Soothing ASMR For New Parents | Dude Turned Dad, Season 1, Ep 34

0:00 Do you hear the sound of this crumbling? That's the sound of your old life. Hello and welcome to asmr for new parents. I'm here to help you relieve some of the stress of parenting. Lets pour ourselves a cup of coffee and get started.

0:38 Sorry, you're a new parent. That's not nearly enough coffee. Now we're talking. ASMR stands for Autonomous Sensory Meridian Response. It should create a tingling feeling on the back of your spine and also help you sleep, which is ironic because you're never going to sleep again.

1:20 You're doing a great job. You're a great parent. A lot of stupid people from your high school have babies. If they can do this, so can you. You are strong and smart, but no one is strong enough or smart enough to install a car seat. Your baby is adorable. It's the cutest baby I've ever seen.

1:54 Your baby in no way looks like an alien or a wrinkly old man or a microwaved baked potato. Listen to the sound of this muslin blanket. Now listen to the sound. The sound of this muslin blanket. Now this one. Why do we have so many muslin blankets? It's because your family and friends gave you like 45 of them.

2:29 Your baby will sleep. They will go down easy and float away to dreamland on clouds made of your love. Go to sleep, little baby. For all that is good and holy, please go to sleep. Daddy has been up for 48 hours and he's starting to look like roadkill. A bunch of crows attacked him on his way to work. This whispering sounds soothing, familiar. That's because it's the same hush tone you use to fight with your significant other at the grocery store.

3:06 An orange and a clementine are basically the same thing. You can call a clementine an orange. People know what you're talking about. Then why do they have two different names? Why aren't we just calling clementines small? Oranges always do this to me. You always do this. What are you talking about? I don't always do this. I'm not always arguing about fruit. So what? You think I'm a bad mom? Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. How did we get here?

3:36 You're doing a great job monitoring your kids screen time. You're also doing a great job looking at Instagram on the toilet for four hours a day. My baby doesn't like two chains or Migos. This is their favorite rapper. I hope you enjoyed that dad joke. It's the afternoon your kids are home.

4:10 Do you hear that? That's right. It's nothing. Which means that something is wrong. Thank you for watching ASMR for new parents. Usually these videos are like 20 minutes long, but we know you don't have time for that. Remember, you're doing a great job, you're a good parent, and if you feel like you're not, just go on Facebook and you'll feel a lot better.

4:51 I feel like I may have drank too much coffee. My eyeballs are starting to vibrate. Thank you for watching Dude Turn dad this week. If you like this video and you want more great fatherly content, click the subscribe button below. And if you have something that you want us to ASMR that's parenting related, put it in the comments. Thanks so much for watching. I drank too much coffee and now I have to go do the opposite of ASMR in the bathroom.