How to Handle Your Kid Lying, Bad Grades, & Getting in Trouble | Dad University

0:00 have you ever told your wife something unpleasant that you did and the reaction is something like what the heck did you do that for why would you do that what did you learn at that moment I probably shouldn't tell her the next time something like that happens I don't want to deal with that again this is the same thing with children they learn from a very young age that if they share something they did wrong or maybe they

0:24 made a big mistake mom and dad are gonna be upset in this video we learned how our reactions shape our children's behavior and if we want to stay connected to them how do we handle these kinds of situations [Music] hey guys I'm Jason cried Minh and this

0:56 is dad University we released a new video for you every Thursday so be sure to like this video subscribe to our Channel and click on that notifications belt so you don't miss any of our videos one major job as a parent is to teach and one of the major ways we can do that is by considering ourselves a coach in our child's life and when you consider yourself a coach you begin to parent a little differently as a coach we want to

1:26 help our children learn the ways of the world unfortunately we sometimes teach them things without realizing that we are doing it for an example lying all young children will explore lying to their parents it's normal child behavior to test these kinds of things well we often fail to realize is that we are teaching them to lie based on our reactions here's a scenario after finding candy wrappers in your

1:57 child's room you approach your child hey did you take candy from the drawer when you weren't supposed to yes but my friend told me to do it really I don't care who told you to do it you know you're not supposed to go in there without permission go to your room also you're not having a sleepover this weekend so what did the child learn telling the truth just got me in trouble I'm not going to do that again and how

2:23 does the punishment fit the crime what does a sleepover have to do with taking candy this is one of the major ways that kids learn to lie they quickly realize that if I tell the truth I'm going to get in trouble so if I want to avoid getting in trouble I'm gonna lie guess what they will only learn to be better Liars I like to use the motto if you tell the truth you won't get in trouble if your

2:51 child comes clean and is honest then you respond with something like hey thank you for being honest I really appreciate that now what are the rules what are you gonna do differently next time you're teaching them about the rule and how to handle those kinds of rules now I understand it doesn't happen overnight but if you start when they are young and you give them the approval of the honesty they will begin to be honest with you over and over again over time

3:21 you will develop strong communication with your child you're also going to build trust which will be very important as they grow up and get into the teen years well I don't support punishment or rewards if you feel the need to punish them at least make it related to what's happening so for the candy example then maybe you want them to do a little work around the house to work off that debt random punishment is a waste of your

3:49 time and theirs here's another scenario your child comes home with a report card and some of the grades aren't as good as you think they should be so a typical response is maybe you take something away they get grounded whatever keep this in mind the grades are for them not you either way you need to get more involved with support maybe you need to talk with their teachers maybe you need to spend some extra time with them but

4:19 you need to figure out what is going on and what are the challenges punishing them for bad grades is not going to encourage them studies have proven that it doesn't work they need to understand that learning in school is for them not you and that they are totally capable of learning and achieving positive reinforcement and encouragement is going to go a lot further than punishment the last example is that your child gets in trouble at school maybe they are

4:51 disruptive in class or that some situation happened on the playground either way you have to let natural consequences happen if they get detention or get in trouble at school that's the punishment punishing them at home as well isn't going to help you want to understand what happened and then help your child come up with a solution on how this could be avoided next time what could they do differently punishing them at home as well

5:22 we'll probably motivate them to lie so you're not gonna get the real story you're not gonna get exactly what's going on and if that's the case how are you going to help them learn what they could do different next time provide support so that they can come up with a solution on how to avoid this the next time that's our role in all of the scenarios I discussed not punishing your child doesn't mean that you agree with

5:51 what they did nor are you endorsing it we all make mistakes it's important as their coach to teach them how to handle those mistakes so that we can avoid them next time we want our kids to be honest morally sound contributing members of society remember how you react helps shape their behavior well that's all we have for today if you enjoyed this episode please give it a thumbs up subscribe to the channel click on that

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