Transcript
0:00 Viola Davis just said one of the most important things a parent can hear. I love a bad kid, like a 2-year-old bad kid. Someone who comes, you know, I had a little bad kid at my wedding who stuck his whole finger in my cake. I thought it was the best thing in the world. So, I love a bad kid. Listen, the world is going to get at you. It's going to kick your ass, just leave you in the dumpster. So, it's really great when you go out in the world and you have the hutzpah.
0:24 >> Yes. >> You have that self-possession, right? That's what I want with my kid. I love the bad kids. Because there are no bad kids. There are good kids whose behavior brings up a bad story in us. Think about it. A 2-year-old puts their finger in a wedding cake. It's so easy for our story to be, "Something's wrong with my kid. Everyone around thinks I'm a bad parent. Seriously, my kid is a sociopath." But what if the story was different? I have a good kid who's impulsive. I have a good kid who's curious. I have a good kid who knows what they want and move towards it. Now, a kid like this is going to need some boundaries. They're going to have to learn some impulse control, but the important thing is we do it from a place of understanding and a little bit of delight, not shame. The story we tell ourselves about our kids' behavior shapes the way we respond to our kids' behavior. The goal is never to excuse behavior. It's to see your kid clearly enough to hold the limit without crushing their spirit. I'm Dr. Becky, and this is a beautiful example of the Good Inside Method. We hold a boundary and a limit because we're the authority, but we always stay connected to the good kid underneath. Send this to a parent in need some reminder and follow me for more.
Summary
- Embrace the idea that there are no bad kids; behaviors can be misinterpreted.
- Children’s impulsive actions often stem from curiosity and self-possession.
- The narrative parents tell themselves about their child's behavior influences their reactions.
- Setting boundaries is essential, but it should be done with understanding and delight, not shame.
- The goal is to maintain a connection to the child's good nature while holding limits.
- The "Good Inside Method" focuses on recognizing the positive aspects of children's behavior.
- Encouragement for parents to shift their perspective on challenging behaviors.