Get in the Rhythm

0:03 I was recently actually on my channel talking about patterns versus routines. And they, a lot of people like to say, oh, like ADHD, people like routines, or like that new mom should get on a routine. And like, that's not actually true. I don't actually like routines. I like patterns and rhythms. And when I explained the difference, um, the difference would be. That like routines are usually like connected to a time. So like here's my morning routine.

0:32 A routine has like a multi-step phases. So like wash your face, then brush your teeth might be a routine, but like there's a lot of steps in that. Right. But the biggest thing comes down to this. A routine is an expectation and a pattern is a tool. So I might develop that when I clean my kitchen, I have a pattern and a rhythm that I do every time I clean all of the trash and throw it away.

1:01 I put all of the dishes in the sink. I put up all the things that go in the cabinet, and then I take all of the dishes from the sink and I organize them still dirty. And with likes, with like, Then I open my dishwasher and load them in category at a time. Then I sweep my floor and then I go from left to right around wiping everything down and. I don't have to do that at any time.

1:26 I don't need to, you know, make sure I do it every night or every Sunday or every whatever. But when I find, Ooh, I'm noticing that my kitchen isn't functional anymore. I wanna reset my kitchen so that it's more functional for me because I am a person that deserves a functioning kitchen. Not because kitchens should look a certain way or because that means anything about me to have a messy kitchen. I go in with this pattern.

1:51 And what it does is that it kind of puts me on autopilot. I don't have this decision paralysis. I'm not having to think about what I'm doing. It moves pretty quickly. So that is something that serves me. That's a tool that I use to help me. There's no like, well, if I don't clean the kitchen on Thursdays, I'm failing. As you’re talking about this and I’ve read your book like 30 million times, but still this is an original thought right now.

2:18 It feels like a dance. Like there's, there's like a dance to it. Like, Well, that's why you say rhythms. Yeah, right. Like you're on the dance floor. And I don't know, for me, I'm not like a dancer professionally, but if I'm dancing, I'm not like, oh, I didn't do that exact move I wanted to do. I'm such a horrible person. Like I'm dancing. Like it's like lighten up. Like, I kind of know what I wanna do and a couple moves I got down, you know, but like, it, it doesn't have to be so prescriptive.

2:42 So it's, and I think that prescriptive nature you're saying is what. Is so equated with morality for so many of us. And then the irony is then we activate the shame. Spiral . Shame is a freezed defense state. We can't do anything in that way. Then we see that as more evidence that we're a horrible person. And, and then we're just, you know, in and abyss. Totally. And this idea that, you know, I don't need to self.

3:04 Improve to reach the mountain top of worthiness. Mm. Like I'm worthy. Now, the only reason I'm trying to quote unquote improve anything is because I'm a person that deserves to function. Like I deserve to wake up in the morning and, and roll into getting my kids ready without like, Feeling the stress of like searching for the cup they were drinking for yesterday that has probably curled milk under the fridge. And now I'm like trying to hand clean it while they're like crying.

3:35 Cause they're hungry. Like that's stressful. I'm not a bad mom. If that happens, it's just stressful and it's more enjoyable and functional for me. And the cool thing about rhythms over routines. And this was some, I, I learned that language from a friend of mine. Who's a psychologist, uh, Dr. Leslie cook, but when you think about rhythms, Like you can have an every Thursday rhythm, right? Like you can have that pop song that is a predictable beat and it's, you know, the same thing, the same pattern, but then you can also have like a jazz rhythm that isn't predictable.

4:07 Isn't every Thursday. And so I can have a rhythm that is, you know, every night I like to do these three things, but I can also have a rhythm that is, I don't necessarily have a plan for my bedroom, but when I start to notice my bedroom, isn't serving me anymore. I have a pattern where I get four. Baskets. One's for trash. One's for laundry, one's for dishes and one's for things that belong into another room.

4:31 And then I start at the top, right? All the trash, all the laundry, all the, and, and I'm fine that I'm getting things done quicker. I'm not struggling with motivation. I'm not struggling with the task initiation of, Ugh. I need to do that, but it's gonna be so awful. Um, it just really circumvents a lot of barriers that we feel about sort. Getting the momentum going in, uh, addressing our space.