Child Feeling Scared & Sleep Schedules – Live Q & A | Dad University

0:09 we are live let me set something let's see i can try setting this up

0:41 probably should do this once i'm just setting this up and testing a few things but if you're on uh shoot me a question sorry hey horror is it jorge how's it going i just decided to come online i haven't made a video in a while because i've been making this course and uh came into my office uh this on the weekend and uh trying to set some things up so there's a little bit more lighting um

1:11 but how's everyone going how's how's the weekend going submit it in the chat let me know where you're from where you're listening in um let's see sorry i'm trying to do too many things at once i'm trying to raise this tripod up there we go um hey brandon what's happening you're at work that's cool i appreciate it must be getting a lot of work done as you're sitting there watching the live stream

1:41 do you guys have any questions you want answered i'm here i'll answer some questions i've got a little bit of time before i have to go pick up my daughter so i figured why not come online say hello it's been a while so let me see if this lighting will work let's see trying to be all professional here see that might be a little bit better

2:12 but uh yeah this is the other side of the studio i can show you guys if you're looking so here let's see there's this backdrop that i normally uh do and then um my office is through there i don't know if you can kind of see that through there and that's my other area of my office so it's kind of cool i get to you know come in when i want do the videos as i want um

2:40 but if you guys have questions let me know i'd love to love to chat and see what everyone's doing [Music] um yeah i um i haven't as i said i haven't been able to make um new videos right now because i'm concentrating on my course and if you guys have any interest in doing that and going through the

3:12 course let me know i'll respond i'll let you know what it's about um it's a pretty intensive thing it's going to be live with me privately with a group of i mean it's a group of people but private uh for eight weeks and so i'm looking forward to that i've been working really really hard on that and i'm excited i'm excited to launch it so you've probably seen some notifications and things come in but um yeah that's been really really cool

3:41 and a lot of work so that's uh that's the part where you know as you guys know when you're a father there's always too much stuff to be doing and um that's that's kind of the thing i have to look at too is that i produce all this content and you know helping other people and do this but i've got kids too so like it's a sunday um actually one of my friends one of my kids is at their

4:07 friend's house and the other one was playing with their friends so i was like okay well they're not going to hang out with me i asked them a bunch of stuff that they wanted to do and they they had other plans so um but that's kind of the thing too is that you got to manage that you've got to be able to manage you know the stuff that you want to do on your own and then also spending

4:24 time with your children and spending time with your significant other so i don't know if the lighting is the lighting okay respond if the lighting's okay i can switch it up i don't want to like blind anybody um if you guys have questions shoot them over i'm happy to answer just hanging out let me know what you're up to where you're watching from too that's the other thing um so here's a question

4:56 um my daughter will be born versus via circus surrogacy uh question when do i start telling her that she is a surrogate child you know i i don't have specific experience in um in that um i would imagine that the surrogacy company or the the doctors that you're dealing with might have some recommendations for that um i think everything though you know whatever it is

5:27 um it doesn't matter whether you know somebody was adopted at surrogacy or you're talking about some subject matter um it's all like a context of what they understand um you know some people it's interesting some people like to not say anything and just like keep things private and say oh well it's better for them if they don't know i don't know the psychology of that i i think that there are probably special ways of discussing it

5:55 and especially when they're younger of just in ways that saying hey this is how it works but the truth is is that kids kids don't really for a while and so i think you have plenty of time but i would say that maybe to seek out experts in that area and because there might be specific communication that you could do where you're talking about you know i mean they're still going to call mom and dad so i i don't know that

6:22 i can it's a tough question because i don't i don't have experience in that area um i just know that in general as a general rule for the for my kids we try to explain things to them like regardless we try to be honest with them um but it's limited based on the fact of how old they are so i mean we talk about drugs and alcohol we talk about sex we talk about all kinds of things but

6:51 the amount the amount that you divulge varies based on their capacity and ability to do it so you know i'm not giving my kids a ton of detail about sex but you know they're 10 and 12 and so we have to have those conversations and we have to be honest about it so i would say maybe talk with experts and and see if that's the case sorry i can't be more information um thanks for the marvel fam web thanks for

7:23 uh being a sub i appreciate everybody uh you know hanging out and so um aftab says i have a five-year-old um i have a five day old baby girl any tips how i can help mom during midnight feedings so here's a question is does your wife want you to help because the best answer

7:55 would be is to ask her ask her if you can help or or what she would want from you to help so i'll give you two different scenarios so when our first child was born um well actually this no that wasn't this was our first child my mother who was an expert in relationships and such had a conversation with myself and my wife and it was a question of my wife being okay with me sleeping or not and so

8:28 i was working full-time my wife was not and so for us it didn't make sense for me to get up in the middle of the night and feed and help feed the child when my wife was breastfeeding or doing whatever and preparing because then both of us are zombies so what my suggestion would be is first talk to your wife or significant other about what it is that they need and you make that decision together um so it's not necessarily what can you

9:00 do to help but it's really is what is it she needs because for some people you know it might say you know what i've got those feedings these days but you know what the other day i want you to take a bottle or guess what late in the morning on saturdays and sundays like she needs to sleep in so she can catch up on some of her sleep and so you take the baby and you do that so

9:18 i don't think there's a one size fits all this lighting's horrible uh i'm i'm getting flickering let me see how's that nope that's bad too wow um let's see sorry i just keep seeing things flicker and it's adjusting and i don't like that so let's see if we go over here not that it really matters when i'm

9:50 doing a live stream but um so yeah so as far as getting back to where i was um the the important thing is is that she feels good about what you know what's happening um i hope that answers the question but the problem is is that you know every situation is different so as far as what can you do to help her it's really depends on what she needs like i said my wife we just agreed

10:20 that she is going to um you know she feeds she got up she was breastfeeding but then on the weekend she was like hey can you take the baby and let me sleep in and so that's that worked for her and so she loved those weekend day night or weekend mornings where she was able to sleep in late and just get enough you know get a little bit extra sleep so i think everyone is different and

10:43 just communicate that with with her [Music] yeah so ken you're asking about the pandemic and being a little stressed out um you know being she's pregnant kind of overprotective yeah you just want to be careful you know you're not calling her out as being overprotective to her um

11:14 because she's high risk and i don't want her to get sick yeah you know that that's really difficult with everybody who's like going through that stuff and you know i've talked to a couple guys who have had deliveries and they weren't necessarily allowed um i you know i think you got to focus in on the positive you know try to be grateful the fact that you you know you have a child on the way um and as far as how you maybe can

11:36 support her as just being empathetic and just you know being empathetic means like you don't have to be stressed out but you can say you know what honey i can understand that you know you're stressed out about this and um you know is there anything i can do for you you know and that's all you can really do you could just be there and be supportive try to put yourself in her situation and and and just ask and say hey is there

11:59 anything i can do to maybe you know make you feel a little bit less stressed and you know she's here's the thing about stress will go off to a tangent is because i have this i have this issue personally and i talk about it a lot is that we you know stress is self-induced um you know you we we make the or we we say that the stress is because of some situation so it's because of the

12:28 pandemic or it's because you know i'm i'm hurting financially or it's because this person did this to me but the truth is is that stress is self-induced we make the decision that we're going to be stressed and we have the power to make that decision differently you know whereas like as an example with the pandemic there are pregnant women who aren't being stressed out and so that because they are making that choice now i'm not saying this is easy i'm not

12:59 saying that this is something you know that's very easy to overcome but um i have i have a couple videos about that of just you know talking about how it is a choice and you can do some things and you can practice so that you're not as stressed out you know i i work out in the mornings i meditate i do gratitude or whatever it is that you need to do to try to be less stressed you know

13:24 stress and anxiety is worrying about the future being depressed is worrying about the past in either one of those cases it's not helping you you know worrying about the past and worrying about the future doesn't help so part of it is living in the present moment and you know that's hard to say to somebody else you know who's dealing with stuff but um you just try to be empathetic and try to be there for her and i you know i think that'll go a long

13:48 way so let's see the marvel fan talking about anxiety and tourette's and stuff i i would suggest going to see a professional whether that's a counselor or a doctor if you aren't already um you know that's that's more of a medical situation that i'm you know i'm i'm not qualified for um i certainly um you know

14:18 as far as reducing anxiety sure there are some techniques um some people you know report to me though they have it so bad that even the techniques that they're doing and listening to the videos it's like it's not enough and so i think in those cases you might need to go see a doctor you know you don't want to pretend that you can always do it yourself or that you can solve the problems yourself you know i myself have gone to see

14:40 counselors i've gone to seek experts i've gone to seek whoever whatever it is that you need um to try and get yourself better you want to do it you know that's the key and then whether it's for yourself or your children or your family there's no shame in that it's um just try to get the help that you need and and see you know you try different things when i was younger probably in my mid-20s i had real uh

15:07 severe anxieties and i ended up doing nutrition and acupuncture and and meditation and yoga and like i just every single thing that i could do um hey ryan awesome uh from the uk glad you're enjoying the content um yeah it's uh so guys if you have any questions i'll be on here for a little bit um let's see before i have to go pick up my daughter

15:38 uh i said i'd just come to my office so let me see what else we got here guys are awesome so glad that everyone's enjoying this um if you haven't seen that i do um i am offering a uh a pro i call it a program course whatever you want to do it um

16:10 i'm and this is going to be working with me uh individually for eight weeks it is there is a significant investment but if it is something where you feel like you want to further your parenting gain more confidence we're talking about every major thing that's important in parenting and yourself and your relationship over this course of those eight weeks and going to have a private area where we have our own discussions and live q a and such and so it's a great resource

16:39 for people so if you are interested just put a comment down and i'll be sure to reply with the information of where you can find out more uh ryan just asked any tips for the first month with a newborn um yeah there's a lot actually ryan i have quite a few videos about sort of like you know the first when you bring the baby home and such um don't have a lot of expectations uh i was just talking to a guy who

17:07 his baby's a couple weeks old and he felt like he was going to be you know happier than he is and i will tell you that it took a while for me to bond with the baby so in the beginning when you first bring a baby home and you know let's call it the first month two or so you know you can't have a lot of expectations that you're going to like feel an amazing bond with this baby um

17:33 it doesn't give you much feedback either so you know the baby's not you know when they're in this initial stage like they're not smiling yet they're not laughing yet they're not reacting to you and so you know it's just not as fulfilling whereas you know the the mom sometimes feels a little bit more emotional connection she she carried the child she's maybe even breastfeeding the child there is a big there is a larger connection there than with a dad so

18:00 um so i think yeah go back uh if you go to my videos there's the one when you bring home uh you bring home the baby from the from the hospital and then a couple of other new dad tips just look over there and um but those are some of the major ones and then the other is just supporting her you know understanding that this is not an easy thing and you know everything's new be open to

18:23 uh to learning new things so that's what this channel really is is everything on the channel so i can't necessarily narrow it down um uh bluetooth and we can't complain at all he's doing and he's doing good except for right at this moment well i i can't i can't necessarily there's more context to that but yeah i mean you just your routine is tough you know when you have a new child um everything is brand new realize that

18:54 everybody goes through the same things you know and um you know watching these videos hopefully will help but there's a lot of different scenarios that can come up and you know you don't necessarily always have an answer i will say that too is like i don't have an answer on every single situation it's a lot of the things that i answer or that i talk about are things that you know one i've had experience with or two i've

19:22 talked to enough people to feel comfortable having you know giving that advice um as an example earlier somebody talking about surrogacy you know i personally don't have experience in that area so i'm hesitant to provide now i can provide an opinion but an opinion without experience isn't really that valuable so which everyone loves to do that anyway so so if you're just joining us let me know where you're from where uh where you're uh tuning in from tuning in it's like a tv

19:53 i guess um any questions that you might have let's see um what i just watched my wife and i watched the social what was it the social experiment what was that i don't even know now that now the name um it's on netflix it's about social media i can't think of the name um but it's about it's it is so um

20:24 disturbing i guess is the word i've always had an aversion towards social media for that reason of privacy um of uh you know just not feeling comfortable with my children and the safety and the data and everything else and and it's difficult because we live in this world my business i i also do internet marketing so i'm very familiar with it um but then also dad university you know i rely on

20:55 those networks for for fan base and so there's a balance but there is a balance when it comes to the business and then it comes to the personal life and i don't uh i'm not a big fan of if you've watched some of my videos on sharing or you know parents posting i i'm not a big fan of divulging your personal life on social media it's not something that uh that i enjoy or that i think is a good

21:26 idea um so let's see here k9 196. my six-month-old takes naps when i'm watching him i'm currently out of town of work and the little guy refuses to nap is this a function of age or am i being gone well that's a good question i don't know if it happened before i it would be weird it'd be a little strange that he senses that you're gone and as a result of that doesn't want to nap unless

21:56 there's some sort of comforting thing the only thing else i can think of though is that maybe that there's some sort of routine that you do that and that's why he naps is like you know if you have you're comforting him in a certain way then that could certainly be um but no naps get broken up quite frequently in other words like you you'll have a three four or five six month old whatever and they nap every

22:20 day at two o'clock and then all of a sudden that changes um it's not consistent like that and it's not you know it's not clockwork they change all the time and you know i remember with my children like my wife had it was trying to be on a really really good schedule and you know we had like ten and two o'clock we're naps ten into it and then all of a sudden like he wouldn't sleep at ten

22:44 o'clock and we're like what the heck so we had to give up that nap and then change the time on the other nap and you know it's easy for me to say now because i'm not there but you can't um she you know oh you said i do try to keep a routine she may not do this as much yeah i i would probably say that that's more inclined of it is that the child is into routine and routines are great

23:09 um that's something that we did with our children and it worked really well where we say okay you know now is bath time after bath we get our pajamas after the pajamas we brush our teeth and after our brush our teeth we read a story and then after we read a story we thank everybody in our family and say who we love and then we go to sleep and whatever it is and you just do this

23:31 same thing all the time every day and i joke with my kids now that are 10 and 12 and you know they'll like be getting into bed i'm like hey did you brush your teeth and they'll be like oh i'm like oh that's right we've only been doing this for 10 years and we still forget to brush our teeth so just remember it it keeps going even when they're older um it doesn't end so let's see here

23:56 um clemente says is it okay to make mistakes as a 23 year old dad i just feel [Music] so intimidated when i'm around my father he feels like how i'm parenting is wrong but i want to parent my kids in a different way so he feels like your parenting is wrong is that i'm curious is that something that he has said to you or it's something that you are

24:28 perceiving um not that that necessarily matters because the the truth is is that you get to parent the way that you want it is your child so you get to parent the way that you want um you know grandparents is it the other question you ask is it okay to make mistakes it's not only okay it's going to happen it's it's okay to make a mistake when you're a 40 year old dad it's okay to make mistakes the key is to

24:57 not keep making the same mistake that's the key and i have a couple videos on like the common mistakes that we do make parenting and mistakes go hand in hand and that's what i always say and if you know making a mistake is not that big of a deal you're not a terrible father because everybody makes mistakes the thing is is that you want to be learning from those mistakes and and you just don't want to make mistakes

25:23 that are you know really impactful like you know safety and things like that but as far as like you know oh you forgot to do this or you're not doing this or what that's okay you have an opportunity to learn and that's what you want to do as far as your father so this is a pretty deep psychological thing of you wanting approval from your father this is what i'm guessing in the 10 seconds that i have to read that um

25:54 you have to get over that immediately you have to realize that um you don't need the approval of your father anymore you didn't need it at the time either um but more importantly you get to parent the way that you want a parent um and so if your dad has a problem with that if your dad doesn't like the way you're doing that um that's his problem actually not yours and so you know if he has some good

26:23 advice and you feel like you are parented really well then you can listen to that and you can hear that and you could say you know one here's a really good thing to say when somebody gives you their opinion or tells you what to do you say you know what i'll take that into consideration that's it you say i'll take that into consideration you're not saying i'm gonna have to do it or how dare you say that or

26:46 whatever you just say i'll take that into consideration and that's a um that's a way to you know have them be quiet like thank you for your opinion so i'd be curious um if your dad is really actually saying that he has a problem with your parenting or he's just you know trying to assert his you know dominance and control and everything else and you basically have to just be like i'm done with it you know we can still have

27:17 a relationship you can still be loving you can still have whatever but it's your child you get to make that decision that's not your father's decisions of of of anymore you know your father got to make the decisions with you when you were young and then as you became an adult you get to make those decisions on your own and you get to live with the consequences on your own so you know if you're parenting in a way

27:39 that you are not confident of then you might want to gain more confidence in your parenting you know and that is watching videos taking courses doing things reading you know do things to improve your confidence um but you don't have to you don't have to listen to other people um you know i mean even myself i'm giving out advice and people can choose whether they like my advice or not you know that's okay i'm okay i you know people argue all the

28:10 time with me i i get i get people um you know that or sit there and comment and argue with what i'm talking about and and and debate and that's fine like i it doesn't bother me at all you know i'm not somebody who gets uh upset because somebody doesn't like my opinion or somebody doesn't like my advice that's the thing is i'm putting it out there i get to i get to do that it's my

28:39 channel if they don't like it that's okay they don't have to deal with they don't have to follow it and they don't have to listen to it um so it's kind of funny people get very offended um now i will say that this has taken me a long time because i uh you know i've built those muscles up of just having a thicker skin and then just not really paying attention to that i mean people have criticized everything

29:02 especially when you put yourself online people will criticize the way that i talk the way that i look um the advice that i'm giving the everything and they're going to do the same thing for you as a parent who cares that none of it matters none of it matters what i care about is my family i care about serving the community and and giving information that if people want to take it they absolutely can take it and i hope

29:30 that they do and it's beneficial but if they don't like my advice and that's okay it's it's you know i'm not gonna get i'm not gonna get i'm not gonna let someone upset my day because they don't like my advice you know or they don't like what i'm saying or they think that i'm funny uh the way that i talk or you know i've had all kinds of criticisms um but you just that's part of being

29:55 online that's part of it you can hide in a hole and you know not worry about it but you know that's not very fun so oh clemente from orange county i was born and raised in orange county california awesome that's cool um and then i moved to arizona for school and then came down to san diego but that was awesome um let's see i'm trying to read all this um

30:30 okay so there's a little more clarity clemente let me let me then if you're hopefully you're still here he says i have a one-year-old and a six-year-old and i feel like every time they visit grandpa he brings up a lot of my parenting mistakes i'm working only one job but trying to be as present as i can be so there's a couple ways you can handle this um it depends if your dad is willing to listen or not most

30:57 likely because most grandparents aren't um that you just have to let them do what they do and realize that it really isn't a reflection of anything that you do or not when someone is critical of somebody else it's their problem it's issues that they have it's insecurities that they have if you look at the top gurus in the world and these are whether they're spiritual people whether they are

31:28 motivational whatever they don't criticize other people and when people criticize them they don't care you know it's it's something where you have to realize that they are the ones dealing with something that causes them to have to criticize you now the other side of the coin is that there might be some things parenting-wise that maybe you could grow

31:59 from that maybe you could look at in a different way now i don't know the situation but maybe your father is a you know really good father and brought you up well and maybe some of his ideas are good i don't know so you could also just listen it doesn't mean you have to do it but you could also have that conversation man-to-man and say hey dad listen i appreciate the fact that you want my kids or you know that he watches the

32:26 kids or that he goes over and he's involved with them but what i don't appreciate is you criticizing my parenting if you have some suggestions or you want to talk about different things about parenting then okay let's talk about it but don't criticize me and certainly not in front of my children or tell me that i'm a bad parent because i'm not i'm a good parent i love my kids etc so you have to actually even if you're

32:57 not inside you have to gain more confidence and that confidence is going to be really valuable and that comes over time but you have to stop living under the thumb of your father and realize that you're your own man you've got your own family now and quite frankly what happens a lot and i wish it didn't but grandparents are so critical often that they end up losing some of the relationship with the children and the grandchildren so because the

33:28 grandparents are so overbearing their children don't want to bring the grandchildren over to their house or see have them around or whatever and it's unfortunate because obviously it's great to have those multi-generational things so sometimes you got to lay some ground rules and just say hey dad listen i don't want to come over here if you are going to be critical of me and my children that's it you know you don't want to start world war three but at the same

33:56 time you've got to stick up for yourself so you know shoot me an email um go to our website if you want to talk a little bit further about it because i think this is an important subject um shoot me an email and uh i'll you know talk briefly about it and we can have a conversation i think this is an important one that you can get over um and the fact you're from orange county is a is a bonus so

34:21 um hopefully that helps it's hard to help everybody in just a small amount of time but um so k9196 says for fathers god this chat for fathers like myself who work away from home for an extended period of time at what point does my son start to forget me or have to relearn who i am when we are together again um you know that that that does happen i think it's up to your significant other too

34:49 to connect you and make sure it's pictures of you it's videos of you um depending on how long you're gone um maybe you can do live chat you know do live interaction face time and or zoom or other things there there are some things that you can do to just make sure you're keeping that connection and i would make the most effort that you can to do that you know if if you are able to depending on where you are

35:13 and what you're doing you know if you're gone for a long period of time and you don't have that ability um if it isn't then maybe you can record some things before you leave you know and just record it for your child and saying you know like a bunch of videos that just says i love you i can't wait to you know be with you again um you could also do something do those things and talk

35:34 with your significant other about it and saying like hey you want to make sure that your child just you know remembers and and has vivid things mia um but that is hard i i i get it it's hard to be away from your children for a long period of time um so you just got to be really present when you're there you know um i i will say this is this helps hopefully is that with children um you know granted when

35:59 they're young sometimes it is the amount of time but in general with children it's the quality of the time not the quantity of the time and what you want to make sure is that the time that you are home you just want to make sure that that's really good quality time um i'll give you an example i i was talking to a gentleman and i've told this story on one of my videos that he's an adult now and he spent summer

36:27 for like two weeks out of the entire year he saw his dad his parents were divorced when he was very very young so he only saw his dad maybe two weeks a year he said that those two weeks were most of the time the best two weeks he'd have all year so he would be with his dad only two weeks and you know for whatever reason across the country whatever all growing up but he'd get to spend

36:56 these two weeks with his dad and his dad would take off work his dad would be 100 present they would do a bunch of things they would have deep conversation they would he said he has such a close relationship with his father um i didn't ask about the mom but he has such a close relationship with his father and he said because his father made so much effort to make sure that those two weeks were just

37:20 really really connected and he said as an adult he has a wonderful relationship with his father and he said he doesn't think any less of him he doesn't think any anything he he has a great relationship now he actually lives closer to him so he gets to see them they spend time together they go out um so the quality of the time is really really important i know when a child is young it feels like there's a lot of guilt um because

37:46 you feel you know whether it's your spouse or whatever is you know watching the child and you're not there um but just make sure that the time you do have is real quality and and i think you'll be okay you know um but also record videos and get pictures and talk to your spouse about that it's saying like hey i just want to make sure that when i'm gone our child really has a chance to um to you know interact with me or at

38:11 least not forget me so that'll be important uh hopefully that was good i don't know it's hard to um um [Music] so ryan asks first baby due end of january any thoughts on on long to take off work as my wife will be on maternity leave and i am and i am the main earner um yes so i have two different videos and i want to um

38:42 search them out these are videos on our youtube channel one on they're on paternity leave and so i made a video about paternity leave and i said in that video hey take the time off it's the only chance you're gonna get um you know i was very adamant about it you know just i didn't say like how much but like you have to take that time off that's the time that you have with the baby you

39:07 know whatever but very interestingly i got some feedback on that video and there was a gentleman i had a conversation with that said he took off like seven or eight months per child and i forget where he was located i want to say canada but he took off her child he was able to do it financially whatever but he said it was the wor it was a bad decision he had three children and he did it three times and he said he

39:35 if he was to go back now he would do it over so what i then had to realize is that what i was saying is not for everybody i do think that there are you know when a child is first born there is something about taking that time to appreciate the newness and to appreciate the time however not everybody is in that financial situation and so do i think it's a requirement after talking with many many men

40:07 i don't think it is a requirement or it's something that you should feel guilty of if you can't do it everybody is different um i didn't take off a lot of time i think i took off a week or two at the time because i ran my own business and i was swamped i i couldn't you know i was like just there was too many things going on and the truth is my wife was breastfeeding the child

40:33 wasn't very fulfilling when they were first born so i think everybody is different i think if it's something that for you you want to feel that bond and you want to spend the time and you can financially afford it then that's okay then that's great go for it but if you are home and you are feeling horrible and guilty and financially strained in all of these things because you're not working and you maybe you even really enjoy work

41:06 then i don't know that that's the right decision for you and you have to make that decision no you know nobody can make that decision for you now there are some other things you might be able to do where it's somewhat of a hybrid maybe you are working a couple less hours so you could come home early or maybe you're taking a day or two off so that you can spend some time with them you know maybe there is some kind of

41:25 hybrid that you could do um i think that you know it depends on the flexibility of your employer or you know the situation or the government or where depending on where you are but that could be another option uh but you don't want to have your mind and another and i knew for me at the time i was an entrepreneur i was starting a new business i was doing all these things if i took the time off

41:49 and did no work but was just concentrating on my child i think it wouldn't have worked for me either um at the time you know now might be a different story but at the time i was so focused on my work that i i would have like had anxiety about my job and about my clients and all the stuff and that's not that's not good because i'm not going to be in a good place for my child so instead i did some of my

42:14 work but then when i was done i was so excited to spend time with my child and so i would come home we we would do things in the evenings or you know i'd do bath time and then i would do um on the weekends we'd spend the whole weekend with the child it's up i think that's an individual decision and so while i am a proponent for paternity leave if your company gives it to you and

42:39 you're getting paid and there's not a financial strain and other things then yeah it's it's a great thing to be able to spend time with your children you know on your death bed you're not going to say oh i should have spent more time at the office you know you're going to say oh i wish i would have spent more time with my kids but i don't know that that's the perfect decision for every person so

42:59 i think you need to make that decision um there's quite a few here hold on sorry um so luke asks i'm going to be a new father um and i'm really nervous about it my question is how do you overcome being scared um the quick answer is you don't

43:29 um being a new father is scary that's it um i'm i'm sorry that there's not a perfect answer but you know a couple of things you can realize is that everybody is scared you know and it's gonna be okay like you're gonna be okay the child will be okay your significant other will be okay um but it is a scary thing it's completely unknown it's you know this is something that you've never had before you know and for like for me i was

44:00 petrified i had no idea how to be around children i didn't know how to change a diaper i didn't know how to hold a baby when i had my child my first kid i didn't know any of these things i wasn't around children at all my only experience with a child was i have two sisters and one of my sisters i held their child briefly and that was about it i had never changed a diaper never done

44:24 anything never babysat wasn't wasn't comfortable around children at all so being scared is totally normal and i don't think that there's so much to avoid it other than knowing that just things are going to be okay you know and that um you know you can and i think watching the videos and and reading if you need to and just realizing that like that's what everybody goes through i i think so many people are scared and don't admit it so it's good that you're

44:55 admitting it i think that that's a that's a good thing um i have about 10 15 minutes here before i have to go um so i think that that's a great thing that you're you know you admit it and um but yeah everybody is scared it's just that's that's part of being a father and so i don't know if there's any like specific tricks or tips or anything just you know gaining knowledge and figure out well maybe there is okay i just

45:19 popped into my head just figure out what you are scared of and then attack that so if you are scared of the unknown well then make the unknown a little bit more known learn about what it is to have a child and what a baby you know what you deal with if it is scared if you're scared of like the relationship with your wife or if you're scared that you're not going to have free time if you're scared

45:40 i mean identify what it is that you're scared about you know what is it that you're saying and most people are scared about the unknown they're scared about the fact that they don't know what to expect and that's totally normal you know that's what causes anxiety is is having the fear of the unknown or what's coming up soon and so all you can do is just gain information talk to other people watch these videos and hopefully you'll have a little bit

46:06 more you know confidence that okay now i remember i mean i'm gonna go through this oh i remember that you know she's going to go through some difficult times after birth or that i may not feel a bond with the baby or you know that you have to this is going to be difficult with the sleep or you know all of that stuff it's just you reduce some of your anxiety and being scared by just informing yourself so hopefully that

46:29 helps awesome blockbuster glad the videos help um bluetooth the child is finally asleep um i love that you guys are also helping each other um it's so cool that people

46:59 are answering other people's questions here um abe how's it going glad that you're enjoying the videos that's awesome um i'm reading i'm just trying to get here uh luke yeah so luke i've got podcasts for those of you who don't know too um dad university has podcast so i've

47:32 done i've actually been doing the podcast longer than i've been doing videos and so i've got 275 podcasts or something like that and then we have like about 160 170 videos so if you want the podcasts are often um similar there's some similar subjects there's some additional ones but they're longer it's a little bit longer discussion about things so if you're into podcasting check those out you can find them on itunes just

48:02 look up dad university it's on itunes and stitcher and spotify and all of them it should be in fact we've just landed on amazon as well i think amazon's now doing it so sam asked how do i set a bedtime for a two-year-old great question so i have a thing called nighttime routine i have a video it's called the nighttime routine um you might want to watch that but basically

48:33 you set the time that you want to go to bed and if you say like how do i how do i set it um the earlier the better but let's say you pick a time and it's going to be you know 7 30 at night whatever you then go backwards and figure out all the things that you need to do and you set up a night routine and that's the best way to do it with a

48:52 child especially a two-year-old so you know that it's going to take 15 minutes to read if you're reading at night it's going to take another 15 minutes for bath it's gonna take another five minutes to get dressed it's gonna take another three minutes to brush teeth you know whatever so you start your routine at 6 30 and you say okay it's time to get going and even better is what i talk about in the evening of schedule is to make a chart

49:21 um even if they can't read you can put pictures up and you literally make a schedule and a chart it says 6 30 we're going to do you know we're gonna go up and take a bath at 6 45 we're going to brush our teeth at seven o'clock we're going to do this at 7 30 we're going to you know and granted you may not be able to stick to that exact time i tried to my wife is a little bit more

49:44 flexible i'm not i like routine i wake up same time every day i do the same thing every day and i get stuff done um but you know you have to have some kind of schedule with a two-year-old and they thrive on routine as well and so you make that routine and you make it work and but i can tell you that we've had a routine now for 10 and 12 years with my children and sometimes that routine doesn't

50:07 happen sometimes it takes longer than normal you know they have a bedtime and we say okay by this time we're gonna be done um so i think that's how you know and then also look at how long you can look up on the internet too is like how long a two-year-old needs to sleep i think it's you know they should be sleeping 11 or something hours so you know you've got to think about what time do you need to get up in the

50:32 morning for a two-year-old they're probably not going to any school yet so if the time's not important for them and you just let them sleep you know that okay normally they get up at 6 30 in the morning then you just go backwards and you know that 11 hours is 7 30 at night and they should be in bed to sleep by 7 30. so you also know that if it takes them 15 minutes to fall asleep

50:53 you know that's okay um you know the other thing too is don't you don't have to be so strict about it but like my kids still to this day 10 and 12 not every night but they they like us hanging out with them before they go to sleep you know rather than just hey goodnight boom you know especially my daughter my daughter likes to snuggle or likes to you know just be there and talk and do

51:16 whatever and so and some nights that's hard sometimes that is really hard because especially for me a lot of the stuff that i do is after the kids go down um or you know i've got other things i want to do and get done because i didn't get them done and so and you're tired by the end of the day and so sometimes you just or you just want to sit and do nothing so it's hard and you've got to make that

51:38 time and sometimes it works sometimes it doesn't um and so you can't be too hard on yourself either if it doesn't work out so um let's see i only got a couple minutes i gotta get going um there we go so i had said before too if any of you guys want more assistance i am now

52:10 doing a private course this is going to be an eight-week course um it's an intensive it's going to be live via zoom um if you want more information it's going to really improve your confidence we talk about yourself your relationship all these things if you're interested in doing that reply on here or comment to stay interested and i will um send you the link to sign up and for a call and we'll do a call and we

52:40 can see if it's a good fit there is an investment it's working with me but if it is something that you feel like you could use some some more help and have a coach and have somebody along the way it it it's going to really really impact people and so if that's something that you're interested let me know um other than that it's good i hope everybody has a wonderful sunday i can't believe that it's almost been an

53:08 hour um that's crazy it's been 53 minutes on live time goes by really fast when you're having fun thank you guys all for supporting the channel subscribing uh if you haven't put a thumbs up on this subscribe to the channel you want to make sure you get notified as i i said in the beginning i apologize even for not having brand new videos for a while right now but i've been so concentrated on this course

53:39 um i just i can't do it all you know i've got a family too and and my kids and work and all these things and so um i i haven't produced brand new videos they will eventually come out but this course is my priority right now i've been wanting to do this for so long and i just i have to focus so i'm really really excited about it because i think it's going to really really help

54:01 a lot of people transform so it's intensive it's got a lot of information but it's going to be all the information that i wish i had when i you know had like my toddlers and um just everything in parenting from learning about empathy and discipline and gratitude and all of these subjects that are so important to understanding your own emotions and your relationship and how to get the best out of that and so it's it's something that i'm really

54:27 really excited about so everybody happy sunday it was great talking with you and uh hopefully i'll be able to do another one of these chats soon i enjoyed it and we'll talk soon take care guys