Transcript
0:00 when a teenager swears at you it is hard not to feel that this is a personal attack and they mean it as a personal attack so no wonder it feels that way and when we um as the adult when we experience that we feel the Betrayal we feel the um the separation of this person is supposed to love me and care about me and you know you wouldn't want your friends saying that kind of stuff to you you wouldn't want your spouse
0:26 saying that kind of stuff to you and here's a person that you birthed who you car about deeply and they can use those kinds of harsh words and it's not again it's not just the word of course it's the look it's the feel of you complete failure and so we absorb it and it's the same kind of thing if you go back in time to you know the first time that you're that your preschooler called you
0:49 a poopy head or I hate you there's a certain level of how could that be happening between us when I love you so much it's important to remember that teens can be overwhelmed by the experience that they're having internally and the only way that they know how to convey that to us sometimes is to have us feel the same way so when you feel that complete uh uh dismantling remember that they're sharing with you what they're feeling in that moment
1:19 they're feeling completely dismantled they're feeling completely um disregarded and unheard and unempowered and so the way that we respond to it is first and foremost get yourself out of the situation this is hard for me it feels very disrespectful I'll be back get yourself out of the space go to some place where you can relax your own heart rate take your heart rate down pay attention to your breathing and then pay attention to your message is this really
1:50 about me or is this more about them feeling trapped as a teenager in this situation where they don't have the kind of power that they really want to have and they're frustrated and they don't know how to get through when you come back you're going to be able to guide them through that emotion rather than blame them for having it because again swear words are just the Capstone of this is how I'm feeling in the moment
Summary
- Teenagers may use swearing as a way to express their internal struggles.
- Parents often feel betrayed when their children use disrespectful language.
- It's important to remember that the harsh words are not personal attacks but rather a reflection of the teen's emotional state.
- Adults should take a step back when confronted with disrespectful language to manage their own emotions.
- Recognizing that teens feel trapped and unheard can help parents respond more empathetically.
- After calming down, parents can return to guide their teens through their emotions instead of blaming them.
- The use of strong language is often a capstone of deeper feelings that need to be addressed.