Adolescence as Preparation to Leave Home

0:06 So let me give you an example for how to understand the adolescent period. I want you to picture this just as a starting point for understanding this framework. Picture a scene where you're in bed, it's very quiet, and the sun is slowly rising, and the rays of sunlight are peeking through your window. And someone comes in the room who loves you more than anything on the planet, and gives you a gentle kiss on your forehead and says, good morning, honey.

0:43 What would you like for breakfast? And you gently open your eyes, and your mom or dad are there, and you say, I'll have some oatmeal, mom or dad? And then pretty soon, you smell the oatmeal coming upstairs, and you get out of bed, and you get yourself ready for school, and you come downstairs and they serve you this delicious breakfast. You get your shoes on and you go off to, let's say you're going to preschool, and you play a little bit, and then you take a little rest and you have a little snack, and then you come home and have some lunch.

1:16 And then you're going to take a nap. And then you wake up and maybe one of your parents is there, and they're going to dance around the house with you. And. And then you're going to watch some tv, and then you're going to say, you know, mom or dad, what am I going to have for dinner? And then they make you what you want for dinner, and then you watch a little more tv, and then you get a little tired, take a bath, they scrub you down, they give you a massage, they sing you a song, and they read you a story, and you fall off to sleep.

1:49 Now, I know that's not everybody's life, but imagine that life. And just in Ohio. And if. If nature didn't have your brain change in some fundamental way, why in the world would you ever give that up? Seriously. So what I say to parents that I work with is if. If you want your son or daughter to leave home before they're 50 years of age, you want them to have some change in their brain, right?

2:20 So the first thing to say about adolescence is, for the individual, it's an adaptation that's required at the most basic level to empower this individual to leave the nest. Because to leave home means what? To encounter uncertainty, to embrace the unfamiliar, to deal with the dangerous.

2:52 And if you just snuggle in and stay home with the certain, the familiar and the safe, you will never, ever leave home.