderful doesn't mean that it's gonna you know that's that's the wonderful thing about kids is that they surprise you all the time with new things or like they regress you know same thing with food same thing with listening um you know it just it happens um so christopher asked new to the channel what age range does this channel focus

13:38 on so the most popular here's here's where i'll i'll say kind of all ages as soon to be dads new dads and then toddler dads and then young children dads i make a lot of videos and i've made a lot of videos for everything um i however now have a parenting program which is really for toddler and up so if you have a child that is anywhere from like

14:09 two to seven perfect for my parenting program and i will say if you have a toddler you want to learn this stuff in depth go to the website uh dad university.com click on parenting program and let's talk i'll i'll talk to you about it we'll have a phone call and we can discuss what's going on see if it's a good fit that in general but there are videos that i have all the way from pre-child to young child

14:39 i will eventually probably make some teen videos too as i am going through the teen years now with my children so a lot of it is just learning and going through that process and studying and researching and understanding it because i want to make sure i'm providing good information so uh kerm k-u-r-m uh about the motivation focus on drive rather than motivation that's that's good you might you know see if internally you guys can talk and if you

15:11 have some information for that that might be cool um mike asks i feel like my wife gives into my two-year-olds temper tantrums when i try to ignore them but that has him favoring her more than me now wrong to tell my wife she can't always be the good guy um yes it's wrong to say it like that um

15:42 i think you know the the approach is probably a big part of it and having a conversation with your wife when you're not in the heat of it about different tactics about you know maybe you've studied it maybe you've watched you know show her some of the videos my most recent video um about toddler discipline i just launched that that one specifically talks about this issue about you know giving them the attention

16:12 when they do something good versus not giving them attention when they do something wrong or their behavior is wrong and yes temper tantrums um so to tell your wife i just the wording that you're using um could be interpreted a little bit incorrectly maybe is like you know i i know if it was my wife me telling her something is not gonna go over well so it's it's a discussion and having that talk about like hey what is the best way to handle this

16:40 because it you know it seems like the problem continues you know when i'm dealing with him i ignore him and he stops however when you know i see that when we're you know doing it and you go over to him and you talk to him about it or or you give in to it he continues and so i want to try to figure out a way that we can both be on the same page you know you got to kind of say it in a

17:03 really nice way um is it maher yusuf apologize if i didn't say it right um what are your thoughts on taking a one-year-old on a plane these days um that's your own personal like safety issue if you're talking about whether it's covid i mean i can tell you non-covid if kovid's not an issue we took our child on the plane at three months so um he was breastfeeding the entire

17:36 time we just and people like my wife got up afterwards and people were like oh i didn't even know you had a baby there uh you know because he slept the whole time i will say a lot of people go during the day you know some like to prefer at night because then they sleep that's up to you but as far as your safety concerns about covid and that kind that's totally your call i i can't tell

17:56 you what to do on that i stay out of that argument uh let's see good questions though coming um there's a blitz of them here let's see you guys have questions please keep throwing them in also let me know where you're from um i'm curious too i i've launched now two shorts uh they're called the youtube shorts where they're just like 20 seconds to a minute um wanted to know what you guys thought

18:27 of that um i've been experimenting with that doing you know getting some help with the editing with my assistant and trying to figure out what is you know attractive for people if they really like the short stuff versus the long i know people like the long videos but um and we're not going to stop that it's just trying to figure out you know some other additional videos that we can offer to people um

18:57 gabrielle uh do you have any tips for picking the right schools um you know i think you visit i mean you know i'm assuming you mean like you know preschool or anything like that no i think you visit it and you get a feeling for you know what their teaching is like and what the the the people are going to be like they're philosophies um you know i everyone has different um elements and aspects of what they feel

19:29 is important you know if somebody's like really concerned about academic that's going to be something i mean i want my children at age 3 four five to have fun you know learning needs to be fun so that they continue to want to learn um that was really important i wasn't so focused on like achievement and academic and like i mean that i don't know i i i when i drop my kids off still to this day

19:55 they're in seventh and fifth grade my thing is have fun have fun today like enjoy yourself at school like you know that's something that i think um is important for children to keep on learning and to be a lifelong learners is like they need to enjoy it and that's almost for anything they're gonna you know they're gonna stop doing things and not be interested if they don't enjoy it so you know they have to you know i like

20:22 schools that balance fun with learning and making things enjoyable and i mean that's why the best teachers are always those that are making it enjoyable and you know making the situation fun for the for the kids uh at least that's my opinion um so saucy sauce interesting good name my son turns three weeks tomorrow and at what point should we start looking into getting a schedule more down pat i heard the six week rule does that

20:52 sound about right um nothing is right uh it's whatever you like i personally am a schedule person so for me and my wife who also is a scheduled person we tried to um we tried to get a schedule right away but we're also flexible in that we knew that it wasn't going to happen right away so i think you should try to get a schedule

21:22 a schedule is good for you it's good for the child so you try but you also just are flexible enough to know that if it's not perfect that's okay but i would yes three weeks you know try to get on a feeding schedule try to get on a sleep schedule but just know it's not going to be perfect but yes you know good and don't don't worry about rules you know that this is what you know you're supposed to have

21:46 this done by this time they're all just sort of you know um that's i don't know i i think there's a lot of pressure as parents when people start putting in rules and like oh when he's this age or she's this age she should be doing this yes there is some of that and if a child is like excessively um you know developmentally delayed and those that yeah you want to have that checked out but at the same time like

22:14 you know your child's not doing something by a perfect time it's like you know you don't need to stress about it yet um cody circle cody do you have any advice for a new stepdad so cody i would ask how old is the child or children because i think that has a factor and i will answer your question i appreciate the tip there um so what are your thoughts on giving

22:46 young children ages two to four electronic devices like ipads or smartphones i hate it i'm going to take a stand and i hate it now on the other hand i understand it so as much as i hate it i understand it um screen time for children of that age is literally supposed to be like a half hour a day now you know as a substitute for a

23:17 television you know a device might be you know if it's a game of some kind a device might be okay but i would still pay attention to the screen time now the pandemic changed everything for us in that my children all of a sudden it sped up their use of electronics by two or three years we had no phone no computers no nothing except for what they had at school they still don't have a phone but

23:46 it sped up the use of the computer tremendously because they were talking to their friends they were using it for school they were using all this stuff i personally am of the philosophy that if you can delay device usage delay it um now there are things that are approved by pediatricians and doctors and games and things like that and that's fine but i still think you pay attention to what the amount of screen time that they have

24:14 um you know and i haven't seen any arguments for screen time being better than playing out in nature or using their you know dexterity skills by picking up blocks and playing i haven't seen that to say that you know devices are better i've seen the opposite so yeah i don't like it but i understand it i understand the ability to just give the kid a smartphone or a device and just they're quiet you know and mom and dad

24:43 need a break so i understand it i just don't like it but it is what it is um so cody four-month-old baby girl for the advice of a new stepdad um i think you know i i i'm not a step dad um but i what i would do is a lot of communication with their mom and i think you know that's something that a

25:16 lot of the stuff is determined by her comfort and so whether that's the you know introduction whether it's how you treat you know as a four-month-old i'm gonna guess that child is going to treat you i mean assuming she assumes that that you're you have that role um she's going to that child is going to assume that you know i'm not going to know you any different other than dad um so i don't know i you know i i haven't been in that role

25:46 the only thing i can say is like you know i've talked to men that have a little bit older kids and coming into a role where you know they're not trying to be they're trying to be a father figure but they're not trying to take over the role of their existing dad and having that respect um i think it's okay i think it is respectful to you or actually think it's important to be respectful to the biological parent assuming that

26:14 that parent wants to be in the child's life my hope is that they do um however in a situation like this if they aren't then obviously there's an excellent backup in many situations you know i always say for the for a dad to step up and do that in many situations that's because like the woman is left with nobody obviously this is a little different so you know there's a lot of dynamics here the the biological father i i just you know

26:46 every situation is different i think it comes down to the comfort level of mom um the interaction of biological dad and um you know that baby will if the biological dad is involved that the child will have two dads and potentially more love in their life and i think you have to navigate it that way it's like everybody should love that child and want what's best for that child and so now you might have an opinion on what is

27:15 best but that's something that i think you have to sort out with the family and you know if specific issues come up let me know shoot me an email um you know if there's biological data involved or whatever you know let me know i'd be happy to to try to answer that but yeah i think it's an individual situation um hey chris binge watching since we've been expecting it august awesome um pandaware love that name uh love the channel just

27:47 subscribed and the channel helps awesome i thank you guys i i do i really appreciate you know everybody that that's why i wanted to come on too it's um you know as much as you guys get a lot from the channel i get a lot out of doing it it's really enjoyable for me and um yeah it's you know and these lives are fun too because i actually get to interact and get to answer some questions which

28:10 you know some of these questions are unique like the one about the kid licking i i mean that's a good one i i haven't uh i haven't had that question so let me know where you're from too um [Music] british james if you had 30 seconds to summarize what makes traits in a father what would you list many thanks in advance for your answer um i have a free webinar class which

28:40 actually goes over this um you know it's uh the strategies to be a better father and what's involved in that but if i have to say unconditional love you love that child no matter what no matter what they become no matter what they act like doesn't matter the behaviors everything you love that child no matter what and they are aware that you love them no matter what i would also say empathy i say that a lot to make sure you put

29:12 yourself in the place of that child and look at the situations from your child's perspective when you have a three-year-old who is screaming and crying because of something we often don't handle that in a great way you know just we as men don't we get upset we lose our patience we take it personally there's all kinds of situations that happen as a result so unconditional love empathy seconds is hard i talk a lot so 30

29:42 seconds is is too quick um so circle cody regarding the step dad he doesn't want to be in her life me and her mother figured we're not going to use the word step till we think it's right i'm definitely stick around been learning a lot cool yeah yeah i think it's an individual strong family structure is important for sure and you know i don't know what that situation be is if at some point

30:13 the father wants to be involved and so you know i i don't know that's an individual decision it's hard to imagine you know when i look at it from a pureness standpoint of not just looking at it with pure love you know the more people that love a child especially if they if their influence is okay or good that's wonderful you know it's different if the person um you know has some difficulties or is not in a good situation and so as

30:45 a result the child is not in a good situation that's different it's always or most often beneficial to have more love for a child you know that a child feels love from all different angles in all different types you know they feel supported and they feel like they can lean on and talk to people and having that group and support is is very valuable and that's why you know sometimes when you see like step parents i'm sorry step families and they you

31:15 know they get along and they're able to you know like the mom and the dad remarry and then those families come together like that's actually a beautiful thing it's it i can't imagine it's always easy especially if you've been wronged or something but putting away your ego and just expressing that love and sort of becoming like bigger about it and i think it's impressive it's it's very very it's a very pure place to be and i think

31:42 that you know if more people could do that you know families just put away their egos and and such it i don't know sorry i'm going on a soapbox there um panda due in september can you speak on elevating yourself as a dad and person so that you are the best first-time dad you can be um this is what my parenting program is about you know i do talk about tactical stuff but if

32:13 you are interested in the parenting program even if you are having a new child you know there are some things obviously that aren't going to apply but a huge amount of what i do in all of my videos are about improving yourself you know it's about improving your patience it's about improving your communication it's about improving your release of empathy and and gratitude you know that's what my videos are about all of them i mean you go back and look

32:40 at you know some of the popular videos and and a lot of the content i'm not i mean i do have a couple that say like hey do this this this and this about tactical things like dressing a baby and diaper changing and all that but it's like that's not like the crucial stuff the crucial stuff is like how you approach a situation i will say you know being the best dad you could be so much of it is taking responsibility

33:08 for your own actions you know we blame our children for so many things you know and i'm guilty of that i mean i'll come home my kids are acting up and then i'll say hey quiet down you're bugging me or you know whatever that's my issue like that's my problem i'm the one becoming annoyed i'm the one who has a short temper i'm the one who's yelling i'm the like it's me and so i think as a parent you have to

33:34 understand and take responsibility for your own actions and i think that that's a huge thing that i mean it goes across just more than being a parent it's as a an employee as a husband i mean all this it's so so important to take responsibility and so when you learn to take responsibility you put your ego aside and like i'll tell you what my marriage is better my relationship with my kids is better my co-working skills are better it's

34:01 like you know i take the responsibility for whatever it is most of the time i can ask others but um you know taking responsibility for yourself and how you act and how you respond and that's probably the best thing i can do um british james thumbs up to you as well um [Music] max hong

34:33 so max asks a good question what is a suitable age to start parenting a child on the rights and wrongs as soon as they understand it and when do they understand it typically is when they can somehow communicate now what you're going to have to do is understand that expectations are going to be too high you know a two-year-old really doesn't understand that much you know we think that they do we think

35:04 they're really smart um oh but he can talk or she can read or she can say the alphabet like great but they don't understand anything and we at the same time that we don't give them enough credit we often give them too much credit so it's like this weird dynamic so i think as soon as you can is important you know and that's that's what i call i mean it's what's called parenting versus just surviving when you know

35:36 they're in baby mode and all you're really worried about is um you know diapers feeding changing sleeping you then that kind of not worried about that as much and you're now starting to teach and that's my parenting program that i've developed is you know now you're in the parenting stage where you're starting to think about how do i teach this child what to do so again i'll let everybody know go to

36:09 the website daduniversity.com click on parenting program fill out the form and let's have a conversation the parenting program will change the way that you raise your child in a good way everything from communication unconditional love empathy so not only teaching you how to do it but exercises on homework on doing these things repeatedly so that you really understand

36:40 how they work and their impact and then also weekly coaching with me so you get to ask these questions in a live private environment you know this is live online and so some people get their questions answered some don't but in the coaching the live coaching you get your questions answered for sure uh and then we have discussions on a you know discussion board where you can have that so i urge you to check it out doesn't cost

37:09 anything to check it out um there is investment to do it um but i you know the value there is tremendous it it will change the course of how you parent in an extremely positive way so um let's see what else other questions anyone throw those questions up there uh also let me know where you're coming from [Music] um pandas in denver colorado awesome

37:40 um i'm guessing british james you're in new york um [Music] i love that name bruce james um glad the videos are helping and you guys have some good questions here uh let me go through um no the other thing too is if you have things that you want to know about you

38:10 know for future videos let me know that too i mean feedback is always welcome i mean many of my videos have turned out as a result of people asking questions and me understanding like hey you know more people want to know that i don't always know what people want to hear a lot of the videos are created based on the fact of like it's something that i learned and transformed and now have a much better understanding of

38:33 how to do things and so a lot of it is my own transformation that's what my program is it's my own personal transformation um you know i was a yeller i was impatient um i just i would get upset a lot i was short i was trying to be controlling there's so many things that i look back now that i wish i would have changed earlier but i'm happy that i changed it you know and as a result

39:01 i'm a happier guy happier parent better parent more calm more confident you know that's the thing too is going into a situation and knowing how to deal with the situation and on the other side too being okay with not knowing how to do it you know i just was doing i was just talking about this to somebody that you know if i don't know how to solve a situation i just say that i just say hey

39:31 how should we solve this what do you think we should do um so circle cody i'm a bit worried about public schooling and what it's becoming what's your thoughts on private and homeschooling so it's hard for me to speak to that i live in an area where the public schools are excellent and i mean so it's hard

40:04 it's hard for me to say that you know even a private school or homeschooling because it doesn't make sense where i live i mean our teachers are great the curriculum's great um my my s both of children my my daughter's still in it are in a bilingual program and it's part of a public school and i mean they've they've learned spanish since the time they were in kindergarten and so they they're bilingual they speak spanish and english and as a

40:31 result of the school the teachers have been wonderful i mean every year we're just really lucky i mean we also chose an area you know that's the case but um so i can't really speak to that i i i think you know it depends on where you're located of course there are some areas where you know public schools are not great but then it becomes a financial issue too where you know private schooling is very expensive in some aspects um and

40:58 same with homeschooling so i don't know that i can answer that i wish i could sometimes i wish i could answer every question but um so panda asks financial considerations are very important can i be a good dad when my job and career aren't what i wanted at this point in life um it's interesting question if your career and your job is not what you wanted can you be a good dad yes i mean being a

41:30 good dad ninety percent of it is non-financial you know i mean sure being a provider uh you know many men most often if i mean if you work if you stay at home then that's different if your wife works but for anybody who's working you know we value our contribution in that way you know that financially you're contributing and so you know that's how we evaluate ourselves sometimes as

42:02 fathers but contribution financially is just one small aspect of being a father you know not to say it's not important but you'll have you know financially set families where dads are not very good and then you have very low income families where the fathers are amazing so the dynamic can be whatever i don't

42:32 know that financial financial situation doesn't dictate whether you're a good father or not now it can dictate where you are mentally and you being in a place where you feel good and you feel good about what you're doing and pride about it and such and you're contributing in some way whether that is like to society or financially or you know whatever helping people or making money or whatever then you know that can be different and

43:03 so certainly you're gonna want to you know look at that and modify that you know um you know that was part of for me i don't know if you've seen my stories on like how i started dying university i've got a couple videos and also interviews on it but i've been in internet marketing for 20 something years and my mother passed away 10 years ago wow it's been that long um and basically i looked at my situation and was like

43:31 is this all i'm going to do like you know i like it i like helping people i'm an internet marketing expert i consult i but is that really like am i fulfilled enough and so that's when i started a dad group and just like that part was really fulfilling and then it expanded into a podcast and then i started doing videos and then i started getting requests for things and people contacting me and sponsorships and things and then i created my course

43:58 and like it evolved out of me really loving what i'm doing but i you know was that event the horrible event of my mother passing away because she was a relationship expert i said gosh look how much she contributed to this world and so i wanted to do something similar um so yeah i understand sometimes there's angst without when you don't feel um like it's as fulfilling or you're contributing as much and so you have to balance that you know but

44:28 it's never too late it's never too late to switch careers to go into something that is more interesting to have a job in which you have more time and maybe you make a little less money but you have more time with your family if that's important to you or you know when you are with your family if you only have a little bit and you just make that quality time and you work your butt off and that's

44:49 important to you too you know i mean for me work is really important you know and my wife knows that and my children know that you know but at the same time then when i'm on dad i want to make sure i make that time count you know um panda this is a great chat thank you it's like a men's group um let's see what's going on um anthony my one-year-old son banging his head against his crib normal

45:21 um i know that kids will do that sometimes it's a tactic thing sometimes they're trying to just make noise um i would be mindful of that you might want to contact you know pediatrician if there is something where he's doing it really hard um you know to make sure he like he doesn't hurt himself but i would also show him soft you know so instead of hitting his head you know grab his hand and say soft and

45:50 touch the crib in a nice way and say soft or you know light touch whatever how you want to do it show him what to do instead of like focusing on what not to do show him what to do that's always really really important um drunk guitar man awesome name uh first time dad in about a week wondering if you have any quick bits of advice about preparing for the hospital and labor i could probably better do that with my

46:17 video that says preparing for delivery or what to do in the delivery room got some of those videos you just got to go back to the main channel area where all the videos are you can kind of scroll through um yeah there's there's a ton um because some of them are pretty specific but preparing for hospital and labor a lot of it is just being supportive you know being um the advocate for your significant other of

46:44 just just being there and being supportive um enjoy the moment you know things cut might be stressful um but just you know kind of know that this is just an experience that you want to be present for and you want to be there and just soak it in you know and then also you know let people know ahead of time like you're going into this you might be not available for a while you know at least a couple days like and people

47:10 are usually respectful of that although family sometimes isn't um you know but but you wanna you know you wanna take that time to just enjoy it so i i mean those videos i'm trying to remember back the biggest things we're just knowing that it can be chaotic you know and just enjoy that time um it goes by really really fast i mean it's hard for me now even you know i have pictures my children are 10 and 12.

47:37 it's hard other than the pictures for me i mean granted my memory is not wonderful i can't remember what i did last week um just of going back and like remembering all of those situations of like what the labor was like a delivery room and you know i just took a lot of pictures couple videos um so charles videos are great uh halifax nova scotia canada well welcome uh what would be your number one advice for first-time dads

48:06 with not much hands-on baby experience besides nieces and nephews i didn't have any experience with kids when my child was born so you can go from zero now to dad university expert it's just about time and putting in the time and know that you're not going to be an expert and don't worry about it you know children you become an expert with experience it's like a sport an art music whatever you know your job the first day you're not good at it you

48:34 know nothing you're not good at anything first time and it takes time and parenting's the same way you make a lot of mistakes you learn from your mistakes know that mistakes are part of parenting and you know learn from them and move on and just don't beat yourself up over it and and know that you know you're not the only person who's experienced this you know a lot of times we feel alone but look at this chat i mean

48:57 all these guys are coming on here and like oh yeah oh yeah i was in that situation or i've been there you know and that's what that's what it is um [Music] cody dr jordan peterson well thank you he uh i do watch his stuff he's really good he has a lot of good information [Music] max had asked would you be linking research based information to your videos or is it experience based

49:29 a lot of times it is both um if there is some part of research specific to that video i do like to include it a lot of mine is experience based a lot of it is research based but um what i would say is go back if you want to look at like the foundations of a lot of the teachings that i have um it's adolf [Music] rudolph dreikers and um sorry an alfred adler they are the sort of founders of

50:00 individual psychology and a lot of did i say it wrong again oh um they were like editing a bunch of stuff a bunch of my bloopers and so i've i've said things wrong so many times and so it's funny i've got someone over here um so but drikers and alfred adler sorry um they are the founders of this psychology and whether it's positive discipline redirecting children's behavior joy of

50:31 parenting there's a there's a lot of positive discipline is probably one of the most famous these philosophies are all kind of based on that psychology and mine is the same i've been through these courses and these trainings and such and then i've had my own experience how i was raised which was also in this manner and then now how i am teaching my own kids and so um and you know as an example like my

51:01 mentor um susie walton who had taught redirecting children behavior and then now does joy of parenting she has taught this for over 20 something years and so she has kids and their children so now the you know grandkids i guess you could call it but kids of kids who have all been taught this way and seeing the the results of when children are raised in this type of um you know parenting style

51:31 um that you know the results are excellent and so yeah i mean i don't mind a lot of people ask like well hey did you just pull this out of your intestinal tract um you know sometimes things might be but sometimes it's an opinion um and i try to clarify that when it's like you know an opinion but also if you were here earlier you'll also see that when somebody has um you know a question and i don't have

51:58 any idea about it no experience i don't try to answer it i you know i'm not gonna answer something i don't know but i might give my opinion um like the one guy asked about going on a plane like that was just my opinion but i'm not i don't even want to give my opinion on that um let's see ryan good to see you uh mike lopez um when did you realize your patience

52:28 was low and you were yelling too much um oh because the question was like i'm curious when you started making the switch and working on being more patient and yelling list as a parent what was the cause the cause was me being too stressed arguing with my wife um noticing and just self-reflection i mean my my children i think it was probably when i took my first parenting class um my i think my children were three and

53:00 one and it was right around the time i was starting um the dad university at that time it was called dudes to dads it was just a meetup group and i just didn't feel good i i wasn't i was coming home feeling stressed instead of like enjoying my children i felt very stressed out about it and really just got sick of it you know i didn't want to feel that way um i don't you know probably could have

53:29 been earlier um you know some of the early journey was also just you know learning how much of my marriage and the relationship of my chil with my children was up to me and you know not relying on my wife or my children to please me to um you know do what i say to make sure that i was happy you know

53:59 whatever it is like that's not their job and i slowly began to study and research and learn how important it was for me to take responsibility for myself and i you know and i always thought even before all this like i thought i would be a good dad i was a good husband i you know and and i'd like to think that i was at the same time there was so much room for improvement um and there always is

54:29 and so yeah i think it's important um at any time if you are questioning it it's time you know there's not there's no reason to wait to to be better and to improve yourself um ryan it's getting warm in here um ryan what would you recommend in creating a bond with your newborn as my work requires me to be away from home for extended time periods

54:59 so a newborn is very difficult to bond with uh because you know especially if you're not the one spending a lot of time with them there's not a lot of feedback right away but it is time you know time is what bonds and so what i would say is that when if you do get the time you just make it count you know if it's a little amount of time then that's okay but just make it count

55:26 try not to be distracted try to be focused try to be mentally and physically present um you know just try to concentrate on the time that you do have and you know if you're away then you're away there's nothing you can do about that so i just i think being present physically emotionally mentally um you know all of those things is important when you are with a child and that and that that goes for anybody whether

55:49 they're away from their children for extended period of time or not um you know i i feel that on occasion and i just have to recalibrate you know i was like even like this weekend there are times especially now that my children are getting older you know they play with their friends they go out and do their own thing and i had felt the last you know week or so just a little bit of a disconnect i

56:15 hadn't spent as much time quality time with either of my children there's a lot going on whether it's work or building some things at home you know there's all kinds of things happening and so i didn't feel like i had spent a lot of time with them and so like this weekend i just wanted to make it a point to just sit and talk and play a game or you know and do and reconnect a little bit

56:39 and and i did and so instead of me which you know i always have things i can do i always can make more videos i always can do more scripting and making things in my course and you know doing all kinds of stuff more content but it wasn't you know i also looked at it and said you know i i got to recalibrate this like i need to spend some time and that wasn't even for them

57:02 that was for me um you know there are other situations obviously and i have those conversations with my kids where you know hey you know how are you feeling about the you know our time spent right now and and my children are now used to being able to articulate that because we've been doing it for so long that like like if they really want to hang out then i will make whatever effort i can to hang out

57:27 um abdul's clues do you bring your kids to hang out with you and your friends it depends um you know people with no children um will not understand or typically or you know especially men they don't really have any connection to doing that and so for them it's kind of boring or it's not that exciting you know if your option is as well you don't have another option because somebody else isn't going to

57:57 you know watch your child well then you do that but um i think also too that it is often difficult to enjoy the time with your friends and then enjoy the time with your kids so if your kids are coming with you it's basically just because you can't do anything else with them you're not going to have any quality time with your child with your child most likely when you're hanging out with your friends because you want to hang out

58:22 with your friends so that's an individual decision um you know i i think what happens is that you end up making friends with people who have children and then your children are occupied with playing with their friends or their children sorry their friend their children and you're hanging out with your friends and so we did that a lot where you know we would hang out with another couple and they haven't they have children and so our

58:45 kids would interact while we hang out and have adult discussion you know um scott asks what parenting classes do you recommend the most before the baby comes um well i sell my own parenting class so i i guess i could but there isn't any that i endorse i don't endorse any other parenting classes um i i think if you know a hospital is offering you a class or you know there's classes online i mean i

59:17 think it's all good i don't think there's any harm in that um i'd love to think that mine is the best one that there is however you know portions of it are not going to apply to pri you know prior to the baby but a large portion of it is it's fatherhood mindset you know it's like how are you approaching fatherhood you know communication which you know affects you and your partner like that's a huge section

59:40 that talks i talk about in my course so yeah i don't i don't necessarily endorse any other courses um i'll be candid i didn't take a course prior just because i didn't know of any um it wasn't even i i didn't know that there was and then um you know there were some like daddy courses where they would have you know some like diaper changing and some other things but other than that um there wasn't much uh

60:10 we're coming up on an hour here i only have a couple minutes um mike says in florida the hospital uh had parenting classes yeah sometimes the hospitals do um and so you know that could be something um you know if the hospital has it that's great if i mean usually they're either really low cost or or free but there's resources online you know go and watch my videos um i have a webinar that you can go

60:42 through that's going to help um so yeah mike just made a good point if you are in here or have seen this video be sure to turn your notifications on um i mean you're going to want to subscribe obviously but turn your notifications on so that you make sure that if we do another one of these lives you get notified so that you can come in and join us so if there's any other questions that come

61:07 up go to the website you can go to the contact there um shoot me an email i think you think you can on that on the website if not we'll have to build that into it um to make sure that you can contact but shoot me an email info dad university dot com and just put attention jason and i'll be sure to get it uh and that's it i want to thank everybody coming in live this has been fun uh hopefully we'll get

61:31 a chance to do another one i'm gonna go turn the fan on because it's really hot i've got lights here and it's really really warm but uh i want to thank everyone for joining us here and we will see you next time take care guys