DISCIPLINE: How and When to Get Started With Your Child

0:00 would it surprise you if i said that you should be starting discipline now you should be starting discipline even if your child is an infant would that surprise you well it's true in this video i'm going to be breaking down how and and when which is a common question i get when should we see starting discipline practice and then how do we start it what does it even look like um i'm gonna be answering that question

0:25 and so much more in this video so let's just get into it hi hello and welcome back to my channel if you are new here i am dr jasmine i am a licensed clinical psychologist and i'm also a mom of two little girls and um before we jump into this video about discipline and when and how to get started i want to just let you know because it's very important if you are watching this live the doors

0:53 are closing to my private parent coaching community the mom sisterhood their doors are closing tonight friday january 29th and they won't be reopening for a while so if you need more support if you need more guidance especially along the topic of discipline i actually just released a whole master class that's like an hour and a half long all on positive discipline and how to get started i also shared two ebooks one specifically on age

1:26 appropriate consequences and how exactly to implement a consequence so that it's effective i would love to have you a part of the community if this sounds like it would be a good fit for you go to www.themom's forward slash sisterhood to find out more about how to join again doors are closing tonight so don't don't miss out i would hate for you to miss out mama all right so before we talk about when and how to um implement discipline i

1:58 think it's important to start with okay well what does discipline mean okay because it's important to know what we're talking about a discipline means to teach right to guide through instruction and training and i think though discipline commonly gets mixed up with punishment right punishment what's the definition of punishment punishment means the infliction of or imposition of a penalty as

2:28 rest retribution of or for an offense i'll say that again punishment means the infliction or imposition of a penalty as rest respiration retribution for an offense okay but discipline means to teach discipline means to guide with instruction and training which is what we naturally do as parents right we naturally want to teach our child new skills

2:59 teach them how to make good choices teach them uh you know right for wrong if you will right morality so when we talk about discipline it means to teach right and so i i like to think of ourselves when we become parents we become teachers right i know we probably maybe never thought about it like that but it's true right we become our child's first teachers and so what do teachers do when they want to teach their cl their

3:30 students a new skill right there's a certain process that has to happen um first they might introduce the skill they might provide some back back back story right some understanding and introduction to the topic and explain why it's important why you should learn this right they have to get their students buying okay so that they understand okay this is why i should be working hard for this skill and then they have to model that skill for their students right they have

3:59 to teach them how to do it so they have to show them through action right through training through modeling exactly how to do it and then they have to you know give their student um the appropriate environment the appropriate tools so that they can start to practice and while their students are practicing they're guiding them they're praising their efforts they're cheering them on they're answering their questions okay right there's this whole process to

4:30 it before a student becomes a master of whatever they're trying to learn right and that's the same approach that we as parents should have right we have to break down the skill we have to model it for them we have to give them the right tools in the right environment so that they can actually succeed in trying the new skill then we have to answer their questions we have to answer their objections we have to troubleshoot with them we have

4:56 to guide them along that path we have to cheerlead them on support them encourage them all of that so let's break it down so example let's say you're trying to teach your toddler how to uh start with some chores right how to do some chores which i like to call household contributions because chores have really gotten a bad name a bad rep right but we all need to contribute to the family and so chores are a wonderful way to do

5:23 that right they are a wonderful active way to contribute so anyways let's say you want to teach your child which you should be teaching your child how to do chores and i do have a video about chores if you're interested in that if your child can walk my golden rule if your child can walk they can do some chores okay so let's just say you're trying to teach your you know new toddling toddler how to pick up some

5:48 trash off the floor okay well you're going to want to break it down for them you're going to want to model um you're going to want to teach them why it's important to pick up our trash right hey it's important to pick up our trash so people don't slip on it so it doesn't cause a mess so it doesn't get in our way this is where trash goes it doesn't go on the floor it goes here whatever right

6:09 you're just teaching them you're educating them you're getting their buy-in right and then you're modeling it for them up i'm gonna pick up some trash trash goes here i'm gonna pick this up and put it over here oh look at me go blah blah blah right you're making it fun and then you're gonna give them the right environment the right tools and what that could mean is you're gonna limit distractions you're gonna turn off the music you're gonna turn off the radio

6:32 you're gonna turn off the tv that might be in the background you're gonna make sure that you have their full undivided attention um and you're of course gonna make sure that they are able to do this in the first place right that they're able to pick up the trash and take it to the trash can and make sure that what you're asking of them is developmentally appropriate and then you're going to teach in small steps how to do it so maybe you teach

6:56 them or you walk with them to the trash you point to the trash and tell them pick it up please pick up please and then they pick it up and you say yay right you're you're encouraging them for baby steps and then you're then maybe you're you know holding their hand while you walk them to the trash maybe you um open up the trash you know if you have those flip lids like i do or maybe it's just an open one and

7:21 you're just telling them okay drop drop it in the trash dropped in trash yay you're praising them you're encouraging them you're getting really excited for their their their wins you're celebrating the wins you're making it fun okay that would be a simple breakdown of how to teach them how to do chores it's the same concept for anything we want our child to teach anything we want our child to learn right whether it's sharing whether it's problem solving whether

7:50 it's communicating their feelings whether it's you know keeping their hands to themselves or just looking at something and not touching it i'm thinking of you know if they're shopping in the store whatever it is you want your child to learn we have to go through this process with them to teach them that new skill that's discipline and so a common question that i get is okay well when do i start this dr jasmine when do i start this whole

8:17 discipline thing you started in infancy okay you start in infancy because if you think about it we are constantly already telling our child through our messages through our verbal and non-verbal communication what we like and what we don't like so why not start to be intentional so around eight or nine months you can start teaching your child um you know what you like and what you don't like again you're already naturally doing this so it's more about

8:48 being intentional with your discipline rather than you know just kind of flying by the seat of your pants so again it would be the same kind of thing okay so what i will say is around eight or nine months you can start the discipline process by modeling appropriate behavior right guiding your child through modeling and through boundaries right boundaries are really the highest form of love it can be a little intimidating to think about you know implementing boundaries now

9:17 with your infant but our children thrive off of structure they thrive off of boundaries just like how we put up baby gates right to let them know where they can go and where they can't we want to also implement boundaries in the relationship so they know okay where they can go and where they can it's like those psychological baby gates if you will so you know what discipline looks like in infancy because of course discipline will look different across

9:48 ages and stages right what you're going to be doing with your infant is going to be very different than what you're going to be doing with your 10 year old but it's the same similar concept so in infancy it could look like modeling it could look like changing your tone of voice because if it's really pick up on those non-verbal cues so being very intentional about your voice your intonation of your voice um and saying things in a certain like

10:13 deeper way can have a huge impact also averting your eye contact because remember what we attend to our attention is very powerful as parents so being very deliberate about what we attend to and what we not can can be a good teaching tool so averting your eye contact during certain things or maybe you're redirecting their behavior which a lot of the times you are right you're going to redirect their behavior and really what you're doing is guiding

10:40 them right you're guiding them through what is appropriate and what is not in a very loving and develop developmentally appropriate way right in in language and in in in behaviors that they can understand so you're going to want to slow down you're going to want to redirect and you're going to want to guide them through those processes right so in summary start discipline now discipline means to teach you're already doing it so just it's about be more intentional start

11:12 during infancy with your non-verbal and your verbal cue so it can look like changing up the intonation of your voice averting your eye contact redirecting the behavior modeling appropriate behavior and all of that good stuff now if you're looking for a deeper dive if you want to know more about positive discipline and how to get started with it right and what other tools you can add to your toolbox when it comes to helping your child become a better

11:40 listener improving compliance and improving the overall relationship with your child which is really what it's all about right so they want to comply then be sure to check out my private parent coaching community the mom sisterhood doors are closing today midnight y'all so if you're watching this live be sure to click the link in my bio or go to www.themompsychologist.com forward slash sisterhood to join if you are watching this after the fact

12:10 no worries just make sure you are on the wait list so you don't miss out when i reopen my community in the future so i really hope to see you guys there it is fun like i said this month we released i released a whole master class on positive discipline in february i will be teaching about how to implement timeouts and removal of privileges so that your child listens more and complies more to your instructions without hindering the

12:37 parent child relationship major king there um all right that's it for this video make sure you give it a thumbs up if you enjoyed it subscribe to my channel and i will see you guys in the next one bye