The Psychology of Making People Respect You Instantly! | Robert Greene

0:00 Act like a king to be treated like one. If you feel like you're a king or a queen, people will believe that you are. If you believe as if you were confident, as if you are powerful, it will turn Power is a game of psychology. So, you have to master these very subtle and invisible rules of psychology. If you take something and you do something boldly, everybody loves the bold Everybody admires it. Even if it's stupid, even if it fails, it will gain you that kind of attention.

0:35 A lot of of our idea of a leader and power is nonverbal stuff. Because as I said, we're an animal. We're social animal. We don't like to believe understand that, but it's true. >> >> And so, a lot of it's the body language. So, >> >> a powerful person in a meeting is kind of relaxed. They're kind of like this. They could be They could put their bodies anywhere. Right? Whereas the >> >> other person is like all tight and nervous and aware.

1:05 A powerful person has a directed focus. A weak person is always always looking around, touching their hair, touching their face. It's There's a word for it. I forget what it is in nonverbal communication, but it's a sign of insecurity. A powerful person is able to look at everybody in the room directly, whereas >> >> somebody who's weak is always kind of averting their gaze. There are these these signs of kind of confidence and charisma where you feel you are powerful and it emanates outward. Your eyes have that certain gaze. It's unfortunate because for women, it's a little bit harder to play that game because some of the things that read as powerful for men, >> >> for women should read as powerful, but often read as she's mean, she's a Right? So, women have a harder time >> >> in playing this game of appearances cuz they're judged so much on their looks and not about these other things.

2:09 So, it's complicated. But there these kind of cues that people give off that show that they've inwardly feel secure and powerful and it kind of emanates outward. It's There's a law in there act like a king to be treated like one. If you feel like you're a king or a queen, people will believe that you are. Right? It becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. And I have the story in there of Christopher Columbus who was like the son of of like a a grocer somewhere in like Portugal or whatever, >> >> but he convinced all of the kings of Spain that he came from nobility.

2:49 And they It was a total con game and they believed him, but he carried himself like that. He believed it and they gave him all this money to go and explore America. That's sort of the iconic story that I use for that. The thing is, the best way to to to cultivate it is to actually have results that that show to actually have a record to go upon. So, you can kind of fake it like Columbus did, but Columbus already had achieved some things when he did that. He'd already had some naval skills, I believe. Don't quote me on that. But it's good to have some things to hang your hat on that will help give you that confidence. So, it's not completely fake.

3:33 But William James, the great American psychologist, talked about as if strategies. And it's a very important concept in psychology from the early 20th century. If you believe as if you were confident, as if If are powerful, it will tend to be read that way, >> >> right? And so, like he had the analogy, if you smile, even though you don't feel like smiling, you'll end up kind of maybe feeling kind of happy.

4:08 So, the physical action will create the psychological action, was his belief, cuz he was very much believer in the body, things starting from the body. So, if you believe physically and and bodily embodied >> >> that you were great, that you deserve this, it will kind of become part of your psychology and it will radiate outward. Well, everybody has some good qualities, right? Everybody, I think almost everybody has something that they can can go back to in the past and go, I was actually very good at that. That was actually a good moment. I actually was was, you know, scored in that particular moment, and you can think about that. I mean, actors do that all the time in movies >> >> when they want to express an emotion, they go back into their past, like they have to express sadness, they go back and they think about their father or mother who died, and they call that emotion up. You can call that emotion up of when >> >> you did something actually really great.

5:06 You might have only been in high school when you were on the sports team and you you threw the touchdown or something. Okay, think about that and and it'll come back to you. Everybody has something that they can be confident about, I hope. One law that I would highlight is interaction with boldness. And what I mean by that is you if you're feeling timid, if you're feeling that you're not confident in something, you will start a project and it will fail because you feel that way, because you don't enter into it with the right energy.

5:42 So, if you feel if you take something and you do something boldly, everybody loves the bold, everybody admires it. >> >> Even if it's stupid, even if it fails, it will gain you that kind of attention. And so, let's say you're thinking about starting a business. Well, just go ahead and do it and be bold about it and start it and be as dramatic as you can and be as confident as you can and it creates a self-fulfilling dynamic.

6:10 >> >> People admire it. They don't admire the timid and the insecure and the guy who spends two years talking about that podcast he's going to start. They admired that bloke who just decided, "All right, I'm going to start it. I don't care if nobody likes it, it's fine, you know?" I remember this guy who interviewed me once. He had a magazine called Bad Ideas and it was a really successful magazine in like the early 2000s. I said, "Where'd you get that idea?" And he said, "My mother told me that to start that magazine was a really bad idea, right? So, I thought I'd put the title there, you know, and that would be the title of it." And he just went ahead and started it and it was very successful because it was a great like marketing gimmick and it also worked and it was actually full of bad ideas in the book thing but very in a very interesting way.

6:58 so, being bold, being different, >> >> everybody nowadays, I'm getting on my goddamn soapbox again and I'm so I apologize to everyone about this, but everyone is so similar. Everybody is so afraid. Everyone is trying to be like everybody else. You go out there and you start something that's different, that's you, that's unique, that's loud, that proclaims I'm a different voice on it, you're going to get attention. So, I want more bold people in this world. We've got too much fear, you know? That's I'm not maybe a big admirer of in some ways of Elon Musk, but damn it, he's always bold and it always works for him. He doesn't start just a a minimal business about maybe sending rockets out there. He starts things that's going to you to the Mars. He's bold and people love it.

7:46 If one thing, if I have one legacy, if I create more bold people in this world, I will be happy because we've got too many timid hairs out there. We need more bold lions. Start your business, write that book. Do it. Just do it, please. And then write me afterwards and either blame me or thank me. Power is a game of pure psychology. And what I mean by that is >> >> when you have a sports, you have game like baseball, it's all statistics and data mostly. So, and there's a winner and there's a loser. They won the game five to nothing, etc. Okay?

8:21 So, there parameters. >> >> There's very little psychology involved. Although in sports, it's soc- football and stuff, there's some psychology, but a lot of it's just playing and winning. But power isn't like that. So, when we elect a leader like Donald Trump over Kamala Harris, you might say, "Oh, he got more votes." But what is your judgment, your decision on voting for Donald Trump over Kamala Harris? >> >> Was it you spent 4 hours with a spreadsheet going over all of their economic policies deciding, "This is what's going to happen. This is how it's going to benefit me." No. It was based on appearances, on psychology.

8:57 He seemed like a leader. He seemed like he had more authority. I kind of like his ideas, but you're not going very deeply into it, right? It's his appearance that mattered. CEOs are often hired because of their optics, because it's not based completely on the amount of money they've made. And I believe me, I saw this first time when I was on the board of directors. People were hired not on their superior track record, but on their political skills.

9:26 The power game, the rule laws of power are understanding human psychology. Never outshine the master. You're creating the appearance >> >> that you respect the master, that they are better than you, that you are going to obey them, you're going to follow them. You're playing that game. Always say less than necessary. You're wearing the mask of somebody powerful who learns to control their tongue and control their behavior. Court attention at all costs. You know the behavior that will get people to look at you and attend to you. Do not build fortresses.

10:00 You understand that appearing isolated at somebody is very dangerous. You know how to play the perfect courtier. You create the appearance of power, and that is the power game is creating the appearance of it. It becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. Now, of course, results do matter. They do figure into the picture. I won't deny that. But, the main part of the game, the main part of the laws are understanding the role of appearances, being a good actor, and knowing how to manage that properly in a group situation.

10:31 >> The problem that a lot of people have with my books and in life is they're too black and white. So, they'll say things like, "Well, Robert, if I'm absent on social media, nobody will have heard of me. If I don't write this book, if I don't put it in another album, if I don't produce this product, how can I do that? You know, what what are you talking about absence like that? That's very dangerous in the world."

10:56 Well, I don't talk about just absence. I say it's a dance between absence and presence. So, it's not like you disappear. It says that you are a little bit less present. >> >> You're able to disappear for a while, and you make people wonder about you. Napoleon said, "If I show up at the theater every night in Paris in my little emperor's box, people start taking me for granted. If I show up every week, they'll be gone.

11:25 That's interesting, but he's coming every week. If I show up once a month, it's like an event. Oh my god, he came here. When is he coming next? Wow, it's all this attention. That's the dynamic of absence and presence. If you come every two or three days, nah. If you come every week, nah. You come a month, yeah. You come every year, people will forget about you, won't have any power. You have to know exactly the dynamic.

11:50 So, people think that nowadays, so like in a dating situation, this is a common example, if nowadays cuz things are different, you have a date, >> >> and if you're like texting her the next day, or then or that evening, it's kind of like, "Hmm, something is I don't know about this guy. He's a little bit desperate. I'm not so sure about him." If you text the next day, it's a little bit what If you wait take two days, but not three, cuz she's starting to think about you. She's starting to go, "Hmm, this guy's interesting. Maybe he doesn't like me or maybe he does. I'm not sure." And she starts thinking about you. She starts fantasizing about you.

12:33 Then the second day your name pops up. It has power. It has effect. So, if you're inundating somebody, you don't give them room to fantasize. You don't give them room to think about you. And then they they start wanting to start taking you for granted kind of thing, >> >> you know? So, people say, "Yeah, but in the world of like celebrities will tell me" I had this one female rapper. I'm not going to say her name.

12:56 Who would say, "Yeah, but Robert, in social media, I can't disappear." And I go, "Yes, you can." I mean, it was before the social media era, but Michael Jackson would disappear for several years before a record. Beyoncé disappeared for like two years in between records, didn't even produce anything. Then when she came out with a record, wow, what a splash. You could still get away with it now. You just have to know the sweet spot. You have to know that maybe in social media it's you can't disappear for a year or even a month.

13:26 But if you do it for a week, people will notice it and they start thinking about you. So, you have to kind of know how to play the game. And power is a game of psychology. So, you have to master these very subtle and invisible rules of psychology. And so, knowing some people know it by instinct. They have a marketing sense that I need to break up expectations. If everything is always the same, there's no surprise.

13:54 But, you have to understand you have to think about the how people are going to respond. You have to understand the psychology involved. That surprise gets attention. That's what's not as expected stands out and people are excited, they're interested in it. And also, creating viral effects is another is like the flip side of this using absence and creating absence. So, I talked about this in the art of seduction. If you pass by a restaurant where there's just one couple sitting there eating and you go and and the menu looks good and the reviews are good, you go I don't think we want to go there. You go a few blocks further and there's this restaurant. People are packed, they're sitting there, they're all laughing, they're drinking. All right, let's go in there. The food could be crap, but because you see other people doing it, you're drawn into it.

14:44 Now, these are things you just knew auto instinctively. I don't know, some people maybe don't get that kind of thing. But, that's the kind of psychology you want to play on. I talked about how in P.T. Barnum, he was a master of this. He had the Museum of Oddities in Manhattan and the whole game was to get people inside because once they were inside, there were all these odd, you know, really weird in there that was so strange and interesting, these curiosities, these deformed, you know, fetuses and animals.

15:14 How do you get them inside? So, he hired the worst possible band he could find to play really terrible music right near his museum. And they would be playing so loud that people would run inside the museum to escape this music.