See, Guide, and Trust - Real Talk for Real Teachers #67

0:00 [Music] welcome to real talk for real teachers my name is julie ruffo and i'm the lead content specialist for conscious discipline i've helped produce many of our products and have assisted dr bailey in writing her best-selling books and curriculums for more than two decades my husband is a high school teacher and a conscious discipline certified instructor and we're raising our girls with conscious

0:30 [Music] for those of you who may be new to conscious discipline conscious discipline is a trauma-responsive brain-based and evidence-back approach it provides a pathway to resiliency sustainable change and educational equity by integrating adult first discipline school culture and social and emotional learning within a single methodology through conscious discipline adults are empowered to perceive conflict and discipline in a way that leads them to model the behaviors they

1:02 want children to develop while also teaching children the problem solving and social emotional skills they need for lifelong success in today's episode of real talk for real teachers we've got a special treat mr chaz of tiktok fame is joining us mr chaz recently did his educational razzle dazzle as a keynote speaker on breakout day at the conscious discipline institute session a during the institute dr bailey and mr chaz spent a good chunk of time together exploring all the ways their life's

1:33 purposes align and talking about ways to better serve our nation's children parents and educators in case you're not familiar with mr chaz he's an educational specialist in the northern virginia washington dc area and he has a pretty sizable social media presence on tiktok instagram and facebook where he applies his special brand of action humor charisma and insight to common parenting discipline and educational topics let's join dr bailey and mr chaz and i'll be back to share more with you

2:03 after their conversation hey everyone welcome and join me in a conversation with mr chaz so let me just say we've got uh 200 000 250 what do you got 220 000 on tick tock hundred and tell me two hundred and twenty um two hundred and twenty hundred thousand on tick tock hundred and fifty thousand on uh instagram i have and

2:35 i don't know how many people follow me on facebook well anyway he is a uh up and coming virtual phenom here and so i've listened to a couple of them myself i know other people who are following him and i just thought it'd be wonderful to sit down and have a chat so tell me how did you what inspired you to get into this to start this uh virtual expression of yourself

3:07 yeah so um started out as an montessori teacher um from being a montessori teacher i struggled at first but learned i grew became better teachers started to ask me for suggestions i started to casually give suggestions ideas and advice and they were like wow like that changed my entire day like i need more of that um and i started to realize as fulfilling as it was to impact the 20 children in my classroom

3:38 that could have an exponential impact um if i could if i could help teachers and support teachers and so became educational specialists teaching teachers to teach right so fast forward pandemic happens children go home you know teachers go home and i still have this itch that i need to scratch to help adults to help people understand children and help them and guide them and if anyone listened to this i don't know how long

4:09 in the future you're listening to this but you know parents became the everything for children 24 7. yes um and i started to really see through social media how much of a you know different challenges that they were having and i felt like i had some you know i i had something to give there and so i started to create uh tick-tock videos and i chose tik-tok because the culture there just seemed really

4:39 like fun and my goal was like i wanted to create content that was enjoyable to consume but also by the end of the video you felt like you've got something out of it you've learned your perspective has grown a little bit you have a new tool in your tool belt um and so i started making the videos it blew up on tick tock blew up on instagram and it's just really been growing and growing from there and i remember at one point

5:05 during the pandemic because i had stopped working most of our schools stayed open but because of personal reasons because of you know family members you know passing away and i decided to take some time to myself and i remember spending hours and hours on of the day on tick tock live just answering questions um really until like i realized until my needs were screaming at me i was hungry or i need

5:36 to get up i need to do something else um and so it's really just grown from there and now i'm here talking to you and that is so phenomenal and you're spending a week here with us at conscious discipline giving us a keynote on thursday so that's exciting for us uh i was so impressed with uh the way you deliver it i mean just like you said i mean first of all you got the passion you got the charisma but you

6:07 have this way of of making it fun making it understandable and you do leave with a with a tool so how are you experiencing them because we're very much in a line because i i listen to you so how are you experiencing this week with conscious discipline oh man i love it i feel like it's like another home that i found in in conscious discipline so much aligns with what i believe even some of the you know

6:38 analogies that you use i'm like oh man like i thought i made that but clearly not um and you deliver it so well um and so i'm i feel very much at home here and i'm taking it all in and i know this isn't going to be my last time at a conference the conscious i'm sharing it on my instagram stories and people like wow yeah this is very aligned with what you talk about so i i'm loving it

7:09 so if you could so in in you were talking to me earlier about see guide and trust speak to me about see guide and trust yeah so that is my vision for the world like my goal and people ask me like well what's you know the goal of your account and what you what what you know what you're doing and i would say it's to help adults not just parents not just teachers not just nannies adults in general help adults

7:39 truly see children truly see children right and my belief is that you know when we when we see children and they feel seen it's it's illuminating right we are right now a lot of what you know adults parents teachers do or it's kind of trying to guide children in the dark right and then once they feel seen children are a lot more willing to reach out to us to reach out to our hand and when we see

8:09 them we're a lot more able to actually reach out to them as opposed to just kind of going like this and hoping that they grab our hand and feeling around in that dog and then yelling women you know where they don't grab our hand and we know we aren't able to guide them um in those moments so it's the being able to see guide in the trust is that third part of because there's so much a

8:34 lot of times there's so much fear and anxiety that we have around you know decisions that we're making um and to be able to trust the process and be able to trust children that they are really doing their best with the skills that they have um in that moment um to really be able to trust that um instead of having this kind of negative view about their intentions or them as people they should be doing right they shouldn't know to do and

9:04 right 100 so that's that's the c guide trust and that's my vision for to help adults see guide and trust children across the world well that's good i'm glad you didn't keep it small [Laughter] so with that uh what it what are your next steps you think i mean uh you're here with us for a week uh you're going back to um what's your yeah virginia so what's the next steps for you

9:37 so i am really so yeah that's the big vision and finding my way there uh it's i want to use media um i think media is really powerful right now and that's my big focus um i love doing the conferences and the in-person things like that's i that's where like the energy in the room i love it i'm really passionate about that and you know hopefully you know the media stuff will take me into

10:07 those rooms to really impact people maybe a little bit more personally than i can through a tick tock video or through a podcast um but to create media that is able to reach that is far-reaching that is reaching people at different places of their life where they're able maybe they feel seen right because it's not about just you know a lot of times to get to the adult to get to the to to see the child

10:36 we have to see the adult first right they have to feel seen right and so hopefully so through the media through tick tock through instagram through podcasts through whatever other media videos dvds netflix shows who knows there you go there you go now we're talking that i will uh be able to continue reaching people and we'll kind of see where things go so where do you think if you think back into maybe your own early childhood

11:06 or your upbringing when did you know this was yours to do i mean were there seeds or beginnings or those touch points in your life that kind of sparked you and and how would you step it and and as you're telling about that i think other people could kind of trace their own touch points into how do i live my passion so yeah so you know it well for me it wasn't one of those things where

11:36 it was when i grow up i want to be a teacher um and part of that was of i didn't have um a bunch of positive experiences with school um so i really didn't even know this has kind of been just a continuous journey of me trying to discover myself and discover what my passions were because i was not being pushed in this direction

12:07 right i was being pushed into the you know the you know you need the white picket fence and the the the comfortable government or corporate job and so that's where i was being pushed and you know the idea of being comfortable and and having money and working for the government where it's kind of hard to get fired like sounded pretty good but it wasn't something that i was passionate about um but when i started

12:37 to work with it wasn't until i was in the room with children and working with them that i started to discover how passionate i was about it and reflect on my school experiences and i had some i did have some definitely some good teachers um that i reflected on especially in those early days like man i want to be like this teacher i want to like i remember when i felt seen and this person did that thing

13:06 i want to create that for another i'll tell you a story okay good um yeah i went to a private school for most of my life and i didn't want to going into my freshman year i went to public school a public high school um and then my parents were like hey you need to be and you need to go back to private school but i was like i don't want to go to

13:37 private school i want to like i want to be around my friends and i want to be like i want to experience you know this public school experience but i so i had to go to summer school to pass a math class so that i could get into private school so i had a master plan right yeah easy fail the math class easy money for me i've been struggling not to fail my entire life so just fail in that class and i can

14:06 continue doing going to public school like i want it right and that's out of my parents control look they they don't have that power over me right so i go to summer school and i had a teacher that was so passionate about it was different from any other math teacher that i ever had and i'm going in there like i hate math i hate math i hate math i hate math i i'm bad at math i suck at math

14:35 i'm not good at math these are the stories i'm telling myself and she taught in such a way to really help me understand in a way that i could really receive it and i also remember feeling again seen by her understood having conversations with this teacher like i never talked to a teacher before about you know what was anything like at home or like my struggles or you know i just they were they were them and i was me and we

15:03 were disconnected you try to get me to learn and i resist it and maybe i learned just barely passed and that was the relationship but this was completely different spoiled you're playing didn't you 100 and i remember taking the test the final test and i was doing the answers like okay i've been doing pretty good here but i can just fail this and then i can still fail the class like i can still fail the class

15:31 so i'm doing i'm doing the answers like okay i know there's answer okay that's weird know this answer okay all right this is and then i had the strangest feeling i've never had while doing well being in a math room i was enjoying the process of actually doing the math oh wow and getting the right answer and i think that's one of the light bulb moments and yes so and to end the story i passed the class i ended up going to

16:00 the private school and ended up getting a teacher who was like the opposite it was kind of back it was more like the math teacher that had in the past and but that lesson stuck that it's not it may not have always been that maybe it wasn't always math maybe had something to do with the teacher the person who in the room right um and that lesson stuck with me um and so i wanted to be one of the

16:33 things like as i was learning and growing and didn't necessarily have all the skills i still wanted to be that teacher for whatever child yeah was i was with that could be that i could see them they could feel seen i could also teach them in a way where they can actually receive it the way that they like to learn and they the way that they can learn um and so that was one of the lessons that

17:00 really stuck with me that and you know and that's what we say in the in conscious discipline that these relationships are the cradle of all learning whether you love math hate math can receive math and also in that relationship that attunement that ability to to see and to see the best way that information could uh resonate with you and how it's gonna become part of you i think a lot of people passionate like you uh have somebody back there that

17:32 touch them in such a way that think man if everybody can feel this if everybody could get rid of some of those stories in their head and see things a little bit differently that you know that the world starts to open up in a big big way um did so with this growth and passion and and and continuing to to spread this message and i can see that you have a giant heart for humanity a giant heart not just for

18:06 children but for all of all of us that there there is a better way and all we got to do is kind of grow into ourselves and and and share it with others um is there if you could talk hopefully we're talking to a lot of folks here yeah if you could say like one or two things that that really are or like a a core suggestion you would offer to others uh what would those couple

18:38 things be yeah the biggest thing i would say is don't be a perfectionist be an improvementist the goal isn't to be perfect every day the goal is to improve a little every day and i think so many times with learning a new way with trying to improve in really any area of life that we get so bogged down with where we're not at yet that it slows us it weighs us down from

19:11 actually moving towards that goal it becomes the anchor of our progress um and we're just because like i'm not perfect i didn't do it right and we become paralyzed in that um and so to have that improve in this mindset and you see it from children very young to adults very oh that child who you know spills the milk right and is paralyzed in fear and i've seen the change happen in shelter every year

19:42 working in a montessori classroom because the big thing was hey teach them the practical life skills and so we would do family style dining and they'd be pouring their own milk and inevitably there'd be spills right and there'd always be one or two children at the beginning of the year be paralyzed and be like oh and did not know what to what to do with that milk when the milk spilled to the point where they're so

20:08 paralyzed you know how the liquid is slowly getting over to the to the lap this is where it's got to be a bit a bigger problem and so paralyzed that they can't even get out the way right let alone solve the problem um but over just through from the way that i would respond to it over time you would see the spill would happen and that parallel even that initial reaction you know maybe there's a little

20:35 bit of like ooh and then like that they're going to get the paper towels and cleaning up and you're seeing you know their friends and their people at the table doing the same thing and helping them um so the biggest thing i would say is you know don't be perfectionist be an improvementist because otherwise if if you're in the perfectionist mindset you're going to be like that child who spilled the milk you know metaphorically whether it's messing up

21:03 or yelling when you know you know to tap into the calm and breathe into the mantras and do all this yelling or all the things that you didn't do right that's that's the spilled milk right give yourselves grace you know remember the process it's okay to make mistakes it's important to make mistakes um you know it's an opportunity for learning and so be an improvementist not a perfectionist and i think that is you know most people

21:32 don't understand that perfectionism is uh one of the symptoms of trauma so for people who have experienced a lot of trauma one avenue to go one way to uh uh accommodate that experience is and adapt from it is if i can be a perfectionist then i can defend against any rejection yeah you know so i'm really defending against rejection so i'm going to be perfect so

22:02 no one will reject me yeah based on some past things and and i think it's important when you being improving this as you say i love your word that it it pulls it out it's nothing to do with someone yourself or another person rejecting you it's about you taking baby steps to being who you need to become or who you're meant to become your inner self is just growing up to be a radiant being yeah so

22:32 tell us jess as we're leaving now give us uh how we get how we can follow you and give us all the details so that people listening can can tap in and join into your uh to to listen to you more often yes so i'm on tick-tock instagram facebook and i have my own podcast on all podcasting platforms this is how you can find me first i'll start with the podcast since we're on a podcast um mr chazz's leadership parenting and

23:00 teaching podcast is the name of my podcast um you can find me on tiktok as mr chaz mr chaz by the way it's mr chaz with twozies um so it's m-r-c-h-a-z-z it's on tick tock it's one word on instagram it's just mr chaz and on facebook it's mr chaz space mr chass perfect thank you for joining us today it's been a pleasure

23:31 i don't know about you but as a recovering professional approach encourages us to give ourselves permission to learn grow and be our truest biggest realist selves knowing we are going to make mistakes and that those mistakes are a part of our personal process of evolution when we give ourselves

24:02 permission to oops and make mistakes and be our authentic selves we encourage children to do the same through behavior modeling and through our direct interactions with them this authenticity spills over into mr chaz's life goal of helping the world see guide and trust children search him up on social media to learn more about his c guide trust philosophy thank you mr chas for sharing yourself with us and for making the educational world a bit brighter with your talents

24:34 so what have dr bailey unconscious discipline been up to well we're finishing up our summer event season and helping teachers prepare to welcome students back into the classroom our elevate social emotional learning conference runs july 28-30 helping educators start strong the first six weeks with hands-on sessions and model classrooms our next institute is right around the corner in providence rhode island august 8-14 and our infant toddler institute will be september 26 to october 1st

25:05 in orlando florida in other preparing for school news our beloved jaden the germ-blasting superhero flew into our warehouse a few weeks ago to help usher in the start of a school year where germ awareness will be at an all-time high jaden's book comically demonstrates ways germs are spread and how to keep ourselves and each other safe through hand washing nose blowing and covering your cough each superhero bundle includes a book a sanitizer pack tissues plush jaden bear and a printable

25:35 2d version of jaden you can print again and again and then laminate for easy sanitizing whether your educational community is masculine for teaching kids good hygiene in homes centers and schools i hope you've enjoyed our time together today until next time i wish you well [Music] for more episodes of real talk with real teachers by dr becky bailey

26:07 visit consciousdiscipline.com forward slash podcasts you can also subscribe to this podcast on itunes stitcher or your favorite podcast app