Transcript
0:00 Okay, so some kids after a hard moment, they go completely quiet. They pull away, they shut down, they don't even want us looking at them. And I know the natural parenting instinct is to panic and say, you know, what did I do wrong? Am I losing them? Did I damage the relationship forever? So, here's what's actually happening underneath the surface. Shutting down is a nervous system response. Their systems somehow, some way learned that conflict is dangerous. Conflict is to be avoided. Um that really important people disappear when it gets hard. So, it's not that they're trying to punish you, it's actually just that they're trying to protect themselves. So, your job as the parent isn't to chase them or try to fix it. Um it's just to simply say, "I'm here when you're ready. I'm not going anywhere." And then to actually mean it and stay close by. This is how they come to learn over time that the relationship can survive distance. It can survive conflict. That essentially conflict isn't something to be avoided, it's actually a normal, healthy part of every relationship.
Summary
- Shutting down is a nervous system response to perceived danger in conflict.
- Children may believe that conflict leads to abandonment or loss.
- It's essential for parents to avoid panicking or feeling guilty during these moments.
- Parents should communicate their availability by saying, "I'm here when you're ready."
- Staying close and supportive helps children learn that relationships can endure conflict.
- Conflict is a normal and healthy part of relationships, not something to be feared.