Learning to Regulate our Emotions in a Conscious Way

0:00 so here's how most of us deal with our emotions and I call this the unconscious or the unregulated life we blame others like we've talked about in many of the sessions we blame others you made me feel this way so we blame others we demand they change or we and we act that out in certain ways where I'm not speaking to you you know blah blah blah then we medicate the sensations because emotions are energy and motion that are

0:28 moving through our body so there are Sensations so we medicate those by shopping eating drinking getting busy just distracting ourselves then we bury that feeling or that emotion into our body which then stays there stuck communicating to our immune system all along that we're in a stressful state but we more importantly we say stuck in a story you know that people are basically selfish and greedy cooperation is for suckers

1:00 competition is the way we got to pull ourselves up from our bootstraps I mean so we get stuck in a story that maintains a certain belief set that's been gone unexamined a belief that was created from a four-year-old eyes a 9-year-old eyes a 12-year-old eyes so what we want to do is we want to learn to move from that system to another system and the way to do that is that we're going to move to the point where

1:29 instead of blaming others we're going to go well I am I got triggered boom I got triggered I am feeling very angry then I calm I take a breath then I feel the sensations in my body then I choose another way to see it and then I work with win-win Solutions just like we learned a while back with the safe place those are the same steps I need to take so once we shift from unregulated life

2:01 to a regulated life of course then we can teach children we also know that feelings are hugely important because they are the bridge from a problem to the solution so we got to get here's the problem we're having we're in a conflict bridge is our emotions on the other side Solutions