Tahira Kashyap | I Embarrassed Myself Like This

0:00 for parenting tips celebrity interviews recipes conversations with experts diys and lots more subscribe to kid stock press now he goes and he hugs his money and says nani [ __ ] coming up to the [ __ ] that you've gone through how much of [ __ ] and [ __ ] i have said i'm so sorry but [Laughter] i'm a nice person [Music]

0:31 tahira getting straight to dive in loved loved loved the book how did it could do it and tell us tell us why everybody who's not read the book tell us all about the book i think it was in a moment of insanity and being stupid or highly courageous that i wrote this book you would agree with me like a lot of people have actually questioned me what what were you what were you doing what were you thinking

0:55 when you wrote about all this but like i said i am a very unfiltered person uh mansi and and we are interacting uh we've interacted many times before and again but that's how i come across and it's just like i hope opened my heart into my into my book which has got yes a lot of humor a lot of blasphemy um lot of sex and why not uh you know it's basically i have tried to humanize mothers who are

1:25 kept at this pedestal of perfection of holier than thou and all of that which is so pious and beautiful i'm saying we could be all of that but there's so much more to us and we could be equally wanting of so many desires that we have so many wants that we have so i have tried to perhaps in my own way ease out the pressure in the most fun quirky way that's how i love to write um and yeah there's whole

1:51 lot of bathroom stories and bedroom stories also like i said moment of insanity uh but it has made it to the book um you you guys can go have fun at my cost as well i can see i've had i've had full uh if i was to say it in like a filming style i've had full pesa versus for both your books it is like fully passable because you have literally literally you really have no filter yeah

2:18 but it's a lot of fun to read and and i must say that both the books as i look at that you know you you know you feel like it was somewhere me in that moment i don't know why but it was it was really really uh very endearing tell me in the book you said proving to be the worst mother like sachin you thought that you will be the worst mother did you did you think of what were your

2:41 perceptions uh not so good i just feel there are no more boxes for bad moms you know so i i just thought in my own head and in my own learning of of many many things and of motherhood especially i realized that there is a genetic box into women are as it is you know put in boxes and when it comes to mothers the compartment is further you know it's it's further sort of constricted and it's very very rigid um

3:14 and so based on my ancestors based on my mother's learning based on the lovely interesting books that i read how to be a perfect mom how to feed how to do this and how to do that i had so much uh going on in my head and my real life was anything but that i was not calm no matter how much i would meditate i would still feel like screaming i i thought i have i'm losing out on life i'm losing out on

3:40 time where are my career goals uh why i am the only one responsible for a whole lot of things why are the expectations from me what is why is in my birth normal birth because it was not vaginal so all these things i think it just added up and that box i just was outside of that box and so i thought that maybe that's being a bad mother that's why i thought i'm the worst mother but i realized being

4:07 outside the box means creating your own box and creating your own journey and all of us have done that and uh um and and it's about i don't think there is anything known as a bad mother so uh i have sort of told that in my chapter because i felt that way um and like i also mentioned that like most like how any other indian girl would probably think um anything that gives her happiness she feels guilty about it and i was no

4:35 different so anything that would be would give me pleasure give me happiness uh [ __ ] am i doing the right thing where's my child where's the baby monitor where's this whether i'm on the treadmill whether i'm trying to make a pitch whether i'm trying to work or even i'm breastfeeding i was just or not breastfeeding or on a top or a top feet i was just guilty all the time and i did not communicate much but

4:57 later on i realized once i opened up my life for myself i realized that this is a feeling which is not oblivious to a whole lot of mothers you know so we go through all kinds of [ __ ] it's about owning your [ __ ] and putting your [ __ ] on a pedestal 100 dude 100 i always and and we always say this on kid stop rest right you are the best mother your child can ever have

5:26 and you define what that best is right because like you said you created your own box which is exactly how it should be yeah and and tell me um in a world full of comparisons right where you are like we're trying to perfect ourselves in many ways how do you define perfect in terms of children right because everybody wants to have this perfect child and somewhere it stems from am i perfect am i average am i above

5:55 average so when you are dealing with so many complexities how do you take responsibility of to other people to creating a perfect child oh my god i'm far from it i think me and my kids are the most blasphemous lots i'm going to share a small incident so you know when you're small when the kids are just learning how to speak they twist and they sort of turn words around so if you've said oh i can see stuff right like

6:22 listen there are women who probably um over the conversations they might have used the word dark mark luck whatsoever and the child then twists this around and makes it a blasphemous word but uh the mom that i am i actually use that word uh not knowing that my child is around and he was he was obsessed with the word and he just kept going [ __ ] [ __ ] [ __ ] [ __ ] [ __ ]

6:44 [ __ ] [ __ ] entire day he was like he was like a duck who was just saying [ __ ] so and then my mother who was teaching she was the head of the english department so she came home and she's trying to embrace her only grandchild and um and and you know she said she was expecting shakespeare just a word nickling in mary grant but check him out wordsworth but he goes and he hugs his money and

7:09 says nani [ __ ] so this is these are these are my children he was about like 14 15 months old this is not to say that i'm a bad parent i'm teaching cuss words but i happen to speak to someone and my son happened to hear it and then he just multiplied um the word just multiplied but i've also gone on gone in to say how i reacted for the first time i was angry i was livid i was

7:35 blasphemous and that little monster it became a feeding mechanism for him the more upset i was the more he would repeat and that's when my parenting skills came kicked in i understood my own relationship with my son i was like the more i react he he feels that this is something to play around with and so if my way of dealing was eventually become indifferent and so then the word just oh you know it just wore off but

8:03 that's the beauty about our journeys as mothers or what i've written in the book it's very individual and there's so many books this book is nothing to do with being the perfect mother or how to feed or how to do this or how to do that you've read it it's not a guide at all if at all it's just owning up to the [ __ ] that you've gone through how much of [ __ ] and [ __ ] i have said i'm so

8:23 sorry but i'm a nice person [Laughter] yeah yeah guys i can vouch for it she's just great she only says what your child should not use like we all do we also tell me guilt is something that's you know we all say as mums that we don't feel guilty but there was a part where you were with your kids but you were and it's so normal right like you mentioned earlier that i was only

8:53 thinking that why am i solely responsible and then there was a phase where you were not solely responsible and you were going out to be yourself is it normal to compare in a marriage or in parenting compare yourself with your partner and manage that guilt as well when you kind of are equal is it is it normal to compare with your partner i just wish uh we set a different precedent for for the generations to come and there was a

9:19 different precedent set for us and it's it and in my home i very honestly speaking uh i come from a very progressive educated uh family uh nuclear family um i always saw my parents working both of them um middle-class family they both need to work to make the ends meet and to make enough like i said in a previous book to make it to once in a month to our to a film at a multiplex um and

9:46 reward ourselves with a few uh dinners once or twice a month so i've always seen my father bring in the vegetables and my mother sort of making the so i've seen the roles very very divided uh but not 50 50 it was always cute um and so i had these undue expectations of my mother and i would actually compare her with rest of the mothers where everybody had perfect tiffins and everything coming in for them when they

10:14 used to go to school and i just probably had a banana or a toast or something and that's enough to probably for a snack but i was always in this comparison zone and i was very unforgiving towards her um but later on i realized that this is she wanted to do this and she deserves to do this and she's not answerable uh to anyone the idea is uh to to bring up bring to have a happy home and have the

10:39 roles divided but yet like i said uh even though the roles were divided it was cute so this was the precedent set for me and so i very happily took on to many many many many many many many many many roles and so the word that you use in the beginning of this introduction session was multitasking and i really have a huge problem with the word multitasking because i i'm just so done with it i don't want anybody to appreciate me

11:10 call me call me evil or call me this woman who doesn't like to do so many things but i am okay with it i do not consider being a multitasker as a compliment because i end up doing 40 million other things whereas the other gender and i'm not particularly talking about my partner i'm not talking about my relationship i'm talking about a generic relationship in an indian in a patriarchal society uh where uh the men they say

11:39 my boss focus too and then we appreciate him for just doing that one thing and then we appreciate women for being multitaskers and not the other way around so i think they're different and uh precedents which are set for us and we need to change it uh so i'm very vocal about things that you know um i want to do i ca i can do many but today i choose to um sort of take a step back

12:05 um and let other people in my household contribute um i haven't reached a very a 50 50 uh very honestly speaking it's not 50 50 percent it is still 80 and 20 17 30 but i'm working towards it and i really am working towards it and i really want to make sure that the next generation sort of um sees it as the roles are not gender specific i it should not be the boys

12:35 which is still there in our generation i feel like yeah listen yeah like i would love for like how we have this session with moms i think and it's so you all are so popular you all are doing such great job um it's almost cathartic and counseling at many many levels for many followers i really wish there's something like that's for that for dads too why aren't they such public forums and why aren't fathers giving such interviews and why isn't

13:00 that happening you know you know which is so amazing that you say that because a lot of the dads on kickstarter feel very left out because a lot of the jokes are on moms so we've kind of we we actually have uh try to uh garner that and i must say that when i interview a lot of the dads the one question that i love i absolutely get sadistic pleasure asking is so how do you strike the balance between work and life

13:29 interviews squad yeah okay super cool thank you so much thank you so lovely speaking to