Using A.C.T. to Help Set Limits With Young Children

0:00 known as the ACT, which represents acknowledge the child's intent, calm by breathing, and targeting two positive choices. The very first step of the ACT is to acknowledge the child's deepest desire and their intent. We will be accessing language such as you wanted or you were hoping. We focus on positive intent with this phrasing. So, for example, we might say to a child who wanted to stay on the playground just a little bit longer, you wanted to stay on the playground or you were hoping for more time on the slide today. Just because we acknowledge the child's intent certainly does not mean that we give in. It simply understands what the child really truly wanted at that given moment. The next step is about calming and cutting down the intensity of a very very difficult moment. So just by slowing your breathing down you help to calm the child and really to download your state. It gives us an opportunity to calm our state and it also helps us guide them in that particular moment.

1:18 Remember that your state is going to dictate their state. Focus on your deep belly breathing to slow everything down and remember that you are their co-regulator. The last step in the ACT is to target two alternative choices. Here we're going to be offering two choices of things that they can do, things that would be appropriate or safe choices. We like to relate these back to the particular behavior that you wanted them to comply with in the beginning. So for example, if the desire was that the child wanted to play just a little bit longer, however the task is that it's cleanup time, we want to make sure that the two choices that we offer the child at that particular moment really has to do with how they're going to be successful in cleaning up. So, for example, it would be, "Oh, would you be willing to clean up the red blocks or the blue blocks? Which do you choose?"

2:19 Or it could be, "Oh, you can clean up the tractors or you can clean up the bus." Sometimes it might be that the child is in a moment of upset because their family just left or their parent left. That might be a moment to offer them two alternative choices, which could be you can blow mommy a kiss or you can wave goodbye to mommy. This really helps empower children and especially our toddlers who are just searching for power at a given moment.

2:52 The two alternative choices are really going to put the power back into their hands so that they can choose. Here are some examples for a child who's maybe refusing to leave the playground. The phrasing would be as follows. You wanted to stay on the playground. Calm yourself and you're going to breathe in that moment to cut the intensity down. The adult is focusing on their breathing which will impact the child's breathing. The last step is going to be to target those two positive choices. You can hold my hand or I can pick you up. Which do you choose? How about for a child who's running away at the park, which is unsafe. Once we go to them, go down at their eye level. We're going to focus on what they wanted. You wanted to run. Or it could be you wanted to run. You wanted to play. Remember for the adult to calm, you can hold my right hand or my left hand. Which do you choose? Offer them those two choices and show them visually which ones. How about for a child who's not wanting to take a bath?

4:10 We want to start off with positive intent. You wanted to keep on playing. That was so hard. You wanted to keep on playing. Remember adult calming. You have a choice. You can turn on the water or you can pour the bubbles. Which do you choose? And offer those choices visually so the child can