Ultimate Guide for Men in Co-Parenting Relationships - Raising a Child Together | Dad University

0:00 in today's video we're going over eight co-parenting tips and advice that you can use to reduce conflict improve cooperation and ultimately have your child be loved and supported the fact that you're interested in co-parenting in a healthy and caring way is so important our children deserve to be protected and their well-being is crucial so thank you for being here I'm Jason kreidman founder of dad University we're an education platform helping fathers reach their full potential as a

0:32 father visit daduniversity.com if you want to learn more co-parenting is when both parents remain involved in the day-to-day care of their child even though the parents aren't together whether you became a co-parent through divorce separation or the ending of a relationship or even unintentionally hopefully these co-parenting tips are valuable for you number one put your child's needs first this is the number one tip for a reason and for most people it can be the most

1:04 difficult thing this is your North Star this is the guiding principle for your decisions and how you act you may have to put your ego aside bite your tongue or be in uncomfortable situations but it doesn't matter you are responsible for your child's emotional physical and mental health and that means you make decisions in the child's best interest being a good co-parent often means setting aside your emotions and personal feelings for the kids sake you may be

1:35 angry hurt or feel shame or sadness or just feel so many other emotions that often Drive our decisions and actions put your children's needs first and use them as your North Star number two be empathetic this means be empathetic towards your child as well as the child's mom yes I said it be empathetic towards the child's mom as well this may cause some people to click off this

2:05 video but please hear me out being empathetic doesn't mean you agree being empathetic means looking at the situation from the other person's perspective and really understanding what they are feeling now again to be empathetic doesn't mean you have to agree with what they are doing or saying it's simply acknowledging it and understanding it now if you want to go Ninja level you can even say something to be empathetic to the mom in a situation maybe you say hey I can see

2:36 you were really upset when our child left with me I know it's really hard to say goodbye and separating from them maybe the situation isn't hard for you because it doesn't carry the same emotion but you're simply making the effort to understand how the other person feels being empathetic is one of the most powerful personal development tools that you can learn and then of course being empathetic towards your child well that's crucial too think how it would feel to go back and forth with

3:04 your parents acknowledging their feelings and trying to understand from the child's perspective of what they're going through remember this is not about you number three communicate effectively and directly many marriages and relationships end because of poor communication in fact most of us are just not that great at communicating successful co-parenting requires that you move the communication from being about you and your relationship to only being about your

3:36 child mutually agree upon a communication platform that works for both of you this could be text messages phone calls emails or even face-to-face conversations there are even apps specifically designed for this to facilitate the direct communication between the two of you you need to set aside your differences and keep conversations positive focus on the child's best interest it's okay to ask questions to ensure everything is okay but be aware of your tone and the style

4:07 of questions that you ask most importantly don't communicate through your child don't say tell your mom to call me or ask your mom to do this don't make the child the mess messenger communicate effectively and directly to ensure you are on the same page for the child but what happens when you are not on the same page well this is where tip number four comes in be flexible likely one of the things you learned when your child was born is that

4:37 it required you to be flexible the same holds true about co-parenting as you and the child's mom devise a co-parenting plan it's important that you keep an open mind to try to find a plan that works for both of you you may not like how the child's mom does things or what they do but it's important to remain flexible for the child's well-being if you always need to be in control or have a my way or the highway attitude

5:04 conflict will arise of course when a child's safety or well-being is compromised well that's different but being flexible with everyday situations is helpful the more calm that it is between you and the child's mom the less negative impact your relationship or lack of it will have on the child it's impossible to plan for every situation in life because you know life can throw surprises at us co-parenting requires compromises and flexibility number five

5:35 do not talk badly about the child's mom regardless of your relationship with the child's mom when you are co-parenting do not talk bad about her in front of your child no jokes no mean comments even if you feel she is evil do not talk bad about her in front of your child there is zero value for a child to think negatively about their parent as the child grows they get the right to create

6:05 their own opinions about their mom your child deserves a good relationship with both parents irrespective of how the adults feel about each other you create tension between the child and their mother by talking negatively about them co-parenting is not a competition so don't treat it like one neither you nor your ex should be the better parent both of you must strive to be the best version of yourselves for your child number six be at least 50 percent parent

6:37 what this means is that the child is 50 your DNA and as such 50 your responsibility now I understand that there might be situations in which you feel that having equal or custody rights may not be possible however if you have anything less than 50 rights or custody and it is possible I urge you to obtain what you can to have 50 that child needs you in their life will benefit from you

7:09 being a part of it stay heavily involved in your child's life continue to Foster your relationship with your child be there to cheer them on in their successes help them through their failures and be around whenever they need you don't be the Disneyland dad who only comes around for the fun stuff instead be present in their day-to-day lives and be involved in every part of their life number seven disagree in private when I speak to parents who are

7:41 together I provide the advice to try to disagree in private now if you happen to disagree in front of the child or have an argument it's not the end of the world but it's important to make up in front of the child as well I would suggest the same for co-parents when you're co-parenting chances are that the child's mom will not agree on everything and that's okay healthy disagreements between parents are normal but it's essential to keep these things private

8:09 from the child if there's anything that you do disagree with and feel the need to express it find a suitable time and place to discuss your concerns directly with the child's mother kids should not be in the middle of any disagreement and in co-parenting situations the disagreements are more likely to be about something to do with the child keep it away number eight be consistent being a reliable dependable and consistent parent is one of the best

8:40 gifts that you can give your kids when co-parenting children thrive on consistency and stability so establishing a parenting style that your kids can count on it's crucial whatever your agreement is with the mother be consistent for example if you're supposed to be somewhere at a certain time make sure you are there on time every time no matter the situation stick to the rules and the expectations you have for your children also try to keep them as consistent as possible between

9:11 both households doing this will give your child the sense of security love and support even if their parents are not together now of course there are co-parenting situations that are just not ideal but be mindful that you don't have control of what the other person does nor do they have control over you however the goal of co-parenting should be the same for both of you it's to protect support and Foster growth of your child all while making sure that

9:42 their well-being is the focus as I mentioned in the beginning of this video the tip number one your North Star is that your child's needs come first I understand co-parenting is not easy but you can make it a success and I would love to hear from you are you currently co-parenting do you have any tips or advice that you would give to others leave your feedback in the comments section below if you want to learn more

10:09 about how dad University membership can help you visit daduniversity.com now don't forget to like this video subscribe to the channel and share this video with anyone that you think might enjoy it we'll see you next time