Jagriti66 - #5 Habits of Mind (HOMs) - 6 Feb 2026

0:23 Okay. Okay. I think people are taking a little time today to join in. Anyways, let us uh let us start. Um so just to give others a little time.

0:55 Yeah. Right. Okay. So, let's start with this uh little um or I'm just buying a couple of minutes. Anybody has uh I I don't know if this is a common term. I know it's not a common term. Habits of mine. uh maybe it's just a term that we like. So um even if you haven't heard of it before, what do you think it could be? I gave a little analogy also that uh you know the hard disk is like our beliefs and images. the processes like ability to think. All our notification and signal thinking is like signals are like um the the feelings and um uh yeah we have different apps to do different kind of works. Those are our intelligences which we will talk about little later in one of the sessions.

2:08 Now the question that I want to ask in this analogy is all our computers, phones have an operating system. So what is this operating system in us? Do we have operating system? Have you thought about it like that? Okay. Yes, I have abilities, I have thinking, I have feelings. But do I have an operating system? So any any thoughts coming to your mind either the operating system or just this term habits of mind again it's just a play of words. So don't you don't have to take it very seriously just just whatever is coming to your mind over the evolution of humans.

2:57 There are some set of kind of rules which have been maybe uh uh developed or passed on from generation to generation which have kind of become a habit of mind. I mean it's like uh it's it starts on with a with the birth of a child itself. >> Mhm. Okay. Mhm. Okay. Yeah, maybe uh maybe.

3:32 >> Yeah. >> So, it's also like like like survival instinct is one of the you know thing which can be given as an example or something that if you are thrown up in a swimming in a water or something then the first thing which comes to mind is to survive. >> Sure. Sure. It could be that. Yes. Others any thoughts? Anybody has a quick thought or want to take a guess? What is our habits of mind or what is our operating system?

4:07 I'm just buying little time for more people to join in. >> There is a pattern in which a mind works. >> Mhm. Mhm. Okay. Yeah. That's like Okay. Little more if anything else. Yeah. Habits of mind. By the term it sounds like some pattern but little more. What could it be? How it could be relating it to yourself? >> For me when I think of it it's like I'm carrying a story inside my head >> and I notice that it keeps replaying itself in my mind. like all the events add up to that story or even if they don't I ensure that I connect the dots with the story the script like something like that happens with me so >> Mhm. is what comes up.

4:59 >> Okay. To me that is more like again the hard disk what you have saved all the experiences all the little bits of your story. So that's again more connecting with our beliefs and images and all the memories. But this one and we're not talking about the the saved stuff. This we're talking about the operating system. Do we have an operating system? Right. Okay. you you you you did not even respond. I'm just saying just just tickling your mind. Uh till now we have been talking about at least to some extent familiar things beliefs you know self-esteemes feelings empower which is more to do with the child's thinking. So thinking feelings images beliefs otherwise where this suddenly something new comes in habit of mind.

5:52 So could it be um hi so maybe like for me if there is a task I will wait for the 11th hour to come and then um attend to it. So is it like does does this fit into habit of mind that oh there's lot of there's a lot of time left I'll do it and when it is the last minute then that is when >> sure maybe that's why I'm saying yeah we exploring there is I'm not looking for one so maybe all whatever whoever has been sharing uh are all parts of it that's nice so there is no right or wrong answer this in any case this is just a term derived this is not a fixed term Also also some of you tried this little ex uh little exercise. I don't know how many of you tried some shared also. Some of you tried some of you. Now I I don't want to know how the activity went that some of you have shared. That's very sweet of you. Um but once you did this, what is it telling about you?

6:56 You know what did you let's say experience about you? not about the activity. Activity is just a a tickler, you know, a stimulation uh or an activation. That's the word activity is equal to activation. Why do we do an activity? To activate ourselves. So this activity, what did it activate? If if you did this activity uh in whichever ways you can share >> one particular way that my mind uh not one of course many ways in which my mind perceives and thinks.

7:34 >> Mhm. I didn't do the activity but as I'm doing it now uh I'm compelled to read out the uh you know >> just stay with the thought we know what happens in this activity. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. So I'm >> what is it telling you how I'm there there's a fixed perspective let's say that makes sense. So >> okay okay okay >> yeah the one window through which I will see one window will have multiple I guess windows. So yeah >> anybody else who has done this what what did this experience >> activate in you? Yeah.

8:14 >> So initial response comes >> via autopilot mode and then we have to think through it be more conscious about doing the activity. Ah, fair enough. That's like you are unconscious about something then you become conscious about it. Yeah, but it has to be more than that obviously. What what did this this this made you experience is what I'm more looking at. I'm more looking at the experience rather than >> I read the text even though the instructions are very clear.

8:50 >> Yeah. Yeah. That's what you did. Wait, wait, wait, wait. So that one what that experience of doing it what is that telling you about you >> it's so difficult to change the conditioning >> okay okay okay fair enough >> I I felt uh that it is uh sometime it looks easy >> uh when we actually implement uh the thing it comes out really difficult >> yeah yeah that's okay we already know this. We already went through you know conscious competence and you know and then conscious incompetence and all that. Yeah. Anything else? Anybody?

9:34 Okay. Let let's do it this way. So today's session I would um like to you to experience your habits of mind rather than trying to uh define what are habits of mind or rather than trying to explore we just experience them. Yeah. So I will try and make you experience at least one habit of mind of yours. Okay. And uh then hopefully that will you know be a trigger to then start your exploration. Yeah. Uh that's why I say this session is more hopefully more experiential. But before we jump into that, I want some data collection, right? Uh because once we jump into that, then the data collection becomes little different. So I will do let's next 10 minutes ski me for some data collection and uh then we will move into an experience. Yeah. So whatever thoughts you have about habits of mind, good. Now we'll kind of little experience it. Yeah. So allow me to this 10 minutes and then we will jump into an activity to experience the habits of mine. Yeah. Uh okay. So um what I want you to do right now we are not yet in the activity as I said this is more of a collection. So I want you to share in the chat uh three characteristics u which you would like to see in your child or any child. the characteristic which would help the child be successful or happy in life. Yeah. What are according to you your top three characteristics or any three characteristics? Now you may say Resh why three I have 33 or 133. I said yeah yeah but let's share only three. The today's constraint is three three characteristics which will help the child be successful happy. I'm just using both the words so that people don't you know get into oh happiness is don't get lost in the words successful and happy but which would help the child be successful or happy in life. Yeah just type that in the chat window a comma b comma however um yeah and I would uh is has everybody understood the question? Yeah characteristics which will help the child be successful or happy in life.

11:52 Yeah, share three and I will type them. So, be a little more patient with me in my with my typing speed. I'll try to keep up with all the chat typings. Yeah. And okay, we have come. Okay. Content. When you say content, you means contented, right? Or whatever. Okay. Self-acceptance content.

12:23 Okay. Selfacceptance, adaptability, curiosity, uh, clarity. Okay. Clarity, resilience. Oh, self-confidence still appears in the list. Okay. Self-confidence. Uh adaptive adaptability came curious.

12:53 Curiosity came. Patience. Okay. Focus. Yeah. Smartness. I will put it if you allow me. Smartness. Relaxed. Okay. Relaxed. Driven. And as you're listening also start thinking what is this what is this list telling me uh emotional regulation okay honestyuality innovation innovation okay Uh down to earth. Do did you mean humility?

13:54 So I can >> Yes. Yes. >> Okay. Shall I replace it with humility? Is that okay? Or let's keep it down to earth. How does it matter? Okay. Intelligence. Okay. I'm right now skipping intelligence. Um okay. No, I I will skip intelligence and you will get to know why because we'll we'll have a session where we go deep diving into intelligences. Okay. Resilience. Resilience. Curiosity. Emotional love. Herself. Self love. Oh, we still have the self coming up. Uh grit. Okay. Interesting. Grit.

14:35 Energetic. Oh, I thought we had more of it than we can cope up with. Okay, brave patience came again. Intelligent, curious. Okay, whoever is writing intelligence, hold on few more sessions and we'll deep dive at that time. Please discuss with me in great detail. Yeah, discipline we'll learn from you. What is intelligence? Uh consistent.

15:06 Okay. Learning from failures. What do we call it Shika? You want to give it a word resilience or no? Learning from failures. Okay. I'll put it as learning from failure. >> Yeah. Learning from in case he or she fails then uh he he should uh get a learning out of that. >> Okay. Balance greet to learn. Okay. Getting new terms today. Persevering. Okay. Only three are you can give type 11 one. Don't keep coming up with more selfawareness humble. We already took joy and happiness is nearly the end result uh or a state of mind, right? Happiness is a state of mind. It's not a you don't do happiness, you know, you get happiness in a way. Okay? So basically I'm saying if you say joy and happiness then my question back to you would be what three characterist characteristics will give me joy and happiness in life? You know what I mean? That's why this question perhaps is important to all of us. I don't know if you feel this question is important but anyway I think this question is important. So I've been asking it since to since I started working with children which is 25 years back. So anybody who has not shared if I have missed yours one of yours uh then please type it again.

16:34 I did I miss brave? No, I didn't because I was you guys were talking typing fast. Yeah, anybody who's I have missed out can type it again please. Otherwise, as of now, I think this is the list I could catch. Oh, receptive also was there. Priyanka said receptive. Okay, receptive. Okay. Except for I I've uh consciously left out intelligence.

17:10 Okay, this is good enough. Um right. Okay, then I can increase the font size. And this is our list for now. We can obviously uh so this is not a limiting list. This is just a sample list for now as of uh you know 8:17 of this day. Uh we can obviously add many many many more. I'm sure uh we would like to add more to this since you all only chose three of them. Right. Okay. Now the second question is u how important are these characteristics for success or happiness in life? Are they more important than academics? Are they equally important than academic? Equally important to academics or they are less important to academics. Now you will say Ratish why are you comparing these with academics? I will say just like that just just be with me some quirky thought. So continue just do that just do that comparison and you can type the word more or equal or less in the type check uh in the chat. Sorry. Yeah. or M or E or L if you really are the short form type.

18:30 Okay, soil is saying more important. Amita is saying less important than academics. Okay. No. Oh, you meant something else. You can come on mic. Amita just unmute and say it doesn't matter. Go ahead. Go ahead. >> No, I meant more. I wrote more. >> Okay. You meant more. Okay. Kalash is saying more. Shika is saying more. Priyanka is saying more. Uh I sing more. Kai sing more. Shushi. Oh till now only more more more got lots of peacocks dancing. If you know more in Hindi means peacock right still more more people are seeing more. Okay. So I I've been asking this question since 2002.

19:25 Yeah. In every almost obviously every Jagrati batch and in many many many other spaces and I've always got similar response. Either more. Some people say equal but nobody has ever said less or I don't remember but maybe one or two might have said less also. That's okay. Uh but yeah a large percentage of people say more. Yeah. So think about it. Um or if you are saying more oh sorry what happened sorry I I by mistake closed the pres uh sharing don't worry I'll just bring it up in a moment um if you are uh if you are saying more that means it is important that means we need to do something about it right I'm I'm sure you would like to do something about it and if you would like to do something about it or you're already doing something about it what should we like what would we like to do about it as in see for academics we do so many things we do um I'm assuming you send the child to school uh ah can you see the slide now yeah I think the presentation is back okay oh sorry so you send the child maybe to school or maybe you get lot of different resources or uh you know send the child to different classes is focus on him. Sit and ch mats street whatever whatever get activity kits get books gets this get that. So we we spend lot of time money effort a huge chunk of our childhood into this right now. If you're saying this is more important then by that definition so we should be spending more time and more resources and more energy on it. But let's say even if you don't think about more right now what are we doing or we would like to do either of the two to develop these right the list is again there if you want to have a quick glance at the list again I I'm sure you heard all of it right your ones are there and others people are there and more or less you will agree with the others also even hierarchy wise importance wise they might be up and down so let's come back what are we either doing or would like to do so If you share a lot of ideas, we all can just just do those, you know. So, let's have a collective co-create this list so that we all can do this to develop these.

21:56 Sounds good. Since you have said more, I'm sure this would be important. So, let's let's share. be shared. What? Yeah. Anything? Yeah. Please come on mic. Preferably not chat for this part for sharing what we can do. So I can also clarify and get better understanding.

22:34 >> Don't do anything. The child already has this characteristics. Just don't mess it up. >> Ah okay. Okay. Don't don't mess them up. Okay. So child already has. Okay. Child already has. Don't mess them. And how do we not mess them? >> Giving more and more to them. >> Just just one moment. Is that a finisher thought? Yeah. >> By conditioning, by you know bringing our knowledge and whatever we have collected over the years and brush it over the child.

23:12 >> Mhm. Okay. >> Yeah. That's how we don't mess it up. >> Keep ourselves away. Right. Okay. Okay. Fair enough. Okay. Okay. Don't mess with them. Don't mess it up. Okay. Uh preferably don't do the chat thing. I want to hear from you. So please come on mic. People who have written on chat also can come one by one. >> Yeah. But how >> giving more and more exposure to the child >> of >> exp u all these characteristics?

23:47 >> How how how do you give exposure? So basically whatever the child likes to do it >> or whatever he loves to do it, let them do it >> and let them explore it. >> So that way they will build those skills whatever they have it. >> Mhm. So are you saying that if I like painting and if I do a lot of painting I'll develop all these characteristics >> or if I like cycling and I do a lot of cycling I'll develop all of these characteristics.

24:19 Uh not exactly but yes few confusing. >> Yeah. Yeah it is confusing because um yeah think about it meaning is it just that we let the child do whatever the child is doing which is good let the child do whatever the child is doing but by will that automatically develop the lists that let's say we think are important and I'm sure your list could be different from mine and so on. That's okay. But whatever is your list here, it's only three. Maybe 33 you have or 99.

24:55 Will it automatically develop everything or do we want to do something? So you are saying expose but I'm just saying asking you to step more deeper. How do we expose them? As I mentioned uh learning from failure uh uh when my daughter was uh you know learning uh cycling and she falls every time I say that's how we learn this is the only way we learn we fall we have to fall then we we can learn you know >> yeah so how what what is the what are you suggesting we should do u >> we should encourage uh uh encourage uh kids uh for learning.

25:42 >> But how do you encourage these? >> By modeling wherever possible. >> Just one moment. Let me finish with one person at a time. Shia Shika. So how do we encourage >> by uh uh saying encouraging uh you know uh sentences by you know motivating them if uh she encourage and motivate come on be resilient be resilient be resilient is that what we should do oh >> yeah I I'm I'm little making it carry catch if she's falling again and again Mhm. M >> yeah if if she's falling then uh I I'll every time I say that you need to try that's that's what we have also learned in this way only >> okay sure okay so you are saying I I am right now putting it encourage verbally is that fair enough >> yeah verbally yeah that's your strategy yeah somebody else yeah go ahead motivate for uh we also need to motivate her for the next Right.

26:51 >> Yeah. Yeah. That's what so how do you motivate encourage? You're saying by verbally saying something like hey come on you can do this again or whatever. >> Yeah. And and also by uh you know giving our example to them we have also learned in the same way when we were child child. >> Mhm. Okay. Okay. So you you mean to say you've uh you've learned all of these?

27:21 >> Yes. Cycling. Yeah. >> The characteristics are whatever. >> Wait, wait, wait, wait. All of these characteristics are there. Perfect. Reach there. >> No, no, no, no, not not there. No, I'm talking about only one one thing. Learning from the failure. >> Okay. Okay. So if that specifically you want to say how you learn from failures. Okay. Okay, fair enough. Okay. Okay. Give give own stories. Okay. Is that what you mean? Your own stories from your own childhood, adulthood, whatever.

27:53 Sure. Sure. Sure. >> Right. Right. >> Absolutely. Okay. Somebody else was saying something >> what's coming up. Okay. >> Wait. Somebody else was sharing. Yeah. I don't know who was sharing. >> Yeah. Uh I was saying by uh by modeling wherever possible uh whatever characteristic we want uh we should because they are observing us 24 by7. >> Yeah. The only problem with that is that it puts a lot of pressure on me. Yeah. Now I have to perform you Rama till now I was chilled Ram say I was living my life now you are saying bro start modeling. You have to model this. You have to persevere. You have to be resilient. You have to be honest. You have to be look at the list. Oh my goodness. I've already my BP is rising.

28:37 Java Java, help me help. Okay, we leave it for Javal to do modeling. I am not doing modeling. >> We are doing our best actually. >> So anyway, I'm putting it down. But I would just say it's tough, >> you know. And just because uh a father is persevering doesn't mean that the child will become persevering. >> Yeah. >> Or both the children will become persevering. One may pick up, one may not pick up. >> Yeah, I agree. But the negative modeling gets picked up very quickly. So at least that's another problem. No, that is what I I was coming to.

29:09 >> Yeah. At least if we cannot model positive things, we need to be mindful. Your example of data horn, right? >> Why father is getting angry? >> Yeah. But then the problem is then I have to be one perfect human first. But the problem is I'm 50% frog. Actually 60 40. >> Yeah. >> Or 70 30. So that's the problem. But anyway, I put in modeling but it's a tough one. It puts a lot of pressure on me. Yeah.

29:38 >> Uh >> I'm just being very frank. Yeah. Yeah. >> What about through stories like storytelling? >> Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Storytelling whether you tell your own stories or tell anybody else's story. Storytelling. Yes. Fair enough. >> I feel for me what I offer what I think I would like to offer is the agency to make choices. uh and that is one of the mediums again and the first sharing that >> allow them to make choices >> whatever choices it's the most difficult thing to witness them in making when I know that okay >> yeah yeah but they are by default making choices aren't they >> yes so not interfering in that not telling them from my experience I can share what I've experienced but not teaching them through them >> let them make their own choices >> choices yeah Okay. But you think just because I'm making my own choices, I will develop these.

30:34 >> I feel like the consequences of the choice some may they may fail. >> Consequences will happen. But do I recently learn by then? I I've been making choices for 57 years. Malvika, I should have become a perfect human being. >> I tell you I am 36 years old. I have hardly made my own choices. If I come to >> I'm telling you the other way around. I'm saying I have made all my choices and I'll prove to you how you have also been making your own choices. We'll come to that.

30:59 >> Yeah, that is true. See, ultimately we make >> Wait, wait, wait. >> What I'm saying is just by making my choices >> would I then by now 57 years into making choices over 365 days over 24 hours I would have become everything in this list >> not interfering in the entire process. >> Let's assume I was not interfered. No rat post the choice there are post the choice also also I'm telling you nobody interfered with my post choices >> they have their own resources we all have our own resources >> within us >> as long as I don't interfere with the birthing of those resources that oh you need to feel like this oh don't feel like this etc etc you know so many things that come up in a day-to-day life >> I feel I can imagine it can cement And some of these >> some of these Okay, fair enough. Fair enough. So, let them make their own choices and don't mess with them that we have it right up front.

31:57 >> Yeah. Like don't mess >> Don't mess with them. Okay. Fair enough. Fair enough. Anybody else? I think there have a few more people. >> Sports is a good way uh get some of these. >> Sorry, can you repeat that? >> I'm saying sports is a good way to get some of these uh qualities. >> Okay. So, you're saying a specific activity like sports. What if I'm not interested in sports? >> No, if you're not interested, not interested. But if you're interested, then sports uh teaching.

32:24 >> So, do you mean to say that sports people by definition have more of these than non-sporty people? Let me put this up. >> Yes. >> Really? >> Yeah. They are they are they have more confidence. They have more leadership skills. They're more resilient. They are patient. >> They're al they're also good at cheating. >> They have they're good at cheating. They have Yeah. >> No, no, no, no. I'm I'm not totally with you with you that we can generalize like that that just because somebody there's a whole you know gamut of people who play sports huge population what if you run through them they'll all be normalized all like us some will be good at something some will be good at something all those sports personalities even the at the highest level aren't uh you know there somehow you remind me of that French footballer Zidane who you know who who butted somebody's head in a world cup final So if somebody can do like that, what did HE LEARN ALL HIS LIFE in sports if that's what he's doing at the pinnacle of sports? I don't know how many of you remember that incident where this he's the captain of the French team. This is the World Cup final and he goes and commits such a terrible thing right when zillions of people are watching him. He goes and butts his head to another person's head to just to out of anger.

33:40 So I'm just saying yeah maybe maybe sports can develop. Maybe anything can develop. Maybe just doing jaru brooming can develop all of these. >> I think uh what you're saying most of the kids are born with this. They have >> Yeah, somebody has already said that. Yes. The first some >> we are not talking about not having we saying developing. Please note the word. We are not saying children are not having it. We have to now fill them up with this. We are saying developing like we're all born with muscles but we need to develop those muscles.

34:15 as in we need to do some dumb shambul right so like that sound going to develop >> sorry having attended uh now a couple of jagrati sessions I don't know might sound completely why do we want to do it >> yes >> ah why do we want to do it okay this dhal doesn't want to do it but you're saying these are more important than academics than academics >> it's important okay we feel it's important But why why do we want to do it? It's okay.

34:58 So uh rat. >> Yeah. Yeah. Go ahead. >> Yeah. So I was thinking I think we are looking at in a reverse way. The list is quite exhaustive, right? And like you yourself said, you are 57 and you should have developed all these quality by now. So rather than looking it from that way, I'm borrowing a little bit from the Japanese philosophy of raising children, right? We first identify whatever the child's natural inclination is, right? Maybe a child is a good orator like a story. Maybe he's more sporty. Maybe he likes to draw, sketch, artistic, sports person accordingly. So identify the top two three characteristics whatever the age is. And >> those are interests. Those are not characteristics the way we have defined them.

35:38 >> Fair fair. The basic let's say someone likes to draw like he's artistic inclination painting. Someone like to play a lot of sports and climb and >> Sure. Sure. Sure. Sure. >> Right. Now we want now I had written focus uh resilience and patience. Right. Again borrowing from one of the parents said the role modeling. So if I know the child loves to draw or he's artistic, he or she is artistic. I do not worry too much about the sporty qualities or the athletic quality and >> uh wait wait wait. Which of these are athletic qualities and which of them are >> let's say no no no wait.

36:12 Are they about the activity or are they about me? Do I need this invariably some of these to use these in my life and whatever I'm doing right from brooming to painting to playing cricket to writing a letter to whatever whatever or are they about an activity >> I think it's more about the personality let me let me elaborate >> yeah yeah so it's not about the activity it's not about what I do in my life will I not use these or or or need these in my life invar whatever I do so I'm I'm just trying to say are they really connected with interest or are they connected with living so I'm coming to that what I'm saying is a person who is more into arts right could be dancing drawing painting would love qualities like calm contented focused versus a person or someone sometimes the voice says I want >> no no wait wait wait I'm again I'm again not very sure Wait, wait, wait, wait.

37:16 You are you are assuming that you are assuming that art is related to K. That's your that's your belief system. But I'm saying art has all of this and music has all of this and cycling has all of this and making a dough and rolling a chapati has all of this. Everything has everything because these are not about an activity. >> Yeah. Yeah. separating a person who wants a boy who wants to become more rigor, more physical endurance there.

37:46 >> Yeah. But there's no physical endurance here. There is no rigor. Rigor is required everywhere. Even to broom requires rigor. Just to broom your house many discovered in co times. >> Yeah. Yeah. No. So my my point was rather than going for all these qualities. >> No, no, no. I'm also not saying don't >> my two three inclinations. >> Sure. Sure. That's why we started with three. Show them the biographies of sports person, pilot, I mean officers whatever and whatever choose to become see this person did did this thing that's why if you want the ultimate aim is to be successful and happy right so while we can model oursel a few things right if I'm in a traffic and I show him patience boss okay I did not get angry similarly when I get you a chocolate pastry beta can you wait for 5 minutes and eat it later some small small exercises like this indirectly helps me develop patience perhaps Okay. Plus we can give example from our Olympic people some small. Yeah, we can give stories.

38:46 Yeah, we can give stories. >> Anybody else who feels that what you are how you are either doing it or what you think you can do is not there in this till now on this on the screen. Yeah. Yeah. Interestingly, as I said, u see most people say this is more important yet in terms of our own mind space and our own efforts, physical efforts, resource efforts. Think about it. When we are saying these are more important than academics to some extent at least we should have some some thinking or some planning as a parent as to what will I do or what will I not do either ways but what is it what is it that do I want to even think about these that's where I really want to draw this session on so even if you don't take anything out of this session but to say ah here is a list I think is more important in life and living and I need to do something about it if I want to u and then we start thinking am I there so I'm inviting you all just to the simple point that if you think that these kind again don't go by the long list it can be a very short list or even a longer list if these things are more important to you then the invitation is let's do something about it If you want to do so question again is what do you want? Do you want to work on these? Think how will I how will I explore these? I'm not talking about developing like like dumb types but how will I explore these? How do I how do I yeah how do I bring this into my day-to-day explorations? Like I am exploring paints and I'm exploring something else and I'm exploring this.

40:51 We go traveling. We go museum. We go this. We see these how do we bring these even if you just leave with this question forget the rest of the session that itself I think is hugely important somewhere we were talking about what is more important to us the content or the container now when you think about contents content is to me any skill that I need today I need to roll chapatis I need a skill to roll chapati tomorrow I may need to do coding or third day I could need to know how to drive a car. So all of those are skills.

41:27 But no matter whether I'm driving a car or rolling a chapati or coding, will I need most of these? Then these are elements of container as in me. That's the that's the th thought that I want to draw to and how they kind of play out and how they are this uh I think it's time to move into an experience we've discussed enough that's okay we'll explore this we have lot of time yeah u lot of time not today as in in the group and overall and I'm sure you will keep wondering so this list has just started okay we will have I I'm sure we'll have more inputs from all of you as you will think more and hopefully we will exchange and we'll you'll get more ideas but let's little jump and see if we would like to first experience so what are these how do these work right so I want to give you a little sample of these through a small experience yeah okay so are we all ready for a small activity and this activity has an objective yeah the objective of this activity or exercise whatever you want to call it is to understand others point of view fair Everybody clear of the objective? Uh next 10 15 minutes we will do one activity and or exercise and this exercise the objective is to understand others point of view. Mhm.

43:02 Anybody has any doubt on this? Mhm. Sorry, the old slide is still there. Okay. So, what how this what is what is the activity about? I will say a statement. Uh and you will have to tell me in chat window whether you agree with that statement or you disagree with that statement. Now just for this activity, just for this game, you're not allowed to sit on the fence and say, "I neither agree nor disagree." No, no. Just for the sake of the game, consider it like a game or an activity. Take a stance.

43:41 Yeah. Either you agree or you disagree. And you type uh agree or disagree in the chat. Okay? Or a or d in the chat. And I will put your name here so that others can see who are agreeing and who are disagreeing. They don't have to refer to the chat. And uh yeah and then we will see how and then we will have a little uh you know discussion. Yeah. So uh so my statement is uh okay let's take a simple one which I end up taking all the time. Um love marriages are better than arranged marriages. Yeah. So uh the statement is love marriages are better than arranged marriages.

44:27 Yeah. And I put that in the chat also. Uh and let me start and you can type either A or D. Uh people who are agree. So if Kupa and Jevil you have writing A then I don't know who is writing A. So you both. Okay. Okay. It's like you better agree to me. Okay. No, no, no. I'm just joking. Same with Davala and Nam. You'll have to tell me whose name I should write. Ama is also in A. Okay.

45:01 Pas is also in A. Okay. I'm just taking some of the A's first. And so Hila is also in A. Yeah. Uh I'm sorry, sorry, sorry. Where did we go? Yeah. Uh excuse my slowness in this. Okay. Dal G is sorry. Uh I'm just putting your name is Dhal G is a Okay, let me put some D's also. Okay.

45:32 And while I'm figuring out who is agreeing and disagreeing, the you can start a discussion. Obviously, I will not be part of the discussion. You all can just come on the mic. No discussions on chat please. This is strict for this activity. Come on the mic and you can have a discussion on the topic. The topic is um what was the topic? Yeah. Love marriages are better than the arranged marriages. Yeah. So go ahead. You can have a discussion.

46:06 Um Okay Shria, you're not supposed to say depends but disagree. No, no, no. Just say one of these. So for this activity in general in life, whatever is your thing that's fine. So I'm taking you as disagree. Mika, continue. Please, please start. Uh I'm just typing out all the names. The floor is open.

46:42 The grass is always greener on other side. >> Grass is greener, but you never know what kind of a grass it is. >> Known devils are better than unknown goods. >> Yes, I agree with that. That is why I agree. Otherwise it's always disagree. >> Correct. Even I think it's just that you get to know the person better beforehand before you enter into this relationship.

47:17 So that's why I think it's better. According to me, if uh you both understands each other, uh it doesn't matter whether it is arrange or uh love marriage according to me.

47:59 Yeah, I think of it uh more from a uh choice and point of view. We are not saying one marriages are one type of marriages are more successful than the other. We have example for both sides of course some great ar marriages some great love marriages which have lasted which have not. The point that remains is it's your call when you in a love marriage when you take a call it may be successful it may not be successful but then you don't have a finger pointing that because of him or I married and then I got failed or I got successful so the choice lies with you you are responsible for your decisions that's why I feel they are better it's not about whether they'll be successful or unsuccessful both parties have equal examples in my opinion >> uh sorry just allow me to but and remind you that the objective of this exercise to understand others point of view that's the objective please continue >> right I think only so far agree agree type of people have spoken uh would love to hear from disagree folks so that we can have a spirited discussion And it would be nice if more people can be on video.

49:36 It seems like the disagree people have agreed to our agreement. >> They've understood our point of view.

50:11 No, but let's I would like to ask uh So, she just mentioned that uh when you enter you know the person beforehand. I mean I agree that it's better for I mean that's my stance that's there but when uh the objective of the people who agree also I mean they may also have different perception and that their understanding also can be different they may agree to it but not necessarily uh the point of view is the same I didn't really get your question uh double >> no I'm I'm saying we both agree that it's better what I'm saying what I'm asking is if you say that you know the person before you enter into the institution or >> correct >> whatever uh how does it help >> I think it uh you the the reason that you decide to get into the institution in the first place would be because you feel you have some kind of a connection and understanding and only then do you uh prefer to get into that institution of marriage. So I just feel that that initial groundwork there are no surprises. There still are surprises.

51:30 There still can be surprises. It's just >> and that's >> on either point. So on the face of it, it seems better if you know the person well enough beforehand. Yeah, sorry.

52:18 Come on. Anyone from the disagree camp? We would love to hear >> mostly because um >> I've seen I mean I can't completely agree to the statement that you know love marriages are better than uh the arranged marriages because I've seen a lot of love marriages fail and I've also seen some arranged marriages fail.

53:04 So yeah, if I would be asked this in some kind of competitive exams, I would surely say disagree. But just because we think that both I mean just because we think that both the marriages fail, how would we then still come to the conclusion?

53:40 I'm asking this to Shria like if if you say that it's it's the same like both of both of them fails then why we say why would you disagree to that >> statement what makes you >> yeah just yeah >> um so I can't say that you know love marriages are better than arranged marriages uh because you know there are fair amount of love marriages that failed so yeah I wouldn't I would say disagree to that and if Radnesh would ask uh you know a different question like arranged marriages are better than love marriages then I would say disagree to that too.

54:21 >> No to elaborate what Dal was saying Shria what you've experienced that's a personal statistics right and that's a that's a fairly small sample set there would be a person why who would say I have seen 100 marriages succeed and only two love marriages fail. So the statistics changes from our personal experience. So I think the point that we are drawing here is u what you're saying is basis with your personal experience and basis with the friends and families and relative that you have seen.

54:50 >> No I don't want to convince her I don't want to con I'm just trying to understand where I mean what makes her think what she thinks. So >> yeah from what I gather correct me if I'm wrong sa basis your personal experience you have seen more cases of love marriage fail compared to arrange that's why you think so is that correct? Yeah. And I'm a marriage counselor so I have seen both. >> Okay. Okay. Okay. I have one I think I'll even though I'm in the agree camp I'll give one point from the disagree camp. I think love marriages if you allow because just for the uh discussion point of view.

55:24 >> Uh the objective of this exercise is to understand others point of view. Thank you. Please continue. After 10 years of marriage, Nam is telling me over here, you may agree to disagree.

56:17 I agree to Sohila's uh point of view that you know the person in advance. Uh but uh the it it is it is also true. It hurts more if you uh in love marriage uh if the person changes you know it is more hurting and uh uh it can be at the worst. >> So Shikhar the objective of this exercise is to understand others point of view.

57:15 That's right. >> We are all trying to judge rather than understanding. >> Dal, can we stay with the activity? No meta comments. Only specific to the activity. >> Yeah. >> The statement is arranged marriages are better than love marriages. Just stay with that. >> No, it's the other way around. Sorry. Yeah. Other way around. Sorry. Love marriages are better than sorry.

57:47 No. So but in that case what we can do is uh I mean we can say uh this is my view because I think this because of or why I think what I think uh whether it is agree or disagree whatever comes on the table like that way uh So Sharma has a point uh in the chat from the disagree camp. Anyone who would like to comment on that from the agree camp.

58:36 So Shatma my question is again to same to you is that what do you gain by sharing whatever you have gained because the objective of the exercise is to understand others point of view. Okay let's let's do one thing. Let's do one thing. Let's take a small break. Right? And in that break how do you take a break? No, no, not the not the other break break but take a small break in the activity only and in that break I want you to I want you to give me some money you know just give me some money uh and uh obviously you can't give it right now so just go ahead and type in chat window some money that you would like to give to me uh I I I'm not telling you the reason I need money I'm just asking for money go ahead just type some some amount in the chat window which you would like to give to me just like that. It's got nothing to do with jagriti and all of that. No, just just just just right now I'm asking you.

59:46 Okay. Amita is saying 100. Ridi Singh 2,000. Harpan 500. Shadma 500. Daval went to 10,000. Davany is 1k 500. Come on guys, add more zeros. Come on. Come on. I need more. I need more zeros. Shika 500. Soila 500. People can revise their amount also. I'm okay. Give me more. Give me more. Please give me more. Please, please, please, please.

60:16 She has up to 15,000. Ah, that's much better. Pria Ridi has updated to 20,000. >> Yes. >> Ah, Mita is up to 25K. Nice. I like it. more than barrier >> others. Come on, open your UPI apps.

60:46 You don't have to transfer it right now. You just have to promise. It's the promisory road note. It's getting recorded. So, >> what are we Resh? What are we doing right now? >> You are giving me some money, dear. Whatever amount you want, you can type it in the chat window. I I'm okay with any amount, but obviously I'm greedy, so I would like to have more, but uh I'm still okay with all amounts. Type out an amount that you would like to give to me.

61:18 Wow, 50k comes from. Awesome. Yeah. Okay. Okay. Um, okay. I think these many people only want to give me some money, but it's okay. I I I if I had more time, I would have asked more. But that let's pause that. Um, now how am I different from let's assume this money has been actually transferred to me. Let's just assume uh you all do that. So how am I different from 2 minutes before before I asked money?

62:02 Assume this money I have received in my account. How am I different in the last 2 minutes? Mhm. Anybody? You are no different but you just have some more money added into your account. >> Yeah. Okay. So richer is defining that as richer. Sorry. So is defining it as richer. Yeah. Do you agree with that? I'm richer. I'm wealthier richer. If wealth is counted in terms of money at least I'm richer, right?

62:41 Yes or no? Depends. How is it? Depends. Depends if money comes in or not. I assume that money everybody shifts the money I'm richer isn't it? No. Is there any any issue with that? No. No. Purpose is how will I use the money? But I'm saying am I richer or not? >> Yes. >> Yeah. I'm asking I I I asked for money. You guys gave me money. So I am richer. >> This is the given money, right? It's not a loan per right. So >> yeah. Yeah. It's a given money.

63:15 Absolutely. That's how I'm richer. It's not a loan. It's a given >> monise you're richer. Yeah. Monetary wise I am richer. Yes. Now that is what this activity was actually about. How do I get richer? And how will I get richer if I keep giving my money? Right? If I keep giving my money, will I get richer? I Well, I don't know. Financially, no. But what will I what if I go and beg everybody? Please, please, please give me your money. Like how I was begging 2 minutes back, I was begging you to give me money. I was I asking you to add more zeros. I wanted more more more from you.

63:56 >> No, but if you're trying to say that uh getting in understanding about others point of view will make me richer in terms of my thoughts. But that's again coming from their belief system. No. >> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That is what I'm asking you. If you think getting other people's thought will make you mentally whatever thought wise richer again if you think so then this this uh uh this activity suddenly has a different different you know color if if you think no no I don't want to understand others point of view I just want to give my point of view and move ahead fair enough I I'm not saying anything I'm Just showing you how for me asking gives me more. Yeah. And when I get more I feel I get richer. I think I get richer. That's just my thinking.

64:54 Fair enough. Yeah. Um now let's go back to the activity. We we'll we'll open the window for another 2 minutes. We are at 94. Yeah. Two more minutes. So anybody wants to say anything? Sorry, the break is over. We're back to the activity. Two more minutes if you want to get richer.

65:32 I want to say I agree to the statement that love marriages are better than arena marriages because we know the family and family is also involved in marriages institution like a marriage and uh we >> wait really wait how is that helping you to achieve the objective of the exercise? Then I would like to understand from um each of the person who said yes and no also what's one thing that made their uh I mean made them think that love marriages are better than uh >> please ask Shria floor is open ask solicit beg >> so my question to everybody on the list on on both the list is tell me one thing that made you think that Of course, it allows you to make your own mistakes. Of course, I mean, you are it's it's giving you a choice to be responsible for your, you know, whatever comes up. So, and you make it work like as far as So, yeah.

67:18 So last Ka and Jal as well as Dal and Nam you will had love marriage. >> Yes. Yes. >> So uh what's the what what's your reason to agree to this? So like uh in love marriage you are taking the responsibility on your shoulder for everything like uh telling to everyone at the like in your family you are telling them that this you like this person. In short convincing the family till you know getting married and if something goes up and down you are the only person who is you know taking the responsibility of resolving or whatever. Well, it was like Krooer was waiting for somebody to open a purse.

68:02 >> No, no, no. >> So, here. >> Okay. Pause. Pause. Pause. Pause. Enough. Enough. Enough. I've made all my points. Okay. So, we closing the activity for now. Thanks. Thanks everybody for bearing with me with this strange. >> You can't close when it is getting open like you. >> Yeah. Excuse me. Wait, wait, wait. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Right. Uh okay. So I I want to take a break but leave you with a break with um these these habits of mind has a very interesting flow to it.

68:39 Right. Um the the it it has it somewhere starts with what is something. So this understanding others point of view immediately we didn't get we jumped into sharing what we wanted to share right um and we kept on doing that to some extent not everybody but I'm saying to some extent then we brought in this why why is this important and then I brought in this whole richer thingy that okay this can make me richer if I ask and immediately Shria jumped in uh with okay let me ask everybody and she started at least with with some people Right? So that's the how. So once I get the importance of something, hey, why is this important?

69:22 Then I can jump in and come up with a strategy. Yeah. And that's when people started opening up and uh maybe if I keep doing this different strategies or one strategies it slowly becomes a a habit. Yeah. So we started with the characteristic here. The characteristic was understanding others point of view. Yeah, this was just a sample characteristic. It wasn't there in your list but I added it from my side.

69:53 Understanding others point of view was the characteristic we started with what it is. We were trying to get aware of it. I was come again and again pointing you out to the slide saying hey this is the objective man. Okay. Then we got into the importance of it and once it clicked the importance with whoever it clicked and doesn't need to click with all that I'm not trying to say every characteristic should click with everybody but the moment we got into the uh the why part of it and if you valued it you can start coming up with your house and then slowly slowly it becomes a habit right so I I this is very natural if you start thinking about it it will it you will get examples in your own mind from your own life where you started with something and then you started thinking ah this is important to me for this reason and once it became important to you you are constantly looking for more strategies uh of using it and as you use it more and more it becomes a habit yeah so let's take a break and in the break I want you to think think of something which has gone through that cycle you know some characteristic which you think is your strength which is like a habit to you you do it habitually whatever whichever out of either out of this list or any other characteristics. So I'm putting the list back. Yeah. Either of these where you think at some point you discovered the importance of it. You understood it in a particular way. You said this is important to me man and if this is important to me man then I started creating strategies to do it more and more and the more and more I did it just like any other muscle it kind of develops and then you become habitual in in using it more and more.

71:31 We'll discuss with more examples after the break. So, it's 9:11. Shall we do a shorter break today? 9:15. Come quickly back. Uh, we've got more to explore. Yep. Thank you. Let's take a quick break.

75:45 Okay. Are people back? If you're back, either type in chat or on your video or you need little more time, let me know. Yeah. So I know it was a little rushed break and you may not have been immediately been able to think of this this flow or is this how it happened for you for certain things.

76:19 Let me give you a couple of examples to further help you. Yeah. Um let's take let's take a simple example of let's say punctuality. I'm just taking a very simpler one. Uh let's say as a kid when I was a small kid or even if I have a small kid the child is least bothered about reaching places on time you know the child just wants to whatever reach somewhere if the child wants to reach somewhere and the time isn't really something that you really really bother let's say reaching to school for example. ah even if I'm little late how does it matter I reschool that's what I wanted right but let's say let's say one day the teacher says hey you have been coming late and it's not good or the child feels that I keep missing some interesting activity or the child gets punished right now suddenly the importance you know what is this coming on time uh starts popping up and then if I'm getting scolding again and again or if I'm getting punishment again again I start feeling importance or if I keep missing important thing then I say oh coming on time is important and then over a period of time then I start making some strategies I start telling you know I have to get ready papa you have to drop me early or mama you have to pack my food early or whatever and then I slowly develop strategies of how I reach in time and maybe over a period of time maybe again it depends uh I develop a habit of reaching places on time or it could be go other way around also I I still don't get any importance why should I big deal schools just put pressure in life why should I reach on time and if I don't have any importance then I don't use strategies and if I don't use strategies I'm the one who arams comes in who isn't really very punctual about places and things yeah um let me give you another a totally different example let's say when I was a kid uh in around my 10th 11 12th standard or 9th 10th 11 12th my mom used to say ratnesh make timet so that you are more organized.

78:26 I said, "Okay, okay, I'll make a timet since mom is saying." Um, and I made a timet. And that's it. I never followed it. Sounds familiar. I don't know if you did it like this, but that's how I did it. I never followed it. Now, after one week, my mom says, "No, no, no, no. This is not okay. You should, you know, you should be more organized, right? And you should follow your timetable. Okay. Okay. I will make a time table. I again made a time table and I again did follow and discontinued and maybe I'm now still 57. I still don't want to really follow my own timets or own time schedules and stuff like that you know.

79:13 So if you realize here here it's it's a little different. What did my mother give me? Did she give me awareness? Did she give me importance or did she give me a strategy? Remember she said, "Rat, make a time table so that you will be more organized." >> She basically told you what is important to her. It was her mean. >> Yeah. Yeah. But did she say that is important or did she give me a strategy or did she >> She just gave the what. The why was not clear. So the how never came from you.

79:48 >> Yeah. He just gave you gan. >> No, she gave me strategy >> actually. >> The strategy of being organized. What was the strategy of being organized? >> Timetable. >> Time table. >> So she gave me a strategy without giving me the importance of without giving me even a clear awareness of what is being organized. Since it wasn't even clear in my mind what is being organized or I never gave any importance to being organized.

80:18 the strategy just fizzled out. In fact, if you realize so many times we come in at the strategy stage directly this is how you should do it so that you are more perseverant or this is how you should do it or that is why you should do it. So we tend to come in with children directly at either at a strategy level or sometimes we give yes gan about importance of being honest. So the child comes back and says I'm being honest. I kicked my brother nicely. Is that okay with you?

80:53 See, you told me honesty is very important. So I'm being honest now. You shouldn't say anything to me. Or I'm being honest that I ate my brother's piece of cake also. See, I'm being honest. Does that help? What did you expect him to do? So anyway, so this is the game. uh I'm I'm giving one flow that u uh typically this is how um the habits of mind go you know you become aware of something so a lot of people were saying or some of you were saying that we are born with all of these which at least we also think that yes we are born with all of these but that doesn't necessarily become mean that we are aware of using them so somewhere that awareness has to happen and once I become aware that doesn't necessarily mean I give it importance I don't need to give it importance so you know it becomes uh if I don't give it importance obviously I will look at no strategy if I for example if I don't look at uh organ being organized let's say my things or my time or my place if I don't give it importance why will I have a strategy for it doesn't that make sense but if I start giving it importance for some reason then I will have my own strategies somebody said yes I can come up with my own strategies And chances are I will follow my strategies rather than your strategies as in if I'm a child and you are a parent.

82:20 So I come up with my strategies and if I follow my strategies because I think this is important in in some time it becomes a habit. So just just I'm just showing you something. It's like just now we did an experience maybe we weren't even aware or thinking about too much about hey why should I understand others point of view we were so much caught up with our habit of telling our point of view as important one yeah now there's nothing wrong with that habit but I'm just saying that was the habit of mine of convincing or telling others what is my point of view yeah now from there we are now getting aware of what is it to understand others point of view leaving our point of view as maybe not important only or not significant only and then once we say hey this is important to me I'm sure you can develop strategies of how you gather other people's point of view and the more you gather you more richer you become if that is your thinking and then over a period of time maybe it will become a habit yeah let let me pause here some people are raising hands some people have doubts Go ahead. Anybody has thought question?

83:37 So my question is um so no matter what um no no matter um whether I tell the child about what is important or why is it is it important if the if it is not the child's need no matter how much I tell him or her that this is important and this is why it is important and then this is a strategy that builds this will not come from the child right >> exactly tell the whole world this Exactly. No matter how much Ghana I gave, if it's not the child's importance, our child will not think of strategy. Exactly. Please tell the whole world this. Please make a real and make it viral.

84:26 Or the other way around, you can say there's more fun in exploring something. Yeah. Exploring What is it? Exploring why is it important? Exploring how I can do it. So what do we want? Do we want to give the importance give our importance, our strategies, our awareness or do we want to do things with children which will give them their awareness, their importance, their strategies and hence it becomes their habit.

85:12 How we do all of that we will come to but I I'm I'm just saying would which one do we want that's more important first do we want our importance our strategy and so on or do we want the child's importance child strategies child's awareness so on >> uh Ratn even though I would like to say that yes I want it to be from the child's perspective completely but practically there are times when we need you know our child to understand why we are saying what we are saying and to follow suit I mean if I leave suppose my daughter to her own devices she'd want to run around and be in her own dream world which is great at time I let her but >> no no wait wait wait you talking about a specific behavior we wait we are talking about a particular ular characteristic right if I am with that characteristic let us say I you choose anything out of this list and you say hey if I want to explore let's say focus or I want to explore honesty or consistency or being disciplined or being balanced or being persevering or being receptive or being adaptable how do we develop these do we develop this by me telling the child. That's one way. Nothing wrong with that. Or do we invite the child to think about it to understand in their own way to bring out their own reasons for why they were let's say persevering at a certain time or patient at a certain time. They were consistent at a certain time and then they develop it as a habit. Pratish you used a particular word invite the child.

87:02 >> Yes. >> So when you say invite the child it calls for a discussion right. >> Uh not necessary invitation is in many different ways but it could be discussion but it need not even be discussion. >> Mhm. >> The problem is uh not the problem the reality in most case forget invitation. We are the one imposing. We are the one jumping in. We are the one telling them beta this is important. Honesty is the best policy. Now the child is saying, "Mama, I'm honest now. I ate my brother's piece of cake also." Now what do you do with that honesty?

87:36 You see, so I'm also trying to bring the example with this funny example is that we are also thinking of honesty only in one way. Now when we start thinking of is honesty only about saying the truth or is it much more to honesty? Do we do okay let let's let's go back and say do I do I understand these terms so soil the problem is if I the the reason why we come to the lecture because we have some understanding about why it is important am I right and that is why we think we should tell the child which is absolutely fine but the problem is is our knowing we think this is the way this particular thing needs to be looked at let's say relaxed or driven or patience or curiosity or whatever it is brave. We better you need to be brave because of this this this but is braveness just about this way or are there some 10 more ways to understand braveness?

88:41 So what do we do? Do we do you want to just Yeah. One way is that we can tell our gan. One way is we say ah my cup is empty. I don't know. I decay. You that's what children keep saying that okay IDK as in I don't know I don't know what is emotional regulation. Then I will explore emotions. If I say I already know about emotion regulation then where will I explore emotions? And who best to explore these?

89:12 Whether you're talking about grit or whether you're talking about you know whatever innovation or clarity who what who person is the best person to explore this with than our children would you like to explore with them or would you like to say I already know it now I just need to tell you and you better get the understanding and once you get the understanding I know you will learn the strategy and Uh I think of course it'll be better because we'll get a lot of different ideas, different colors out of it. But uh I'm I'm confused here. I want to know whether this holds for children of all age groups because I have very small kids. I mean one is six, five and a half and another is 2 years old. So I'm not able to relate.

90:08 >> This word small come till when is the child small? Priyanka >> I mean young kid which just one moment when we think of >> till what age is a child small? >> Uh I don't have the answer to that. I don't know. >> Am I small? >> I am. >> No >> I am. I am. I am. If I think I am, then I empty my cups. Then I'm not so worried about knowing something. Then I'm open to exploring. So Priyanka, you can also be a small child. In fact, small children like me and your 6 years old and 2 years old are the best to learn from. I'm not saying learn best from me.

90:55 Sorry, leave me out of the equation. Your two children are the best ones to for you to learn from. The problem is we think we need to give them the importance. How will it be that you discover their importance and then it becomes a beautiful journey right? If you don't like it anyway gan is there you can always give. But have we even understood these terms the problem is we think we know all of these you know we knew self-esteem till yesterday and we knew feelings till day before yesterday and we knew belief till day before yesterday. Now at least I hope I have little shaken that little I'm not saying I have been successful and I'm now inviting you to empty your cups. So let me I have about half an hour if you allow me. Let's explore one aspect of our life which very surprisingly did not come. Normally it comes on this list but somehow today it didn't come. Doesn't matter. That's not important >> and I want you to so are you okay if you take one such characteristic and just explore it to understand what I'm talking about that where do we want to start?

92:06 Okay. So ju just just yeah Arpan you wanted to say something. Yeah. In fact, just a follow up through what Soila and uh uh >> yeah sure just say the followup said so after having heard what you're trying to say I'm convinced not because of the argument I'm convinced that what and why have to come before the how comes I also believe that the day-to-day events simply from ice cream falling down or getting picked in the last while playing cricket these events will present an opportunity for us to develop those qualities. So I'm convinced you on the what and the why.

92:45 But coming back to the age question or the till how long the child is small what's the pri ask asking I somehow feel that what first what will come then the why will come the how part strategies where we if we can intervene slightly not much because >> sir you haven't observed children sir you haven't observed them as good >> why reinvent the wheel right sir you are not inventing the wheel you are learning from them >> that is where I'm inviting Are we already learn it? Then our cups are full. I told you at the beginning of Jagriti. If you want your cups to be full, you will learn nothing from children. Forget Jagriti. Don't learn anything from Jagriti.

93:28 >> Just carry some empty cups. >> For example, let's take this example. Let's take this example. Just stay with me. Okay. Um that is why we had some some sessions. Do we understand feelings? We thought we could little bit. Maybe still if you think we could. Okay, leave all of that. Leave self-esteem, leave feelings. Let's take one interesting one. One interesting characteristic is creativity. Yeah, I want you to take take one moment to think what is creativity according to you. Just think or maybe if you want shoot in chat window what is what is creativity or even on mic doesn't matter. Okay, let me give you a minute.

94:05 Whatever comes to your mind uh say what is creativity? Thinking out of the box. >> Come on. Others you can shoot in chat. At least think whatever you think, >> writing the alphabet in your own way. >> Yeah. Keep others. You can jump on the mic, jump on the chat or at least think in your mind. Even if you're not sharing, that's okay. No big deal. I want everybody to think what's creativity according to you.

94:38 So everybody knows what is creativity. Yes. No. Okay. Let me ask you a slightly different way. Uh let's do it this way. Um tell me how creative you are. On a scale of 0 to 10. Um let us say how creative you are. 10 is like full-on creative. Zero is like not at all creative. So just just type the number for forget this definitions. I know some of you have written.

95:18 Yes. Aneruda is saying seven shad 4. So 6 l 6 3 4 6 3 8. uh in some ways the rating itself tells you what is your thinking about because on some basis uh you would have thought of this. So that means you have some criteria of what is creativity based on that you are rating yourself. You you're not telling me the criteria but you're telling me the rating but in telling me the rating you are thinking of the criteria in a way or at least you're becoming aware of this aware of it. I is saying 10 3 or 3.

96:05 Okay. >> My criteria is >> No, don't don't share. Don't share the criteria. Just share your rating for now. >> Okay. >> Yeah. Has everybody shared? I don't think so. But anyways, whoever has shared, come on more people if you can share your rating. Whatever, wherever you think how creative you are. Whatever is your criteria, that's okay. I'm not arguing with your criteria. or rather I'm not even uh it's not important for me to know it's important for you to be aware okay and let's say you think of your child how great is your child now rate your child no matter how old the child is 2 1 6 months 6 years 16 years 26 years woo woo 10 10 10 And then maybe more.

97:05 Okay. Okay. Wait. Uh, sorry. Let me jump here. Wait, wait, wait. Okay, I have a situation here. Mhm. I will read out the situation. Your child has a new flashy eraser in his box. He claims his friend has given him, but you have been off late seeing too many of these gifts in his bag box.

97:41 Also, he has been preferring for all kinds of flashy stationery. He's also flicked something few days back from the neighbor's house. look like he isn't telling you the right story. Yeah. Everybody got the situation? Yeah. What would be your response? >> So this has actually happened with me.

98:12 >> Wait, wait, wait, wait. Don't go into it has happened or not. Just tell me your response or type it in the chat window. What? Either ways. Okay. >> Just tell what's the response. So I I just ask him more. I would ask him more like who gave it to you? >> And and why do you want to ask him more? >> So that he tells me the real thing. >> And why do you want to know the real thing?

98:40 >> Because if he's taking it from someone without their knowledge, >> then I I will tell him that uh you will not like it. If somebody does that to you, will you like that? So I'll ask him that way. And then if he says no, then I'll tell him that this is not a good thing. >> Is the purpose is to to correct something. >> Mhm. >> Yeah. >> Okay. >> The habit, the int. Yeah. The act.

99:04 >> The act. Okay. >> The act as well as the um just to make him understand that you know how the other person would others >> what would be your response? Oh, nobody typed in chat. Okay, no problem. Some more people on mic. If yours is similar to Priyanka, not exactly the same, you can say + one to P + 1 P in chat and I know you are similar on a similar track. Anybody else? What would be your response?

99:36 >> I would ask him questions but not directly. >> Maybe some >> Okay, but what why are you asking him questions? Because I'm suspicious about >> Yeah. Yeah. But why are you asking the questions? Why are you suspicious about what are you suspicious about? >> Because maybe this has uh this is not acceptable to me. >> Ah, this is not acceptable to you. So even if it's not acceptable to you, what do you want?

100:07 I want to know what my child is is uh you know going through or what is his reaction or what is he thinking about it? What is he feeling about the flesh eraser? What is why why why do we need that? >> And why do you want to know all of that? >> To know him. >> Yeah. Yeah. But in this situation, why do you want to know all of that? Because maybe I don't trust him.

100:37 >> Okay. And if you don't trust him, what will you do? If he tells you what all he has been thinking, if at all he tells you, >> I don't know, maybe I'll ask him why have you done this or what's your point of view? >> Okay. And he says, I like these. Let's say liking things is okay. People like some some something or other everyone likes.

101:12 But uh the ad itself is disturbing. I can't accept. >> Okay. Okay. Fair enough. So there are two primary concerns here for me. >> What would be your response? What would be your response? Yeah, my response will be similar to what other parents said. It is investigative in nature because I'm suspecting one is fits that he has developed for flashy things and secondly may he could maybe unconsciously or maybe picking up from other children is it amounts to stealing. We don't want this to become strengthened. Right? One is the fetish that he developed that he loves flashy thing. Second, how is he fulfilling that fetish? So my response will be investigating it. If it the second comes out to be true then course correction. So investigation plus course correction will be there because my concern bus. Okay. Enough enough. I have taken some samples. Um >> is why he Okay. Anyways.

102:16 >> Yeah. Now I want you to take a moment out, zoom out and say you just said that you are creative 4 6 3 4 and who is more creative? 10 10 10. Mhm. Now can creativity be used in this situation by you or by the child? Okay, let's talk about the child.

102:47 Can you use can can you use can the child use creativity in this situation? >> Yes, definitely. >> By building up a story or you know because he's saying >> that is at one level building up a story. What else? What else? How else? >> Because if he needed uh he must have felt the need of a flesh eraser. The fleshy eraser mean like it's for an example or maybe some other thing. It could have given him some satisfaction or >> no wait wait wait wait wait wait can we okay can we use creativity I'm not talking about is he already using I'm thinking okay wait let me let me take another thought first which one you think is creativity which one is creativity See >> both >> the word itself. No >> the left.

103:56 >> I need to show >> there's an empty cup and there's a cup. Which one is creativity? >> Empty one. >> The empty one. >> You can put anything in that. >> Just now you said that the child's mind is 10 on creativity. What does that mean? Does that mean what does that mean? That he can create anything. Isn't it? >> 10 on 10 means the child can create anything. And what is the child creating?

104:32 What's the child creating? >> Dishonesty. >> That's what we said. >> That's what you think. What is the child creating? >> Always get what he wants. for fleshy razors. >> Sorry, >> love for fleshy razors. >> No, love for fleshy. Okay, he has also created his love for freshing his needs >> and he's also created a way to fulfill it.

105:02 >> What else can he create? You said he's 10 on 10 on creativity. What else can he create? a way to get getting a reaction >> the story about from where he got it or how. >> Okay. >> So that's what that's what wait sir wait sir wait sir wait >> wait wait wait. >> So he can create a story and he has he he's creating stories he is creating ways to get the what else can he create?

105:38 You said he's 10 on 10. What else can he create? >> He is creative. He or she is creative but they don't. Okay. >> I think yeah. Yeah. Tell me what >> So I feel they Okay. Just like even I give a 10 on 10 because a child is very creative. Okay. They are creative but they don't know what is wrong and what is right.

106:12 >> Wait wait wait wait wait. Can they not create their own rights? >> Can they not create their own understanding of what is right and wrong? Isn't that creativity to create? Creativity is what? To create. Somebody also wrote in that. Okay. Creativity is to create. Shria I think wrote or somebody wrote creativity is to create. And can I not create my right and wrong? Can I not create my understanding of what to do, how to do?

106:43 Can I not understand from let's say the the way I am feeling, the way others would be feeling? Just now you said they are 10 on 10 in creativity. Now is creativity only about some some out of the box some some art and craft or is creativity about creating everything my life my thoughts my feelings my relationships my understanding of this world of myself creating my own habits creating my own strategies creating my own thinking is creativity about all of those and many any more things I'm not even defining the whole syllabus of creativity is creativity about that or is it about just some art craft painting you know all of that and some thinking outside the box innovation is that creativity or is creativity about creating everything or anything and if if you say maybe you may not agree with me that's why I'm putting a maybe Maybe creativity is about creating because finally at the end of the day, what does all of us create?

108:07 Everything. Our next moment, our next choice, our next decision, our next action, our next everything. I'm creating my today. I'm creating my tomorrow. Or rather, I'm going to create my tomorrow. Are you going to create your tomorrow? or somebody else is going to create it. Yeah, there will be certain circumstances but who going to create it? You are saying you are 6 4 5 3. I'm saying you are also 10 on 10 on creativity as much as the child. We all have this amazing ability to create.

108:47 We are all 10 on 10 on creativity. We are all empty cups. If you want to obviously we have to use that creativity. If we do, if you say no no no no I don't want to use that creativity. I am conditioned so I don't want to use that creativity. The moment you say oh I empty my cup fill my cup empty my cup fill my cup wherever I want. Which means creativity is no more just about being some art shot thingy or some out of the box thingy. It's about it's about creating everything.

109:31 If it's a way to think, we say creativity is a thinking skill. Then I'm thinking all the time. I'm thinking my understanding of this situation. Then I'm thinking about everything. Should I hit him or should I talk to him or should I say something to him or should I not say something? That's what I'm thinking. Am I being creative? Yes, you may not like my creation. I may go and hit him and you may not like it.

110:04 But by that by itself that does not mean I was not creating. I created a choice. I went and hit him. You did not like it. You created a scold for me. Right? I responded to it in my own creative way and the journey continues. Now the question is just one just one the question is what do I want?

110:34 Do I want to use my full cup of knowledge? Stealing is bad. This is good. This is bad. This will become a habit. He'll become a stealer, robber, thief all his life, whatever. Whatever. Or do I want to invite his creativity or her creativity because she's creative 10 on 10. only told me that 10 on 10 in terms of how she wants to create her next moment, the next day, the next life, her own self. In fact, if you really look at it, the only real creation we all do in our life is to create our life.

111:12 We create our life. And that's what the child is going to do. Isn't it any doubt about that? Unless you think somebody else will create her life or his life for him or her. And if the child wants to create his life, then what do we want him to develop? His act of creativity or our act of whatever you can call it your creativity or your knowledge or your gan or your pula.

111:45 You decide. I am not deciding. I'm just showing you that creativity is much much much much more than we have thought of it or at least that's that's one way to look at it that creativity can be yeah it's a thinking skills yes it's a habit of mind but perhaps it's also the life and the moment we hold the child as a being who is full of creativity then on 10 now I'm looking at an amazing resource I have a 10 on 10 resource at home. 2 years old, 1 year old, 10 years old.

112:23 You see one year old is very creative. The moment he doesn't like this uncle called Ratnes, he will start crying. Correct? He will not come in my lap. Even if I call this baby of one year old or 6 month to come in my lap, if he doesn't like him, he's creative enough to avoid me by crying loudly. Such creativity. Do we want to invite that? Do we want to learn from that? Do we want to explore that?

113:06 Now we have just taken one habit of mind right now. Creativity. We haven't even touched the whole slide that you have filled up. Now if I start saying I already know creativity then I haven't explored. But if I start exploring creativity for example or many others then I can be full of surprises and I can understand some things and the child can understand something and together we can develop our habits of mind.

113:36 For example, let's take a situation. Let's take a very strange funny weird situation. Let's say there is a fire. Yeah. And and somebody needs to be rescued. What do most people do? Panic. Agreed. Okay. I'm not saying everybody does that. Let's say out of 10, at least six people will panic. Are they using their creativity? No. They have creativity 10 on 10 in them, but they're not using it.

114:07 But there are some two three four people out of those 10 who are actually thinking how to save people. What idea should I apply? What is safe? What is unsafe? What material we can use? How we can win? Whom to call? You see they are using something else. The one who are panicking are using their own habit of mind. The one who are thinking what to do because there is a fire how to save people are the ones who are thinking differently.

114:38 They're not thinking out of the box. They are thinking how to do something. Now which one would you like? Now you would say I would like I'm sure the answer is very obvious. Nobody will say I like the panicking people. Everybody will say yes we would like me to be. Forget the child me to be. Now how do I work towards that? How do I drill myself for that? It requires some work, some exploration.

115:09 >> Um Ratn, I have a question. >> Only one >> one right now. >> Um like in the previous example that you gave um about the child with the eraser. >> There you um respecting the creativity of the child and allowing them to figure it out for themselves. I am still a little um flumxed as to what would be the right approach in this kind of a situation. >> First start with saying this child is creative and I want to use his creativity then automatically answers will come to you. If you're going to use your gan then there is one approach. Nothing wrong with that. Please don't take me that is a wrong approach. If I want to use my knowledge, my understanding of stealing and thiefing and whatever, whatever, then there is one approach.

115:58 >> But the moment I say I'm going to use his creativity or her creativity, then my whole approach will change, my questions will change, my interactions will change. Even if I ask the same question, suppose I ask the same question. Okay, is this your eraser? But if my if the point of view is uh I want to teach her a lesson then that's a different tone eye contact everything energy is different. If I'm coming from the point of view is I will learn something from him.

116:31 Okay, I will we'll together understand how the child can create out of this you know this whatever has happened what the child can create in his life from this then there is a totally different understanding there's a to different tone there's a totally different energy there's a totally different eye contact so I'm not against scolding pushing hitting dipping jitting do whatever you want but see which well are you coming from what are you holding on to what are you bringing to the table is it your concerns concerns your worries. Worry is a very creative thing. Most parents worry about child's future. A creativ is a beautiful worrying is a beautiful way to be creative. Something has not happened and you start worrying about it. See how creative we are. Parents are 10 on 10. Believe me, they're 11 on 10.

117:19 they learn then because they're creating worries out of nowhere rather than so I can say I can use my creativity or I can invite the child to explore his creativity I'll give you another funny um incident that happened in my life you know >> just one just one um you know I went to my college and in my college there was I was about 17 or 18 yeah 18 I think and I went to college and the college They was ragging and at the end of the ragging there was a there was a freshers party you know after 4 months of ragging the seniors give freshers a party and there was like booze all over.

118:00 Yeah. The the seniors has had they think this is the best time to bring bring booze back into the college. Right. So there was booze and out of 100 let's say freshers that had joined we were just 17 18 years old. About 90 of them hit the bottle of all the teaching, preaching, yan, man that was given to all of that 90, all of that one one first opportunity and all of that went out of the window, right? Everybody, not everybody, 90% embraced the bottle.

118:39 You see so much for our gan our giving our our our telling them college this college will be like this this college will be like that one shot so if you think that our gan is important yes it is important I'm not trying to say it's not important but finally the child is going to use his creativity in the same way the child is going to use his own idea of responsibility his own idea of honesty, his own idea of uh perseverance, his own idea of humility.

119:20 And if child is going to use his or her own idea, then which idea do you want to work with? Your idea or the child's idea? >> Yeah. Now share somebody wanted to share something or ask something, please feel free. >> Yes. So like earlier you had given us a example that child teaches school late and gets punished and then then they kind of find an importance um like then what why and how the the child will make a strategy how not to be in the situation again. So if something like this happens like like a stealing or something >> uh something like this happens so um I mean if we are harsh with the child then they would make a strategy not to kind of >> absolutely have absolutely absolutely ama that is the whole point so that's what I'm saying the moment my approach is that ah this is a stealing situation.

120:26 I need to fix the child. Child is getting into stealing. There's a wrong habit. Now I'm coming from a full cup. I'm coming from my point of view. Nothing wrong or right with it. That's the way I'm coming. The moment I am I'm thinking in terms of habits of mind. Child has stolen this. Okay. First I I can easily go to this list and say first of all how many of these qualities he's already using in this process and I come voila he's using 15 of those. Let's example. I'm just throwing a 15 as a random number. And then I suddenly realized this experience isn't just about stealing. It's about developing these 15 characteristics first of all.

121:06 Isn't it? See, we got so that's why I got stealing here because I know everybody will latch on to obviously I'm making a masala situation here. But that's the beauty of it. Somebody many of you said that the life only will give enough situations. I am there. I'm there with you all. Yes, the life is giving enough enough dough to us. But what are we connecting with? That's important. What are we exploring together? That becomes important.

121:41 What are we inviting the child? Inviting itself is not just about talking. Inviting is first of all in my mind I need to empty the cup only then I'm inviting the child. If my cup only is filled with my own worries, thoughts, concerns, doubts, strategies, you know, labels, adjectives, images, images play a small is a huge part here because the moment I have an image that my child can can't be uh you know whatever you know somebody who does these kind of inappropriate activities like stealing now I have got an image there right the image is the problem. Now if I have to discard that image and then I can say there's so much to explore here then I can approach then invitations can roll in in many different ways. There's no doubt of invitation. I'm sure you know hundreds of ways to invite the child.

122:29 Provided we want to invite the child provided our cup is empty. A cup is already full. Where is the scope of inviting? Then there is only a question of pouring more yan into a cup which is so there is never a correcting uh course correcting even while inviting them. >> No no no no no again you don't look at it as a formula. I I'm I'm I'm not there at what you do. Please do whatever you want to do. I was telling you know you put gan you you say whatever you want to say. I am more interested in where am I coming from.

123:16 Am I coming from holding the child as a oh he will become a stealer or am I coming from ah there is so much to explore here. There must so much to learn here. There's so much to develop here. There are so many habits of mind we can we can explore this together. This is so wonderful. >> It's a good news. >> It's a good news. Now you see we are taking the good news and saying good news is packed with what? Habits of mind and this is something we say are important. Now let's explore them.

123:47 No no no hurry to develop them because they are already there in the child. No hurry to bring it them to perfection. But the the idea is to see this as an opportunity. Let's take a simple example. You know, or you stop at a you stop your car at a signal and you see a butterfly. Let's say unlikely at a signal. Let's say you stop somewhere and you see a butterfly and and most of us we show the child say see a butterfly. What a nice butterfly, right? And somewhere else we see a cockroach. Now what do you say? Do you say come come see a beautiful cockroach or you are already into Yeah. Yucky. Oh my goodness. A cockroach. See we have messed up both the experiences in the butterfly. We wanted it to be beautiful.

124:32 Is the butterfly beautiful? No. Butterfly is butterfly. Is the cockroach ugly? No. Cockroach is cockroach. They're just two insects from the insect world. What do we want to invite them into? Our perception of beautiful and ugly or their perceptions? What do they think about a butterfly as well as a cockroach? Aren't they discovering? Aren't they creating their own ideas of butterflies and cockroaches?

125:04 Our cups are already full. Nothing wrong with that. But do we want to just again start pouring out our cups? Beautiful butterfly, ugly cockroach. Not ugly, meaning whatever. Ah, ouch cockroach. So radish I have a question um like every time we just have to keep observing observing observing there can be I'm sorry if I'm just putting it in like I don't know how to put it actually >> okay >> but I will answer your question. Start with observing.

125:56 >> No, no, we are observing like in certain situation not in every situation. >> Yeah. Start with observing not the situation you only want to observe and not the situation which you don't want to observe. Then you have already classified see observation as only I will observe where I think everything is nice and fine and I will not observe where everything is nice and fine. I'm saying the pot of gold goes through muk and mud but the moment muck comes we hold start holding that isn't it we are not discovering the gold inside this particular act we are saying no no no no no gold has to be packed as a proper gold only why is it can't come through mud m to me I am not against anything dear I'm not even prescribing anything I'm inviting you that if you want to see them from this wealth of habits of mind which is what the child will be using all his life right all of us are using all of this at this age and at any age and if you want to them to work on it then we have to look at that as gold now if you don't think of it as a goal if you think that me doing it this way or that way is the only way only way I'm not saying I'm saying please kasc him when you want to hit him when you want to Jump on him when you want to, push him when you want to. No problem with that. Yeah, absolutely no problem. I'm not saying do this or do that. I'm saying when you want to grouper, see what all would you like to explore. I'm inviting you to explore these treasures which are there in the child with the child is using anywhere and everywhere. I use >> isn't the isn't the child using them anywhere and everywhere even in the smallest of the things whenever you want to ka if 6:30 is the auspicious time please do it at that time if 6:30 is not the auspicious time please don't use it at that time I'm not providing a formula I'm providing that there is a gold there it's a go exploring whenever you want how muchever you can want there is no image to be like some amazing pain I'm not at all there in fact all of these words can also be an image right I can say okay I we should be honest I will honesty is the most pas thing if you say why do you say so I will share I'll share my thoughts I can share my thoughts about each one of them and show you how we are only thinking about something in one way and who can show us more ways the child so whenever you want groupa hold your child as a guru Otherwise we'll stay with our cups.

128:45 Where is the child's cup then? By observing I don't mean you observe but decide what do you want to observe. Yeah it's 10 eight. Let me I know this one is the most confusing session. In fact like the confusion level will only increase now. It should it should go confusing confusing confusing confusing. So that you think think and you explore explore explore. That's my whole idea. I am an I'm out to agitate you to trouble you to bug you. If you if you all are convinced and happy at the end of the session I have I have failed in my session. If you are absolutely ready to hit me on my nose that's when I'm successful in my session but I don't neither ways either ways I'm not I'm not expecting anything but let me tell you a little mulana story. He comes always to my rescue. Okay. So what he was doing was think about this story as you go to sleep today. Don't think about the rest of the session. Say bakqua. Okay. Moola Nasudin, you know, spreading breadcrumbs outside his house. So his friend comes and says, uh, you know, what are you doing, Moola? I saying, I'm spreading breadcrumbs outside my house.

129:52 His friend says, why are you spreading breadcrumbs outside your house? He says, you know, uh, I have realized one thing. If you spread breadcrumbs your house, tigers won't come near to your house. This person says, "Yo, moola, there are no tigers in our country. What are you talking about?" Moola says, "See how effective are my breadcrumbs?" Thank you. Enjoy your breadcrumbs.

130:25 Good night. >> Good night. Thank you. Good night. >> Good night. Thank you. Good night everyone.