GROWTH MINDSETS FOR KIDS (6 Impactful Ways to Help Children Thrive)

0:00 six ways to give your kids a growth mindset but first what is a growth mindset well it's the mindset that I can actually expand my skills I can grow and overcome adversity I can rise up to challenges and grow stronger and more capable and develop my strengths my personality my morality in the process it's the opposite of a fixed mindset that says that however I was born it's all predetermined and there's nothing I can do about it I'm either smart or dumb

0:31 I either can or can't and it's that sense that whatever I am I am and there's no point even trying and putting in the effort a growth mindset is all about the ability to try and put in the effort and master things that you couldn't previously do so I'm sure we can all agree that is something that we absolutely want for our children but how do we Foster it the first step is gratitude having a regular gratitude

0:58 practice and teaching our children to be grateful for everything that they have from the clothes that they wear to running water in the Taps to a roof over our heads to the mentors teachers opportunities books everything that they have access to is something to be grateful for when we train our children Through The Eyes of gratitude what they start to see is the Silver Linings and the opportunities in every situation rather than focusing on the ways they're

1:24 going to fail on the ways things aren't fair and on entitlement they start to focus on what they do have what they can bring to the table and what they can focus on that is there to be grateful for that is actually a positive and this helps facilitate a growth mindset because they as they stand up to challenges rather than focusing on the ways that it shouldn't be this way and it's not fair and I deserve better

1:47 they're going to focus on what within this challenge can I be grateful for can I be thankful for how is this an opportunity to learn and grow rather than just a difficult situation that I'm in number two is resilience resilience is the ability to stand up to adversity and grow stronger in the process in today's day and age we have a faulty mindset that is that what doesn't kill me makes me weaker that things that I

2:15 find uncomfortable or insulting I take offense at and I actually shrink away and then I need to be kept safe from it I need to actually be protected from challenges rather than to face them but the truth is that we only grow stronger through facing our fears we only grow stronger through going through challenges and upleveling very similar to building muscle actually if we don't lift heavy things and we don't stress our muscles then our muscles atrophy and

2:45 we become weaker and weaker but if instead we're facing challenges by lifting us weights or straining our muscles that is what helps them to grow stronger the same is true in our immune system if our environment is too sterile if everything is too hygienic and there's nothing for our immune system to contend with then it grows weaker and more fragile in the process but our immune systems are actually antifragile beings in the sense that they need

3:14 stress in order to grow stronger they actually need to face germs in order to learn how to fight them and grow stronger in the process our kids are the same for some reason in our generation we've got it into our head that our kids are fragile that they're weak that they can't handle things and that they should be protected but as the old folk saying goes prepare the child for the path not the path for the child don't clear the

3:40 path for your children we're not looking to make it hard for them on purpose we're not looking to trip them up or to cause them pain but every life on this Earth has inbuilt stress has inbuilt challenges that we have to deal with maybe it's some teasing maybe it's a hard transition that they have to go through maybe it's just a new school that they're going to too these stresses are healthy Yep they're hard and it's

4:03 not so easy for our parental Hearts to see our children crying or struggling or having a hard time with something but it is in their best interest we must build their resilience step number three is ownership we've got to teach our children to take ownership over themselves and their success in their life it's the sense of radical responsibility it's the sense of authorship and agency many parents today are stepping in as I've said to clear the path for their child but also to do

4:34 things for their child and make sure that their child doesn't have to strain or work hard to do things for themselves and they think in doing so that what they're telling their child is I love you let me take care of you I can do it for you but the truth is that the message that the child is receiving is I don't believe in you you can't do it for yourself this could be as simple as

4:55 tying their shoelace when they can do it for themselves and we say no no I'll do it for for you cuz I I do it better or it could be as complex as preparing for an audition the types of things that we like to over contr control and critique and make sure that we're you know planning everything and managing everything and smoothing over all the rough edges are the types of things that we need to step back on and actually

5:18 just be a really supportive and encouraging voice for our children when they take ownership over their own goals dreams and aspirations so here I want you to start to ask your children from you know quite young ages it could be from the ages of five six and Beyond when they have a pocket of time what are you going to do with this time when something's gone wrong or gone right what do you think helped make it go

5:41 wrong or go right what do you think your part in this was and one of the most interesting and emotionally important areas to do this in is in conflict resolution when a child's feeling has been hurt when they feel left out when they feel rejected when they didn't make the team when a friend didn't want to play with them when they fought with a sibling over a toy when they've lost a privilege any of the things that might

6:04 happen to them that are painful and hurtful this is actually a really good time to help them to reflect and understand what am I contributing to this how could I do things differently next time to help me to grow and learn get that growth mindset and make sure that I'm learning from the things that I don't particularly enjoy so to put it bluntly never let your child hide behind excuses of blam bling and pointing the finger at other people in our culture we

6:32 love to blame when something goes wrong the first thing we do is to look for who is to blame don't let your family be like that make sure that when something goes wrong we all look at ourselves and think how could I have contributed to the situation what could I have done differently what do I control step number four is to take a wider perspective on life many of our children are growing up with a very narrow

6:57 perspective on what The Human Experience is and that leads them to feel entitled or to feel fragile and to feel fixed and stuck and that is the opposite of a growth mindset in order to facilitate a growth mindset you could be telling them stories and reading biographies or watching movies about people who have overcome tremendous challenges people who Rose Up From the Ashes of Despair and tragedy people who have overcome the types of things that none of us have

7:26 ever even faced we want to infuse their Minds with the idea that people can overcome that people are strong and capable are resilient that they take ownership over their own stories that they don't hide behind excuses and that they don't get stuck blaming and complaining that they don't get stuck in unfairness or in entitlement or waiting for someone else to save them when we tell stories of greatness of people who have worked hard and persevered and

7:54 overcome then we plant the seed in our child's head that they are capable of this too now they are capable of this too and you might want to tell them stories about yourself about your grandparents your parents or even about your child themselves I like to tell my children and retell stories where they have overcome challenges it could be as simple as you were afraid to swim but with a little bit of support and with a

8:17 lot of Courage you learned how to swim you kept going and you kept trying or the first time you rode your bike it was all wobbly and you couldn't do it and you fell a couple of times but you still got back on and now you can ride your bike like a champ Infuse your child with the idea that they do grow they do learn they do overcome they started by not knowing how to read and then they worked

8:37 worked worked worked worked and then they do know how to read and that process is exactly the process of the growth mindset that when I put in effort when I apply myself when I keep coming back with tenacity and with a ruthless and Relentless persistence then I get results in the end I overcome I overcome challenges I grow new skills I create new relationships I find New Opportunities and that is what we want to inspire our children with with a

9:03 growth mindset the next one is tradeoffs as Thomas Soul famously said there are no Solutions there are only tradeoffs and this is something that most of us in the modern world really have not fully understood and certainly don't teach our children many of us live with a perfectionistic mindset with a utopian mindset where we think that we can have everything and pay no prices for it we think that we should have the perfect experience in every realm of our life

9:32 and our children often feel that way too like my birthday should have everything I want or the school that our child goes to should be perfect or that our even life work balance should be perfect like I shouldn't have to give up on time with my children or on time at work but that's not true every choice that we make in life every choice from the choice of where to live to what work to do to who to marry these choices all

9:58 hold within them a certain tradeoff just like when you go to the supermarket you can get the food but then you have to pay the money that's the trade-off it's a very simple trade and because we all know it and understand it we don't bemoan it so much we're not like oh I want the food but I don't want to pay the money and it's so annoying we don't stand there you know arguing with the cashier hoping that they'll change the

10:20 rules we know that that is the rules one of my kids has a really hard time with choices with making decisions and he gets stuck in inde decisiveness limbo even a simple decision like which flavor ice cream to choose which is a wonderful and fun decision he gets stuck in and I teach him that everything's a trade-off like yes you could get the mango but then no you can't get the vanilla and so there's a plus and a downside yes you'll

10:47 enjoy that tininess and the sweetness of the mango but no you won't have that lovely vanilla flavor you'll have to choose and pay the price graciously this is a silly example but it's true in deeper examples as well of course it's true in consumer decisions in lifestyle decisions but it's even true in relationships like yes I might want that closeness with this friend but then yeah I'm going to have to put up with the sides of this friend that I like less

11:13 these are the types of things are children need to learn there is no perfect no one's going to hand you the perfect package in any choice you make in your life you're going to need to learn to live with the tradeoffs to pay the price graciously and to evaluate where are the pros and the where are the cons that you can handle because every choice has pros and cons now how does this lead to a growth mindset well when

11:37 your children are looking at an opportunity at a challenge that they need to overcome at a mountain that they want to climb they will have already understood that there are going to be cons there are going to be hard sides if I want to achieve something if I want to climb Mount Everest I'm going to need to put in the sweat and the work and it's not going to be easy but that's true true for everything in life if I want to

12:01 have a long- lasting marriage I'm going to need to work hard at it and apply myself and make sure that I'm showing up fully to it and invest in it then I get the marriage right these are the trade-offs that we make and these are the trade-offs that we must teach our children to make from the earliest of Ages and finally number six is hindsight I want you to help your children to look back over things that have happened and

12:24 to analyze them with a kind of cool calm collected stance many of us get over attached and over excited when we win right we love the accolades and the trophies and we think that means something about us I'm a winner I'm amazing I got 100 I got A+ and sure those things feel good but the truth is that they're not all that meaningful and neither are failures when I lost when I actually didn't make the grade when I

12:53 failed at the test those things aren't that meaningful either unless we use them as learning opportunities looking back in hindsight and gleaning the wisdom from our experiences maybe I made the a in the test but that was because I destroyed my health for a week and I studied and crammed all night and actually I'm not going to retain or remember any of that information so was it a good choice or wasn't it a good choice was it worth the trade-off or not

13:21 maybe my team won and we made all the goals but we trampled the other team and we were rude and not sportsmanlike and we weren't helpful so did we win or really was that kind of losing maybe I completed the puzzle really quickly yay but it was actually a really easy puzzle and it was too easy for me and it wasn't even a challenge so what does that even mean it's important to start to break down what is success and what is failure

13:46 what does it take and what does true success and failure look like for each of us if I succeed but I trample my morals and values in the process is that really success if I fail but I fail faed elegantly and I failed kindly and I was you know in high moral ground is that really failure we need to look in hindsight and learn from things and break things down and we even need to break things down on a larger scale like

14:11 what makes someone like Beyonce a successful singer what went into that how much work how many hours how many people had to help her had to support her how much did it cost how long did it take right we need that hindsight to really break down and understand that things are complex that things demand a lot of effort and things are generally a very long and tedious and consistent process rather than just perfection delivered and to tie this all up with a

14:37 bow I want you to notice that these six steps actually Spell growth we've got gratitude resilience ownership wider perspective tradeoffs and hindsight and if you like this type of teaching you will love what goes on inside the higham studio in fact This Acronym and this little teaching here was taken from portion of a workshop that I give only to high Famers only to the high fam Studio members so make sure you're on the wait list so that next time we open

15:07 the doors we can invite you in so this is all about growth mindset for kids but if you want to hear more about growth mindset for us parents then make sure to check out my video on that subject as well keep on living that higham life and I'll see you in the next video